How to Properly React to Nosy People

How to Properly React to Nosy People

Why are people so utterly nosy?

According to M.Farouk Radwan, MSc. at 2 Know Myself, it is for a few reasons, but mainly surrounding around insecurities. That is why it is so imperative that when you talk to someone who can’t help but dish about others, you know that it is a red flag. When you talk about someone negatively  – you’re either a narcissist or you think very low of yourself. Either way, both are not very refined and figuring out how to react to nosy people without being rude is truly vital to elegance! When people are nosy it not only hurts your feelings, but it hurts others around them as well. Most nosy people feel insecure and love to gossip because by bringing others down, it raises them up. You know that being an elegant woman is avoiding gossip at all times, which even means subjecting yourself to becoming a victim by releasing too much information. In today’s post, I will be presenting a five proper ways to deal with nosy people without looking rude.

Life just happens.

If you have been following me for the last month or so, you will know that something drastic is happening in my life right now. Not only does this affect me but it affects many people who are very close to me. This something that rarely happens to people (thank God), but everyone all wants answers, even though I don’t even have them. They keep insisting which is very insensitive and angering. I am not writing only a post on how to deflect questions about yourself but mostly how to deal with nosy friends. Today isn’t about me or what is happening, (not yet, but I promise I will let you all in when the timing is right!). No, this post is about other people who find it their mission to dig to find out information on other people. I do not know if they mean to be rude or even think they are doing anything wrong, but whenever I leave the conversation I feel upset and that my privacy might have been compromised. Even if I didn’t say anything personal, because of their persistent insisting it makes me feel like I am doing something wrong. This is clearly something I have to work on, but I am betting that if I feel this way, there are many other women who have the same problems. It’s about portraying the best ways to elegantly deal with these kinds of people. It can be challenging! But if I can do it, really anyone can!

“Isn’t it kind of silly to think that tearing someone else down builds you up?”

― Sean Covey, The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective Teens

Perception is reality

First off, you never ever want to be regarded as a nosy person. Ever. It is so far from elegant and it would be just a terrible reputation to have. You know exactly what I am talking about. We all know at least one person like this. They just thrive on juicy details on others. It’s quite a sad existence. However, if you find that you are nosy, it is never too late. But do consider stopping that terrible characteristic before it can get you into trouble. Not only does it hurt others but it really does hurt your own too. People will not trust you and will steer clear from your gossip. Being a gossip gives you a false sense of friendship with everyone because people will only go to you for information on others, but if you are genuinely in need of some help, they will be nowhere to be found. It’s terrible, so cultivate true friends who don’t put you in those situations and you will always win out in the end.

Keep details to yourself

I am also wanting to bring attention to people that feel the need to tell strangers their whole life story. Remember, you are always being judged by people (it’s just how it is) and while your best of friends might be gentle when you tell them something personal because they know that you are an amazing person, strangers won’t give you the same grace. They will only think of you as what you show them. You might tell them something that you would think is an innocent thing, such as telling someone that you and your sister can’t even be in the same room at the moment without a constant fight. Your best friend might understand that you and her are just going through a rough patch. However, a stranger might think that your family is so full of chaos and then go on and think that you are a person who attracts drama as well. Whatever you say or do is terribly important and affects how others perceive you. Their perception is their reality.

 Stopping is as easy as shutting your mouth

Luckily it is easier to stop being so nosy! Just stop talking about others. Listen to your gut. If you feel that it is not right to say something or that you would immediately regret saying it, it is better to just stay quiet. You’ll thank yourself!  It’s like the old adage, if you have nothing good to say, then don’t say anything at all. I remember my mom telling me this over and over again. The reason for today’s post is that I am having people actually asking me personal questions and trying to pry into my private life. It really hurts because at this time, our family needs our privacy so that we can figure out what is going on. The sad thing is that these people I thought were my friends. But I don’t need friends who will make me feel like I am doing something wrong by not telling them something I am not ready to. Those are not real friends.  At first, I was always stuttering my words and just being very inelegant with my answers. There has to be a better way without me sounding like this. I like to be aware of myself and how I sound to others, it is very important to me. I must say though, I can’t believe how many gossips there are and how grown people (as in NOT in high school) really love juicy stories and love to spread them.   Again, I can’t stress this enough, don’t be one of these! It will always get back around and you will always look like the bad person because let’s face it, gossiping is terrible because not only do you look bad, but it can really hurt others around you!

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How to stop being nosy

The few ways to react to nosy people will really matter greatly on who you are as a person and what your personality is like. For me, I really don’t like confrontation so number 3 and 5 are really hard for me. But luckily my husband has no problem with that! I just can’t imagine myself being so upfront and “mean” to people. (I quote mean because my husband doesn’t think it’s mean to stick up for yourself – and I must admit I do agree – it just feels like it!) My favorite ways to deal with nosy people is to play stupid and give short answers. This takes a lot of practice because sometimes old habits die hard and it can be too easy to just tell people everything. That is why it is best to just remember that it is no one’s business but your own and who you truly feel like sharing it with. I hate feeling like an open book (which is funny because I have a blog), I have found a huge difference after I properly reacted to people just wanting information. I don’t leave a conversation feeling uneasy or uncomfortable. Well not as much as before! It still needs constant practice. I have found that these 6 tips from PopSugar really reinforce how amazing it feels to stop being nosy!

How to Properly React to Nosy People

+ How to Respond to Nosy Questions

1) Play stupid.

This one is great for beginners because you can just keep denying information. Even if you don’t like to lie, you need to tell yourself that it is okay because it is no one’s business. It is yours and your husband’s only. I find that by playing stupid you will be asked more questions but just keep sticking to your guns and you should be okay. I usually am. After they either get the hint or they realize they aren’t getting what they want, they will usually leave you alone. But when I say play stupid, I mean it in the most elegant kind of ways of course. It is almost an art form to be able to play stupid without actually looking stupid! This is my favorite because I feel like it doesn’t humiliate or insult anyone and you still go away feeling like your privacy hasn’t been compromised.

2) Be truthful, but give quick short answers.

Sometimes, it is hard to lie to people. Depending who they are, it can make things harder on you in the future. I agree, lying is usually never the best strategy because sooner or later you always get caught up in it and you end up looking like a liar (another characteristic you don’t want to be labeled as). Try to stick to only a few words per answer and it is best to also make sure they are vague. Again, repeat after me, you DO NOT owe any explanation to anyone for anything (besides your spouse). So when someone feels it is their right to know, you remember that little mantra and give them a short answer. This will also give them a hint that you do not want to talk about it and that there is no point in continuing to pry. I like this strategy because again, you don’t come off as rude or angry. To me that is very important. If you’re more like my husband then the next point you will love!

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3) Be blunt with them

Remember how earlier I said that you do not owe anyone an explanation no matter what. Well this couldn’t be more true with this strategy. You tell them that they don’t need to know because it won’t make a difference in their life whether they know it or not. I find that this is the most effective way to stop all questions. When you just call their bluff and tell them that it is not necessary that they know. This one can be seen as being rude though, but it mainly depends on your tone of voice and attitude. When being blunt, be gentle and empathetic – even if their intentions were not the best.

4) Change the subject completely

This is a great way on how to avoid answering personal questions! Okay, this is not the easiest one because well, frankly, people can be persistent. You can only change the subject for so long until they get back to it again. But it is a great way to re-routing a conversation without looking rude but being passive. Again, if someone isn’t completely oblivious – they would hopefully get the hint that you don’t want to talk about it! When changing the subject, I usually like to bring up something in their life. Not to pry either, but most people like talking about themselves or something that they enjoy. If you can ask the perfect question to get them distracted until the conversation is over then you did your job perfectly. You don’t feel like you said anything you didn’t want to. They didn’t feel like you were trying to dodge the conversation. You didn’t look mean. They got to talk about themselves. It’s a win-win!

5) Remember, (some) people are mean

My husband always reminds me that people who ask questions about me, don’t usually even care about me, they just want some information to relay. That hurts I know, but they just want to know the stories so they can be the gossip king or queen in their circles. I used to be very naive and think otherwise. But after experiencing many moments where I thought they were trying to be good friends then found out the whole community was told about it, well that hurts much more. I have fallen into that trap of either trusting someone too fast or thinking that I can believe them when they can keep a secret. It never works and I had to learn it the hard way. With lots of tears. Perhaps, it was good though because now I am super sensitive with certain subjects and a rule of thumb I use is if I wouldn’t care if a stranger knew then I can tell whoever. But if not, it stays sealed between my husband and I. It is completely up to you to protect yourself because if you don’t do it – no one else will. Feeling like an open book can really affect the way you feel about yourself and remember, people are seriously mean! They will look at your in your eyes with feelings of “love” and sympathy. Meanwhile they are thinking of how amazing this juicy story is to tell her other friends. You must not fall into their trap of security because trust me, it’s all a facade. Listen to your gut, and if you wouldn’t want a stranger to know – then keep it to yourself.

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Don’t become one either

I want to stress that you protect yourself to not become a victim, however, I also want to bring to your attention that participating in the gossip is just as bad. Gossiping hurts not only others but also your reputation.

“Often those that criticise others reveal what he himself lacks.”

― Shannon L. Alder

People see it from a mile away. If you’re talking badly about someone, the first thing that will go through their mind is how much you will talk badly about them. It’s truly distasteful and gossiping is never a good idea. If someone persists on it in the conversation, without making yourself look bad, be neutral and never add anything to fuel the fire. When you notice the first exit out, take it and remember never to tell anything to them.

