Elegant Woman Basics- Confidence: How to Boost Self Confidence and Gain Self Esteem

Elegant Woman Basics- Confidence: How to Boost Self Confidence and Gain Self Esteem

Self Confidence

Importance of Self Confidence

Self Confidence

It’s attainable by everyone, yes, even you.

You yourself, as much as anyone in the entire universe deserves your love and affection  

Buddha

I remember as a child being told to always hold my head up high. 

 

To always have confidence in myself and everything I do. I never really understood the importance of self confidence until I grew up and tried living my life elegantly.

 

I wanted to be confident

 

But having low self esteem would not work. There was always doubt in my mind that I wasn’t good enough. I rarely ever looked good enough and those few moments where I was content – they never lasted very long. 

 

Looking back, it was a sad existence. But what I think is more sad, honestly, is that this feeling of inadequacy is not an isolated event. Many women live every day with low self esteem, no confidence and feelings of never being good enough! 

 

The good thing is that I realized it didn’t have to be like that. I didn’t have to continue with low self esteem, but I needed to find out what causes lack of self confidence. 

 

So naturally, I began looking at the beginning. My childhood. 

 

Was it my upbringing? 

 

Perhaps it was my school life? 

 

Could it have been my choice in friends?

 

Or, was it none of the above and it was a personal hoop that I would have to jump through in order to become the woman I was meant to? 

 

Before I jump to any conclusions, I needed to understand confidence a little bit more. I wanted to know how to get confidence. 

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Self Confidence

What is Self Confidence and Why is it Important

It’s funny because for something as important as self confidence, it is hard to describe, and even harder to obtain. 

 

Does it mean to be sure of oneself? 

 

All the time?

 

Are you born with it?

 

Perhaps it is to understand who he or she is? 

 

Or something as simple as just accepting oneself as whoever they are, regardless of what that may be? Without any regard to change. 

 

I want to believe they are all right, to some degree. 

 

I think I can safely say every day the definition changes a bit. Although the dictionary definition remains unaltered, the way self confidence feels and lives changes – constantly. 

 

What is confidence?

 

It’s about trusting yourself with what comes your way, not that you’ll know exactly what to do, but that you can depend on yourself that everything will be okay. It’s that reassuring voice in your head saying that “you are enough!”. Your focus isn’t on what you lack or what you’re missing – but on what you have and what you can do with it. 

 

Why is it Important? 

 

Simple. 

 

In order to live a fulfilled and elegant life, self confidence is that piece of the puzzle that you need. Where when you combine it with the other elegant traits can and will enhance your life. There are less regrets, less doubts and more moments of happy self reflection. 

 

To be more specific, confidence is essential for elegance because it radiates off of you all day long. People notice something different about you, they will respect you more. And I am pretty sure you will know from life experience that demanding respect is not an easy feat. 

 

Having confidence prevents you from overthinking, fixating, and obsessing. 

 

I don’t know about you, but when you do something that you feel stupid about, it keeps replaying over and over again. Now that is far from living an elegant life. Living elegantly gives you that beautiful freedom from that. I used to be terrible with obsessing over any stupid or embarrassing moment. But with focusing on increasing my elegance, my confidence grew and I barely fixate on anything negative. 

 

I’ve read this book, and for those struggling with confidence and want to make a difference in your life, I would highly suggest it! It’s short chapters make it easy to read, even on the go! I felt really inspired after this one.

Self Confidence

Confidence Tips

1) Remember no one cares. 

 

2) There is no right or wrong way to be confident. Do whatever feels right and comes natural.

 

3) Everyone is beautiful. On those “bad days”, remember that there is something enticing about you. Never feel truly ugly because you are not! 

 

4) Get outside of yourself. When we are trying to fix ourselves, we are so focused on ourselves that it can consume us and we get frustrated. Remember that, although we are important, at the same time we are tiny, There is a big world out there with more problems. Sometimes when I change my mind frame this way, my bad day doesn’t seem as bad.

 

5) Clean. Yup, organize your closet. Get rid of clutter and you will feel a million times better. 

 

6) Compliment someone else. Genuinely I might add. The high of doing this will stick with you longer and you’ll feel wonderful. 

 

Self Confidence

Be Confident

Sounds easy enough? 

 

But sadly it takes a bit more effort that just thinking about it. It is a decision about your lifestyle, it’s about the way you want to live. But most importantly it’s wanting to truly accept the freedom and not be afraid. 

 

It’s crazy to say that some women are scared to live their life with confidence – because it can be difficult. It’s easy to hide behind something that is not completely real. I know how this might sound – like it doesn’t make much sense. But choosing to live with confidence can be very rewarding, It can be the difference between being happy, content, and feeling fulfilled. 

 

The false idea is that it is easier to live a lie a facade, then it is to be the quirky woman you are. You see it over and over again when people start living their truth, the burden is lifted off and they are free. 

 

Why do You Need Self Confidence

 

Imagine this scenario, you need to run some errands at a local store, or go see a friend for coffee and be terrified at the idea of leaving.

 

Not because you’re afraid of going outside – but because you are too scared of what others will think.

 

How you’ll be judged is too much to bear. 

 

You’ll be too wrapped in the idea that what others think, putting their thoughts and considerations ahead of your own. 

 

Even strangers. 

 

You might think that I am exaggerating, that it is a rare scenario. And I would have agreed with you, but talking more and more to people I am seeing that it’s their reality. Their confidence is so shattered and weak that one “bad” stare could ruin them for the entire day. That’s why I feel like this post needs to be written and shared. We need to lift each other up. 

 

It can become this heavy and debilitating weight on your shoulders and if you don’t get ahold of it, it can truly ruin your life. You’ll be forever seeking not only approval but everything from others. 

 

You won’t be happy unless you get the recognition and approval of others. Which you can never control. 

 

As I’ve mentioned before, it becomes an obsession that can be all consuming. 

 

This is a dangerous road to follow for a couple of reasons. One that your “true friends” aren’t actually true friends and they’ll tell you what you want to hear until they decide that that’s enough. It can lead to more loneliness, which affects your confidence even more! 

 

Two, you might have very judging and jealous friends that try to bring everyone down to their level of “happiness”. Which means that they’ll say anything good or bad, to help themselves. These “friends” are suffering themselves from a lack of self esteem and self love. 

 

You don’t need to avoid them, but take everything they say with a grain of salt. 

 

If you’re not confident in yourself, it changes the way people look at you. 

 

The way you treat yourself mirrors how you expect others to treat you. 

 

Expect more. Receive more. 

 

You need self confidence because you’re worth it. You deserve to live the life you love. To live with excitement, passion and joy. You do that by embracing yourself with all your flaws and quirks. 

 

The life you want is possible only when you have the confidence to live it! 

 

Love yourself because it isn’t someone else’s job – that is why you need self confidence! 

 

 

Another great book, especially if you find yourself shy or awkward. It talks mainly about being an introvert and how that is NOT a bad thing. I love the idea of taking something you might think is a negative, and making it your great power! Great book for those who are introverts or are really close to one. Will change your life!

Self Confidence

Can Confidence Be Taught?

The answer is YES! 

 

Which is the best news I can give you because that means you have the power inside of yourself! 

 

You can choose to boost yourself every single day, or to knock yourself down.

 

It’s all a matter of your personal choice. 

 

Now, this may seem wildly easy to put down on paper, even to start at home. Feeling like you have the confidence at home (where no one is around), is an amazing start! Going out in the real world may take more effort because it is terrifying! That’s where the people are with their judgemental brains! 

 

I find it amazing the power we give to complete strangers.

 

When we look at the mirror and we genuinely like what we see, all is needed to ruin the day is a weird sideways stare from a stranger to make us second guess our decision to wear that shirt we love.

 

An elegant woman has the confidence in herself to accept any stares (good or bad, or even neutral!) and take them with a grain of salt.

 

Because frankly, that’s what they are – but our insecure part of our brain can take over and start chirping in our ear. What is it saying? 

 

If you listen carefully, it is usually saying the same few things. 

 

It is going through our rolodex of insecurities, and reading them to us until we believe them. 

 

It’s happened to me, to my mom, my sister, my friends, and I’m sure it has happened to you. 

 

If you can understand that your confidence begins when you minimize your insecurities then you’ll have a gushing fountain of confidence that won’t run dry! Confidence can be taught by simply repeating the truth that you are an amazing woman. 

