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How to Gain Confidence: Find Your Elegant Secret Weapon

How to gain confidence? What can I do to build myself up and be the confident, elegant woman every day?

Sometimes it is very hard to be the confident woman you want to be. You leave the house feeling great, then once you see a woman you instantly compare yourself to her. Any ounce of certainty you did have disappears into thin air.

Confidence is a beautiful thing.

I wasn’t always a confident woman, even now I still have my doubts.

Especially growing up, being awkward was an understatement! I am sure some of you can relate. I didn’t know how to dress my bony body, and my weird haircuts never helped.

When I look back, I just am so happy that I grew out of that stage in life!

But having this problem of lack of confidence has helped me become the confident woman today!

Sometimes we need to figure out how to truly be confident. It takes time to learn, it can be a two-steps-forward-one-step-back process.

Don’t feel defeated when one day you feel awesome and the next you are down in the dumps.

It’s normal.

That’s why I have created an elegant secret weapon!

For those days when we feel not-so-beautiful, you can whip out your secret weapon and feel instantly better.

What is an elegant secret weapon?

A secret weapon can be anything that brings you the utmost confidence and assurance of yourself. It is also something that truly makes you feel unstoppable, alluring, and irresistible.

Some typical examples are:

  • smashing haircut/ hair style
  • wearing the loveliest perfume 
  • those pair of pants that fit you just the right way
  • clear and glowing skin
  • sexy heels that make you feel like conquering the world

They are different for everyone. For me, it’s when I am showing off my smaller waist with a tight tuck shirt in my higher-waist pants. Or especially with heels, but I can’t wear those to work. But I can always tight-tuck!

Find the few secret weapons that make you feel confident and whenever you’re in need, you know what to do!

What is confidence?

Some people overlook secret weapon, thinking that it provides a false sense of confidence. So I decided to look it up and see for myself.

According to Merriam-Webster…

Confidence is:

“the quality or state of being certain”

I believe that the elegant secret weapon you have discovered will do exactly just that. It will give you everything you need to be certain of yourself.

You will not doubt yourself because you know that you are elegant! Therefore, you are in the right state of mind, a confident state of mind.

Read: How to Compliment Anyone Elegantly

My own interpretation of confidence is when you can walk outside and be happy for others because you know deep down you are the best person you can be.

You are not bitter and wishing badly on anyone, where you can look at yourself and be proud. I think that is where being confident stems from

If you can achieve this kind of confidence, you can take on the world!

How can we attain confidence?

By finding our secret weapon, and building off of that, you will lay a perfect foundation for confidence to grow.

Sometimes we have to go into ourselves and ask why are we NOT confident? What is holding us back from flourishing?  Is there something that is putting needless pressure on you? Are you not embracing who you truly are, but striving to be someone you aren’t?

Before I had to ask myself why am I not confident and I came up with the fact that I compared myself to others too much. I still do from time to time, but when I catch myself doing it, I think of a few things I am proud of in myself and that usually stops.

Attaining confidence is half the battle, keeping it and living with confidence is the other half.

With using our secret weapon or weapons on a daily basis, it helps us to keep up the confidence flame and never let it go out.

How to find your secret weapon

This should be a fun process.

Ask yourself the following questions:

1. When you’re feeling your best – think about what it is that makes you feel extra special?

What is it that makes you feel beautiful? Is it your hair style? Possibly the shade of lipstick? Could it be the dress?

2. If you are going to go somewhere wonderful, like a wedding, what would you not leave behind?

This is a good indicator of what you think is a necessity of elegance.

3. What do you notice on other woman?

It is usually something that we adore – we see it on them and want to emulate it or them.

4. Pay attention to when you get the most compliments. What are you wearing?

This one is a good indicator of what looks good on you. Is it the color of the blouse? The fit of the jeans? You will start to be more understanding of what really looks good on you versus what you want to look good on you!

What’s my secret weapon?

My go-to secret weapon is showing off my smaller waist. So usually either a high-waist skirt or pant. This wasn’t always the case though. I used to be scared to wear something that was so different, but there are times that the fashion that is current right now, does not flatter your body.

I wrote a post on dressing to flatter your body, and you can see that there are times when fashion is not very forgiving, and you may need to rebel. But as long as it looks good on you and you know it, then you can wear anything!

My second secret weapon are shoes. I am very typical in this that I am a woman who loves her shoes. Unfortunately, I don’t get to wear them often because of where I work. But when I do, I feel irresistible!

A third secret weapon is good, clear skin. When I have glowing skin (which isn’t always), it doesn’t matter what I wear because I feel beautiful in anything.

Finding my secret weapons took time and experiments. I tried different hats, which didn’t do well. It failed and I felt just as frumpy as I did before. I tried lipstick, but hated every second of it.

Take time and see what excites you. Allow your secret weapons to change and evolve, because that is what we do. 

In the end…

Having confidence in ourselves in vital to being an elegant woman. It helps us be good to others because we can accept who we are.

Give yourself the opportunity to build your confidence up with an elegant secret weapon or two. You will thank yourself and the people around you will notice this charming aura beaming off of you.

I would love to know, what is your secret weapon?

Until next time

Keep it elegant!

This is not a sponsored post


Wednesday 29th of November 2023

The moment you realise that the people u compare your self to are not perfect and that sometimes things can go wrong on their side you will stop taking steps back and just move forward. But my greatest secret weapon is high heels and whenever I put them on,i feel unstoppable .

Jennifer Merbello

Wednesday 27th of December 2023

Sarah, I couldn’t agree more! Comparing yourself could be one of the worst things to do to yourself because you always see all the good in others and the worst in yourself. And by the way, your greatest secret weapon is one of my favourites too!!! It’s hard NOT to feel amazing in beautiful heels! Have a great day!

Deborah L Eck

Wednesday 24th of February 2021

You are right in saying "do not compare" that is very detrimental to anyone, but, saying that, looking at others, whether it is to see what looks are good on certain body types, what the trends might be, that in itself is a good thing, and can be very helpful for anyone that needs a little help seeing things that maybe they, themselves, cannot visualize.

Jennifer Lynn

Tuesday 2nd of March 2021

That's a very good point too Deborah, thanks for adding that! Enjoy the rest of your day :)