In conclusion

No matter how old you are, it doesn’t matter how many “friends” you have, there will always be people who are rude and just asking questions out of pure gossip. Nosy people are very hard to escape. And social media really exemplifies the need for juicy details! For some gullible and naive people, it can be a hard pill to swallow to think that people are like that, but that is life and people are mean. (However, not all!) It is up to you to protect yourself from the trap of gossip. Stay away from it and don’t feed into it. Sometimes, I find that it helps if you distance yourself from those people. The less gossip you hear, the happier you will be. I hope these five tips can really help you when you’re being asked questions that you don’t feel comfortable answering without resorting to being rude. And if you would like to see some more tips I really liked How To Avoid Spreading Gossip in 5 Easy Steps. My favorite one is to focus on the positive. Being elegant is so important to me, although not at my own expense and when I follow these five tips I feel like I am able to get my point across without sacrificing my elegant lifestyle. Until next time, Jennifer Lynn xxoo
Feed Yourself Well with These 4 Simple Tips

Feed Yourself Well with These 4 Simple Tips

Feed yourself well

Elegance is being well rounded

Be elegant: Feed yourself well. If you are looking for other ways to improve your life, keep reading!

You are easily influenced by what you surround yourself with on a daily basis. I am sure you’ve heard the saying “You are the average of your five closest friends.”

But if that’s true then shouldn’t the same apply with what you eat? Or what you find entertaining? 

When I was a younger (and albeit, stupid) girl, I would ferociously stuff myself with my childhood vice, sour patch kids, to which I would immediately regret.

Not only would my stomach be in agony but my poor tongue! Anyways, there was no way I could be an elegant girl when I felt so rotten. 

Even now, think of when you overeat something whether it is savory or sweet, you feel exhausted.

The rest of the night is ruined and you can’t do much else. Plus the next morning, you are still feeling the effects.

It’s terrible! (All this talk might be showing my age!)

But what about feeding yourself in other ways?

Like mentioned earlier, through entertainment? Now with streaming services, binging shows has never been easier.

That means that not only are we are able to be, dare I say, even lazier but we are enabling this past time, allowing it to be socially acceptable!

I’m sure you’re not learning too much watching Punisher!

However, I can hear most of you moaning, “But Jennifer, I’ve worked hard all day, I need a break and I deserve this!”

To which I would respond, “Yes, you did work hard, but it would be like giving someone who lost ten pounds a tub of ice cream to celebrate!”

It will set them back and make them feel terrible.

Everything they did was for essentially nothing.

When you worked hard all day, being the elegant woman that you are, finish the day strong and do something elegant by feeding your mind something that will help you grow. 

So let’s work together to be elegant, feed ourselves well!

Feed yourself well

The Guilty Pleasure

What about guilty pleasures you say?

 

I do have quite a few of those. One being YouTube, which we know could either make you feel stupid for wasting so much time or it could improve your knowledge by watching something educational.

This is a great time to develop a habit that will enrich your mind by taking advantage of videos that can teach you something.

Take your guilty pleasure and turn it into something positive or that doesn’t “waste your time”. 

 

Other ideas to “feed” yourself in a positive way is to surround yourself with beautiful music.

There are many times that we listen to music or some form of audio entertainment and not think too much about it.

However, it is potential growth time.

When you become more aware of the time that you have and how you can spend it wisely, after many years it can seriously amount to something huge! 

 

Sometimes, I wish I would have read more every day. The amount of books I could have consumed would have been amazing. 

 

Practicing something on a daily basis can seem pointless, but I’m going to save that for another post. 

Feed yourself well

What are other ways?

What’s left then?

We’ve talked about watching, listening, eating, what about touching? How to feed yourself well when it comes to touching?

What am I talking about?

Well to answer your question, I mean the quality of fabrics that you are putting onto your body. 

This sounds a little weird, but bare with me. 

Is it not true that when you dress up a little nicer, you actually feel better? This is not anything new.

People have been talking about this for awhile. “Dress how you want to portray to people.” kind-of-attitude, and honestly it does work.

So, I am just going to quickly bring it up here. 

The idea about feeding yourself well is about consciously surrounding yourself with anything that can improve your life.

If wearing something of quality and beauty makes you feel like the elegant woman that you are, then it is working.

But it’s important to keep in mind that the elegance always comes from within. 

Give yourself some love

Feeding yourself well is a wonderful way to show yourself the love and respect that you deserve.

That is what can elevate you from being just a woman, to being the woman you desire to be.

It’s these little touches that those women who have that “look” use as their secret weapon.

Now, you might be wondering, how can you implement this in your daily life, and luckily it’s quite attainable if you’re willing to work for it.  

The ultimate…

How to Feed Yourself Well

Eat Well

Let’s begin this with the most obvious of all. Eat well. 

Now, this is no food or diet blog and I know just how personal this conversation can be, so I will keep it light.

Eating well does so much for you. It lets you wake up early (in a better mood), you feel light in your body.

And best of all, it takes that little nagging voice and quiets it. 

If you think back to yourself how many times that  you eat something “bad” for yourself, that you regret it and feel a little stupid.

Either because of your lack of discipline or that you didn’t prepare something else.

That little nagging voice can start quiet and escalate to an ongoing stress that is constantly on your mind. 

It can be time consuming and tortuous.

So, prevent the whole vicious cycle of eating junk, feeling bad for yourself, feeling guilty, then mad so you eat something you know you shouldn’t. 

Avoid the whole fiasco and eat well. 

Listen Well 

Another form of entertainment that’s older than television is radio.

Or, perhaps more modern, music, audiobooks, talk radio, anything that needs you to listen.

We spend a lot of our time listening because we are driving, preparing food in the kitchen, running or walking, cleaning, or even just getting ready in the morning.

If you think about all those waking hours where you can do something to better yourself, it’s amazing.

Give yourself the gift of education and knowledge in anything that merely interests you.

It doesn’t need to be traditionally “educational”.

Make yourself feel happier and improved as well.

 

What medium is best?

Try to find a medium that best fits with your lifestyle.

I know that at the moment, with three boys I don’t watch much television, but I do listen to YouTube often.

I haven’t really listened to many podcasts yet, but I know they can be very exciting.

If anyone has any recommendations please let me know in the comments below. 

If you know that you could accidentally get sucked into YouTube’s rabbit hole, which I admit can easily happen if you’re not careful, music is a wonderful option.

Music has a way of relaxing you, pumping you up, making you feel happy, lets you cry out your emotions.

No matter what, there’s a song for you at any moment.

When you feed yourself well with music it can open you up to different thoughts and feelings. It can make you feel beautiful and arouse inspiration.

But what kind of music is defined as “well”, when it comes to feeding yourself? 

It depends. 

There’s the classical music which can make you smarter, or at least inspire you to do things for yourself like read a book.

For me, I love listening to foreign music, especially older ones from the 40’s.

This being after World War 2, and their countries being so happy that they won the war and they get to experience freedom, they are also trying to rebuild their cities and fix the damage.

But regardless, the music has such a powerful way to inspire you! Don’t get stuck only listening to one kind of music either.

Expand your horizons and keep an open mind. 

I bet that at some point today that you listened to music, you felt inspired and bettered yourself because of it! 

 

Watch Well 

Mentioning guilty pleasures, watching “bad” shows used to take up my down time that I almost gave up television.

I feel like there really isn’t much on that can make you a better person.

I know that some of you will beg to differ, but I find that true for me.

I always find myself gravitating towards the junk. (it’s terrible!) 

Now, with all the different methods of watching entertainment, it’s almost impossible to escape it!

That’s why it’s so important to choose something that will feed your mind in a positive way.

While some people can argue that there are too many options, I can say that now more than ever before free education is so easy to ingest!

It’s just a click of the internet.

Whether that’s learning a new language, cooking any ethnic culture’s recipe, or reading about the history of the universe. 

In reality, there is so much knowledge out there for the taking.

If you choose the right material, you can make yourself a better person.

It’s in your hands. 

If watching isn’t your thing, reading is vast.

Like I mentioned before, you need to find what really speaks to you and it also depends on what season of life you are in.

There are times where reading is much easier and more enjoyable, like with older children or when you can take half an hour out of your day to sit down and devour a beautiful book.

The whole idea here is to take what you’re doing already and replace it for something that will benefit you.

You aren’t getting much out of a gossip magazine but if you switch from one of those to learning how to (insert something that tickles your fancy) then think of a year later and how much knowledge you’ve collected!

Even if it is only ten minutes a day, it would be 60 hours a year of learning!

Use your eyes to enrich you, not waste your time and turn you into a zombie, because that is what happens. 

You might like: Watch Something for Inspiration

Touch Well 

This one sounds a little funny but has just the same amount of impact on your life.

Why do you think that the importance of fabrics is held high?

Isn’t it funny when you wear something made of wool your day is ruined, unless you wore a cotton shirt underneath? 

Simply because when something makes you feel nice, your attitude reflects it.

Think of this example, so you are feeling extra bloated today and you rushed out of the house and put on the first things you saw.

Which happened to be thick jeans that are always on the snug side and a shirt that rides up (and to make it extra annoying, let’s pretend it is made of cheap polyester!)

How do you think that day is going to be like? 

Probably terrible! 

So whatever touches your body needs to make you feel amazing! 

You feed yourself well by buying clothes that make you feel more “you” and by wearing makeup that enhances your natural beauty instead of wearing a mask.