 

That you are too beautiful for words. The truth that the world would not be the same without you. Now the hard part? 

 

Allowing yourself to believe it. 

 

Self Confidence

Is Confidence a Skill?

Seeing as confidence can be taught then I would assume that it is a skill. A life skill to be exact. It is useful in so many areas in life where being confident will open doors and opportunities. 

 

A skill is something you must practice in order to get better or not lose it. 

 

The same applies for maintaining your confidence through the hard times in your life – all the way until the end. 

 

But who really wants something else to work on? 

 

I realize it doesn’t sound riveting, but it isn’t something you need to take time out of your day. This is something, a choice, you make all day long. Your mentality, your choices, your thoughts, it all should be peppered with the idea that you are an elegant woman.

 

An elegant woman who is sure of herself. You are an elegant woman of confidence. 

 

The hardest part about learning and honing a skill is the lack of practice.

 

We take other skills and try to become better at them. We put more importance on cooking, working, driving — why not confidence? 

 

I would consider it a life skill that needs to be one of yours. 

 

You need to do it often enough that it becomes second nature. In order to start perfecting your skill, I think we need to understand the first steps of building self confidence. 

 

Building Self Confidence

 

I like to think of building self confidence is comparable to a ladder.

 

You need to get their one step at a time. You can’t reach the top without slowly going through the whole ladder. 

 

One big flaw that I’ve seen too many people suffer from is changing too much too fast

 

This happens all the time when people go on diets or want to have a lifestyle change. I  understand the idea, if you want to do something then you’re all in – but it can be too difficult. 

 

We are a delicate species who don’t like change – so be gentle.

 

Unfortunately, too many of us fail, feel utterly defeated and give up (me).

 

This is a vicious cycle!

 

Trust me, I’ve been through this many times. I decided to take things slower, realize life happens slowly so a drastic change should be the same as well. 

 

The takeaway: Building self confidence takes time. Love yourself and be patient, it will come. 

Self Confidence

How to Build Self Confidence

To start building self confidence, look to yourself and write a list of everything you like about yourself. 

 

Pretend that you’re writing a list if you were your friend, sometimes it’s easier to say good things about others than yourself.

 

Be easy on yourself. If you are struggling, that is okay. 

 

If you are on a path to loving yourself deeper, be patient and always give yourself grace. 

 

It may take some more effort because it can be that you are rewiring your brain from self-loathing to self love. 

 

Let’s examine the list.

 

See how many wonderful qualities that you possess. 

 

Now, everytime you begin to doubt yourself or feel not good enough, read this list over and over again. Especially if you are going through a break-up, for example, and he leaves you broken hearted – look at that list. He left a person who is (insert good quality). 

 

It would sound like this: 

 

He left a person who is loyal, he didn’t want someone who was respectful and loving. He would rather not be with someone who is supportive.  

 

You see what happened there? 

 

You took what was something that was hurtful and turned it around with your amazing qualities. There are SO many people out there that would LOVE to be with a woman who was loyal, respectful, loving and supportive. The way you think about yourself may need to be rewired, but the good thing is, it can be. 

 

Another effective way to gain confidence in yourself is to put your life into perspective. In more than one way. Not only with what is important, but also in how others see and think of you. How many times have you thought about how stupid you felt doing something and how the other people thought of you? 

 

First let’s just think of it like this. How much of YOUR day do you spend criticizing and judging others? Even if they aren’t around? Is it very often? I am going to assume no, not really. 

 

Now, how much of your day do you spend critiquing yourself? Or thinking of how embarrassing you are out in public? I am going to safely assume more often. 

 

If I am right, then you just proved a good point. 

 

No one is sitting there just judging you. 

 

Let this sink in.

 

Let this penetrate your mind! 

 

No matter how stupid you felt, no one is just sitting there stewing in your stupidity. Only you are. 

 

Not convinced? How about another example is when you feel insecure because of the clothes you choose to wear that day. In reality, no one really notices. There isn’t very many people that care more about others than themselves. Think about it this way, do you judge others with what they are wearing? Now the ones that you do, and actually take time out of your day to be “concerned” about it, chances are that you are secretly jealous. 

 

No need to beat yourself up about it, but try to remember that next time someone else is making you feel insecure, it is most likely because you look amazing and they are secretly wishing they looked as good as you!

 

As rude as that sounds, there is a freedom that comes with that. 

 

Don’t fall into the trap where you need to please others more than yourself. 

 

Realize and allow to make yourself happy. If that means not following the norm – then so be it! By treading your water a little differently will make you shine and only build your confidence! 

 

But as a quick note: When I refer to not caring about others, I’m talking about their thoughts and opinions (the ones that don’t matter). 

 

Being elegant is about having the confidence to wear what YOU want and feeling good in YOUR own skin. But always try to make others feel good about themselves. Especially when you know they are insecure fragile beings just as we can be.

 

Thirdly, building self confidence is about self love. 

 

When you boil it down, that is all what it is all about. By practicing positive self talk, you are able to see what the low signs of confidence are and try to work on them! 

 

Self Confidence

What are the Signs of Low Confidence?

The crazy thing about confidence is that one day you can be confident, give yourself all the positive self talk, and be the definition of self confidence – and one stupid thing can have you start doubting yourself. 

 

Many times we confuse people with self confidence with nothing affecting them, and while that is not entirely false, it does mean that little things aren’t going to shake them terribly.

 

But sometimes too much confidence can be the opposite. It’s called overcompensation and I’ll be referring to this later. 

 

But before I get into how to have confidence, what are the signs of low confidence? 

 

Here’s one that is almost always present: Lie, constantly. 

 

1) Doubting and questioning everything

  • Even for no reason, you constantly feel that you’re not good enough
  • It doesn’t even matter if someone compliments you or says something flattering — you don’t believe it.  

 

2) You walk a little hunched over 

  • Yup, it’s true. When you have a lack of self confidence you tend to make yourself smaller.  You look down more and therefore you hunch over. 
  • When you’re struggling with self-esteem, you don’t walk proud. Even if you try to fix it and remind yourself to stand straight, if you don’t fix the root of the problem, then you will again be walking hunched over. 

 

3) You think everyone is talking about you – even if it doesn’t make sense. 

  • No matter what the circumstance is, you think that people around you are making fun of you.
  • Even if they aren’t talking – you think that they are mentally judging you. It isn’t logical. 
  • It creates a state of insecurity that can be paralyzing because there isn’t a clear reason – it is all fabricated. No amount of outside reassuring will fix this. 

 

4) You have bad fashion sense, at least in your eyes. 

  • Think back to when you were feeling a little blue, I can almost guarantee that you didn’t put that much effort into your looks.
  • Partly because you don’t want to look in the mirror and other part is you don’t feel that you deserve to look nice. I realize this sounds very mean, but it is true, 

 

5) You don’t care what you eat, or how you feel 

  • To be more specific, you disregard the consequences of what eating poorly can do to your body. A good example is when you overeat you feel terrible, but you don’t really care. 
  • You may even feel that you don’t deserve to look good or feel good. 
  • The way that you treat yourself is how you feel. You feel amazing, you’ll eat amazing (the opposite is true too) 

 

There are many more traits of having no self confidence or low self esteem, but the main factor is that you are telling yourself lies

 

Lies that you’re not beautiful enough, skinny enough, funny enough, tall enough, short enough, basically you repeat the lies that you’re not good enough in different ways.

 

Another sad similarity is that you feel that you don’t deserve (fill in the blank).

 

But the good thing about this is that we can work on it! Your mentality can change.

 

If one of these sounds familiar or something that you do, don’t be discouraged because you can and will improve your confidence. These attributes will be a thing of the past. 

 

It is possible and I know you can do it! 

 

 

Here is another book made for women by women. If you’re trying to succeed in the world this book is a must! It’s not enough to just have talent and skills, but to have the confidence to back it up!

Self Confidence

What is the Difference Between Confidence and Overconfidence?

True, overconfidence is something that is quite rare in real life. You might be shaking your head in disagreement, but hear me out! 

 

One thing that I’ve learned in my life, is that when someone is overcompensating, it’s usually because the opposite is true. 

 

Let me give you an example. Let’s say you are going out with a friend who keeps referring to how much money they have – chances are high that they are eyeball deep in debt. The need for overcompensation  is a very accurate indicator of something that they are lacking. I want to believe it’s some self-preservation thing.

 

So you might be asking, overconfidence is usually following the same pattern? 

