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How to Become Elegant: 6 Unique Ways to be Charming

When it comes to becoming an elegant woman, there  are the basic rules to follow. Always look your best, groom yourself, be polite. But what about the unfamiliar tips? How to become elegant: 6 unique ways to be charming.

No matter what you do, how much you practice, even if you’re the expert. There is always room to grow. There is room to improve.

So, let’s try some of the not-so-typical ways to be more elegant and charming…

6 Unique Ways to Become Elegant

  1. Develop good posture when bending over.

Yes we all stress how important it is to have good posture while we are sitting and standing. But rarely do people talk about bending over.

We do it much more time than you think. At the grocery store grabbing something on the bottom shelf or what if we dropped some money at a store. It happens quite often. But if we can take some steps to make you appear more elegant while you do it. Then you will look flawless and not awkward.

Being elegant is all in the details.

First off…Some people are confused. Do I bend at the hips? At the knees? Is my bum in the air? Is it possible to look attractive doing this?

Well, yes!

There is a way to do it.

We have been taught (or not taught) that when something is not heavy that it is just easier to bend at the hips and swing your self down and up.


A good rule of thumb is when you are not in control of your body movements (ie: swinging with your motion) then you will not look elegant.

The proper way to bend over elegantly is to bend at the knees and keep your back straight and upright. It is something to always remember. When your ears are over your shoulders and your spine straight, you will enhance your elegance.

Okay, if you’re trying it and you think…

“This does NOT feel natural at all!”

Well that’s because you’ve been doing it wrong all this time.  If you want, have someone take a picture or video of you doing it. If that seems weird, do it in front of a big mirror. You will see a difference.

Just keep practicing.


  1. Knees in line with toes
  2. Note ears are over shoulders and stomach muscles are tightened, so back is straight.
  3. Slowly lower bum over top of ankles (you will be going on your toes with ankles raising in air), keeping back straight.
  4. Reach the ground trying not to slouch and pick up what you need.
  5. Use leg muscles and abdominal muscles to raise yourself up in the same way you lowered. Feet also going back flat.
  6. Stand straight up again, carry on.

Voila! The perfect way to bend down elegantly!

2. Allow your house to get a little dusty

When you think of an elegant women, you do think of a beautiful, orderly house.  It does help to keep you elegant when your surroundings are in their place and easy to find. Being organized is a great trait to have. If your house hasn’t been dusted in a few days, it will NOT take away from you.

But what about when it prevents you from going out and doing something because you need to stay home and clean. Or you can’t have people over because the house isn’t perfect.

That is when it takes away from you elegance. Sometimes being an elegant woman is not caring that the house might not be perfect. Looking past that and seeing the great fact that you have your loved ones over. It also doesn’t count when you have people over but you are preoccupied with the fact that your house needs cleaning.

Let go and enjoy the moment.

I am not saying to let the house get crazy dirty or cluttered. No, but if there goes a day before you were able to clear the counter, it will be okay. Being an elegant woman and obsessive do not go together.

3. Don’t feel the need to always teach/correct

We see everywhere that we need to be the leaders and teach people how to be more elegant by example. It is true, the way we look and act does have an impact on people watching. I always say to lead with example.

But there are exceptions to the rule. This may sound a bit contradictory, but if you do something not elegant in the name of someone else, then you will be seen as elegant!

Here’s an example…

I love the story about Queen Victoria, the elegant woman that she was had a diplomat over and he had never seen the finger cleansing bowl. He was not accustomed to this tradition. 

When the waiters brought out the bowl he had no idea what to do, so he drank out of it. It seemed like the most logical thing to do.

Queen Victoria saw this and to save his embarrassment, she also proceeded to drink out of hers.  I can only imagine the horror on everyone’s face! Rules were very important in her time, not to be broken.

Well as you may know, this was very against the dining etiquette, but sometimes you have to bend the rules! By her sipping out of her cleansing bowl, she took the heat off of her guest and it didn’t become a faux pas, instead a good story.

That is exactly what any elegant woman would do. If she were to correct him, it would only make him feel terrible and possibly ruin the whole evening.