It’s very easy to find ways to cover yourself up with clothing, makeup and accessories.

Especially ones that scream so loudly that people can’t see the real you.

Stop hiding!

By paying attention to the little details, such as how something as trivial as these pants make you feel, you can make the rest of your day better which will affect every aspect of your life. .

It really is all connected. 

 

Feed yourself well

In Conclusion

Feeding yourself well will change your life and they really are just the simple switches that you can do on a daily basis.

It might take months to implement all of them in your life and allow time to take place. 

If you get really excited and try to change too much too fast, it rarely sticks, plus you’ll get burned out and then the guilty feelings come over you like a heavy blanket.

Trust me on this because it has happened to me before (more than once!)  

Try and think of this as a way to get to know yourself better.

Develop hobbies and perfect the ones you have already.

Think of all that free knowledge at the tips of your fingers and how most of us (myself included on this), we just let it go to waste and we spend our time doing something that won’t ever make us better. 

 

By bettering yourself well in all parts, your body will reap the benefits.

Start today and switch out one thing you think is wasteful and find something that you can learn from to replace it. 

 

Let me know in the comments below if you have something that feeds you well!

 

Need inspiration?

Read this!

“Change is your friend not your foe; change is a brilliant opportunity to grow”

-Simon T. Bailey

I would love to keep the chat going and leave a comment! Once you’re done, let’s connect on social media!

Let’s stay connected!

How to be Elegant: 101 Ways of an Elegant Woman

How to be Elegant: 101 Ways of an Elegant Woman

Being an Elegant Woman

101 Ways of an Elegant Woman

“Elegance is the only beauty that never fades.”

Audrey Hepburn

Being an elegant woman is one way to create a beautiful life.

It isn’t what you think either. No frilly or girly things necessary. It’s all in your demeanor and personality.

Here are 101 ways of an elegant woman.

1) She thinks of others and their feelings before her own. People would talk of her as a woman willing to give her the shirt off her back.

2) She NEVER judges others for anything. It’s not her place because she understands that she’s not any better.

How to be Elegant: Stop Judging Others

The following (on the rest of this post) are affiliate links and that means I might receive a compensation if you click and purchase through these links. See my Disclosure Page for more information.

before we begin…

 


This is my first notebook that I have released on Amazon.

It’s 200 pages of lined paper and this is a perfect little notebook to keep any of your thoughts or anything you want to improve on!

3) If she has nothing good to say, she won’t say anything at all. Nothing is more unflattering than someone who gossips.

 

4) Always waits for everyone to begin eating. Once she has a few bites she genuinely finds something to compliment the chef.

 

5) Keeps up her curb appeal of her house because she appreciates that her neighbors do the same as well.

 

6) Never talks about anything personal regarding sizes or amounts. No bra size, weight, age, money, how big her house is, nothing.

 

7) She thinks if her grandmother wouldn’t be proud of her, then she reconsiders her actions.

8) Knows that a resful night sleep and a glass of water is better than any makeup.

 

9) Never litters. She waits for the garbage no matter how long. 

 

10) Acts as if someone is watching, even if no one is.

How to be Elegant: Be Your Best

I know that these books are a bit older, but these are great ones! I especially love the French Women series, this one is a book that I have re-read over and over again!

If you haven’t read them, it’s from early 2000’s but still is so relevant to today! I promise you won’t be disappointed! Check out the first one in the series that I have honestly read about fifteen times!

It’s helped me become more elegant by bringing awareness to my food.

 

11) Keeps her keys always in the same place when not using them. She knows life is too short to be wasting time looking for anything.

12) She is never late. She is usually five minutes early. By doing so, she reserves the table, pre-orders drinks and sits patiently waiting. She respects other people’s time.

13) Appreciates an intellectual debate.

14) Doesn’t always need to be right — even if she is!

15) She maintains mystery.

 

16) Doesn’t even think of going into consumer debt for anything.

 

17) She isn’t afraid of getting dirty and helping others outside with chores or work in the garden.

 

18) If anything, she appreciates hard work and the fruits of her labor.

 

19) She admires a child’s curiosity and doesn’t speak down to them. She engages them with all her genuine attention.

 

20) Knows life is about the very small and simple pleasures – like watching birds peck at crumbs, smelling the spring rain, ironing the wrinkles out of a shirt.

Honestly, these books are the ones that I constantly refer back to!

Before a holiday, or when people are coming over, I will read The Butler Speaks and I love it so much! It gives me the confidence to know that I will be a good host and what to do in certain circumstances.

I also love Madame Chic, but this one of the series is my favorite. It has opened my eyes to keeping the home.

21) Realizes that fairy tales don’t exist and is realistic when life gets tough. She persists and never gives up, since she doesn’t consider it an option.

 

22) She knows grass isn’t greener on the other side.

How to be Elegant: Stop Comparing

23) Doesn’t like to sleep in – unless it’s cuddling someone special.

24)  Isn’t afraid to stand up for what she believes, but does ever so gently.

25) Doesn’t walk around with chipped nails or chipped nail polish.

26) She has a little phone book with everyone’s numbers, address, birthday and any other important dates. She is always keeping up to date with people around her.

27) Sends thoughtful cards on special occasions or at times of need.

28) Carries around a small tube of moisturizer for her hands, because let’s face it, it is not very elegant to have scaly hands.

29) Thinks good thoughts of everyone because she knows that’s the secret to being beautiful. A kind face is more beautiful than what any skilled doctor can do.

30) Practices patience with everything in her life. She takes all the opportunities she gets to master it elegantly.

31) Rarely forgets a name because she finds a method that words best for her. But if nothing works, then after the meet, she writes down the name and a few important things about them. That way she won’t forget.

32) She doesn’t need to yell to get her point across. A calm voice is the most effective tool.

33) Looks to other women for inspiration. She doesn’t need to compete.

34) Doesn’t procrastinate, ever.

35) Wears makeup sparingly, especially during the day.

36) Enjoys learning new things because you can never know enough, to dumb down is not an option.

37) Understands her weaknesses and tries to make them her strengths.

38) She doesn’t waste time on social media or looking up pointless things. Her time is much more valuable.

39) Finds herself true hobbies that she enjoys. She isn’t afraid to take up new ones either.

40) Doesn’t take people or other oppurtunities for granted. She understands that everyone in life has something to offer.

41) Can control herself when it comes to impulse spending. Instant gratification is hard to resist, but the consequences are enough to steer clear of it.

 

42) She saves up for a rainy day.

 

43) She can put things into perspective, even when she’s having a bad day. She counts her blessings and changes her negative attitude into a gracious mindset. She knows how blessed she is. Sadly, there are a lot of people who have it worse out there.

 

44) Writes thank you notes even for the smallest of gestures. She also tries to make it very personal.

 

45) Goes very gracefully against the grain.

 

46) Seeks out good books to read, an doesn’t determine them with what movies are out.

 

47) Finds the colors that are most flattering for her. She doesn’t allow trend setters to determine her clothes. She understands that it is never a fixed thing, rather it is very fluid. She sees how her fashion evolves as she ages.

 

48) Embraces her face and all it comes with. This is the face she deserves.

 

49) Wears an apron, even when just doing laundry.

 

50) Lives by the Gold Rule – she knows what goes around, comes around.

 

51) Doesn’t wear herself thin, because that isn’t good for her or anyone else around her.

 

52) Washes her face every night, she knows that consistency is key!

 

53) Doesn’t fall for the schemes of anti aging cream. Even though she has her weak moments, at the end of the day, she knows she can’t run from Father Time.

 

54) Doesn’t waste a thing. There are some people that could only dream to have she has.

 

55) She doesn’t obsess over any one little thing. Being a perfectionist is a curse, so she tries not to take anything too seriously. Through time she has mastered that fine line.

 

56) Takes pride in everything she does. It can be something as little as cleaning out her cat’s litter box to being a CEO, it doesn’t matter.

 

57) She isn’t a martyr, if there is a more easier route, she will take it. No  need for unnecessary suffering. Work smarter not harder.

 

58) If someone were to say something bad or unbecoming of her, no one would believe them.

 

59) She keeps to herself, and can keep every secret.

 

60) If she makes mistakes, she is the first one to admit it and then immediately rights her wrong.

 

61) She doens’t feel the need to be superior. Not over her coworkers, not over her friends or her husband.

 

62) Before a dinner party or a gathering, she brushes up on current events/politics/anything relevant so that she can keep up any conversation without sounding redundant.

 

63) She tries to learn a new word every day and attempts to use it (within reason).

 

64) Fits exercise in her everyday movements, instead of designating time at the gym. By doing so, she knows that it is easier to keep it up for the rest of her life.

 

65) Makes an effort to be present in every conversation. No matter how small or insignificant.

66) Stops and smells the roses, or can appreciate that by slowing down a little bit, life has much more to offer.

 

67) Cleans up after herself and her responsibilities, like her children or pets.

 

68) She appreciates quality over quantity, with everything in her life. She would be more likely to have a couple pairs of nice pants then many mediocre ones.

 

69) Walks properly in any shoe. If so, she practices until it comes naturally.

 

70) Takes care of her family because even though she is busy, she knows how much they appreciate it.

 

71) She understands how her feelings and the mood she is in has the power to make the rest of her family the same. With that in mind, unless something is terribly bad, she tries to remain positive. Women have so much influence over their loved ones that sometimes we forget.

 

72) She likes to wake up in the morning without chores she has to catch up on.

 

73) She picks one thing to be her signature. Whether it is lipstick, purses, hats, button-down blouses. Regardless, she revels in that look.

