This is the ultimate question. How to be confident? In a time with YouTubers and Instagram and everyone seeming always Pinterest perfect, it’s no wonder that we feel an even bigger pressure to be perfect. Keeping up with the Jones’ isn’t just about the neighbors anymore, but it’s with people all over the world! When I watch a video and although I know it might be edited or a picture might be photo shopped, there is still something inside saying, “yeah, but….” “I know this beautiful woman is doing this on purpose to get that exact picture, yeah, but she still looks way better than I could ever. “ See how this toxic way of thinking can leech itself into your normal day. It’s just terrible! Those people are not doing normal activities. They appear so, yes, however, it is planned and executed well. This is not to be compared to your average day of just living. In this post, I am going to give you little tips and strategies to improve your self-esteem and give you the answer of how to be confident!
How to have confidence then?I think it’s safe to say that we all suffer from low self-confidence from time to time. For a few, it might not last too long and for the majority, it is something that is a perpetual struggle. I would be completely lying if I said that I am confident all the time or even most of the time, but what I might lack in confidence I makeup for in perseverance and trust. That’s it! Those two attributes are my biggest answers to how to have confidence. Everyone can attain them and it is simply a matter of effort.
The Powerful of TrustTrusting yourself can help immensely when you are unsure of yourself. The typical example is when you are not sure of an outfit, your low self-esteem might be trying to persuade you that it will look ridiculous. However, if you trust yourself, and your initial thought was love — then wear it. Although you might be scared, in the end with all the compliments and agreeing looks, you’ll know you made the right decision. Trusting yourself comes with time and experience. Just like trusting someone you love, you need to dive in head first and see what happens. A sink-or-swim kind of situation. Luckily, it’s a bit easier than putting your faith in someone else. You most likely won’t have to go through any heartache. When it comes to confidence, we give people (and even complete strangers) so much power over our minds and emotions there’s no question why we all have insecurity issues. Trust yourself completely, by repeatedly doing this, it will help when you don’t know where to go or what to do next. Someone might not be able to tell us the answer, but if we can look into ourselves for one, it is usually there.
Perseverance is keyOkay, so you have begun to put more and more trust in yourself. Which should be very important in all our lives because if we can’t trust ourselves, then really, who can we trust at all?! Perseverance, a quality that does the body and mind good! This is the characteristic that moves mountains and gets the job done! When it comes to confidence, this is something that you just need to keep on perfecting. Over and over again, when something is hard in life, we often give up. It’s mostly human nature. If we won’t excel in it, we give up because we are afraid of failure. Perseverance is what can be the fine line of getting by to excelling in a career and making a wonderful healthy income. It’s usually the things in life that mean the most to us that take the most work. By persevering day in and day out, it will give you the confidence to know that you will get whatever is asked of you done. You know that once you start something, you will finish it. Which is a huge boost to self-esteem because believe it or not, it happens so often these days. Not only will you have confidence, but also very importantly, others will have confidence in you. Always work on your perseverance because it always pays off!
What is self-confidence?Maybe we need to start from the very beginning. What is self-confidence? Well I won’t bore you with definitions from dictionaries ( I think we all know how to use them), but what confidence means to me is the ability to be free of worry about what other people may think. To have a healthy amount of self-confidence is to be able to feel sure about who you are as a person. Inside and outside. There is no reason to hide emotions or hide who you are. One example that I can think of is when people emotionally eat to fill a void in their life. If you are confident in yourself, that void would not be there. Self-confidence is the act of accepting the kind of person you are. It is hard for others to accept you and love you for who you are if you can’t do that first. The way you treat yourself shows how others should also treat you. How to have confidence is tricky if you are always lying to yourself too. You need to be completely honest with yourself at all times. When you look at your reflection in the mirror, you have to be able to be happy with what you see. This also spills over on others too. So, to tie it together… Being confident is to be able to accept who you are and where you are at, while also being honest with yourself. It doesn’t seem very hard, but a lot of us struggle with it. Give it time and put a true effort in really accepting yourself, not what you think people want from you. Having confidence is seeking your inner self and releasing it.
How to be confident: Daily confidence building exercisesThese are important for everyone to practice, whether or not you have a good confidence or not. It always helps to instill a healthy (not too narcissistic) self-esteem because when there are bad times, you know that everything will work out. When you feel that you can’t go on, you know that deep down it will manage to be perfectly fine. This isn’t just about your looks but also how you can deal with pressures of everyday life as well.
Mantras / AffirmationsIt’s funny to me how fast we are at believing something negative about ourselves. If someone tells us we don’t look too great that day, we take it to heart and it can affect our feelings. However, I often wonder why when we tell ourselves something positive, why does it take so long to sink in? This must be a mental issue that all deal with. Perhaps, it’s easier to believe the negative than it is the positive? Regardless, when we are at our most vulnerable (after we got insulted, a fight, or something where it shakes us) or impressionable times (morning usually) if we can tell ourselves something real and truly positive, it can have profound effects! But here’s the tip to make the positive affirmations actually work. You must (and I repeat) MUST be true to yourself when you say it. You can’t just eat a bag of chips and down a couple cans of pop and look into the mirror and say to yourself how much you love your body. Nope. You’re not fooling anyone, especially yourself! You need to be honest with yourself, and I know you know when you’re lying.