Being an elegant woman, as I said many times, is not to be the MOST refined woman in the room. Know EVERY rule in the etiquette book.


Not even close.

It is to make others around you feel comfortable, feel at ease, and feel like they are better when they are in your company.

Sure you may think you are being so elegant because you would NEVER drink out of the finger bowl. You know better than that. But all people would remember is how stuffy you were or how you think you’re better than everyone else. You never want to come across as pretentious. 

What if sometimes no one is breaking any rules, but it is not how you are used to things…

Perhaps you are at a bonfire or a barbecue and everyone is sitting on wooden benches or folding chairs. You are wearing beautiful white pants because you wanted to look your best, which there is nothing wrong with that. You would love to ask for a blanket or for something else to sit on.

But no, that is not the right thing to do. 

You would be bringing unwarranted attention to yourself and appear that you are above everyone because you are better and deserve a better seat. That is the quickest way to look like you’re high maintenance.

Not elegant.

What is the right thing to do?

Wear a scarf!

Keep a scarf on your purse or in your car at all times.  Not only is it great if it’s a bit chilly and you don’t have a sweater it is a perfect shawl but it can second as a blanket.

In this instance, you would fold it up and lay it discreetly on the seat and there you go!

Not ruining your pants, not bringing attention to yourself, and not asking anyone for something better. It’s a win-win!

By sometimes NOT being the typical elegant woman, makes you the most elegant.

4.  Push your loved ones out of their comfort zones from time to time

Yes we are supposed to be there for our loved ones.

Yes we want them to be happy.

But we are NOT enablers!

“But Jennifer… I thought you always say to make everyone feel at ease when they are with you?”

Well…yes, I do say that, don’t I?

Well, just like anything else… there are exceptions!


We all know someone who is so incredibly shy that it is probably doing them more harm than good. Or the person who is too afraid try new things. Or every time they get behind the wheel they cry.  Well as a close friend or family member, consider it your duty to help them break out their shell. It is making them a stronger person because of it.

Bring them out to different restaurants and have them experience different things. Get them to talk to strangers until they are confident enough to do it alone. Have them drive to be able to do it without so much emotions.  Don’t be too bossy though and remember to always take cues from them when they have had enough. Gently push, don’t throw them off into the deep end.

They might not like you too much at that moment, but afterwards they will be happy you did it to them.

Being a true friend sometimes means a little heartache if it’s for the greater good.  We are supposed to ruffle the feathers of loved ones (ever so gently). By seeing opportunities for growth, we can slightly nudge them in the right direction. As long as it is out of love and compassion.

If someone does the same to you, try to understand as well that they are doing it to help you become better as well. Take it and run with it, because you will be happy you did!

We must also be there to catch them if they fall. We are there through thick and thin, and as the friend or family member, by pushing them out of their comfort zone and having them battle us, you may think is not elegant to start a fight or get someone angry or stressed.

But an elegant woman always can see the bigger picture!

5. Disagree once in a while

Again, at a dinner party you don’t want to stand out and be the one fighting over something. However, if you have some valid points, an elegant woman adores a good debate! After all she is passionate!

As long as you know what you are talking about, it is always refreshing to have a good debate. You might at the end need to agree to disagree. The point of this friendly battle is to spice up conversations. It helps to get everyone included, everyone’s opinions are valid and when there is a topic it can really make for an enjoyable time.

A few rules, don’t take anything personally because that is just setting up for disappointment. No one is actually attacking you, possibly your views, but NOT you. So do not get offensive. But also equally important, don’t say anything hurtful to anyone.

Take cues from others and if you feel they are taking things to a different level, then defuse the situation with a good topic changer. People can get heated which is a good thing, but some people get too riled up. Be sure to be on top of this.

Being an elegant woman, is a misconception that we must quietly agree with what is being said. Sure, there are moments for this, but if you are knowledgeable about something and the timing is right, I say go for it!

Even if you just want to play devil’s advocate, you might not even completely agree with it, but it sparks a good and articulate conversation. This is something people will remember and admire about you. To have an opinion or is brave enough to stand opposite of the crowd can make you just that more interesting.

