“Everyone is like a butterfly, they start out ugly and awkward and then morph into beautiful graceful butterflies that everyone loves.”How true?! I mean, this truly defines my life to a tee! If I can be brutally honest with you, I still feel a bit like I am going through my metamorphosis. I don’t feel like you become your most beautiful self until you have gone through most of your life. This allows for true living and picking up experiences both good and bad. Although you may go through great tragedies and the best moments in your life, the only thing that is constant should be doing it with as much grace as possible. It is not something easy especially when you live in the real world and there are many hiccups and distractions to ruffle your feathers. I find that this can steal your grace away and by becoming aware of it and fighting against it is the only way to keep your composure and gracefulness. Grace is so important because it not only makes others around you feel more at ease. You are not constantly degrading or putting too much pressure on them to be a certain way (to force elegance on others), but it is essential for truly being an elegant woman. In this post, I am going to show how you can integrate more grace into your life and also how to work on it daily. By the end of it, I hope to want you to live your life with more grace every day.
What is grace?Let’s start with the basics here. What exactly is grace? There are a few definitions and I believe that all of them contribute to becoming a woman of grace. When I looked it up in the Mirriam-Webster’s dictionary, it states: a : charming or attractive trait or characteristic b : a pleasing appearance or effect c : ease and suppleness of movement or bearing But what I also think has a big impact on your grace is also its other definition: a : unmerited divine assistance given to humans for their regeneration or sanctification b : a virtue coming from God c : a state of sanctification enjoyed through divine assistance I find that having grace can be much easier to obtain when you have faith in something larger than yourself, in my case, God. If you are not religious or do not believe in God, it is perfectly fine because grace can be achieved in other ways as well. I just like to mention it here because I find that it helps me in those tough moments where I feel like I just can’t handle it anymore. Having grace is about living life with calmness and going through it without too much drama. I am not talking about real life problems, because we all go through it. I am mostly referring to the drama that is avoidable or something you would see on a reality television series. I, personally, find that a woman who has grace doesn’t let the little things bother her. In other words, she knows that everything will always work out in the end, no matter what. By having a little bit of faith makes this part much easier but really any woman can achieve this by letting go of the control that you “think” you have. Go with the flow and do it with confidence.
Grace makes you beautifulHave you ever seen a woman of a certain age and wonder what she does to look so radiant and beautiful? I can almost guarantee that it isn’t a magic potion or an expensive serum. She is most likely graceful and has lived her life with the same poise she carries now. It can be very evident when someone has true grace because the worry lines are almost non-existent. They don’t stress the small stuff because they understand that they don’t have any control. It’s hard, I am the first to admit that! Just to let it go and accept what is coming and going. But after the first few times of practicing it and reassuring yourself that it will be okay, something life-changing happens!
Your aura shifts and you glow.This glow is a combination of confidence and comfort. The confidence in knowing that what is put in front of you is with a reason and understanding that you will be able to face it. The comfort is how although you have no control, that relieves some of the blame or guilty feelings. You radiate from the inside out and it is completely obvious. It carries with you your whole life and the famous quote by Coco Chanel makes this idea ring true!
“Nature gives you the face you have at twenty. Life shapes the face you have at thirty. But at fifty you get the face you deserve.”Live gracefully and you will never need a facelift or anything to soften your wrinkles. The demeanor you choose will show up on your face. For your beauty right now? Well, by being gentle and embracing grace, you will have that special quality that people yearn for. People are attracted to it and want to be around it more. Your beauty will be defined as classy because you will always have that something “extra”.
Difference between grace and eleganceI get this question often, and it is something I even ask myself from time to time. I like to think grace as a verb and elegance as a noun. Grace is my gestures. It is my demeanor and how I deal with issues at hand. Elegance is my state of mind. This is how I come across and how I would like to be remembered for. Although they are two different ideas, the two of them work hand in hand in harmony. It is something that you need both of and you can’t be elegant without grace and you can’t have grace without being elegant.
Some of my favorite grace quotesThese are a few of my favorite quotes that I reread when I need a little boost.
“Courage is grace under pressure.”