 

74) Doesn’t make the same mistake twice.

 

75) Doesn’t regret her past because she knows that made her the woman she is today.

 

76) Strives to be the role model that she wishes she had when she was young.

 

77) She never forgets to say please, thank you and you’re welcome.

 

78) She aims to make everyone comfortable around her, if that means sacrificing something she enjoys or her own comfort – so be it. It’s for the greater good.

 

79) Her husband knows how lucky he is and she also nevers lets an oppurtunity pass her buy to let him know how lucky she is to have him.

 

80) Has a little emergency drawer that contains birthday cards, sympathy cards, gift cards to coffee shops, and other little things she can easily whip up.

 

81) Holds her purse the proper way.

 

82) Wears her glasses if she needs to. This way she won’t squint as much. She will thank herself 20 years down the road.

 

83) Thinks of everything she does as an art. From doing the dishes to folding laundry.

 

84) Has a beautiful serving teapot with appropriate teacups and some biscuits for improptu visits.

 

85) She anticipates elegance in everything she does. In other words, prepared for anything.

 

86) Listens to all types of music, she cultivates herself to appreciate all kinds of talent.

 

87) Reads inpsiring quotes everyday to help better herself.

 

88) Finds peace knowing that there is something bigger than herself out there.

 

89) Smiles. A readl genuine smile is the key to many things.

 

90) Keeps personal and meaningful things. From cards from her husband to a movie stub on their first date. Even her dog’s first collar. anything sentimental that bring back delightful memories.

 

91) She knows life is very short, and she needs to make the most of it. But that doens’t mean to do something stupid.

 

92) Spends time with her elders to hear stories and other more difficult times, where there was still so much happiness.

 

93) Thanks God for everything she has.

 

94) Eats healthily but also gives in and eats what she desires from time to time (practices portion control and discipline).

 

95) She overdresses for success, meaning that she doesn’t want to appear underdressed and possibly sloppy. Instead, she errs on the smart casual look.

 

96) She doens’t compare her life to others. Because no one really knows what happens behind closed doors.

 

97) She loves random acts of kindness. She seeks them out – paying for someone’s coffee or putting in a quarter to an expired meter.

 

98) Sends flowers for everything. She knows how much other people appreciate it.

 

99) Loves trying new things, whether it is a new experience or food.

 

100) She walks with her head held high and her heart open.

 

101) Knows a little sun, fresh air and a few glasses of water every day is better than any vitamins, green smoothie or magic pill for a long healthy life.

 

I hope you got some ideas and enjoyed this post as much as I did writing it!

Need inspiration?

Read this!

“Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim.”

― Nora Ephron

 

I would love to keep the chat going and leave a comment! Once you’re done, let’s connect on social media!

Let’s stay connected!

Be a Natural Beauty: How to Look Good Without Makeup

Be a Natural Beauty: How to Look Good Without Makeup

How to look good without makeup is easy

  Are you one of the three women that absolutely refuse to leave the house without any makeup on?   Or maybe you belong to the 44% of women who feel ugly or unappealing when they are not wearing any makeup.   That is such a sad number because that is almost half of women who are not confident in themselves nor are they willing to let their own selves be free.   I want to show you that you can and will be beautiful without makeup. Not to never wear it again, but to have the flexibility that if you want to go without, you know that you are as beautiful as you are with makeup on.   It’s the freedom I want to give you.   As you read on, this post will not only explain the different beauty ideals around the world, but tips on how to be beautiful without any makeup!  

First, let’s explain beauty

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.   That old Greek Proverb may be over used but doesn’t make it any less true.   What I believe to be beautiful might be completely different from your idea of beauty. This is a wonderful thing because this doesn’t put beauty in a box. If anything, this proves to show that everyone is beautiful in their own way.   I want you do to do something for me. I want you to take a second and answer a few questions (remember the answers while you read this post)  

What attributes do you love most about your face?

What characteristics do you wish you could change?

Notions of beauty around the world.

  Beauty has no boundaries.   What we attributes we find attractive in North America and differ greatly in Europe or Africa or even Australia!  

Asia:

One example is tanning. In North America and even Europe, it is considered alluring to have a healthy glow, even just sun-kissed (no sun worshiping here!) However, in some Asian countries, even having a bit of a tan is seen as working class. The paler your skin was the higher society you belonged to. Although it is still not necessarily like that anymore, the ideas still remain.

Korea:

The “double tooth” is so popular right now, that women will go to the dentist to actually get crooked teeth! Korean women find it endearing and innocent to have an imperfection like your canine teeth sticking out. If you want to see how it looks, you can see it here.

France:

French women, who are always seen as beautiful, are not typically beautiful. There is a term that I am sure you have heard, called jolie laide. There is more of a natural and easier approach to beauty. If one has a big nose or small eyes, even a receding hairline, it is not hidden or changed. It is embraced. But again, this also goes with the confidence of the women.

Brazil:

In South America, the focus is not entirely on the breasts, but it is the larger bottom and wider hips with muscular thighs.

England:

Whitened teeth is popular in the States, but go to England and they don’t put the same emphasis on white or even straight teeth.

Mauritania:

In the African country of Mauritania, there are food farms to feed their women because they love bigger women. The idea that a woman who is full figured is also higher in status and is seen as attractive.

Iran:

Small noses is the norm. It is actually considered “normal” to go through a rhinoplasty surgery for men and women!   It’s unbelievable because there are so many more countries around the world and while most are all becoming more westernized, they all still see beauty. Now that there is some evidence that not all see only one view of beauty, let’s carry on to see how it evolved in North America.  

Beauty changes with each decade

  The beauty ideal of women changed so much throughout the decades, with factors like fashion and what was going on in the world at the time.   The reason I want to bring to light how much the ideal body changes is because frankly, we can’t make up our minds!   One day it’s skinny the next is curvy. But the part that never changes is your self-confidence. As long as you can maintain that strong sense of self, to know and feel sexy, then you will become that.   Let’s see how much it’s changed from decade to decade!  

In the 1920’s  

Androgynous  – boyish – very little curves.  Women were trying to work and be in the work field.  

In the 1930’s to 1950’s

Women were curvy and very feminine. Bigger breasts and waists were seen as a much sexier ideal. (That’s why when Audrey Hepburn came to film, people were not used to seeing her as a sex symbol, unlike Marilyn Monroe)  

1960’s to 1970’s

Return to skinny. With the way of supermodels like Twiggy, Naomi Sims, and Jean Shrimpton, being slim was in.  

1980’s

The era of spandex and fun aerobics! This brought on women who loved the ideal of fit woman. This was to be the athletic build. Not skinny, but slim and a bit muscular. Elle Macpherson, Brooke Shields and Cindy Crawford were the popular models at the time.  

1990’s –

The ideal look was very waif-like and terribly skinny, even to a scary extreme. Some people coin it “Heroine Chic”. Kate Moss was very popular at this time.  

2000’s

Healthy and slim. As long as you are comfortable in your skin and healthy anything goes. As long as you are happy. There are so many sizes and shapes now that are deemed beautiful and it is the perfect time.   If you want to see more about women throughout not just the decades, but centuries, this was a great site to see how the ideal woman changed.   I find that the evolution of beauty to be remarkable how much it changes. As of lately, I feel that we have become more open to what we consider an ideal beautiful look, but as I mentioned before, it is all in what you consider beautiful. If you think you are attractive and radiant beauty, then it will come off that way!   Think beautiful – Be beautiful.  

Fairy Tale

  I can speak of experience that when I was younger, our ideal of beauty was through what we would see in our heroes, which at such a young age was our Disney princesses.   There is an actual feminine ideal that it portrays and let me tell you, not too many women fit it!   Usually the women’s proportions would be highly impossible (without falling over all the time) with small features (like nose and lips) with huge eyes.   The ideal beauty they were portraying was to be of Caucasian descent and tall. So that is probably less than 10% of people!   Come to think of it now, those princesses were not the best ideal bodies. They were practically unattainable and until recently, they were all white. Luckily, we were young and probably didn’t really catch on.   All I know is I loved Cinderella’s dress and shoes, I wasn’t really watching her hip to breast ratio!  

A scientific perfect body??

  This topic is such a hot topic that even schools have an opinion about it!   Apparently, a study at the University of Texas has come up with the perfect woman.   In the article, it explains that the perfect size is 1.68m tall (5’ 5”) and her measurements are 99-63-91 cm (39-25-36 inches)   I don’t know about you, but I found these measurements to be a bit extreme.   But all I find is that doing a scientific experiment on something so subjective and personal is rather a waste of time.   Beauty and ideal images have so many different factors, and ones that are not so black and white.   Technically then, I am not the ideal size and never will be. But according to the article, even the model who they found was to be deemed the “perfect woman” was teased and bullied in school, so I guess no one is safe!  

All these ideas, which one is right?

My point to show all these different ideals of beauty is to show that it doesn’t matter! There is no absolute ONE idea of beauty. It’s all completely subjective and it doesn’t matter if you’re tall or skinny or full figured or white or black or brown or purple… everyone is beautiful.   I want every person reading this to know that you are capable of being drop dead gorgeous.   It’s all in your mind and how you portray it. Be confident, be strong and know that you are the only one that looks like this and you should be proud of it!  

Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart.

