How to Develop a Gentle and Kind Spirit

If there is one way that I would like to be remembered, it would be that I was a kind and gentle woman.

I’m not always this way.

Sometimes I’m impatient or a little frustrated – but there is always a little voice telling me to stay calm. Be more mindful.

It’s usually my Nana.

Understanding the Essence of Gentleness and Kindness

In today’s culture, these are two traits that are often seen as weakness. You never hear of a CEO telling people that they should be more kind or instead of demanding more from their employees, they should be more gentle. Maybe spend more time being in tune with their emotions.

I’m not saying that having that quality is bad. There are times when it comes in handy.

However, adopting a more elegant life, I like to work on being more gentle and kind.

Through the years, I’ve really seen a difference on my demeanor but also my stress levels! If I spend too much of my time being upset or angry instead of actively calming down – I even wake up the next day with some left over anxiety.

Also, if you’re like me, I have a tendency to overthink or over analyze events in my head. If I responded to someone a bit more aggressive or reacted a little angry – I almost always regret it and wish I would have handled that situation a bit more elegantly.

For my peace of mind and peace in my life, being more gentle and kind has really helped in so many ways.

Restraint that is needed to remain calm, gentle and kind is truly much harder then letting your emotions get the best of you.

The Inner Work – Cultivating a Gentle Mindset

It’s hard to learn how to be kind or gentle if you aren’t like that with yourself.

I have heard many women who are always saying “yes” to everyone and trying their hardest to be everything to everyone. However, when it comes to doing something for themselves – they automatically think – no way.

This is actually a pretty big problem, and I’m going to save this for another conversation, but what I want you to take away from this is that we women, usually put ourselves last. Even if that means giving ourselves the grace or forgiving our transgressions, We are often so hard on ourselves.

Now you might assume that being hard or expecting more from ourselves isn’t a bad thing – it can be.

By not giving ourselves the grace that is usually extended to others, there is this feeling of guilt that starts to consume us. The guilt can turn into resentment (even from not doing enough or getting angry that there isn’t more time in the day – something completely out of our control)

Step 1: Start being MORE compassionate – to yourself.

Instead of getting frustrated with ourselves, whether you said the wrong thing or felt like you were being rude – forgive yourself and move on,

Stop getting hung up on every little detail that you think you did wrong,

First, not many people even notice it, You are the often the only one that thinks that way,

Step 2: Slow Down

I absolutely adore this topic and I will surely be writing more about slowing down life, but for the purpose of being more gentle and kind, slowing down will help in more ways than you know.

Slowing down and being more present will help you not overreact, not fill your days too much (where you are more likely going to snap at someone) and also it can help you enjoy little moments more which will overall make you a happier person.

This makes it much easier to be more gentle and kind when you’re not stressed or always in a time constaint,

Step 3: Judgement Be Gone

Stop judging.

Quit judging yourself, your actions, your moments of weakness, your feelings of inadequacy. Just stop.

Of course there is healthy judgement – meaning you might judge a circumstance and think maybe it might not be a wise decision to walk alone in a dark alley.

But I am talking mostly about self judgement. The critisim is real and it really can be exhausting.

I will also say that critizing others is also not the best method to stay humble and gentle – but I know if you’re like me, that’s not really want you struggle with.

Rather you judge yourself and that judgement makes you feel inadequate which then bleeds into other parts of your day which then makes you feel more irritable or frustrated. That frustrations might make you snap at someone and there goes the circle of self hatred.

So let’s agree to stop this.

The Outer Expression: Living Out Gentleness and Kindness

After working on the inside, now comes what the outside world will see.

When you are able to be more kind to yourself, you will find these next steps to be rather easier.

Step 1: Words Matter – and How You Say It

Remember as a child your parents always reminded you of your please’s and thank you’s. These are just as important then as it is now.

I think this goes without saying but being polite to everyone is so important. Regardless of who they are or how old they are, everyone deserves this respect.

And to be honest, even if someone is being rude to you, delivering their sassi attitude with polite gestures or words really can transform the moment, Sometimes, your gentle and kind words can snap them out of it and can make their day better.

Don’t forget even kind words can lose all meaning if it is said with a sarcastic or rude tone.

Step 2: Acts of Kindness

Besides being kind and gentle wth your words, the small gestures of holding a door, or helping someone can have a huge impact on others.

A simple random smile acknowledging someone else can brighten their day. It can be sad to hear, but for some people, you might be their only social interaction that day that is positive.

When I’m having a bad day or things just aren’t going my way – it can be easy to justify being rude to others but that is when you need to work extra hard in changing your attitude.

If you feel that many people are just being rude that day, my first piece of advice is to check your attitude because a lot of people will just match yuor energy.

A sweet and genuine compliment to a stranger can make their day so much brighter and in turn make yours better! It’s a win-win!

Step 3: Body Language of Grace

You know those people that you just see that their mere existence tells you that they are nice or kind hearted.

They aren’t sayng anything, but you just know.

That’s because they have mastered the body launguage of grace.

You can have that too! It starts with a body audit. One thing that everyone sees is your resting face. Be honest with yourself and see what your face tells others.

Another give away is your posture. Do you stand tall or slumped over? Are you confident or nervous?

Are you gentle with things you touch or do you grab things without a second thought?

Simply paying more attention to these details will help you develop a more kind and gentle spirit.

Overcoming Challenges to Gentle and Kindness

The biggest obstacles I see is usually that someone is holding onto anger, resentment, frustrations, or just wishing they had more.

It’s very hard to be kind to someone when you believe that life has given you a job that you hate. It’s difficult to smile at someone walking by where you might be jealous of others that they have nicer things.

Looking inwards and really getting to the root of the problem is the hardest and often more painful step. However, it is the most beneficial one! And it can truly change your life!

Hint: Want to live more elegantly? Find out if you’re holding onto anger, jealousy or envy. Resolving this underlying issue can break even the most difficult cycles and you will come out happier and more relaxed.

If you know what is bothering you, then that’s really good because for some that is one of the hardest parts. Admitting that you are flawed (even though we all know we fall short of perfection, it can be rather difficult to actually point it out!) is the hardest part.

Once you admit your faults, then it is easier to fix them and become a more kind and gentle spirit.