 

Most likely, yes. 

 

However there is a rare type of person that is truly overconfident. They are usually a narcissist and they believe that everything they do is amazing, they do exist out there. But for the sake of this post, I’m not referring to those few — but to the majority. 

 

When someone is an overconfident person, they are compensating for something. Ironically, they are usually self-conscious about what they are being extra confident.

 

Being confident is where you can trust yourself. Where you know you are good. That you don’t need outside validation. 

 

I guess to be brutally simple, having confidence is inner validation, overconfidence is seeking outside validation with the responses of others. 

 

Self Confidence

Why Confidence is the Key to Success

For almost everything in life, if you have confidence, you will succeed. 

 

It’s the slight arrogance that people see and respect. 

 

By using the word arrogance it almost seems wrong, even as I write this it doesn’t feel like the right word. There is a fine line to follow because you don’t want to be a “know-it-all” or for lack of a better word, a jerk. 

 

So what is the fine line?

 

It’s exactly where you aren’t threatening, boring other people, or having them tune you out. Watching others can be a great clue to how you are behaving. 

 

But having just the right amount of confidence means people will listen and engage with you. They will feel like looking up to you and be interested in what you have to say.

 

That is why confidence is the key to success. 

 

The level of attention you will receive is perfect. Confidence can also be seen as a form of respect, a self-respect. This respect is magnified and radiates from you. 

 

When you respect yourself, a few things happen. Your standards rise. From what you expect from others, to what you expect from yourself. Another bonus is you show people how to treat you – what you deem acceptable. 

 

Success is measured in what you have accomplished, and if having the respect of others is already done, then I’d say you succeeded in a place where people would consider very different. 

 

Self Confidence

How Can You Tell if Someone is Confident?

One piece of advice that I don’t always agree on is “Fake it till you make it”.

 

But I suppose it could work in this circumstance. Whenever you start feeling yourself recede into your old ways – you can adopt a more confident demeanor – just don’t overcompensate.

 

So, you ask yourself, “How can you tell if someone is confident?” then you are able to mimic their body language, the way they talk and move. 

 

The first thing you would notice is their walk and/or stance. She is proud, she is sure of herself and rarely doubts the way she is. This could mean her outfit, her jewelry, her hairstyle and make up. She is unapologetically her. 

 

She is elegant.

 

There is an ease with her body language, her movements, the way she exists in her day. It might be hard to put your finger on it – but it is there. It seems effortless, mainly because it is. 

 

Her confidence is high so her doubt is nonexistent. 

 

Another trait of confidence is her speaking is different. 

 

She isn’t necessarily loud – because she doesn’t demand attention that way. 

 

She knows that she doesn’t need to get people to listen to her by forcing others to hear her. Not only with the level of her voice, but also is what she is saying. 

 

Is she gossiping? 

 

Does she need to put people down to bring herself up? 

 

A confident woman would never dream of hurting someone’s feelings to make herself feel better. Pay attention when another elegant woman speaks – it’s never insulting, never pushy, or desperate. It is mainly complimenting, honest and genuine. 

 

Another way to point out confidence is to see if there is any form of overcompensation. In every single way. Expensive jewelry? Foreign car that is super expensive? Verbally explaining how smart they are, they lack the self confidence. 

 

An important detail to remember that confidence is not black and white.

 

There are many variables that can determine how confident someone is. The women might be extremely confident in her job, that they are capable enough – but they might utterly hate the extra twenty pounds on their waste. 

 

There is always room for improvement. 

 

To be frank, I’ve never bought this book but I can only think this would be very good. This book really has indepth methods to help encouragement and keep yourself confident!

Self Confidence

Can Confidence Make You Attractive

Yes. 

 

Next. 

 

No, I’m joking – but it is very true. 

 

Confidence, a trait that can make you beautiful but can also tear you down. 

 

There is that gray zone again. 

 

If you’re over confident you will look like a jerk. Bt the perfect amount of confidence will make you unstoppable.

 

What is it exactly that when you see an elegant woman who is confident that she draws you in? 

 

You see a woman who knows she is beautiful. She doesn’t have the desperate or sad tone of her voice. 

 

You can ask yourself, “do you find confident people attractive?” I bet your answer is yes. 

 

But we can easily reverse the statement and ask “why don’t you find self conscious people attractive?” You might try to be extra sensitive to others and say “well of course, I would, as long as they are nice.”

 

And you might be genuine, but that can only last for so long. 

 

The need for reassurance, the jealousy, the wrong placed anger, the guilt trips and even worse, the manipulation will transform even the most beautiful woman. Now, I am no psychologist, but many relationships hit very rocky roads because one of them is not confident in themselves. 

 

So, understanding how a lack of confidence can turn off some one, it proves how strong an indicator that confidence can be for attractive qualities. 

 

Even if you never knew the person, or spoke to them, confidence is still easily spotted. It is an aura. 

 

Confidence is exactly what makes the jolie laid women in France. Where women who are not classically beautiful but yet have this irresistible air. It’s not based on her looks, but the feeling, the confidence. 

 

When you can embrace yourself, love yourself, and bring out the confidence you have inside of you, you will become more attractive. People will gravitate towards you because you won’t need to bring others down. You aren’t constantly thinking about what others are thinking of you, which can impede on you being you. You will be attractive because you’re an amazing woman, just as you are. 

 

Self Confidence

What are the Benefits of Confidence?

I am not going to go too much into detail here because I feel that it would be redundant. However, I do want to cement the idea that confidence is a wonderful trait to possess. 

 

The benefits of confidence that I already mentioned: 

– being more beautiful 

– demanding (gently) respect from others

– not being taken advantage of 

 

But there are many more! 

– being happier 

– feeling free

– making better friends 

– understand what your values are 

– not sweating the small stuff (read: stress less!)

– other people don’t have any power over you 

 

You might see a pattern here. 

 

When you adopt an elegant life and want to improve your confidence you will see that your life is more improved. Not only happier, but freedom. 

 

The freedom to not care what others think, that stop being stressed about everything big and small. 

 

The freedom to be yourself and love doing it. 

The best part is that you don’t need to be fully confident all in one step. Even by adapting a little confidence in your life can help to benefit the rewards. You really can start today, try implementing a little confidence right now. 

 

The benefits will be astounding. 

 

Self Confidence

Building Self Esteem Today

What to practice today, right now, to implement confidence: 

 

– Pick your absolute favorite attribute on your face. Focus on it. Make it something that everyone notices, make it your trademark. 

 

– Although this is over stated to the point of exhaustion, wear something that you love. Something that makes you proud to be yourself. 

 

– Realize that your self worth has more to do with what you offer the world – not your looks

 

– Take it one day at a time. You win some, you lose some. 

 

– Don’t overthink. 

 

– Stop trying to be Miss Perfect 

 

– Be the leading lady that you know you are

 

– Start respecting yourself by what you eat and drink

 

– Love yourself 

 

– You are ONE of a kind, truly think about that! You offer the world something no one else can!

Self Confidence

In Conclusion

Be More Confident 

 

Try every single day to be more confident. Even if you mess up completely, the next day repeat to yourself.

 

Practice it. 

 

Repeat…

“I am confident.” 

 

The best part of confidence is that you really can’t go wrong. Being confident is different for everyone. 

 

My words of advice to you is to  just stop worrying about coming off as confident, or trying so hard to make it. Just let whatever happens happen. 

 

.I know this might sound a little new age but I promise, when you stop trying hard to be something, in this case, confident, and stop caring about what others think and what the outcome will be, freedom and calmness will ensue. 

 

Something that really helped me grow my self esteem and confidence was to step out, and realize that every single person out there suffers from this, even my role models doubt themselves from time to time. 

 

No one is completely immune. 

 

We are all suffering a little bit trying to impress others or make them see this “facade”. 

 

We are all in it together. 

 

One last thing I want to mention was I don’t allow myself to be too hard on myself. 

 

There really isn’t any point and it is self destructive. 

 

Besides not being productive, it can really harm yourself if you are continually putting yourself down. It can affect you not only today, but in the future when you are trying to better yourself. 

 

What you say to yourself really matters. 

 

Living an elegant life is about seeing the best in yourself and others.

 

When you are able to see clearly that you are an amazing woman who has so much to offer the world, it is nearly impossible to hide

 

You start radiating this beautiful glow because you are one of a kind. 

 

Elegance brings out your talents.