– Kahlil Gibran

 

Why do we wear makeup

To not wear makeup, we should understand why we wear it in the first place.   I read this and was so intrigued by it that I knew I had to put it on here. I was looking up why we wear makeup, not just the simple reason to look better, but a more detailed explanation and on Psychology Today had a quick article about it!   1) Red lipstick Women who wear red lipstick are more attractive to men. According to the article, there was a test done where at a bar they had women wear different colors (like pink, brown, and none) and the women who wore the red were approached earlier!   2)  Wearing Foundation Wearing foundation is to make us appears healthy and young. When we don’t wear makeup, that is what we strive for, to look even toned. They did an experiment where they asked men what they liked best on a women. They showed women wearing different levels of makeup and their favorite was the one woman who was just wearing foundation, nothing else.   3) Eyes Wearing eye makeup to make the eye appear larger is very popular. But in essence, the eye appearing larger is just another characteristic of youth.   4) Blush Although we like to have a nicely even toned face, we also like to have a bit of redness to our cheeks. This is for other reasons besides showing off our cheekbones. There is actually a primal reason, and that goes to our menstrual cycle and when we are most fertile.   So by applying blush we are signaling that we are ready for some love and men understand that without even knowing it!   5) An overall healthier look Wearing appropriate makeup really has the ability to make you appear healthy. By evening out your skin tone and brightening up your eyes. But does anyone ever think that possibly we can do this without actually depending on makeup to do it?   It seems that in the end, we wear makeup to look young. To try to encapsulate the youth, but if we are no long young does that seem that we are chasing something that we will never win?   Is it possible to be beautiful without makeup?   Of course it is!   Let’s see how we can do this…  

Beauty from the Inside First

 

“Tell me what you eat, and I will tell you who you are.”

–  Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin

  What a brilliant man, even hundreds of years later he is still right about this. If you fill up your body with terrible quality food and junk, then you know that your skin will establish that.   It isn’t necessary either to go on to one extreme and only drink green drinks with wheat grass and whatever is the new and latest fad.   It is simply eating a healthy (read: balanced) diet that consists of more than enough fruits and vegetables.   Don’t forget to drink water either!   With your body mainly composed of it, it is so imperative that you replenish it throughout the day. According to UWHealth, drinking water is crucial because skin is just like another organ in your body. It is made up of cells that need water every day. Without even knowing it, we lose so much of it through our daily life and what we do. If it is not replenished then our skin (and other organs) will suffer and will not properly function.   Also to add, that our skin isn’t the most important organ in our body either. Just as when we get cold, the body warms up the core of our body and leaves the extremities until we can warm up properly, the nutrients and water will go to more “important” parts of our body.   But it is not only water that is so important to our skin. We need to be eating vitamins and minerals daily as well.   Just like when most of us go to college, we start to break out a bit more, and fast food, high fat, low nutrient food is the culprit!   We are all very guilty of trying to do the lazy thing and rub creams and soaps all over our skin in hopes to work miracles. That sadly is only a band-aid if that even does anything different.  

Exercise to healthier skin

Getting your blood pumping is one of the best ways to get that rosy glow on your skin. It’s not only great for your heart and your circulatory system, but it removes toxins and gives you more energy.   Even moving and doing simple exercises can help you benefit with smooth and radiant skin. Pick up a daily walk and with every step watch your face become brighter!  

So, for your health and your face…

Water, fruits and vegetables and all the rest is just nice. But let me chime in on a little experiment. After my husband and I became plant-based my skin has become so much better (and very predictable!) which is so nice because I am 30 years old and breaking out at this age is embarrassing.   I started to drink more water, and it’s funny because the more I drank, the more I wanted.   I am not suggesting to go plant based for your skin, I am suggest to eat more fruits and vegetables and lay off the processed as much as you can. We have a rule, if it comes from a box or plastic, we don’t eat it. ( Or not to make a habit out of it)   By eating healthier, it really has improved my skin where if I don’t wear makeup, I don’t even notice the difference! (And we are notoriously our harshest critics!)  

Beauty is from the graceful and sweet

 

“Make-up can only make you look pretty on the outside but it doesn’t help if your ugly on the inside. Unless you eat the make-up.”

– Audrey Hepburn

  Being beautiful is more than just wearing your hair nicely and applying some lipstick. And for good reason!   Not only does speaking highly of others make you appear more attractive, but even thinking good thoughts of others on a regular basis can and will soften your look.   When you speak kindly of others, it is an outward perception of how you think as well. When you can see the good in people, it is evident and others will take notice.   Do you remember when we were younger how our mothers would say if we make a funny look our face will stay like that?   Well, there is a little truth to that!   When you spend your life being angry at people or stressed out there will be more lines that appear in places you don’t want there to be lines.   Let’s just go ahead and say this together. Lines are inevitable, it’s perfectly normal and even alluring. Okay, now that we know we are going to have wrinkles – we can always try to have happy wrinkles, not frowning ones.   Being a humble and happy person will leave that twinkle in your eye that is so intriguing and admirable. Think and say only good thoughts of people and you will be surprised at the results!  

Grooming Must-Haves and Beauty Tips

Morning:

Don’t wash it, just splash some refreshing water and wash the sleep from your eyes.   Facial massage to stimulate lymphatic system and bring blood to your face   To make my eyes appear more awake, I curl my eyelashes. That is it. No mascara, but just curl them a few times to make sure they stay. I also carry it around with me. But you would be surprised after you curl them, how people often think you look more awake (and even wearing mascara!)  

Afternoon:

Spritz some water on your face. If you want to buy those water in those spray cans, those are very nice. However, it can be an unnecessary expense. I suggest going to the dollar store and buying those tiny travel size spray bottles and filling it with distilled water. Then you can spray whenever in need of a refresher.   Because you are most likely out in public, anything would be inappropriate, but a quick rubbing the lips together will get the blood rushing to the lips and make them red.   Same with a quick few pinches of your cheeks to get that rosy glow.   Rest your eyes even by accentuating your blinks to keep your eyes from becoming dry and red.

Evening:

(this seems to be when most of the grooming takes place!)   Tweez at this time to be able to let your face cool down and rest. Pay attention to your eyebrows, sideburns, chin, and upper lip. Get the brightest light, if your don’t have one, your phone light is surprisingly very good.   Wash your face every night. Use the most gentle soap, you want to keep those harsh chemicals from your face. To be honest, there are times I just warm water and wipe. Sometimes, your face will love the little break.   Exfoliate as much as your skin can handle. I do this every other to every 2 days. You will be able to tell if your face is irritated or very dry.   Wash your hair as much as necessary. I can go every 3 days to wash my hair. Even 4 is possible if I need to. Clean hair is a sure fire way to look simple elegant, no matter your hairstyle. I enjoy washing it at night because it gives my hair time to air dry and no heat needed.   Take care of your teeth! A confident smile says a thousand words!  

Love yourself without the mask

  This may be the hardest thing in my whole post.   It is easy to not wear makeup, because that means you’re naked and naked in front of others. But when you can become comfortable being completely yourself, it is a very freeing feeling.   If the thought of not wearing any makeup scares you, you’re not alone. We are all very insecure beings and we feel that if we can cover our faces that people can’t see the real us, and that is very wrong.   If you haven’t tried going bare before, start tomorrow!   Wear one less piece of makeup, it could be eye liner, mascara, eyebrow filler – anything!   Keep practicing this daily. After a week goes by, eliminate another layer. I recommend doing it this way because when you see yourself from all or nothing it can be quite a shock. Even by not having blush can seem like drastic difference, that is why slowly doing it over weeks can allow yourself to get used to what you see!  

Some affirmations are:

 

I am beautiful, I am radiant, I am perfect the way I am

A smile is the fastest way to be beautiful

I am beautiful today.

I will never be more beautiful than I am right now.

Remember the questions that I asked you earlier?   Now that you know how different everyone’s ideas are different and can develop some better habits to improve your appearance, take what you don’t like about yourself and showcase it. Be proud of your large nose or your wrinkled eyes.   What do you love most? Use those attributes give you the confidence.  

What about acne?

We all go through breakouts from time to time and I know there are times in our life that we might have acne or blemishes on our face and the scariest thing would be to go out without any covering.   There are times when we have to either face the consequences of bad habits and have breakouts. But for the teenagers or other women and men who face blemishes while even eating healthy, I know first hand how hard it can be. But let me tell you, the idea that people are “staring” at it or pointing it out, is usually all in your head.   It rarely is as bad as you think.   I know that when I broke out and it was in an obvious spot, I would cave and put some cover up on it. But not the thick foundation, just a light dusting of powder. I still wanted it to breathe and I didn’t want to cover it up too much. Sometimes, that is more obvious that then pimple itself!  

To reduce the redness

  • Stop touching it!
  • Spray cooled water on face.
  • Ice or frozen spoons can really help to cut the redness.
 

To reduce the swelling

  • Ice always does a fantastic job at bringing down the swelling
  • I know that people always stress to NOT pop it, however, when it reaches the certain point, that a simple squeeze to drain it out always helps.

To prevent

  • Drink lots of water.
  • Wash your face often (but not over washing!)
  • Don’t eat late at night.
 

