An elegant woman never judges
It’s hard. Stop judging others.
Let me ask you a quick question (and be honest!), today have you judged someone? Whether it was superficially or for something more, it doesn’t matter.
I bet you did!
Do often ask yourself:
- Why do people judge others?
- Am I judgemental?
- Or how to stop judging others and be accepting?
It happens more than you know, and unfortunately, it’s usually not a very nice thing.
If you’re interested on stopping this terrible habit and becoming more elegant than I am more pleased to welcome you to my new series!
This is a new series that I am quite excited for!
It all started with one of my favorite posts, 101 Ways of an Elegant Woman. The reason I love it so much is because the list is so long that you are bound to find one or two ways that you already are elegant, and a few more that you can try.
However, the one major flaw of that post is there is no real detail on any of my points! So, I will be going into detail about each and every one! Explaining further about what it means and how to be an elegant woman! This won’t be every week but every so often, I’ll be posting How to Be Elegant!
We start off this exciting series
How to Be Elegant
….with an elegant woman never judges.
We are no better, stop judging others!
First off, who are we to judge anyone?
What makes us better?
Of course, the answer is nothing! But for some reason, especially now with social media, we all feel that our opinions not only matter — but people want to hear them.
That couldn’t be further from the truth!
“It is the property of fools to be always judging.”
There is not a better indicator that screams low self-confidence than when you are judging others. It hurts everyone in the whole situation because it affects the person you are judging, the people who have to listen to you and it especially hurts you the most.
Being elegant is influencing positivity.
Why do people judge others?
This is a good question.
I have given this some thought and wondered this question often. We know it is toxic and can lead to unhappy thoughts, yet we constantly do it. Whether it is to be malicious or just venting, it matters.
So here are a few reasons I think we judge others…
Unsure of ourselves
When you hear someone judge others or you judge someone else, deep down you know that the reason you are judging them is because you don’t know exactly if that is what you want.
The lack of self-assurance is astounding. I’ve mentioned this earlier, with social media, everyone looks like they have it all together. But off-screen, it usually isn’t the case. With this flawed sense of being, it really affects our judgement because we often wonder why we don’t have what they have.
Your life is about you and how to make the best out of your life. Not what some pictures of strangers have.
– Is this where you want to be in life?
– What about your expectations? Have you met or surpassed them?
– Are you content with your life choices that you have made up until today?
If you are unsure of the answers then probably you will be judging others and it won’t do you any good.
Judging others will be destructive. Start with yourself first and ask what do you want and how you can achieve it. By being snarky might feel good at the moment, but you will regret the negativity.
Remember, negativity breeds negativity.
When I was younger, my mother would talk about the big green monster that would come out when my sister had something that I wanted.
It was called a monster for a reason. Because you become like one.
Being jealous is a sad existence.
This needs to be removed from your life if you are going to have any true happiness. Being happy and excited for others and what they are doing is something that needs to be learned.
If you don’t understand, try thinking back to when you were excited about something and you told your friend. Only to receive a mere acknowledgement.
Don’t be like that.
You are not that monster.
You might know one of these people who are constantly judging other people. They usually are talking about how they can do something better or just always saying something about someone.
They could be known as one-upper’s.
It gets hard to listen to.
But you know what is worse? They are sad, just unhappy with their life. The crazy thing is, people like this think that when they judge others, it makes them look better. How bizarre, because in reality, it does just the opposite.
When I hear people talk badly about someone or judge them because of any reason — it makes me sad to know how uncomfortable they are with themselves.
Be happy for others. It will shine on your face!
Wish their life was different
Judging others is easy when things don’t go the way as planned.
It’s a very cynical trap to fall into when you’re unhappy. There are many times where we feel that our life has been harder than others. I think it’s just natural.
However, this can lead to resentment inside of us which is toxic and quite dangerous if left inside to boil over. This is clearly not a very elegant way to live and one of the side effects of living this way is you begin to judge and judge with cruel intentions.