“Grace is available for each of us every day – our spiritual daily bread – but we’ve got to remember to ask for it with a grateful heart and not worry about whether there will be enough for tomorrow.”
Sarah Ban Breathnach
“Grace in women has more effect than beauty.”
“I believe God gives you the grace to do what you need to do.”
What does it mean to have grace?You know exactly how it is when someone enters the room gracefully. They have this quality about them that is alluring and you just want to talk to them. You basically are drawn to them for no particular reason. It’s usually portrayed before they even speak, they don’t necessarily even need words but just their gestures let everyone know what kind of person they are. To have grace is to be easy on yourself and others. When things happen that might induce anxiety – the woman of grace is able to deal with it without falling into the trap of stress. A very important skill to practice.
How to show grace to your husband?I believe it is important to show everyone you love grace, even more so than strangers. It seems that we give the ones that are closest to us the least amount of respect, for the main reason that they will have to love us no matter what. But in all honesty, don’t you think that is a silly reason? Our family, if anything, deserves our best selves. Our children should be seeing us in a great light like that and for them to see how truly good we can be, with hopes that they will pick up on it and then carry it out through their lives. Showing grace to your husband can seem hard, especially at first and especially if you are not used to doing it. However, the beauty of giving them a little grace can reignite a spark and your relationship can become more meaningful, more intimate, and much more peaceful. A few simple ways to show your husband grace would be to
1) Listen to him.Yes, I know, you already do. But I mean truly listen to him. Engage in conversations that are about him and what he is thinking. Even if you aren’t interested. Try to be.
2) Be thankful for himThere are many times when it can be hard to be thankful for someone who is driving you nuts. I get it. But at the same time, without him, you would be a completely different person.
3) Tell him how you feel about himThis is especially true when they are positive feelings. Every person loves to be told how great they make others feel. I love it when my husband tells me that I do a great job with something. It means much more when it comes from your spouse too!
4) Remember, he makes mistakes (just like you do!)I know that sometimes we just want it done our way and will try our hardest to do everything ourselves. But that usually leads to resentment and other feelings that aren’t associated with an elegant woman. We must lower our expectations to reality. There are times when we expect too much and demand too much from our husbands. We think of something, we want it. We see someone on Pinterest do something so amazing with pallet boards and expect our husbands to drop everything they are doing to build this unnecessary project. When he attempts to do something you asked of him (because he always wants to make you happy) he will most likely not do the same job you wanted him to do in the first place. Or do it differently than you imagined. But to incorporate more grace into your relationship, you will not point out to him the mistakes, but mostly focus on what good he did to, which leads me to my next point.
5) Be positiveThis goes without saying for every part in your life. It’s been proven that optimistic people have more friends, live healthier and longer lives and when faced with problems are able to solve it better. Being positive can really enhance your grace because let’s face it, no one likes a Debbie Downer. It’s off putting and can really bring down the atmosphere. Plus, nothing hurts more than when you think you did a great job only to be dismissed for it. Not one person likes that, especially when the person who is supposed to be cheering them on the most doesn’t believe in them. This can apply to anyone as well. It doesn’t need to be your husband.
How to attain grace?First, you need to believe that you will have it. It is not a matter of if you have it, but when you will have it. By changing your mind (which, when talking about elegance I feel like the mind is always the first place to start), and allowing yourself to truly embody gracefulness, it is much easier than you might think. The second step to attaining grace is to remind yourself to be delicate. Not only delicate with your physical actions, but your emotional ones as well. You can ask yourself when you grab for things, are you gentle or perhaps a bit more rough? What do your gestures say about you or come off to others? Practicing this side of grace can be easier because it is just a way to remembering to be more delicate with your outward self. Walk softer. Grab things with ease. Wash dishes more gentle. Unleash your more feminine side by being more mindful of how you move. Being delicate with your emotional actions can be about dealing with others with more humility and not overreacting. The third step is to define it for yourself and then follow it! Get out a piece of paper or do this on your phone. Define it to a tee. Make sure you clearly understand what your idea of grace is. Sure it can be to look like your idol, but what exactly is it that you like about your idol? Be very specific with your intentions. Write down exactly what it is about them that really makes you want to be like them.