In conclusion

Don’t depend on makeup to feel beautiful.   Remember, I want to give you the freedom YOU deserve.   There are as many different ideas of beauty as there are woman. I want everyone reading this to become comfortable in your own skin and the best way is to accept yourself in it’s most honest state.   Makeup is just a way to cover our true selves, and when you can liberate yourself from it, you will begin to feel a weight off your shoulders. And it is a very freeing feeling.   Remember, you are so beautiful just the way you are!  
46 Easy Tips to Calm Down Fast

46 Easy Tips to Calm Down Fast

If you have experienced anxiety, which I am sure you have you will want anything to rid you of it as fast as possible. I get it. Trust me. I have made a list of easy tips to calm down fast.   Tips to calm down fast is something that I have needed during times in the middle of the night and I hope that they can help you too!   It’s hard to be an elegant woman when we are already on edge. Whether it’s about school, work, money, children, whatever it may be.   Life is stressful.   Sadly that is the reality and we must live with it. There is no other option,   Stress is good for the body to a degree, I mean, that is how we survived so many centuries. But in today’s world, with mommy guilt, financial struggles, life being so packed full of activities it’s actually quite a miracle that we aren’t all hiding under our beds!   In this article, I will show you 46 different tips to calm down fast and regain composure to relax and be back to your “normal” self.  

46 Easy Tips to Calm Down Fast

 

1) Blare out some Beethoven

Have you ever heard that music soothes the beast?   Well it does! The crazy anxiety beast that you have buried deep inside you!   By listening to classical and allowing yourself to truly listen to it and feel the way it moves it can help you calm down. You can read all about it here.   You will see that it distracts from your thoughts, it makes you feel smaller and that you are part of a larger world with a bigger picture. It takes you from the moment of weakness that you might be suffering from, and brings you to a place of calm.  

2) Stretch for serenity

Whether it’s yoga, walking, cardio, the gym. It really doesn’t matter. Get yourself moving.   It releases endorphins, it makes you feel great and look great.   The idea of moving can get blood circulating and pores sweating. You will feel alive.   I realize that when you are having a panic attack, it might seem counter intuitive because you think you’re most likely going to die from a heart attack, but it seems to help me a lot. The only way you’re going to know is if it works for you, is try it!    

3) Breathe

This is a little over done and probably so boring for you to read so I’ll keep it short.   We need to breathe to live.   It’s necessary to breathe more deeply when we are scared or stressed, but for some reason we don’t.   Breathe deeper, longer, stronger and it will help.   Done. No more breathing talk.  

4) Write down your feelings

Have a little book always around you that you are able to jot down some feelings. For some reason when you write them out it makes everything different. It gives you another perspective on it.   Sometimes it can make you step back and think you’re completely crazy for thinking a certain way and other times it can help you achieve a solution.   When you can be utterly frank with yourself, there is usually answers hidden in plain view and by jotting hem down, it makes it easier to see them.  

5) Feel something soft

I don’t know about you, but when I am just feeling irritated or scared or stressed, rubbing my dog’s ears really just helps.   Yes, I realize that sounds so incredibly odd, but have you not felt a dog’s ears? They are so soft that it doesn’t even seem real! Or when you used to help bake with your parents and you were able to stick your hands in some flour and just enjoyed the feeling of how soft it was.   There are many moments in life where you stop what you’re doing and become mesmerized by something soft, so why should this be any different?   Us humans are a very sensual type. We respond very well to stimuli. Try it out, I promise it will help.    

6) Smell something beautiful

This is nothing new at all.   Scents have a way to bring back the most wonderful memories, so use this knowledge to your advantage. Most people use lavender, lemon, or even peppermint.   I love coffee, baking cookies or bread, even freshly cut grass, citrus. Each one can be very personal.   Find something that you can keep close to yourself. At night, when my anxiety can be the worst, I have a bottle near my bed of essential oils that I can smell. My favorite when I am in bed is lavender but that could just be because it’s all I have.   It truly is relaxing. There might be more science to it, but I just think that it triggers other memories which are happier than the one I was experiencing just then.   Experiment with different scents.  

7) Cuddle something warm

It could be an animal, a person, or even a hot water bottle.   But grab something that is warm and just hug it. For me, if my little puppy doesn’t feel like snuggling, I have to end up microwaving a magic bag which really works to just calm me down. It’s weird how fast it helps, but it is almost always my first line of defense when I feel an attack about to arise.  

8) Imagine calm

When I was younger, and I was really stressed out for a test or a speech, my mom would tell me to think of the beach. Imagine the the waves crashing very gently and the feeling of the warm sand on my toes.   She was trying to help me with imagery. Well, usually it always worked. Since we have the tendency to overthink most things, our mind is evil and can work against us. The ability to slow down, think of calming and soothing thoughts can help fight against the bad ones.    

9) Meditate

Or if that isn’t your thing, try just sitting in a quiet room with no thoughts and just focus on what you’re doing physically at the moment. Any mental thoughts, just let them go.   Meditation has been getting so popular over the last 15 years and for good reason. It really does clear your mind of anything and gives you the ability to have a clear head.   Take your time if you haven’t done it before because it might seem weird at first. Actually, it is quite uncomfortable to be honest. When you are wanting to think of nothing, that is the very moment that your mind races and you think of everything bad you did in the last year.   However, once you can get past that part, the benefits are wonderful.

10) Let go

This one is the hardest but I find the most rewarding one of all.   If you are able to truly and I really mean truly, let things go, you will be able to master the calm. There are just certain things that you need to just let it go. Give it to God or give it to the universe.  

11) Reflexology

I have always been fascinated with this kind of practice and I have dabbled in it from time to time.   Let me just say, don’t ever close the door to anything because you never know what might help at certain times in your life.   Read a bit more on reflexology here.    

12) Massage / Self-massage

Doesn’t it feel just so wonderful to get massaged. The most wonderful thing about getting massaged is that you don’t need to get it done professionally, or even get it done by someone else.   By rubbing your neck or your head or even your hands can really help your mind be at ease. This article explains is in better way then I could.   All you need to know, massaging feels great. Rubbing releases endorphins which therefore can make your stress melt away.  

13) Ask yourself what is going on

Do you know what your triggers are?   Is it something that you can prevent?   Should you even prevent them? I  have seen on YouTube and even read in some articles that it can be good to face your triggers. Get real with them and realize that they are just little bumps that you will get over.   Look deeper into what it is that is bothering you. Always try to get to the root of the problem.  

14) Hum

Want to instantly relieve yourself of some stress, take up humming.   I really liked this article on it and found it to be true in my case! You can find it here.  

15) Clean up a little

No one likes clutter.   Menial and repetitive work can do the body good. Plus the thought of what you have accomplished helps so much!   Gets your mind on something else other than your anxiety.    

16) Watch some YouTube videos or listen to podcasts

You’re clearly not the only one that suffers from anxiety, or else I would never have written this article. I go through times where it affects me more than other times.   I wish I didn’t but I feel like the older I get, the more I have to lose and it genuinely scares me. I have found countless of videos where there are other people like me who suffer from anxiety at times and listening to their coping mechanisms can help.   They provide insight in their ways of dealing with it and sometimes it helps quite a bit.  

17) Realize you can’t control a thing

So, funny story.   When I was younger, I thought I could control everything. And well, it seemed that way even after we got married. He was the absolute man of my dreams. Everything was working out perfectly.   Even after his mother passed away, it was all for a bigger plan and I understood why. I still felt in control of my life.   It wasn’t until our daughter was born very ill, and she passed away — it was this whole experience when I realized that I didn’t control a damn thing (no matter what I thought)   The idea of the love of my life being taken away scares me and is part of my anxiety. The idea that I can’t control anything stresses me out, but coming to terms with it can and has brought me a little peace. .   Sad thing is, people die every single day. Lives are changing constantly. All we can do is love who is around us now, fully cherish every moment and appreciate the life that we are living.  

18)  Turn that frown upside down

Be positive.   Try to see the good in all things.   It pays to see the good in situations and people. It has been shown in so many people that if they are a glass-half-full type, that their outlook on life is happier and more fulfilled.   When you are feeling stressed, remember everything you’re grateful for and write it down. Read it. Study it. Feel it.    

19) Read some inspirational quotes

Who doesn’t love to get inspired by someone’s quotes.   Depending who it is from, it can make me a better writer, gives me stamina when I need it the most, reminds me that I am not alone, that how I am feeling is not isolated and others can relate.   It helps and I admire when I read a quote that makes me say to myself, “she gets me”.  

20) Get logical

This one works wonders for me.   When it comes to my anxiety, it usually involves me getting sick, it will get crippling if I don’t get ahold of it now. I have seen what being a hypochondriac can do to people and it is not pretty.   My husband has a way with words. Thank God for him because he puts things flat out there. Making me question my anxiety, which you think would make me angry that he doens’t believe me that I might be having a crushing heart attack and that it comes and goes when I am stressed.   He reminds me that if I haven’t had it yet, most likely, it’s in my head.   In the kindest way possible, he repeats that it’s in my mind and I’m doing it to myself. Which that in itself kind of bothers me, but at least it releases me from the stress I was having and moves it to anger that at least I can answer to.  

21) Talk to God, the universe, or something greater than you

There are times just when you feel like you want to keep something quiet and not say anything. I get it, I, too can be quite private of a person. In these times, I talk to God.   You can talk to the universe, or your creator or anything or one that can help you. It’s an amazing feeling to know that the world does not rest on your shoulders. Even though at times it may feel that way, it really doesn’t.   Life will move on without you and their lives will carry on.   It puts things into perspective, gives you hope, and makes you feel like you part of a bigger plan.  

22) Then talk to a person you love and trust

When there is something on your mind, how good does it feel to tell someone else. Whether or not they tell you the issue, doesn’t it feel great to get it off your chest. Sometimes they can give you a fresh pair of eyes to look at your anxiety.   Perhaps they can give you some insight that you never thought of before.   It helps me when I am having a little attack to tell my husband and he can usually talk me down and out of an attack before it escalates to something of that magnitude. He always has a way of bringing me back to reality and realizing that it’s all in my head and I am the one making it worse.   As much as I don’t want to admit it, he’s usually always right when it comes to it too!