 

Confidence breeds beauty. 

 

Be elegant. 

 

Be confident. 

Need inspiration?

Read this!

“To be happy, we must not be too concerned with others.”

Albert Camus

 

Christmas Shopping Guide [2019] – The Elegant Woman Edition – 40 GIFT IDEAS!

Christmas Shopping Guide [2019] – The Elegant Woman Edition – 40 GIFT IDEAS!

Christmas Shopping Guide 2019

Christmas can be stressful

Christmas Shopping Guide 2019

Being prepared is elegant. I’m here to help!

I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.  

Charles Dickens

…But with a Christmas shopping guide it doens’t have to be!

So here we are, it’s the beginning of the holidays! Thanksgiving is over and now we are just trucking right towards Christmas!

This is my favorite time of the year, but I am sure you already know this! However, if you’re like my husband, he gets a little anxious because of the pressure of getting the right gifts.

And I am not going to lie, he’s right.

The amount of money that gets spent each year is getting outrageous, especially if you don’t have the extra cash.

But finding the perfect gift doesn’t need to be as hard as you think!

I’ve been taking notes and wanted to make sure I made a good comprehensive list that I could assure you that these gifts will be perfect for those ones on your list!

This post contains affiliate links and if you purchase anything on these links I may receive a small compensation.

Christmas Shopping Guide 2019

For those that love self-care

 

I know that today we are all so busy, which means that we are most likely on our feet for most of the day!

This beautiful massager is a gift that I would love to get because it is heated, and provides deep kneading techniques!

I know some people who suffer from plantar fasciitis that would love this! It also can improve blood circulation which I know is always a plus!

To be honest, I don’t know one person that wouldn’t love this foot massager!

 

These masks make a great stocking stuffer! They are small, compact, but pack a big punch!

For the people that adore self-care and spa moments at home, then this is the gift for them!

I personally love getting these because they’re quick, they’re effective and they are mostly inexpensive.

 

I’m a pretty big fan of gift baskets.

They are simple, beautiful and can be really thoughtful!

This self-care basket is a perfect little gift for a teacher, for a neighbor, for a daughter, for almost anyone really!

Something perfect to go along with the self-care theme is a book exactly on self-care!

There are many books on self-care but this one is amazing because it taps into the older forms and sees them with a modern eye.

This is a perfect gift for someone who is interested in the idea of self-care and wants to continue learning about it!

Or, honestly, because so many people are into self-care, it’s a gift for really anyone!

The WOW Factor

 

I realize that this isn’t the most attractive self-care item out there. But holy cow, this is the gift that any woman or man would just love!

It fits on most chairs, I mean you could go from the living room, dining room, heck, even the car!

This gives the heat needed, it’s a Shiatsu massage that will take all the stresses of the days and melt them away!

You’ll be talk of the family with this gift! I’m even trying to hint this to my husband!

Christmas Shopping Guide 2019

For the Baking/Cooking Enthsuiasts

Honestly, how cool are these?!

I bought these and I love them! I think they are so amazing and can make whatever baked donuts I want!

They are great for almost everyone because not a lot of people have these, so it’s a great gift!

It’s something different and so lovely!

Not many people would give cooling trays as a Christmas gift, but this one is an exception!

Like many people, we are all short on counterspace and to be able to do 3-layers high is smart!

Even for those that want to display the delicious baked goods you would be able to use this as well!

A great gift to bakers because let’s be honest, can you really have too many cooling racks?

Yes, the infamous Instant Pot.

I am adding this to the list in hopes that I get one this year! I realize this isn’t quite a new product but I hear they are life changing!

I’ve heard nothing but amazing reviews on it and I feel that it’s as important as a crock pot.

This Instant Pot has many amazing features – besides cooking things super fast!

If you want an upgraded one, check this one out!

Wow.

Simple, wow! Isn’t that just so beautiful?

What I think is so great about this gift is that it’s all stainless steel, so the quality is there.

For the people who needs everything to match, this is the gift!

It’s perfect for young couples just moving out, it’s perfect for people who are just getting into cooking or baking and will need some supplies.

Essentially, it’s perfect for everyone!

This is a great complete set.

The WOW Factor

 

Do you want to completely surprise someone this year?

Then this Vitamix is the way to go!

I have one, and I honestly use it every. single. day! I know that if I would have received one, it would have rocked my world! (Because it rocks my world now!)

You really cannot go wrong with a this because it does everything an average blender would do, but way, way more!

Gift them this blender and change their kitchen forever!

Christmas Shopping Guide 2019

For the Tech Savvy

The tech savvy people really are in for a treat this year! I feel that everything all tech related is so beautiful and more reasonably priced than ever before!

I bought this for a gift for someone, and I can’t wait for it to come in!

This color is ONLY from Amazon and it’s so beautiful. But there is also a black and pink option as well.

It is such a sleek watch that will look elegant in casual, sporty, or business attire and keeps track of everything you would want!

This is a gift that is sure to please! At least I hope so because I’m so excited to give it away this Christmas!

The Chromebook!

You know, I’m ashamed to say that I used to not really like them too much, but that’s mostly because I didn’t understand them!

When I went and talked to somone about them, I understood why they are so wonderful! Plus, the later models have been getting really good!

This one is a bit on the more higher side, but they don’t need to be! I really love this one, not only because it’s more affordable, but really sleek too!

For the people that love technology, they probably want to have their whole house smart as well!

This new Amazon Echo will do exactly that and more!

What a perfect gift for people who love the technology and want to expand!

And if they already have this, you can surprise them with these smart plugs that will allow them to hook up devices to their Echo!

How cool are these?!

Sometimes I can’t believe that they finally came up with these, but it was only a matter of time.

This would make such a great gift for so many different people because everyone you don’t necessarily need to be tech savvy to use them.

There are also wireless airbuds that come with a wireless charger which makes it also a very high tech gift!

Very snappy!

And for the ones that are trying to become tech savvy, but haven’t yet got the television, this is the absolute perfect gift!

It’s very simple to connect and it works like a charm!

My husband had to buy one and it works really well! We watch Netflix, screen mirror, YouTube and Prime with ease! Plus we get many free streaming channels with it too!

 

The WOW Factor

 

This is QUITE the gift that I suppose anyone would be the happiest to receive!

Acer is a great company, I have had one for a few years and I find them to be working very well for what I need it for.

Perfect for a student, a parent, or someone that just needs a new laptop! This one is a bit pricey, but there are other ones here.

If there is a gamer that you would love to spoil, check out this wonderful one! I know someone who has a Predator and wow… it’s great! But let me warn you, it can be quite expensive!

 

Christmas Shopping Guide 2019

For Zero Waste

 

I’m not going to lie, I never quite understood these dryer balls until I heard someone explain them and how brilliant of an idea!

These can replace the dryer sheets that end up in the garbage anyways.

This is a perfect little gift for anyone with a dryer!

I had to stop using the face soap wipes because it was bothering me how much was going into the landfill, especially after a one time use.

But of course, someone thought of this and it makes a great gift. It also comes with a laundry bag to make washing them that much easier!

Perfect gift for anyone that is living a zero-waste lifestyle, someone who is interested, or really anyone who uses a toothbrush!

I bought wooden ones a while back and I can’t believe that I haven’t went wooden before!

There is really no difference, and I know that I am not putting more needless plastic in the landfill.

This makes a GREAT stocking stuffer!

It’s a matter of fact that plastic is on its way out! One way to better prepare yourself or others are these muslin produce bags.

Again, I have a few of them and I use them almost every time we go shopping. I love them. They feel great, they look great, and it’s funny because they make me feel like I’m doing something better for the environment!

You can never have too many of these bags!

 

 

I bought this book, and I still go back to it.

Personally, I really enjoyed this book because it gave me ideas, information and inspiration.

If you know someone who is on the fence, thinking about it, just starting out, or someone you want to give a hint to, this book is a great addition to their library!

If you’re looking for more books, I also have this one.

And I can’t help but include these water bottles.

This is another gift that everyone can use. Children, parents, teenagers, students… everyone!

I find that these bottles are so beautiful while also being eco-friendly and zero waste!

Christmas Shopping Guide 2019

For Teachers

 

What an adorable mug to make any teacher smile! I think these are sentimental enough but not over the top either.

It expresses gratitude without being too sappy.

Perfect!

I know that if I was a teacher, I would be buying one of these in a flash!