Do this is moderation though. Don’t do this all the time. There needs to be a good balance. You don’t want to seem like you’re always picking a fight.

Nothing is more boring than a conversation where everyone is always agreeing with each other!

So be elegant, spice it up!

6. Eat fast food, read gossip magazines, watch reality TV every now and then


Just because you are an elegant woman doesn’t mean that entitles you to not be current with pop culture or from eating a Big Mac.

Again, talking moderation. But please, it gets very hard to be an elegant woman when no one can relate to you. If someone says something about a burger and you scoff at them with the added comment that you don’t eat that garbage. Well guess how you look… exactly!


Don’t fall into the trap of names and stereotypes! Very unflattering!

Same goes with television or books. Yes it is nice to be learning something when you watch BBC or a great documentary. But don’t be judgemental at the people who love 90 Day Fiance (my guilty pleasure!). There is nothing more awkward than when there is a group of people talking about the latest episode of Survivor and you laugh and say how stupid it is to even watch that. 

Yeah, and how does that make you elegant? You’re drawing attention to how much “better” you are because you don’t waste your time?

Everything you read doesn’t need to be intelligent. It can be for the pure drama and entertainment. Don’t allow that to be the only thing you watch, but don’t NOT include it only because you think it’s beneath you.

By limiting yourself to only educational or intellectual material, it could make you appear pretentious. You may not try to be, but because you aren’t staying current with popular culture, you will look that way.

Remember being elegant also means that people can relate to you.


Bonus Tip!

7. Go with the flow

My husband is Italian and when we go to visit his extended family at the end of the meal they always serve espresso. I take my coffee without any sugar. However, they all take some in theirs so when they go to serve it, they already prepare the tiny cups with sugar. But I don’t complain, I don’t quite enjoy it, but being elegant is just going with the flow and taking it with a grain of salt.

Perhaps your day doesn’t go as planned. If you’re anything like me, I don’t deal with change well. But I have to learn to let it go because if I don’t I drive my husband crazy.

Not elegant!

It is important to be easy-going, allow plans to change without having a melt down and accept that sometimes it doesn’t work out the way you want it to.

In the end…

Sometimes being an elegant woman is knowing all the details and rules.

Sometimes being an elegant woman means to bend all the rules you once thought and work with what is in front of you. I know this sounds so hard to follow, but trust me it gets easier the more you practice. You will start to feel things come naturally to you and what you once were confused, you will start to be the leader and people will look up to you.

I hope some of these tips helped when you are trying to achieve elegance. I know I still have to work on them, but with more vigilance I believe it can be done. No matter who you are, you are always learning and practicing.

Do you have any tips that are not the typical ways of being elegant?

I would love to hear them, let me know in the comments!

Until next time

Keep it elegant!

Southern Bell

Sunday 30th of October 2022

I would love some tips on how to be bubbly and fun while still being elegant and classy. Finding the balance is difficult and something I struggle with. I would love to read an article about this topic.

Sincerely, S.B.

Jennifer Merbello

Sunday 11th of December 2022

Thank you for that wonderful comment. I'll have to keep that in mind! Thank you!


Monday 13th of July 2020

Everything is elegant about this post except the grammar.

Jennifer Lynn

Monday 13th of July 2020

Hello cg! Oh I know, it was one of my earlier posts and I'm slowly going through them and improving them. I'm in the middle of making more posts and creating a book and some other extras, so I'm trying to spend my time wisely. Sorry that my grammar is poor but I'm very excited about making more material for you to read! Enjoy the rest of your day!

Ann-Marie Ramsey

Tuesday 11th of July 2017

I enjoyed your post today. I agree with you. Sometimes doing the unexpected is a good thing. I've always enjoyed the fingerbowl story. In fact, I can not see a fingerbowl without thinking of her.

Jennifer Lynn

Tuesday 11th of July 2017

I think the fingerbowl story just shows no matter who you are, you're never too good or above anyone else. She was the queen and she still put other's emotions and feelings before her own. Very inspiring. Very elegant! I hope you have a great week Ann-Marie! Thank you for commenting :)