23) Repeat some affirmations

I used to be very apprehensive of these.   Hard to believe that by repeating a few sentences it can fix all our problems and give us confidence to boot.   Well, that’s probably why it never worked for me. One, I thought it was a set-it-and-forget-it kind of deal. And second, I didn’t truly believe it in my heart.   The frame of mind you are in while saying these affirmations matter. It can be the difference from working and failing. And you can’t just say it once and it will be done, you need to be saying it whenever you can remember to.   Your brain is a powerful tool when used properly. Consider tapping into it and using it for its potential!  

24) Replace your bad habit of overthinking with something more helpful

Do you do this?   I do this.   It’s funny how we tend to think of every single possibility that can go wrong. It’s truly a curse. I have tried to acknowledge it, but I guess what is comforting to me is to know that I am not the only one that goes through this.   Many people have this, I have thought that worrying or overthinking is something safe for us. Almost like we have convinced ourselves that if we worry enough, then something bad won’t happen.   Crazy.   But that wouldn’t be the first time that we did something crazy to justify our actions.   Overthinking or worrying just makes everything worse. It almost magnifies our stress and keeps us sucked into believing that it will keep getting worse.  

25)  Become a minimalist

Everybody is raving about it.   There are many blogs and vlogs and podcasts about it. That’s because they are onto something!   Having less might seem like a problem, but the less you have the less you are tied down to. It truly can help calm you down because you’re not spending your money on needless things.   Another way it is so relaxing is because there really isn’t as much clutter in your house and therefore in your life.   Remove your clutter, remove your stress.    

26) Relieve yourself of any guilty feelings

If this is something that affects you, perhaps you lied to a loved one or cheated on a test, the only way you will get better is to fix your wrong.   I know this might not be what you want to hear but unfortunately, it may be the only way.   A guilty conscious is like a disease and it can manifest itself in your body and continue to grow and get worse and worse!   This can be the hardest thing you do because it usually means to rehash some ugly things in your life, but to get better you have to go through the hard first.   Nobody says it was going to be easy, but the idea of ending your anxiety can be a reward in and of itself.  

27) Be honest with yourself

For some people, the anxiety could be rooted in something that you know you need to fix.   Living a lie, never done it before, but boy oh boy, I could only imagine how exhausting it would be to keep up with the lies.   If you are always telling the truth then you don’t need to remember anything!   Your body has a way of dealing with your lies and it usually consists of attacks that you might be able to control at first, but it will come out.   Stop lying at every part of your life, even if you’re just lying to yourself.  

28) Slow down

How many times have we seen this lately.   In a world that is speeding up, there is a trend that is taking over about slowing down.   Try it for yourself, don’t wait for your anxiety to strike to slow down, let it become your life. Define your life not by how much you can squeeze in during your waking hours, but what you can do to get a few things done while giving yourself enough time.   It might seem impossible at first, but even you had to crawl before you walked.  

29) Don’t be in debt

So many people have restless nights because of financial worries.   It’s a huge stressors in marriages and relationships. It can make sane people do crazy things and also can bring upon desperate measures. By eliminating stress, it is just one less thing to be a trigger or something to be on your mind.   Money has the ability to give you freedom or sentence you to a metaphorical jail cell.   If you are able to live within your own means and not borrow money, then do so. It is easier to live with less but owe nothing than it is to live a life that truly isn’t yours.  

Related >>> How to be Elegant: Stop Consumer Debt

30) Stare at fire

This is similar to meditating, but just a bit different because it really gets you to stop thinking about anything that could be going on in your life. Fire has always been something that is amazing to humans.   It’s warm.   It dances around with what seems to be no boundaries.   Besides it being so small, the power it harnesses can be dangerous.   And if you’re outside, the smell and sounds can be intoxicating! It’s still one of my favorite ways to spend an evening in the fall!  

31) Eat that ice cream

I usually am not one to promote emotional eating (seeing as I suffer it, I realize the stronghold it has on people!) but we are sometimes too rigid on ourselves.   We give ourselves rules and boundaries, which don’t get me wrong, I find them incredibly necessary or else I would be as big as a house and have no money. But there are times when you have to loosen up the grip and let it all hang out!   The most wonderful part, is that you can feel like it’s a treat. Allow it sometimes, but don’t get carried away or use your emotions as an excuse.  

32) You are smarter than your anxiety

I don’t know about you, but when I feel that prickly and heavy blanket of anxiety come over me, I feel already defeated.   I like to refer to it as my big bad bully.   It’s something that picks on me when I am most vulnerable, it knows where to hit me when it hurts, and it makes me feel little and helpless.   Remind yourself that you are letting it control you, not the other way around.  

33) It’s never as bad as you think

Doom and gloom.   That’s how panic attacks work. They really make you think that there is no way out. It’s a terrible feeling!   But, through experience, how many times were you able to get out of it alive and realize that when you look back it was never as bad.   It’s funny because even though I have had many times where I can look back and see that — when another anxiety attack comes my way, it’s like I forget that I am strong enough to make it through.   Repeat to yourself until you believe it, it’s never as bad as you think.    

34) Take a hot shower or bath

This is a good way to distract your mind from whatever your stressors are, unless your anxiety stems from water, then in that case just skip to the next point! 😛   Again, referring to anxiety as a bully, it comes when it is the most inconvenient time. Usually, it’s when I am trying to fall asleep and I just want to go to bed. It hits with a vengeance,  usually telling me that I probably will die of something in my sleep. It makes it impossible to calm down enough to sleep.   This is where you enter the shower or bath. It gets you up, moving around, distracting you from your initial fears. It changes your frame of mind, even enough to make you realize how crazy you might be. It helps me usually.  

35) It’s time to Netflix some comedy

Who doesn’t like to laugh?   I have a soft spot for stand up. I like to laugh and I find that it’s a great stress reliever. I remember a few nights where I couldn’t sleep but putting on something funny made me temporarily forget why I was stressed, therefore helping me to sleep.   There’s a reason people say laughter is the best medicine!  

36) Life is too short

Think about it.   No, like, truly think about it!   Life is so terribly short! I have been alive on this earth for 30 years. Just like that in a blink of an eye, 30 years. So technically, another blink and I’ll be 60.   Now, 60 is practically the new 35, but just to say how fast time — it really has no time to stress out.   If you are able to back up from your point of view and try to see life from the big picture, you will realize that the struggle you are concentrating on or focusing on is so minute that it almost seems laughable.   Just think back to your struggles in high school. The problems that you dealt with and your struggles were really nothing by your today’s standards. My point is, you will grow and look back and think that this issue wasn’t as big as you might be making it.

37) Get yourself a hobby from another century

Yes, get away from the 21st and I would even say maybe the 20th century and slow down!   Any hobby that needs technology should be avoided like the plague. You get enough of that from your day to day activities. Whether it’s from work or play, it’s nice to just slow down.   Some hobbies are knitting, crocheting, cooking, baking, reading (a book!), learning something new (not with YouTube), woodworking, write anything, scrap booking, the list can go on!   Disconnect. Hang it up. And reap the benefits of simplicity.    

38) Get your behind off social media

As vital as it is to know what your triggers are, it is just as important to not make new ones.   Sometimes, social media (usually Instagram in my case, but it can occur on Twitter or Facebook) has a tendency to make you look at your sad and sorry excuse of a life, and make you feel down in the dumps. Even people who “have it all” can feel empty and sad — so this bully will take any it can get, it does not have an M-O.   Avoid it if you can, or tread lightly.   Just always remind yourself to never compare.  

39) Keep yourself busy

Sometimes I find that doing nothing can be one of the worst things for my anxiety.   It almost gives it time to fester in my brain and play around with my mind. But if I keep my mind doing a task, it has to be hard enough where it uses my brain, but not too much where it frustrates me — that is the spot of happiness.   Who know that dull and monotonous work was really the path to true happiness. You’re welcome!   TIP: Next time you are stressed, try washing some dishes by hand in the warm water. Focus completely on it and be in the moment. Hand washing is a secret to peace! 😉

40) Make out or make love

Okay, just listen here.   I realize that when you are going through a moment of anxiety, the very last thing on your mind is romance. I get it.   But, did you know how hard it is to think when you’re kissing.   I don’t care how good of a multi-tasker you are, it’s almost impossible. So next time you’re wallowing in fear, grab your spouse and pucker up.  

41) Take off tight clothing

When anxiety strikes and I’m stuck in tight pants or feel like my high rise pants might be suffocating me, it makes it worse by about a million times.   It’s like I can feel the life getting sucked out of me.   I know personally, it’s hard to relax when your clothes are a bit too snug and I find that just putting on the biggest clothes as possible, it can instantly bring a little more tranquility to your moment.   This won’t solve it, but it can take some of the side effects and reduce them, therefore, making you feel that your stress isn’t as bad.   TIP: If you’re at school and work and can’t throw on some baggy pjs? Keep a big sweater, one that is comfortable but fits your dress code and keep it in your car, your locker, or the back of your chair. Change into that even if it is for a few hours to just help for a while.    

42) Fold laundry

Remember how I said do something that doesn’t use your brain, well here is one that helps.   But it also helps to put it away, it is organizing. It is the fact that you are giving more clean clothes to wear.   It’s warm and soft (as I mentioned earlier)   Actually, if you stop and think about it, folding laundry might be the most perfect chore.  