Especially with the cold and dry weather coming, touching chalk makes your hands so rough and dry.

This very smart little contraption will make any teacher very happy to get!

 

Want a cute laugh?

This stemless wine glass will do just that! I think this is so adorable, especially if you know the teacher a little more personally.

Like, just how cute?!

I really like this gift, because it is so different.

It’s also just so adorable and actually quite useful that won’t just end up just junk.

And really, who doesn’t have the need for post its!

There are times when gifts are something not useful, but cute or thoughtful. And sometimes there are gifts that are practical.

These stamps will get a lot of use from the teacher and it’s nice to get something really different for your teacher!

Every teacher can use these stamps with ease, and have fun doing it!

These stamps are so much fun! It will make marking tests a blast! (Maybe!)

I know I can’t be the only one that adores these printable-ish notepads?

Being organized is a wonderful feeling, and an even better gift! This beautiful notepad is sure to inspire a lot this Christmas season!

If you have to buy for a female teacher (or one that you could see interested in this), then I think this makes one of the greatest gifts.

Teachers are all used to seeing the same gifts every year. Whether it is coffee gift certificates or chocolates, this bracelet is completely different.

That’s why I think this gift will be a gift that she remembers.

Christmas Shopping Guide 2019

For Other Children

My kids are relatively young, and to be honest they very rarely play video games.

But when they do, they utterly love Minecraft. At first I didn’t understand the concept of this game, but really it’s just like legos but ones that defy gravity and you can really go crazy!

My boys love this and I think it’s not bad, there is no violence, no blood, and can be in creative mode  — so fun!

Now this game brings back memories!

It is such a simple game that anyone can play this game and really, it is so easy you can’t go wrong!

This game is perfect for family game night or even for children to play alone.

To be honest, this game is great for people of all ages because you match your card with what is on the board.

It’s simple, but so fun!

This isn’t exactly the typical kid’s toy, but my sister and I always wanted a set of these!

The amount of fun kids have with the most random items is amazing!

Let these walkie-talkies spark some imagination and play time this holiday season!

How do you feel about puzzles?

My three boys love them! I do too, but secretly I hate when they are just left because they are “still working on it”!

It’s great for learning where things go, and spatial awareness. It’s a wonderful way to bond and talk too.

Puzzles are always good old-fashioned fun!

I’ve heard so much about these that I needed to check it out for myself.

I love how every generation has their toys that they remember and look back. These Hatchimals will be one for sure!

This is a great gift for Christmas and it’s so darn adorable!

Christmas Shopping Guide 2019

For Husbands

Sometimes having something playful is the perfect gift. We are always stuck trying to find the most expensive gift to show our love, but this game could be it.

You get to play with each other, spark conversation, in this game there are cards that ask questions for both of you to answer.

This great is perfect for the newer married couples or any one who just feels like connecting more!

Are you married or dating someone who loves survival?

Or maybe he is really into hunting and wants something portable. This kit  also would be something nice to have in the trunk of your car because in instances when something happens, you might need one of these useful tools.

I know my husband would love this so I’m just putting it on this list!

Is your husband like mine, and even my dad?

They just love comfortable slippers. I have bought my husband different kinds of slippers. Some being open in the back (which is my favorite!) but he prefers ones like shoes.

Slippers are a great addition to a gift because they usually are inexpensive and very practical!

He might find this one under the tree this year!

Does your hubby have a beard or mustache?

This inexpensive beard grooming kit is a great stocking stuffer, or a gift in itself.

I don’t know about your husband, but mine just loves when he gets different oils or products for his beard.

I guess it’s because us women have the chance to get so many good smelling lotions and moisturiziers while he doesn’t.

Maybe this makes him feel special, or maybe he just likes to smell good, regardless I’m sure any man with some facial hair would love it!

Here is a little bit more pricey one for a step up.

Professional or not, every man needs a good watch in his life. There are always some occasions that wearing a beautiful watch is warranted.

It doesn’t need to be wallet-emptying either! This watch is well made, simple, sleek and isn’t too bad!

Surprise him with a watch that he can wear every day, or add to his collection! IF he already has a brown watch, try this beautiful black band.

Wow, this is for all music lovers of any sort!

It plays 8 different kinds of forms of music. Bluetooth, CD, radio, record player, and more!

We bought the step down from this one for my father-in-law, because at the time we didn’t know this one existed, and it works so nicely. At dinner times with the family we play old records and it sounds perfect!

I highly recommend this gift to anyone who loves music! Plus this retro look is adorable and can fit into almost any decor!

Christmas Shopping Guide 2019

In Conclusion

Christmas shopping can be so much fun, when you’re not completely stressed out. Sadly this is how most of our holiday seasons are because we often wait until the last minute to do things.

 

Before, I used to leave everything to the last minute and that often ended up with me going crazy and was really not elegant in any way.

 

I hope that this list inspires you to start your Christmas shopping early, get many ideas that you need, and don’t let the pressures and stress weigh on you this beautiful holiday season.

Need inspiration?

Read this!

“Our character is not defined in the good times, but in the hard times.”

Paul Brodie

 

Boring is Fun

Boring is Fun

Boring is Fun

Boring is Subjective

Boring is fun.

Kind of. Well, it can be elegant.

Nothing is boring if you look at it carefully.   

Freeman Dyson

Just like everything amazing in life, it is all subjective.

Beauty

Art

Happiness

What you find boring someone else might be thrilled about it!

So, by that thinking alone, the idea of boring is also subjective.

That’s a good thing though, because that means that no one is truly boring and no one leads a boring and unfulfilling life.

And if what you do is “boring” you can retrain your brain so that it elevates it!

The answer is in the eye of the beholder.

Do you feel boring?

Now, is that because you compare yourself or because you truly feel that way?

It also depends on the season you are in your life as well.

Are you an empty nester with a lot more free time? Or perhaps you are a new mom juggling everything for the first time.

Regardless, living a boring life is something that I strive for and I’ll tell you why in this post…

before we begin…

 

By living an elegant life, it includes so many different aspects but one of my very favorite ways is including classical music.

I start almost every day with it because it just creates such a beautiful atmosphere regardless of what day I have ahead of me. I can say it also makes an impact with my boys as well!

Beethoven is one of my very favorites and is so popular that everyone knows at least one of his works.

This CD collection of 9 CD’s will help transform your day!

This post contains affiliate links and if you purchase anything on these links I may receive a small compensation.

Boring is Fun

Boring is Comparing at its finest

You know what the most dangerous part of social media is?

 

Comparing.

 

It’s comparing ourselves to complete strangers who don’t know you or anything about you, and frankly you don’t know them and their true situation, is essentially what we do on social meida.

 

Sounds pretty stupid in my opinion, but really it has a lot of say in our life. (Including mine, hence this post!)

 

It can dictate what we want and puts an expectation on how we “should be” living. (I can tell you that social media doesn’t agree with me that boring is fun!)

 

We do it often, even though we know it is toxic. But we really can’t stop ourselves.

 

Even if we are the one that has the new, shiny kitchen or car, we are excited to show it off — but just like everything else, in a short time we are already bored of it and wishing we had something else new and exciting in our life!

 

It’s terrible.

 

The sooner we know that we will never be satisfied is the sooner that we are already happier!

 

I want to say that being bored has never been as important than it is today.

 

How do we stop comparing?

 

This might take a little bit of time, but the more you do it the easier it becomes.

 

Like everything in life, it takes practice and perseverance.

 

Start off noticing where and what you are doing when you feel the need to compare or when you long for something else.

 

Ty to avoid your triggers, like social media or magazines and sometimes those home renovation shows can be very cruel!

 

Do this until you are strong enough where you can be around whatever your trigger is without falling into the trap of wanting something you don’t have.

 

This can be a lifestyle, the way your house looks, a car you wish you had, even your wardrobe.

 

Avoid them for a while, and you will start to appreciate what you have and realize that you don’t need anything extra.

 

I’ll give you an example of mine.

I catch myself feeling down in the dumps after watching some YouTube videos.

 

Especially the ones that look like they have it all figured out and are doing perfectly well in their perfect little lives. Along with their perfectly decorated and clean homes are their perfect jobs where they never have money problems.

 

Of course, we aren’t seeing the complete truth, nor should we.

 

It’s not our business.

 

But sometimes, I feel like I am so inadequate to do things, or think “who the hell am I trying to do something?”. It’s only natural and it seems that the logical part of my brain shuts down when I am comparing.

