Love: How to Love Yourself When You Don’t Know How

Love: How to Love Yourself When You Don’t Know How


A Year of Living Elegantly


Love yourself deeply.

Life without love is like a tree without blossoms or fruit.   

Khalil Gibran

Do you struggle with this?


Why is it always the hardest to love and respect yourself?


I talk to so many women who feel that they should be last when it comes to their families’ needs. Their life revolves around their families, friends, sometimes even strangers. 


While I do applaud their generosity, I do feel that the overwhelming guilt from giving and showing themselves love is too much to bear, so they avoid any love and focus on others. 


The question I ask them is “Do you think if you saw a lonely woman stressed, clearly overwhelmed and in need of a hug – would you ignore her?”


And the answer is almost always the same – “well, I would go and talk to her, maybe give her a hug!” 


I respond with, “So if you’re willing to show her love – then you should be willing to show love to yourself?”


When they hear this, it makes them think about their lives.


I’m holding up a mirror and cleaning it so they can recognize that the lonely woman is often themselves. 


An elegant woman, while being generous, selfless, and helpful will know that she needs to love herself. And not in a shallow meaningless way, but truly one that she can look at herself and feel the love. 


In this 12 part series, every month I look deeply at what makes an elegant woman so, well, elegant. 


The reason I am doing it once a month instead of bunching it all together is because I want to give you the time to work on each trait. The three to four weeks to implement it daily. By doing this slowly, the end of the year, you’ll have collected 12 new ways to live life fully. 

This post contains affiliate links and if you purchase anything on these links I may receive a small compensation.


How to Love Yourself Unconditionally

You need to know how to love yourself first before truly understanding how to love others. 


As humans, the word unconditionally is a difficult concept to wrap our heads around. Parents have this immense love for their children, we hopefully have it for our husband and family. But do we have unconditional love for ourselves?

Related post: How to Boost Confidence


Before you quickly answer “yes”, take a few minutes to really think about how you treat yourself. 


If you struggle with this I can comfort you by letting you know you’re not alone. We are so used to self-loathing, talking ourselves down, comparing ourselves to others – practically destroying our love. 


Then we expect ourselves to just as easily pick up the battered pieces of what is left and force a smile to show others how much we love our lives and ourselves. 


Who are we kidding?


Nobody. But what I do know is that we aren’t the ones truly suffering from this. It’s never too late to take those shattered pieces and put them together. 


Slowly and meticulously one piece at a time. 


Being present with each piece.


Spending as much time as needed, never rushing yourself – accepting them for what they are. 


Allowing yourself to enjoy, hate, be angry, cry and take it all in. To always be there for the good and the bad.


This is love. 


To always be there for the good and the bad.


The unconditional love that we all crave. 


That we all desire and long for. 


Sometimes the self examination is too terrifying that we distract ourselves, we tend to ignore it. We are perpetually searching for love, even though it has been inside us all along, just needing the right tools to bring them out.   


Unconditional love is right there. It’s always been there – but how?


How are you able to sincerely love yourself unconditionally?


1) Get in touch with your artistic self. 


This piece of you always wants out. You always want to express yourself.  When we are children we allow our artsy self to dictate who we are, what we say and how we spend our free time. 


But then we grow up.


We put different expectations on ourselves.


Art is now something we do IF we have free time, instead of living our lives beautifully and with passion it is just becomes practical.


Sometimes we even stop letting our artsy selves do anything in fear of being weird. Other times we don’t allow it because as adults, we see it as a waste of time. 


We tend to forget what moves us – we almost forget who we are.


We focus  on is work, money and yes these are important and necessary, but there is more to life. It’s the young hearted excited, naive, optimistic and open version of us that gets pushed so far back we almost don’t recognize them anymore.


The artistic self is the one willing to get back up when we fall. It’s not scared of looking funny or stupid but just excited to do what we love and express emotions. 


Show love by allowing yourself to be truly who you are with no reservations. 


2) Write, and don’t stop writing until you know it.


This is similar to the first point because it could still be considered an art.


Just pour out your raw emotions, let it all out. 


What are you scared of? 


What are you looking forward to? 


What bothers you?


I find that this really gets my deepest frustrations out and I feel rejuvenated afterwards. It helps me to spill my guts, release all the tension and pent up emotions. It’s a restart!


However, sometimes I uncover a secret door I never realized existed. By writing continuously and not stopping to read it, edit or fix it, allows the brain to explode with feelings. It gives me free rain. When I write, I find that one issue which I’ve been tiptoeing around or trying to pretend isn’t there.


After being able to release whatever it is, I’m able to look in the mirror and know I’m no longer lying to myself. It’s a deeper connection I have, to the real me. 