43) Look at pictures or videos of cats

Please take me seriously here!   I know it sounds utterly insane to imagine that some little fluff ball could be responsible for happiness, but it’s true! According to a study done with 7000 people by an Indiana University Media School researcher, their mood was tracked after watching cats and then recorded.   They found they had more energy after viewing the videos, it relieved their awful mood and what I loved the most was that the idea of them procrastinating wasn’t a factor when they took into account how good it made them feel! It’s all here and give it a read if you want to see more of their findings.   So, I really don’t think I need to say more but watch some cute animals and feel those endorphins flood your body! Your anxiety will definitely dissipate after this!  

44) Look at your vision board

If you have one of these, this is perfect.   I don’t have a physical one because frankly, I just am not that artsy and I don’t have room to keep it up. Another reason to be honest, is I find it to be extremely personal and I can be almost embarrassed by it. Now when I write that, it does sound a little weird, but we all have our own idiosyncrasies.   If you don’t have the time or desire to make one, but you want to look at imagery, may I suggest creating one on Pinterest. You can make one completely in private, that only you can see and edit.   How does a vision board help you bring calm into your life?   Simple! It is everything that brings you happiness.   If you find that you are always referring to a board — you can even make one specifically for when you are having an anxiety attack. It helps to see your life, your goals, your dreams, and good memories all together looking organized and pretty!    

45) Never consult with Dr.Google…. Ever again

Of all the things that has helped me, this was the one that had the most profound change in my life!   Believe it or not, but whenever I had an “unexplained” ache or issue, there I was googling it.   Just to give you an example. I have double vision at times, especially when my eyes are exhausted or I don’t take proper care of them (hence why now I am usually wearing my glasses!). Well I googled double vision and next thing I know I am most likely suffering a stroke, have a brain tumor, maybe I am going blind, there could be a chance I might just drop dead before I even finish reading the potential diagnoses.   Well, let’s just say I was freaking out because I know me and the way I work. I could even say I am a mild hypochondriac of sorts. My trigger isn’t my double vision or my chest pain or headaches, it’s having too much information that doesn’t actually include me.   What helps me is realizing that if I had this problem before, and I got it checked out already, and I’m still alive then its most likely in my head. Which brings me to my next point…  

46) Don’t be scared to die

Exactly.   Most of my anxiety comes from the idea that I might die.   When I am typing this out, I know it sounds so ridiculous but in the moment it is terrifying.   If you can eliminate the fear of death, which I might have to add again, none of us can really control, then the anxiety will lessen.  

In conclusion

If you haven’t seen the pattern, it’s all about changing your mind frame. Distracting your brain from something that you are thinking that is happening from what is actually happening.   Master your true emotions, rid yourself of any guilt, think of serene surroundings, look deeply into who you are and you might just beat your anxiety’s butt!   Be elegant, be passionate and live your one and only life by being in control of it and not allowing your thoughts to control you.
How to Be Elegant: Be Your Best

How to Be Elegant: Be Your Best

An Elegant woman acts as if someone is watching

 
10.    Acts as if someone is watching, even if no one is.
  This is one of my favorites. Be your best.   Essentially, that is what this is all about. If you are always on your best behavior whether you are around people or not then you will have nothing to worry about.   If it sounds so easy, then why is it hard?   Well that is simply because we get lazy.   Sometimes we will put up a front when we are around people, then when we are alone or think we are, that’s when the real us come out. This is where it can get a little messy because you don’t want to be phony. There shouldn’t be a switch on and off button for your elegance or for being a decent person.   It should just be you all the time. You should be your best with every passing moment.   In this post, I will be talking about how to stop separating your two selves and how easy it can be to be your best all the time!   Welcome to my second installment of my series,  

How to be Elegant

  … an elegant woman always acts her best, even if no one is watching.  

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  In this series, I go through each of my 101 Ways of an Elegant Woman post, going more in detail about how to be elegant.

Be Your Best Self

We all know the importance of being a good person.   We hear it all the time and read countless posts about how it is vital to our own lives to always be working on ourselves. However, once we are out of the spotlight and no one is around, we let our “old” selves back out.   Or even worse, we let it out with our families.   What usually always happens is that we start to feel like fake people. It might work for a while, but eventually, we feel like when we are out and being elegant and graceful, that it is a facade that we must carry on. Once we are home, we change into less than presentable clothes and can be short tempered with our families.   We justify it by thinking that they are our families and will always love us no matter what. Yes, this is true. However, they do deserve the same respect that you give to outside people.      

Who’s the real you?

When  you are flipping back and forth from the private and public version of you, it can really get exhausting.   Odds are, you will not be able to keep up the two acts. Because that is really what they are. You are acting.   It’s funny when you are by yourself and you are just about to do something, say, drink the rest of the milk out of the cereal bowl, you would have to stop because imagine doing that in front of someone else? Most likely you wouldn’t.   The reason it is so important to truly ask yourself who the real you is and who you want to be because if you are consistently faking, then eventually it will get too difficult and you will quit. You need to be authentic and true to yourself. Sure, there are times when you need to fake it or fluff it up a little, but the core values are there. Who you want to be and you think you can be are two very different ideas.   Take some time and find our your core values and by embracing those plus trying to enhance them is how you can find who you truly are. The real you.  

You might be interested: 14 Ways How Being Elegant Changed My Life – And How Yours Can too

     

How to be your best self everyday

It can be a little different for each person, but it is equally important to find what it is that makes us great.   However, there are a few points that every woman can and should take. ______  

Treat your body right

I talk about this often but that is because I find it so important on so many different levels.   I like to talk about self-care. It can be a wonderful way to add love into your day. From taking a healthier snack to getting an extra half hour of sleep, even spending a few minutes stretching. Every single good thing you do for yourself is self-care and treating your body right.   I can understand and empathize if you’re a busy mom with hardly any time to go to the bathroom in peace, but the beauty of treating yourself right is that even the smallest and most insignificant moments can be huge and monumental.   Only have minutes to spare while everyone is playing quietly? Give yourself a little hand massage with some cream. Maybe drink a big tall glass of water and feel every cell in your body being bathed by hydration.   Out in public and waiting until they call your name? Read something inspirational, sit quietly and think about how lucky you are. There are so many ways that you can enhance every minute and make yourself better. It’s easy to be your best when you’re taking care of yourself.   ______  

Start with a morning routine

It really doesn’t need to be much of a routine, but one that helps you start your day off in a great mood. It is not necessary to be up hours before your household or even be incredibly productive the first 20 minutes your up. Instead, it is about seeing what you truly need and then doing it.   As women, we often want to make sure that everyone else’s needs are met and then we look to ourselves. While this may be just the way it is, we can’t neglect ourselves. Our sanity is our family’s sanity. If we start to pay more attention to our needs, it will help us greatly and it will be easier to be your best.  

Read a bit more: 7 Best Morning Habits

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Put in all your effort with everything you do

Sounds like it might be too much work.   And it might possibly be. It gets exhausting to be trying all the time, but let me tell you a little secret… even if you’re not trying, you’re trying.   We are always doing something, even if it is nothing, and it is up to us to make every moment count. When we go out to the store to pick up something and we are in our house clothes or pajamas, we can decide to dress up or not. We are always making the decision to be our best or not to. .   The same goes with friendships, cooking, cleaning, careers, pretty much you can fill the blank in with anything here! It will always work out that way. Do your absolute best, put in all the effort you need to, and you will be repaid in full and more afterwards!   If we try to put in a positive effort in everything we do, only positivity will ensue and of course, that means you will be your best and who can deny that?!   ______  

Plan out your day

Everyone always has things that need to get done.   Sometimes they slip your mind, or if you don’t want to do it, you’ll keep pushing it aside. We’ve all done this, but there’s something about putting it down on paper that makes you not forget! It also prevents you from procrastinating too much either.   Planning out your day actually gives you the freedom and the time to get more done. This helps you be your best self because you are more productive which gives you such a wonderful feeling at the end of the night.   ______  

But… Be flexible

I know I just said to plan out your day, but you can’t be too rigid. It’s off-putting and can cause you more stress. To be your best  you need to be able to be flexible.   Nothing can put a damper on someone’s day than a nagging person who is complaining that things didn’t go as planned (I should know, I used to be one of those!) For your own sanity, may I suggest trying to go with the flow and see that sometimes plans get shifted for a reason. Try to enjoy it and take every minute as it is.   It’s a very charming quality to be able to be spontaneous and allow things to not go as planned.

In conclusion

Be your best at all times and eventually it will come natural. By acting as if someone is watching, then you will never feel like a phony or a fake.   Also, some terrible habits that can form when alone may sneak into your day when you are around someone. It just gets incredibly exhausting to always be thinking of what to do and what not to do depending  on who your company is.   Just be yourself, but be your best self and you’ll be pleasantly surprised at how nice it is to be yourself all the time. No trying hard when people are around and letting it all loose in front of your family. No.   By following a few of these tips and also the drive to want to better yourself every single day, it should not be that difficult to be your best self, the effort is minimal but the pay off is huge!   I truly believe that by being a woman who doesn’t change her behavior whether she is with people or alone can allow you to feel like you really are the real deal. An elegant woman in and out.     If you can act as if someone is watching, you may never do anything you’ll regret. That is a characteristic of an elegant woman.
  10.    Acts as if someone is watching, even if no one is.
 

How to Be Elegant – Be Your Best