 

So I avoid Instagram, Facebook, and some YouTube for a little bit and that feeling disappears and my confidence restores.

 

Even when I talk to the YouTubers that I feel do everything right, they also have the same inadequate feelings.

 

We are all too similar!

 

No matter what we have or how much we want something, we simply desire for what we don’t have.

Boring is Fun

Who are you Impressing?

The answer should be NO ONE but ourselves!

 

It’s easy to get wrapped up into thinking you need to fill up every second with something exciting!

 

Does anyone remember the term YOLO?

 

As wonderful as living that way could be, it isn’t realistic.

 

Life. Is. Boring.

 

But that isn’t a bad thing! In fact, I love it! I love the routine that comes with living a life of boredom.

 

Instead of spending money every weekend to go out, try staying in. But not in self-pity. Try to relish in it.

 

Enjoy the simple pleasures of your home. Of your family. Of your friends. Find things that you didn’t think you would appreciate, like the silence.

 

Not only does it get exhausting always needing to go out, but it gives you time to find out what you truly enjoy doing.

 

What are some hobbies you can choose?

 

Maybe you are wanting to learn a new language, or a musical instrument?

 

A bonus of choosing to stay in, is you get to see who your real friends are. Sometimes, when you are always going out with friends, they become people you just go out with, instead of actually getting to know each other.

 

Another amazing feature that I’ve found is that when I chose to stay home instead of going out, is the rare times when I would go out — it meant so much more.

 

It was so much fun!

 

It felt like something special, even if it was just for coffee.

 

You take for granted everything when you do it all the time. And then it starts to lose its appeal.

 

Same saying goes, absence makes the heart grow fonder.

 

Not to mention you will save a heap of money!

 

My husband and I did a stupid little calculation that if we would go out a couple times a week for dinner and maybe a few coffees a few mornings and spend roughly $150 a week (which in our town, is completely doable!) for 7 years (as long as we had our house so far), we would have spent almost $55,000!

 

Isn’t that just INSANE!

 

So although we may be boring, we saved some money in the mean time.

 

And to be honest, I don’t feel bored ever!

 

Boring is Fun

Find the Fun

Just as I said before, boredom is subjective, well, so is fun!

 

There is such a problem, in my opinion, with people and their idea of “fun”.

 

Living an elegant life, you transform your regular day into an exciting one. Sure, doing laundry or grocery shopping might not be what you consider “fun”, but it CAN be!

It really is all in the attitude, and if you need more positivity in your life, check out this post here.

 

I know you hear this all the time, so it loses its meaning but this is truly the secret to happiness.

 

Finding contentment in the now.

 

Not wishing or longing for something else, and in this case, an exciting life where you go somewhere new weekly. Or drive expensive cars to big shot parties.

 

This is really no secret, it has been around for generations, but I feel like this generation needs to hearr this more than ever.

 

With Instagram displaying fake happiness and riches can really confuse people.

 

So, today, I urge you to look at your daily tasks and see where the fun is in them.

 

Whether it is the joy of knowing you are creating a beautiful atmosphere for your family, or a wonderful meal for friends, or maybe even just ironing work shirts and watching those wrinkles disappear.

 

You need to find those moments where you look at yourself and go “my life — is wonderful the way it is”.

Boring is Fun

How to not be a boring person

Isn’t it a sad realization when you think you’re a boring person?!

 

I’ve heard many people refer to themselves as boring in such a negative connotation and I need to ask why?

 

I suppose this goes back to my first few questions, like “Who are you trying to impress?” and “Who are you comparing yourself to?”

 

Listen, it really is only in the last couple generations where you even had the ability to be bored. But it doesn’t need to be such a sad state of being!

 

Haven’t you heard that boredom ignites and sparks creativity? You can find things about yourself or your family that you might never have known!

 

I think a lot of people have problems with being bored because they feel insecure about themselves that they might depend on outside variables to impress others or to persuade themselves that they are special.

 

An elegant woman doesn’t need that outward reminders of how worthy she is, so the idea of being “exciting” for other’s sake seems so foreign to her.

 

Being quiet and alone is just as satifying as going out on a speical date.

My wish is that every woman can be bored without feeling inadequate or like something is wrong.

Boring is Fun

Elegance is in the Details

You might be thinking that being elegant is about the fine things in life.  And while it is nice to splurge on a few nice things, it is not the only way to achieve elegance.

 

We’ve also heard from time and time again, that elegance is a state of mind, and the same goes here too!

 

I am not going to lie, my life is ultra boring, especially compared to those around me or online! But I couldn’t be more content and happier.

 

Why?

 

Simply because I choose to live elegantly every moment of the day (or I try to!) I honestly try to live my best!

 

Sure, it would be nice to travel to Europe often, or have the nicest house on the block, but would that really bring me happiness?

 

I am pretty sure even those wonderful people, still find themselves getting bored!

 

Find delight in the mundane, seek the excitment out of the ordinary.

 

Being bored is a wonderful thing because it can ignite new hobbies, new books, learning something new, or even just finding the beauty in nothingness.

 

Boredom is a gift.

 

If you see it that way, you will look at it differently.

 

I love the idea of elegance is in the details because it forces you to look closer at your day. You will notice the beauty in a perfectly made cup of coffee or the shine of  a washed floor, or maybe that delighful sound of your cat purring.

 

Regardless of what it is, your day is FULL of beautiful details just waiting for you to discover them!

 

Boring is Fun

In Conclusion

Let’s face it, the more you look at it, boring IS fun!

 

Elegance is a way of life that elevates every moment, but without necessarily needing to buy things.

 

But for some, this could mean that it is too boring and although in the beginning it can be difficult, I assure you that you WILL not find it boring!

 

I hope that you take away from this post that you will embrace your boring day and see it as something more than just “an ordinary day”.

 

You can take this as a way to have a higher quality day.

 

Enjoy the moment, seek out the goodness and embrace all the mundane-ness of your day!

 

And don’t forget… elegance is in the details!

Need inspiration?

Read this!

“Try to be a rainbow in someone’s cloud.”

― Maya Angelou

 

Make More Family Memories

Make More Family Memories

Make More Family Memories

Because You’ll Laugh More

In today’s post, it will be a little different one.

 

The last few weeks have been full of family time. With the three boys, my husband and parents. Now that school has just started, everything is settling in nicely.

 

Getting routines back to normal always make me a little giddy.

 

The fact that the boys will need to be up early isn’t my favorite, only because that means my morning quiet time will be shortened, but I know they love going to see their friends.

 

Anyways!

 

I am talking about something that my children have taught me and which I have loved every minute of it.

 

Making FAMILY memories!

 

My favorite moments are the best moments with my family.

 

Spend time with the people you love

 

We often push the people we love the most off to the side, usually because we know that they will always be there for us.

 

But that is exactly the reason why we need to keep them closer and treat them with more respect.

 

Not to sound morbid or a Negative Nancy but you never know when will be the last time you get to see them again. 

 

Sometimes I find myself thinking that because it is my husband, he can wait. Or he’ll understand that I didn’t make dinner yet.

 

Stop taking advantage

 

If you catch yourself treating strangers with more respect than your own family, then you will want to take extra care not to continue the behavior.

 

All our loved ones should not need to take a number just to get our attention.

 

But as a disclaimer! As a new-ish mother of three boys, I totally understand if you just need to take time away even for a few minutes to decompress.

 

It can be worse to continually go past your patience-level.

 

This can lead to exhaustion, accidental anger, and letting the situation get the best of you!

 

Very not elegant, and that just leads to guilty feelings.

Make More Family Memories

Look for Opportunities

It doesn’t always need to be super planned, and in fact that is when they are the most memorable.

 

I also don’t really like when people (and I know this by experience!) will try and force a memory, or force a good time.

 

It rarely ever works and because your expectations are high, you will get disappointed.

 

The most important thing to remember is to let them come naturally, you can always look for oppurtunities that will include your whole family (examples: playing a board game, playing outside, going for a family walk, etc).

 

Keep your eyes open for moments that you can share, but do not force anything. Let it be.

 

If what worked last week, might not work this week because of the different moods of your family.

 

To prevent that awkward feeling of faking happiness, just try your best to do things as a family, and see what happens.

Make More Family Memories

What if you’re too tired?

It happens.

 

You’ve been working your day job and you come home to the thought of just laying down, eating dinner and watching some television to recharge for the next day.

