Being patient.
It’s a funny thing. The more you want it, the less you’ll have.
I swear!
How do you think you fare when it comes to being patient?
When I tell myself in the morning, “Okay, today I will not get too angry too fast and I will not be quick to anger.”… What happens?
I let my emotions get the best of me!
It’s definitely something that I need to work on because I don’t want the boys or my husband to see that I cannot control myself. It is very not elegant to do so.
There are moments that I give myself a little more leeway and if it happens I don’t get so upset, but that shouldn’t be the case. Although I might be having a bad day, I should never make excuses for bad behavior.
Learning to have patience takes time…(isn’t that funny!)
Remember that patience is a virtue so therefore, it might not be easy to obtain but once you have it, it is very rewarding!
In this post, I will be sharing some tips that I use to make sure that I remain as elegant as possible when my patience is being tested (and with 3 boys it gets tested often 😉 )
Are you impatient?
Some signs that can show that you are losing your patience or that you just need to work on your patience is:
- Fidgeting
- Imagining that you are somewhere else
- Thinking wherever you have to be is more important
- Feeling yourself getting angry for no reason other than you feel like your time is being wasted
- Tightening of the muscles (clenching your fist or jaw)
- Quick to answer that isn’t a thoughtful answer
- Rushing them or yourself
- Saying “yeah” for the sole purpose to hurry them up
There are many ways that you can tell if you’re being impatient. I don’t think I need to tell you because we all know those moments when they happen. For me, it’s when I am trying to get some cleaning done and I have to hear for the 100th time that one of the boys “blew up” another Lego structure I might blow myself up! ( Just kidding, I love them 😛 )
There are times when it may or may not be a problem, because there are people who are chronically impatient. This is not exactly what I am talking about, I am mostly referring to people like myself who on occasion (and sometimes more frequently) will let their emotions get the best of them and instead of stopping to smell the roses, they react quickly which isn’t very elegant.
Patience and your health
It is practically common sense that waiting with a good attitude can do wonders for your health.
When we are calmer it is good for our heart because it doesn’t put a load of unnecessary stress on our body. It’s hard to deny that when we are going about our day with a slow attitude, we feel better. We feel happy.
“In a 2000 study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association, researchers found that young adults who had high hostility levels were predisposed to plaque build-up in their coronary arteries.”
So something so simple as getting irritated on a regular basis because you want to hurry up can lead to unwanted heart issues.
Even according to the Washington Post, impatience can lead to gaining too much weight, which it may or may not be true. However, if you think about it, impatience leads to instant gratification and therefore will make you gain more weight and lead to unhealthy eating habits.
Adopting a more elegant lifestyle and letting things roll off your back and take time to smell the roses may help you live longer, healthier lives.
You might want to read: How to Become Elegant: 6 Unique Ways to be Charming
How to be patient
1) Slow down
You are not going to implode if you are running a little late or if you are stuck in a conversation that you clearly are not interested in.
For the people from the 80’s… do what Frankie says and relax!
It needs to be said that if you cannot take a few minutes of your day to chat with someone or wait behind someone else, perhaps you are a little high strung or take too much on your daily plate.
Life is so much more fun when you slow down and take in every second as it is.
2) Focus on giving and maintain eye contact
This one is so hard when you are just starting out. But mastering this is so vital because eye contact is a key indicator that you are actively listening. It shows respect which is what we all essentially want.
By forcing yourself to give eye contact it will also make you listen to them. Regardless of what it is on your mind, by doing this act will help you to rid yourself of the impatience. It reminds you what is important.
3) Put yourself in their perspective
You know when you’re so excited about something and you don’t care who you tell, but you just want to talk about it. Well now imagine this is how the other person feels and you could care less.
Sometimes when I think about that, it makes me a little sad that I would rush other people when they were just simply excited to tell me about their story.
Follow the golden rule, if you want others to listen to your boring stories, you must do the same for them!
4) You’re not that important
If you’re stuck in line waiting to check out your groceries and there is someone up there trying to price check (I always seem to pick these lines!) and it’s taking the new cashier (because why not?) fifteen minutes to figure out how to do each
It’s vital to get off your high horse and come to the realization that people will not rush or go fast because you are there. The sooner you can come to terms, the easier it will be on you!
5) You can see so much beauty in waiting
When I used to talk to mothers of young children and they had to wait in line or wait for something (even when they were getting their license plate renewed) they would say that this waiting was like a vacation.
It’s true when you think about it.
You cannot do anything while waiting. You are stuck there and all you have at the moment is time. Time to think, time to not think, time just to relax and be in the moment.
6) Make yourself wait, even if you’re not in a rush
I love doing this.
There is a time when you are following someone driving slowly and instead of passing them, stay behind and make yourself wait it out. It just takes time and lots of it too because our first reaction might be to get far away from the slowness of people, but don’t. Even if you have nowhere to go, do this.
Allow yourself to feel the frustration of waiting. If you get irritated, and you’re not in a rush, this gives you even more of a reason to question yourself and why you feel the need to not be patient.
Practice makes perfect.
7) Embrace the moment and enjoy it
You never know, this might be the last time you might talk to this person.
This might sound a little harsh but in all honesty, we really never know. And wouldn’t you just hate yourself if the last time you talked to someone, you were annoyed or just didn’t feel like talking to them so you were short?
It matters, people matter.
Enjoy the conversation. Try to learn something new from them and that might make you listen more intently to what they are saying.
Patience is not the same as waiting
It’s all in your state of mind.
If you’re waiting but being a pain in the butt about, you’re not being patient — you’re just being annoying!
In order to become that elegant woman who waits with poise, we must practice that as well. I suppose the first step would be to wait. Just wait. If you’re able to wait that is the hardest part. But once you can at least physically wait, now we can work on the mental part.
It’s time we start thinking that waiting is not a nuisance but a reminder that life isn’t about us. Life is about serving others and that might mean being a shoulder to lean on, having an ear to listen or not tailgating because we want them to get the hint to hurry up.
Learning and embracing the art of patience can lead to a lifetime of happiness and serenity. It will only hurt ourselves to act like it doesn’t exist in our lives. Practice it daily.
“Patience is the companion of wisdom.”
Saint Augustine
Don’t feel guilty
Don’t forget, you are human and it will happen. No matter who are you, you’re never going to be perfect!
To be honest, I feel that women particularly, have a great way of making themselves feel guilty because we can never measure up to our own ideals. So please, do not let this be another thing that we can use as a way to either shame ourselves or make us not feel good enough.
There are times when we are truly in a rush and don’t have time for that small talk chit chat that our neighbor might want to talk.
But I promise, being more patient can help you in your life and your health.
When you begin to feel guilty for not being the most gracious and poised person, remember the situation and try your hardest to learn from those mistakes.
What were your triggers? What caused you to feel anxious or hurry up others?
Think of each one of your “failures” as something as experience to gain more insight.
Don’t allow the mistake again and you will not let these moments be in vain.
Practicing patience starts with being patient with yourself.
In conclusion
Patience is a beautiful trait to always be working on.
It shows compassion and love and to be honest, patience can get you so much farther in life than many other elegant woman attributes.
Be elegant, be patient and you will see how it can improve your life and your well being.