Even if your life isn’t how it is planned, embrace it because it’s yours!
Life is scary and there are so many people that I meet or talk to that can go backpacking, or do other terrifying yet thrilling endeavors in their life.
What I see so often is how people quit their careers to jump into something they love, almost blindly. That is an amazing feat if done, but the thought of failing scares more people to never do anything remotely like that.
I know I have a huge scaredy-cat and the thought of doing this would make me sick!
And that’s okay, however, I have seen many more times people judge others for their decisions. If one moves halfway around the world to pursue a dream job, they will be judged negatively by those who secretly wish they had the same courage.
If you’re scared of change (which most of us are), don’t judge others for their bravery. It shows and it’s very obvious. Being intimidated is no excuse to openly judge others and put them down.
Instead, be excited and wish them the best because one day, it could happen to you!
How to Be Elegant: Stop Judging Others
How to Stop Judging Others
You know it’s wrong.
You want to desperately stop because living an elegant life is something that is important to you. It is to me and that is why I decided to stop judging (tried my hardest, but I am human!) and even if I wanted to say something, I didn’t. Although I was judging in my mind I wasn’t saying it out loud.
Eventually, something wonderful happened! I even stopped judging in my mind. I find that I am more at peace than ever before because I don’t have the tendency anymore to judge people.
This can happen to anyone who puts in a real attempt.
Let me show you how I stopped judging people.
Be truly compassionate
Don’t just feel for people, but in all your genuine ability, have compassion over them. What if they were you mother or sister, brother or father? Would you want someone thinking this way of them? Probably not.
When you find a way to personalize it, it makes it easier to stop judging.
You don’t understand what situations they are in, what kind of problems they may or may not be dealing with. We all have our problems, so it is only fair to give people the benefit of the doubt.
If everyone was more compassionate, the world would be a better place.
We can be such narcissists.
I find it funny sometimes how we assume that our opinions matter so much, when realistically, they don’t and most of the time no one asked for them.
Remember, in the big scheme of things, you are not that important. Which is a good thing because that would be a lot of responsibility to have on your shoulders. But by reminding yourself that you can judge someone, it won’t make a difference so you probably shouldn’t even waste your time.
Let alone waste your time in negativity.
Learn to humble yourself. You will be surprised at how beautiful you become.
Turn the tables
This is simple.
What if this was you?
How would it make you feel that people were talking or thinking this rudely of you. I don’t know about you but it would hurt my feelings greatly.
It can be difficult to think this way, but sometimes it helps and it puts your judgemental thought into perspective.
Look for the good in people
Replace your thoughts with good ones.
However, be careful because good ones can still be judgemental.
I know exactly how that goes, where you might think a woman looks really good because she might have lost some weight and you tell her or others that she looks amazing but in a very envious undertone.
Spend your energy with good and it will be very evident in your demeanor.
Elegance is always finding the good in every person and situation. –
Accept who you are — embrace it — love it
Something I truly believe is that judging others is an outward reflection of your own faults.
Before you think or say something about anyone else, examine why it is you think that. But I don’t mean just think and let it go, I mean really do some digging. Once you can uncover what it is that you feel that you are lacking, it can bring on an immense amount of peace to your life.
We put these expectations on ourselves and even by personal experience, it leads to disappointment and frustration because it never happens. It’s impossible to have it all at one time.
Accept your shortcomings, accept your body, accept your financial spot, accept your life and you will find yourself not judging as much as you used to.
We all need to stop judging others.
It’s hurtful to not only to others but to ourselves because clearly there are unresolved issues that need to be sorted out. It’s hard to feel peaceful and poised when we are constantly judging others.
Do yourself a favor and when you want to judge someone, look to yourself first.
There are so many ways to stop ridiculing others and it just takes a bit of practice, perseverance and the drive to stop. Once you have done this, you will find that you no longer feel the need to put others down to feel better.
It’s a great characteristic and one of an elegant woman.