 

Then you have these little faces wanting to play some game with you and it is so hard to deny those precious eager eyes.

 

So you agree, but begrudgingly and you end up playing.

 

Sounds like a typical parent right?

 

But what happens when your patience starts to thin out more and more. Then you might even accidently yell at them, which you instantly regret.

 

Having patience is difficult especially when you’re tired, so it is so important to take into account your emotions before you decide to play.

 

Making memories is very important to children and their futures.

 

How many times have you reminisced about the fond memories of playing in the street, Sunday dinners, and TGIF? 

 

If you think about those memories that you have, most of the time it isn’t about what you’re doing exactly, but it is just the idea of spending time together.

 

Remember that.

 

If you’re too tired or not in the mood, remember that all you need to be together. Genuinely together and engaging however that means at the moment.

 

Don’t put too much pressure on it.

Make More Family Memories

An elegant woman cherishes memorable moments with family

Family is everything.

 

How many times have we heard of this?

 

But it’s true. We need to realize that without family we have nothing.

 

However, family doesn’t only mean the ones that you were born into. It could be friends that you choose!

 

An elegant woman knows that these moments are fleeting and also can bring the most happiness.

 

They are often free, but are super special.

 

Don’t overlook these moments to take advantage of.

Make More Family Memories

In Conclusion

Spend all the moments you can trying to make memeories so when you are older you can look back and cherish them.

 

Being elegant is also about collecting these special times and being able to share and relive them with your loved ones.

 

Real moments like this is what makes us the happiest.

 

What are some childhood memories that you love?

Need inspiration?

Read this!

“The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees opportunity in every difficulty.”

 

– Winston Churchill

 

I would love to keep the chat going and leave a comment! Once you’re done, let’s connect on social media!

Let’s stay connected!

How to be Elegant: Always Think of Others

How to be Elegant: Always Think of Others

Thinking of others first is something saints would do, but apparently so do elegant woman!

Welcome to another post in the series, How to be Elegant, and today I am writing about how an elegant woman will be concerned with others and making sure that they feel welcomed, loved and just all around feel wonderful. Essentially an elegant woman will never let another person feel left out.

This is not some sort of excuse to shame anyone for wanting the best for themselves, but it is something that needs to be addressed..

And today is that day!

We live in a terribly selfish world. It’s always “me me me” and when you are around an elegant woman and she asks you how your day was or even if they could get you something, it’s like a breath of fresh air!

It’s not hard, but then why is it so rare to come across one?

Because we like to make sure our needs are met first! And that I say, is where we need to realize that it needs to end! We must sound some sort of alarm that will warn us when we are acting like selfish jerks and start expressing love and selfLESSness!

Okay, but I don’t want to hear “Jennifer is saying that I should be a pushover and even worse, a perpetual people-pleaser!”

No, you couldn’t be further from the truth and I would have to object to your slanderous ways!

We, as elegant woman, must make a conscious effort on a daily basis to put other people’s needs ahead of our own. This is quite similar to random act of kindness I suppose, but more in depth, and even more life changing (for both parties involved!).

It doesn’t need to be a stranger.

It could be someone that we are awfully close with and where we decide that it’s better that they are happier.

So, let’s dive in. How do we think of others before our own selves?

This really does go against the human evolution, but also it’s a good thing that us humans are able to ignore our natural instincts!

Step one: Focus on what the situation is at hand, other people. What are they doing? Could you be of service for them?

Step two: Get it for them.

No, I’m joking, it’s not that simple! But it also kind of is….

Step three: Ask if you can help in any way, but be careful of the ones that always reject any help when really it is just a cry for any attention.

This can be a little difficult to decipher, especially if they are strangers or someone you are not quite familiar with. It’s always safest to listen and obey what they ask, you don’t want to impede on them, but always reassure how you are there for them.

But because we all love lists, here’s one.

To make things even simpler, let’s make a list of things you can do that could make other people happier.

What to do to help others

  1. Let them borrow your coat, sweater, jacket if they are cold.
  2. Buy them a drink if they look thirsty, or even a drink to comfort them.
  3. This is a big one: If they comment on how they like your purse, or something (genuinely) then give it to them. (Told you it’s a big one!)
  4. Drive them to a place they need and pick them up too if you can.
  5. It could be as simple as allowing them to order their food first.
  6. Give someone a call who needs it.
  7. If you know what snail mail is, give that a go!
  8. If you see someone being picked on, or just feeling left out, you leave your thoughts at the door and do whatever it takes to make them feel that they belong.
  9. Being at the change rooms at a clothing store (a potential nightmare, really who hasn’t cried in one of those rooms before?!) and tell the ladies how beautiful they look in their new clothes. Make sure it’s believable and not creepy and they will radiate with confidence.

If you don’t live under a rock and are on Pinterest, there are so many posts about self care and self love, but in reality, there are so many people that suffer from not enough love for themselves. Even by giving them a push in the right way can do wonders. Just think that your one seemingly insignificant remark could give them just enough confidence to do something else to better themselves.

It really does work that way.

Be that person for someone.

One main characteristic is to see if it is making you slightly suffer or also sacrifice. This all sounds very martyr-y but let me tell you, it is. — Ha! No it’s not, it’s just about sacrifice that you are willing to be without something temporarily to humble yourself and to show that you aren’t better or deserve more.

People are incredibly impressed and really leaves a wonderful thought of who you are in their minds. Your generosity will speak volumes about who you are and that could even be your legacy. Not too bad if I would have to say so.

This really all stems down to a couple of things.

When people are around you, how do they feel?

Sadly, some people have the tendency to make others always feel little around them and they aren’t necessarily doing it on purpose. They just have that air and it’s hard to shake it. But to be an elegant woman is to put your feelings aside and make others feel better around you.

It doesn’t sound difficult, and that’s because it isn’t. But with this new world order where it’s always about “me, me, me” and make sure that all my needs are met at every waking second, well it’s no secret that when a woman who does something like this leaves such a lasting imprint.

It’s one of those conundrums where the person who actually gives, feels better than the one who receives. Everyone wins.

Every.

One.

Please try it the next time you are out because you can really make someone’s day and also yours at the same time. How productive!

Never be discouraged neither because some people simply don’t react well to strangers complimenting. It might happen, but just smile and wish them well and move on to the next person that deserves a little bit of love.

 

I believe that being elegant can change the world, so what will you do?

Until next time my elegant ladies.

A Elegant Feature

I love wearing watches. Especially the classic non-digital ones! Also, if you want you can buy this for some special woman you know! It comes with a beautiful watch and also a nice necklace and earrings! With Mother’s Day, or just because!

It’s an affiliate link and if you purchase, I make the tiniest of commission, but that tiny amount is huge for me! smile

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It’s Going to be Okay

It’s Going to be Okay

Have you ever wondered…

If you’d be okay?

If things will ever go back to how they were?

But let’s go back towards the beginning. There were a few things that happened in my life that wanted me to create this blog.

One was this desire to write and I also needed something to get my mind free and clear. A way to express myself that would help me feel free and relaxed, and if I was able to connect with some wonderful people then that was just a plus!

When one loses a child, at least the way I did, I realized that I don’t control a damn thing. And that for me was incredibly hard because I had met the man of my dreams, we were able to buy a house that was in a great place and our job was doing very good. Everything seemed to be going the way it “should be”. We even bought an adorable dog to top it off.

Life was utterly perfect.

Until it wasn’t

Everything seemed to be going swimmingly, until the fateful day I realized that life, isn’t as easy as I thought.

Talk about a wake up call and a shock to anyone’s innocent naive little eyes!

However, when I was trying anything in my power to heal myself and to actually make sense of the world around me, I started this blog, but I didn’t know that there would be a point during which I’d feel like more of a liar and fraud then before.

Fraud? You might be wondering what I mean by that. I see it so much on the Internet. Especially YouTube and Instagram. Where all these people are so damn perfect! They never look like a mess, they have everything under control. They always make it look so easy too, like clearly we all mortels are doing something wrong.

They never eat too much or gain a pound. Their outfits are so perfectly tailored. They’re surroundings are always beautiful and although people are catching on and realizing that it’s all a facade, it still doesn’t matter. People always buy into it mostly because they think that they can have it.

But who can blame us?

They look happy. Almost always there is a huge smile on their perfectly make-uped face. Maybe this is just me though, perhaps I have been sucked into this stupidity so hard that I can’t see my way out? I don’t think so though, I hear a lot lately that people are stopping their social media or like me, backing off a bit and letting the real world come in more.