Self-gazingThis might be a little odd for someone who doesn’t like to look at themselves in the mirror, but it really does help. First, remember that it is not narcissistic or being conceded to love the way you look. It’s only that way when you become obsessed with it and it gets in the way of your friends and loved ones. Staring at yourself in the mirror helps you to get familiar with your adorable flaws and imperfections. It also forces you to really see who you are, what little quirks you have when you smile and how expressive your eyes can be. These are what make you, you. Hone in and them and don’t try and hide them at all! As we age, we sometimes feel that we look like we did when we were younger and not actually critiquing ourselves as we look today. This can hurt us because sometimes that hairstyle that we are clinging to just isn’t flattering anymore. When we see ourselves in a more critical eye, we can see what might or might not work for us. This will help to build confidence in our appearance as we adjust it and improve it.
Self-pep talksThese are similar to affirmations but just a little different and that is why I felt it was important to add them! Pep talks work! They work in locker rooms, they work before a test, they work when you hype yourself up! The secret is to use the right wording and the appropriate timing. Before you make something to eat, pep yourself up about making something healthier. You will. If you are wanting to lose weight, pep yourself up before going to the gym and you will work just that much harder! But at the same time, make it achievable! Don’t lie to yourself. The reason why pep talks work is because is boosts moral. It’s funny because the benefits of a pep talk are only temporary which is why you have to give yourself pep talks on a regular basis!
Avoid comparingComparing is probably the worst thing to do for your well-being. It will always lead to disaster! Even the most overly confident person will fall down because there are always more people out there that simply are better at something. Comparing usually always happens when you’re having an off day too! When your hair is a mess or needs to get done, that is when you see a woman with the most beautiful hair show up on your timeline on Instagram. It always works that way! If you can avoid comparing yourself to anyone, that is the best way to have confidence and just be happy. Remember your little flaws and imperfections? Well that is where they come into play here. These other people might be smarter, more popular, more beautiful, but none of them have those nose crinkles or those dimples. Your little differences make you that much more charming.
ForgiveHave you ever done anything incredibly embarrassing that it is hard to get over. You could be having a great day and then you reflect back onto something that happened earlier and *bam* you’re back putting your head in your hands. Shuttering at how you never want to show your face again. I used to be so bad at this, usually putting my foot in my mouth! Saying something inappropriate unknowingly. Luckily, with practice and slowing down, I have overcome that, which is a big deal. The one way that really helped me with this was forgiving. You must forgive yourself of all things that will hinder your confidence. Forgive yourself when you say something embarrassing or do something that you didn’t mean to. We aren’t perfect and we all make stupid mistakes and say things that could make us look bad. But you need to find a way to be able to forgive and release. If you don’t do this, you will completely dwell on it and it will live in you longer which will hurt you over and over again. Forgive yourself, it’s the only way to having a great confidence. Trust me when I say that all those people you might idolize, they all do terribly embarrassing things too!
ExerciseWant instant confidence, boost your endorphins and work out! You don’t need to go to the gym or some expensive club, just simply move your bum! Go for a brisk walk, skip some rope (haven’t done this is ages, but still looks like fun!) Do whatever you enjoy and get your sweat on! To get yourself on a routine to work your whole body it has a way of building your confidence. You look great and your not in a rut. Nothing hurts your confidence more than being stuck in a rut that you can’t seem to get out of. Being on an exercise plan and doing it often will always bring you back to the line. Which is nice because drifting too far from it can lead to a lot of unhappiness.
Eat respectfullyIf you know me, I am an emotional eater. Probably one of the worse things to be. If I am having a bad day, you better know that I will be eating something that I will probably instantly regret. Now, I am getting much better at not running to food when there comes a difficult situation, but I feel that when I eat to respect my body, something wonderful happens. I make better decisions. Being able to wear any clothes in my closet without having to think of belly bloat is more exciting. That alone can boost anyone’s confidence! But the biggest bonus from eating better is that I know in my body isn’t junk and that makes me continually want to do well for it. This is usually when I start exercising, drinking more water and staying more in tune with myself. It is a wonderful chain reaction just from eating food that will do me good!
Dress the best don’t settle with lessLike what I did there? — I rhymed. 😉 So this is obvious. You dress better, you feel better, therefore, you are rocking high on confidence. Sure, this is true. But it isn’t that easy. Why? Because you need to do this every single day. Whether it is something big going on or just running to the corner store. You can’t let it slip. This also can’t be something you turn on and off. It needs to be you. It has to be authentic or you feel that you are trying to be someone you aren’t which is not going to build real confidence. However, until you feel like it is really you, you must…
Act positive : Fake it till you make itIt actually works. Really. You might feel incredibly weird doing this, but it’s true! Visualize what you want. See what it is that you want to accomplish and be the person that you want to be. Now, do it. No matter how unnatural it feels, doesn’t matter if you think you look ridiculous. Just plump up those feathers, hold your head high and do it. You might think you have no idea what you’re doing, but when others see you, they will see someone with confidence. Eventually, because everyone is treating you as someone with a healthy dose of self-esteem, it will just fall into place and you will develop one. It’s all a matter of manifestation and positive thinking! Give it a try and see how it works for you!