There’s a deeper meaning to most things, allow yourself to feel it. Whatever it is. 


The reason I want you to write it out is for a couple reasons. One, being that most likely you’re too intimidated to talk to anyone. You always hold back. The feelings recede back inside.


And second, many people are visual people and symbolic. By physically seeing the words written down on paper, it’s no longer as scary. You’ve taken the power away from the problems. The symbolism is that with the words, you are able to throw them out, light them on fire, or dispose of them.


The unconditional love you will find in writing is one that brings out your true self. Just a word of warning, don’t expect magic the first few times you write. Plus, you’ll be conservative because you might feel embarrassed. So be prepared as it may not happen on the first writing session. 


Let out all your inner demons and get closer to who you really are and want to be.


What are your true goals in life, what deep passions you have. 


3) Come to the Realization 


You know what I’m talking about how we promise ourselves that when we make “this much money” or “get the promotion” or “meet your soulmate”.


We’re perpetually in a state of waiting for something. 


It’s like we never think what we have is good enough so we make different goals, adjust our dreams.


Once we reach them, the emptiness is still there. 


The hope of feeling  like “we belong” or “we made it” never came and we are left feeling more confused than ever before. 


So we do what we know best and that is to make more goals. Strive for something else. Doing this makes us bitter, angry and the hatred starts to make a stain on our bodies and souls. 


Life take its toll. 


But what if we just came to the realization that you don’t need that much money, the promotion or meet that person? 


What if the realization was that your life is amazing as it is right now. 


That you are enough as a person. 


Your money, your job, doesn’t describe you and your life. 


Your passions, your excitement for life, your love just for being you is what living your best means.  


You come to the realization that all you need is just enough – not extra. 


You will begin to unconditionally love yourself when you start loving where you are and what you’re doing right now. 


Any thing else will breed resentment, jealousy, feelings of failure and other negativity. 


Love who you are now. 


Love what you’re doing now. 


Love where you are now. 


This is your path. 


You’re not finished, you’ve just begun and be excited for where  your path leads you. 


4) Don’t be a victim in your own life 


Sounds a little harsh I suppose, but I see this so much! 


It’s like when bad things happen, they  just crumble and fall apart. 


Listen, bad things happen to good people. 


You might not have had any control over the bad things that happened, but how you react is what you control. 


Feeling bad for yourself will be your downfall. 


It might feel good, even necessary in the beginning. 


People are rewarding this detrimental behavior by giving you the attention you’ve been craving. This can be very confusing because you think that this is love. 


You can’t be further from the truth. 


True love, unconditional love doesn’t come from manipulation, guilt or feelings of inadequacy. It’s hard to love yourself when you feel stuck. Or that who you are and what you’ve done is disconnected from yourself. 


Your life is comprised of  your thoughts, feelings and experiences. 


What you make of them and how you feel about them will determine how you live your life. 


Do you immediately blame others for how you turned out? 


Is anything your fault? 


Do you own up to anything?


What I’ve found in people who are victims in their own life is that they are constantly searching. 


Searching for happiness, searching for Mr.Right, searching for the fairytale life that they deserve. 


And you know what kills me? 


Is that these women are the ones that seem “to have it all”. 


But it’s never enough. 


They aren’t happy enough, rich enough, living an exciting life enough.  


This is precisely why they will never love themselves unconditionally. 


They’re waiting, waiting on others, on outside variables to change. It’s never them that needs to change. 


It’s only through being honest with yourself, that will lead to gushing endless love. 


It’s easy to get wrapped up in the world of negativity, but the only thing that comes of it is negativity. 


And there is no room for negativity in pure love.


How to Love Yourself When You Don’t Know How

We all have had different lives. 


Some with more stresses, some with more luck. Our memoirs all include things that get us excited, happiness and many, many tears. That’s life. 


Hopefully most of us have been lucky enough to feel love from parents, some of you don’t have parents still here on this earth, and some might be estranged. 


The way our parents express their endless love will have an impact on how we look at ourselves. 


This is the foundation on which we grow. 


What do we do if our foundation is a crumbled mess? 


What if every time we try to plant ourselves down and grow, the ground starts to crack and no matter how much we want it, the crash seems inevitable? 


How are you supposed to love yourself? 


Please let me preface this with saying, you are loveable. 


You are a beautiful woman who deserves acceptance no matter what part of life you are in.


You are deeply special with something amazing to offer the world. 


Whether you choose to believe it now is up to you, but loving yourself is about:


1) Accepting yourself 

2) Realizing your life’s potential 

3) Developing a deeper relationship with yourself 

4) Believing your beauty 

5) You’re not living your life for any one else


1) Accepting yourself


You simply can’t change certain things about who you are and your past. Don’t let this extra weight hold you down.


