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What do we do to ourselves?

I’ve been doing so much thinking this past few months.

After my life has changed and what I feel like is a complete shake down of my existing life to what it is today I’ve learned a few things that I can’t ignore anymore.

I have another post that I will be putting up shortly but to just be really quick about it, it’s about learning what is terribly important in my life and what I really don’t care about.

It seemed that before, I was always trying to put myself into a mold or a shape that I thought would make me happy. I would often say to myself “If I can get to be more like this or that then I know I would feel happier.” How many of you thought that to yourself too? Maybe if I lose some more weight, or if I could get my hair this way or simply input any ridiculous claim to happiness.

Well not to burst a bubble, but I did exactly what I thought would be my one-way ticket to happiness, then I was so sadly mistaken. Instead I felt this huge hole that was not filled but I swear was getting bigger.

I am more than a mold

I am not sure about you, but I find that especially women of today (because I can only speak for myself), that we are forced into thinking we must be a certain way. Either amazing at our career, being a phenomonemal homemaker, extremely smart and also a vixen in bed. But then up at dawn to prepare for the day of course. Pinterest is really good at doing this!

It’s just exhausting and I “see” other women doing it, and that really just brings me down. I think “How the hell are these women so wonderful and I suck?” And it surprises me because I am not a terribly self-conscious woman, although I may not be the most confident, I also am proud of who I am and what I’ve done.

But this sensation of failure that was just getting to me on a daily basis. It was wearing me down.

It was getting to me before I was even up for the day, simply because I wasn’t prepared enough from last night.

Well you know what, after a few days of intense emotions and a night of crying and frustration, I decided to self-seek and truly ask myself what the hell I really wanted.

Was it this?

Did I want to be the most elegant woman to teach others?

Did I want to be the best homemaker, wife, blogger, be incredibly well read and learn a few languages and why not cook up three course dinners every night?

The answer was not only no, but hell no. To be completely honest, there was a part of me that thought why couldn’t I do all this? If only I stayed up later and woke up earlier I could! That is how crazy this ideal woman is!

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I thought I wanted these things, until I realized that it was giving me heart burn and more.

Even writing it makes my head hurt to even think I could accomplish all of that every damn day!

These expectations we put on ourselve suck the life out of… well life

In my post about it that I’ll publish soon, I go into more depth of the emotional toll it was taking on me. The thing that also really upsets me is that I have a pretty good life, thank God. I am comfortable, I have a husband who truly loves me and we have been through a few things in life that made us closer together.

So why am I still complaining?

Simply for the reason that I was trying to be all this perfection that absolutely no one asked me to be. No one even expected it of me but I did and I wanted to be “that woman”. And that is just not right. I am supposed to love myself the most and give myself all the grace in the world, but instead I was slowly murdering my spirit.

I know I am not the only woman who feels this way. I can’t wait to publish the other post, I will have to warn you that it’s long and it brings up some emotional times that may be a trigger.

When I was writing it, I had actual tears running down my face. It was very interesting moment, I rarely  have that emotion while writing. I let it all out and you know what, it’s time to stop being a fraud.

I am who I am.

Maybe I am not this elegant woman who I always wanted to be. But I am Jennifer and I am who I am. So who’s with me? Who wants to stop being a fraud and live who they truly are. Be happy with what you have and stop trying to force some other thoughts on yourself. Refuse to be that perfect Pinterest woman who has it all, does it all and all with a smile on her face.

You try your hardest, you do your best and you know what I bet everyone thinks the world of you, so now, it’s time to do the same.

You are simply amazing and wonderful and even if you don’t fit into some mold that you’re trying to force yourself in, it’s okay.

You’re perfectly imperfect.

We are all a work-in-progress, but for goodness sake, let’s ease up on ourselves! We don’t have to prove anything to anyone but living a life full of happiness. That is really the best thing you can do for yourself and for your loved ones.

That’s what I’ve realized.

Let’s agree to stop being frauds and live our lives the way we need to, by doing our best and enjoying every simple moment we have. Put on the music you truly love, not the kind that you think you need to listen to. Dance the way you want, sing the way you feel and love your family hard because that’s all that matters.

I just needed to let you guys know what was going on in my head before I put the other post out there! But I hope you will all read it when it comes!


Have a great day ladies!