PostureLooks say so much about a person. There are careers made out of just reading people’s expressions and mannerisms. We all know that most of the communication is nonverbal. Posture has the power to influence what you’re thinking and the way you feel about yourself. How? Almost the same way if you take a scared dog’s tail and raise it from between its legs. It sends signals to the brain that there is no reason to be cautious. By adjusting and correcting your posture, it sends positive signals to your brain that everything is good. Your body has remarkable way, almost like buttons where you change something physical and get an emotional response. Even smiling can do the same thing! It almost tricks the brain into thinking something else.
Start the day with 1 goal in mind — and do itThis is to help you accomplish something that is big enough to make a difference in your day, but not too big that it is overwhelming. We all feel better when we get work done. Being productive is a wonderful feeling and by starting the day doing it, it can create a domino effect. Next thing you know, you’re banging out more work than you ever thought. Start with one and move your way through more, but always just one at a time. Being overwhelmed has the complete opposite effect and that could hinder your confidence.
Gratitude journal or gratitude thinkingThis is so popular now and for good reason. It seems a little stupid in the beginning but once you try it, you’ll understand why people do it! No matter who you are, there is always something to be grateful for. Learning to embrace it, and remind yourself on a daily basis how fortunate you are will be able to build your confidence because when you’re faced with difficulty or anything crazy life will throw at you, you will know that you’ve been blessed and nothing is ever that bad. You will know that you have the ability to solve this problem and get through it unscathed. That also builds your confidence too!
How to show confidence tips and tricksI have heard people say that confidence is just an illusion that we all play. Perhaps that is right. Maybe everyone is faking it because we are all scared of what others are thinking of us or even judging us. There is a part of me that believes this because why do we buy new clothes or even dye our hair? Even if it is fake, here’s a few ways that you can enhance your confidence.
Walk like you own itThis is also very similar to fake it till you make it. By being hesitant while you do something will make others think that you don’t know what you’re doing. If you’re acting like you know what is going on, or how to do something then others will take the confidence (whether it’s real or forced) and agree with you. This is useful in so many different scenarios. Even dressing up in something that you are a little scared to. Just do it. Own it. Others will too.
Stop saying sorryI am Canadian. It’s kind of our thing. But saying it too often can sound like you are a little desperate. There’s nothing wrong with being polite, in fact, I endorse it always! But there is such a thing of being too apologetic. It shows that you are incredibly insecure of yourself so by repeatedly saying sorry it covers any wrong doing, even if you didn’t do any. It also takes away from your apologies if you’re always saying it. Save it for when you accidentally close a door in someone’s face.
Compliment othersBy uplifting others and making them feel good about themselves, it really does show the kind of person you are. It radiates that you are comfortable enough in your own skin to be able to compliment others even if they might be better than you are. Making others feel good about themselves has a beautiful return affect!
Top 5 self-confidence quotesIt’s always nice to be reassured by others that it is normal to struggle with self-confidence. Because frankly, if it was that easy then we wouldn’t need this blog post or other people talking about it!
- “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection”
― Sharon Salzberg
- “Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.”
― Marilyn Monroe
- “The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself.”
― Mark Twain
- “One’s dignity may be assaulted, vandalized and cruelly mocked, but it can never be taken away unless it is surrendered.”
― Michael J. Fox
- “One of the greatest regrets in life is being what others would want you to be, rather than being yourself.”
― Shannon L. Alder
How can I be confident in myselfThis is essentially the only question that matters in this post. What can you and I do to make ourselves feel better about who we are and where we are in our lives? It really is different for everyone because we all have different insecurities. You need to ask yourself, what do you want out of this life? Who do you want to be? What do you want others to think of you? Ask yourself what is it that you don’t like about yourself? Can you change them or do you have to live with them? If so, how can you fall in love with them? The wonderful idea about this is not CAN I have confidence, it’s HOW! Meaning that we all have the ability to be confident and to have what we want, it’s just a matter of working hard (perseverance) and knowing that we can do it (trusting ourselves). When you answer those questions above, then you can really truly believe what you are doing is great and confidence will just come.
In conclusionBeing an elegant woman has so much to do with confidence, although I find it more of a side effect then being elegant for confidence. I know you can do it as long as you want it and you are willing to look deep into yourself. Confidence is more about doing things everyday to give you self-esteem. Doing it religiously will help you gain the confidence you have always dreamed of. Just remind yourself that even the people you see and meet that you feel have it all, don’t, and that they struggle just like yourself from time to time. There is not one of us who is immune to perfection and we all deal with low self-confidence. By following some of these tips I hope that you are able to come out above and be the confident woman you always wanted to be! Or this whole post is not necessary, it can all be summed up in one sentence.
How to be confident? Be yourself.