Why is grace important?Grace is an attribute that we should all be working on because it really helps others and also ourselves. I can tell you from personal experience that it has brought me so much peace in my life, even when I am stressed to the max or when life throws me some pretty crazy lemons. Not only does it bring a sense of peace and calmness to a much needed chaotic world, but it also allows you to see the beauty in the simple things. From gestures to nature, you see the wonderful side of everything. Grace is so important to work on it on a daily basis because not only does it help yourself be a better version of you, but it really shows others how amazing you really are. When you show grace to others, it is just natural for them to repay the favor and they will do the same to you. Just think by giving someone a little bit of grace how it can change their day. It’s essentially like paying it forward because perhaps your kind gesture of patience could make them do the same thing to someone else. Just think of how nice our world would be if everyone showed a little bit of grace.
When is grace needed the most?This is a funny question because like everything in life, it is needed most when it is absolutely the hardest to keep. We need grace the most when we are going through difficult times, either by ourselves or with our families. But, just like everything else in life as well, anything worth having will never come easy. It takes practice, perseverance, the want to embrace it, and also the understanding of how it can improve your life. Lost your job – need it to keep your composure. Had a baby – the amount of grace that you will need to give the newborn along with everyone that decides to pop by. Got a promotion – the grace you will need to remain humble and grounded Sick parent – the motivation to keep going and stay strong not only for your family but also your parents It can seem that grace is needed the most when something bad happens but it’s not necessarily true, it’s just when something terrible happens, that is when our true colors come out. Also, is when we need to be our strongest and sometimes when that is asked of us it can seem too much and we collapse. Having grace and believing that someone is watching over you can take you from helpless and hopeless to strong and faithful. Having grace reminds you that you aren’t alone, ever.
How to keep yourself full of grace when you are going through a hard time?I will not sugar coat it. When your kids are being loud and not listening or your spouse and you are fighting, maybe even your best friend and you are at odds it can be very hard to keep yourself graceful and poised. But let me tell you, it is not impossible. It’s like a muscle that needs to be constantly worked until it becomes muscle memory. There will be times that you thought you would react a certain way, but by practicing your grace and poise, your first instinct might be a bit more elegant than you thought it would ever be. Just like anything good in life, you need persistence. Practice, practice and more practice. If you want it — then you will figure out how to have it. Start small. When you stub your toe, instead of letting our a swear word or lash out, try to remain composed. How about when you sit down on a couch? Do you sit gently or plop down? Even think about when you brush your teeth, after it’s said and done do you clean up the sink and all the water spots so the next person has a clean counter? Yes? Then you’re practicing your grace. It all is a matter of being aware of everything and taking all the opportunities to enhance it.
How to extend grace to others, especially when we don’t like them?This is a question I get asked frequently. It’s a pretty good one I think because there are times when we think they don’t deserve us or our time, especially if that means to actually be good to them. I understand. I work with the public. I know firsthand how frustrating it can be to treat someone who either degrades you, looks down on you, or is just outright mean. But striving to be an elegant woman means that you always take the high road. Hard? Yes. Rewarding? Yes. If you’re like me, and I am going to say yes, then right after you are rude or quick to someone, then you always feel badly about it. Then this could affect your day and that is not a good strategy for living your best. You can extend grace to others by:
Listening to them.As hard as it can be, or as much as you just don’t care, it is so important to truly listen to people. Children, adults, seniors, anyone! We all love to be appreciated and listened to and it is very obvious when we are being ignored. Try your hardest at first to be interested in what they are talking about and before you know it, it will become second nature.
Eye contactThis is another very hard, but very meaningful gesture. Giving someone eye contact can make everyone at the same playing field. Although some believe it can give feelings of superiority. I don’t necessarily think that, unless you are staring wildly at them making them feel uncomfortable. Do this with kindness and it will be noticed.
Keeping an open mindIn life, keeping an open mind to everything can help you understand others and where they come from. You don’t necessarily have to agree with it, but to realize that other beliefs are in the world can help you get along with more people. It’s always best to agree to disagree, but as long as you can understand where they are coming from is the main objective.
Stop comparing“Comparison is the thief of joy.”
- Eleanor Roosevelt