I would be lying if I told you that I didn’t want to be like this. Being a blogger in a crazy world, I felt like I needed to stay with this trend. I felt like I needed to be able to write these similar successful posts, take pictures of me looking my best and also just flaunting to the whole world that I have my shit together. Even if I really didn’t, but who cares, like I mentioned before, perception is reality.

So I did it (barely!). I tried to keep up with the virtual Jones’ and my God, if you ever want to feel little, not worthy, and definitely like you are bottom of the barrel, then may I suggest trying to be someone you’re not. 

It will eat you alive and spit you out. Making you feel about an inch tall and that you’re really just not that good and never will be.

After too many heart palpitations and sleepless nights later, I’ve decided to stop being a fraud and be who the hell I am. Whatever it is. Regardless of what others think because frankly, it was not only driving me crazy, but it was making me feel like less of a woman, a mom and a wife!

That fateful night

Ever since Gabriella’s death, I’ve had these times when I feel like I am dying and there’s not much that can stop me from thinking it. I truly hate it and when I feel this coming it’s isolating and almost to the point of debilitating.

Want more of the story: Her Name was Gabriella – My Story of Infant Loss

I am not sure if I want to call it a panic attack because frankly, I don’t want to put any sort of label on it. It’s just a feeling that comes and goes. However, at the same time it can be extremely hard to deal with, especially at night. To the point that all I can think about is my body just to collapse in death or my heart just gives up.

When she passed I didn’t mind crying. I didn’t care what people thought because I had just lost my daughter and there’s nothing anyone could say to make me feel stupid. But as the time goes on, I would tell myself to “buck up” and essentially “move on”. Well, as much as that tough exterior might have made me look fine, my insides were being ripped apart and my mind was crying hysterically.

One reason I justified not letting me feel my whole emotions is because I know I am not the only one that has been through something traumatic and I really despise when I am told that I have and that’s the reason I’m still “sad”.

I feel truly blessed and fortunate, and sadly there are so many people out there that have had it worse and still has lost more than me and are doing better (at least in my mind).

I realize I am comparing, which can be a very bad thing to do, but I secretly wish I didn’t have to worry about this. I wonder how many other woman can hold themselves together and not have these sensations of absolute terror.

I know that we don’t have control over anything

And I don’t at all and even though logically I get it, my emotional side just refuses to understand it and let it be as it is. Trust God. I do! But what is holding me back?

I feel this false sense of control that I really don’t have. I wanted to start a family of my own and Gabriella was so ill and God had mercy on her which she deserved.

The world really was not ready for such an angel.

And I was ready to let go because of how ill she was, but honestly when I was with her I felt like this different person. Like I had a reason. A job. Someone needed me so badly to be there, I was her mom! Even though I had no idea what I was doing, it still felt right.

She was a fighter and although I had already lost my mother in law and grandma (on the same day no less) about 10 months earlier, death was not something I would consider taboo. I knew she had no life here, and death was mostly immenent, I wasn’t ready to let her go.

She was mine.

She was a part of me and although it was terribly unfair that she had got the short end of the stick, I was there for her. Although she never opened her eyes, I knew she could see how much I love her.

On her last day

God was there with me and my husband. He comforted me so much during this time. I felt stronger than ever before. When I had received the call that she was dying, I didn’t break down, but I was able to be there to hold her and tell her how much her daddy and I loved her to the moon and back.

She came into this world knowing love and she was able to leave it with love too. In her 29 days she dealt with so much pain, but she taught me so much.

The thing is though

I feel like I am such a weak person.

I have these stupid attacks that prevent me from living.

That is not what I want. I feel that strong woman when she was here is gone because I am so scared of everything. Where did I go? Where did that woman who felt that I could do anything, she’s gone. Maybe just for now. Or did she die when my daughter died?

But then God had other plans and with such a devastating circumstance, He gave my husband and me three boys. Although they are not my blood and I didn’t birth them, I consider myself their mother and love them so much. But that strong woman feels scared and I don’t know how to get that strength back.

Want the story: I am a Mom to 3 Boys… Overnight!

This wonder woman whom I became before, perhaps she wasn’t real. Maybe from the outside I looked strong, but inside I was this lost and terrifed girl who knew nothing but her daughter was probably going to die and I was playing mommy but deep down knew it wasn’t going to be long-term.

I remember when she was born I was so in shock I didn’t want to see her because they were telling me she was going to die very soon. I wanted to reject the idea that I even had a baby.

That doesn’t sound very strong to me.

Some people tell me that they had love at first sight with their baby, but for me, it was shock, terror and anger. Which then subsided and became immense love and fight.

I feel like I am dying

When I have these “attacks” I feel like I will die, and I feel like I can’t control it.

My brain is strong and it is making me feel like I am sick when I really am not. I even went to the doctors and came out good and yet for some reason I feel like something’s wrong. (That’s when I know that it’s all in my head.) It’s not right. I am a healthy person. I can go to the doctor’s every single day and come out with a clean bill of health but I know that I will not think so.

This has to change.

But I think it is necessary to say that thank God that these feelings don’t happen often, and it’s starting to be longer and longer in between them.

I need to be strong now for the boys. But that’s why I get upset too because after Gabriella, I didn’t think I wanted any more children. I didn’t want to go through anything like that all. I didn’t want to carry a baby, love her more than anything, feel her move and get excited for her arrival just to have it ripped from me.

Just as she never got a fair shake at life. And as selfish as it sounds, I feel like I never got a fair shake at motherhood.

It was stolen from me.

Seeing a mother and baby still has the ability to choke me up depending on my mood. But what right do I have to complain? There’s always more people that have it worse. The joys that so many women feel, was ripped from me and I hate that, instead, I got hospital stays, doctor’s speeches and sad faces from everyone telling me they are sorry.

But then God gives me three beautiful boys and I don’t feel like I will ever be good enough. And although that might be true, I need to stop feeling like this.

How?

That is a million dollar question.

When Gabriella died, a piece of me died too. The funny thing is, when she died I was relieved that she didn’t have to suffer and I felt guilty as well (that damn mommy guilt!) a bit for feeling relieved.

Life is hard because you’re damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t.

I feel like my innocence and the little extra zest for life I once had has been taken. I used to be so carefree. Although I may be frustrated at times, I am happy. I am so blessed for my husband and I can’t believe how much I love him. I wake up every single day happy, but the carefree Jennifer is gone and I wish I could get her back. I don’t want to be scared anymore. Even if I am scared, I don’t want it to rule my life.

I don’t want to worry anymore about death. How is that living?

I don’t want to allow this to control me anymore.

Life is difficult and I am just trying to figure out my place in it. I learned with my daughter that you really can’t plan out a damn thing. Well at least my family, we can’t because it rarely ever turns out.

I don’t believe in a spiteful God but sometimes I am just waiting for the second shoe to drop and I know that’s not the right way to think of it.

 

I am not writing this post for any sort of sympathy and please I don’t need any at all. I really just need to write and express this and perhaps one of you feel this type of anxiety that doesn’t make much sense.

Where does being a fraud come in?

So, how does this idea of being a fraud come in?

Because, think about it.

I was constantly trying to be someone I wasn’t, trying to hold back how I was feeling and trying to live a life that wasn’t sincerely mine. I wanted what everyone wanted although it wasn’t genuine.

All I want is to do what really interests me, write what I want to write and if no one wants to read it, I’ve learned to be okay with it.

Being who you are really meant to be and then living it is truly one of the most liberating feelings that I’ve ever experienced.

So I just want to scream it from the rooftops!

BE WHO YOU TRULY ARE.

DON’T TRY TO MOLD YOURSELF INTO SOMETHING YOU THINK YOU WANT.

In conclusion

I often ask myself, will I ever be whole again?

Will I ever be “normal” again?

After everything, I’ve realized that the answers are yes.

Yes I will be whole again and yes I will be normal. My normal might be a bit different than it was before, but I do know I will be recognize that woman who looks back in the mirror.

Today as I write this, it’s been a few weeks since my last sleepless night and as much as I hate them, I learn more and more about myself as a woman and a wife. With every terrible moment that I experience, I learn more about who I am as a person.

It might not be the last sleepless night I have, but I know that one day everything will be okay.

Why?

Because it always is.

Just be yourself. Always.

 

 

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