Release it. Let it go.


Not because I’m telling you to, not because it’s the right thing to do – but because it’s a gift for you.


I’ve heard before that you can’t let anything or anyone in if there is no room.


Allow yourself in. 


Accept yourself as you are. 


You are wonderful.


2) Realize your life’s potential


Sometimes when I think about life, I get overjoyed. 


A blanket of true bliss and excitement covers me. I can’t wait for the next day to come. 


And don’t let it fool you, because I don’t live an exciting life. It’s actually quite far from it. 


But I  can imagine my life’s potential. 


I can visualize the amazing moments, accomplishments and milestones I’ll reach. 


It gets me excited just thinking about them. 


One of the reasons I think that this potential helps you love yourself because you get to see how wildly smart, courageous, brave or risk taking you are. 


Most of the time when we see our role models that we yearn to become, the characteristics that we admire are the ones we actually possess ourselves. 


We might not know it, but it is there wanting to break free. 


That’s why we find them so inspiring – because we can see a piece of ourselves in them. 


See the potential, let it become your reality. 

3) Developing a Deeper Relationship with Ourselves 


I’m not sure what it is, but I feel like I can’t be on the computer without seeing a post for self love. 


The reason I’m a little frustrated is because I find them incredibly shallow. 


Baths, hand massages, music, meditation, as much as I love treating myself to a hot bath and massages, I feel like it’s sending the wrong type of message. 


It’s all fluff. 


No matter how many baths you take you’ll never truly get to know who you are. You need to get to your deep core. 


Ask the difficult questions. 


Say the things that you know you’re hiding. 


Be brutally honest with yourself. It will be hard in the beginning, there might be tears, but anything worth doing will never be easy. 


Share your deepest secrets, regrets, dreams, wishes and hopes with yourself, and don’t lie. 


Allow yourself to know the real you. 

4) Believing Your Beauty 


We live in a very shallow and narrow world where the idea of beauty is limited to a couple thoughts. 


It bombards us on a daily basis since we were young enough to look at ourselves in the mirror. By the time we reach adulthood we’ve been exposed to thousands of images that have been altered, changed and look nothing like the person. 


But that’s acceptable even though it’s detrimental to our well being. 


We aren’t told enough that we are beautiful just as we are. Instead we are sold products that promises to make us beautiful and increase our self confidence. If we cover ourselves up and change our appearance, then that’s when we can feel that we matter. 


It’s ironic that society is telling us to accept ourselves as who we are. We are in a changing age where everything should be accepted – no matter how we decide to live our lives. But don’t be blind, don’t be naive because for the majority of us we still don’t feel accepted or beautiful.

It’s encouraging.


So how are we supposed to love ourselves unconditionally even if you have no idea where to begin. Start by believing your beautiful, by knowing from the deep recesses of your heart that you are breathtaking. One of a kind.


Seems impossible? 


Please let me tell you that it’s not. You might have never been told that you are, maybe not enough to let it sink in. If this is you, I want you to practice a few exercises.  


a) Start with one change a week


Try listening to music that makes  you feel something. Not just to dance, but feel utterly moved. Let yourself experience the different beats, ups and downs. 


Close your eyes and see the music dance in your imagination. It gives you a different appreciation for life. Seeing this opens your mind and your heart. You might be confused about how this will have your love yourself – the idea is to transform your ideas. You’ll see beauty everywhere, including yourself. 


Change one thing every week and slowly you’ll see the difference. It will astound you. It’s a meaningful process that will make you realize truths about yourself.


b) Spend time in front of the mirror 


Sounds a little weird, maybe a tad narcissistic, but you need to see how beautiful you are. 


See how others see you. 


Your smile, your smirk, your resting face etc. That way when you’re out talking to someone or out in public you know what compliments you. This gives you the reassurance that you’re beautiful. 


When you get used to seeing something often enough, your mind starts to like it or find it attractive. 


Think of when  you hear a song for the first time, you don’t care for it, but the more you listen to it the more you like it. Get used to seeing yourself in all your different states. 


c) Only watch and listen to things that truly make you feel better 


This is something that I’ve had to always remind myself, which sounds really stupidly simple, but we too-often do this to ourselves. 


For example, watching some YouTube videos can make us feel inferior, less beautiful, it opens up a part of us that wishes for something else. For me, if I’m not careful it can really put me in a funk. 


I would be perfectly fine, then browse Instagram, and one picture can distract me into a rabbit hole of 30 minutes and I’ve lost my motivation. I feel defeated and wished that I could change my life, have a bigger chest, longer hair, nicer house, etc,  so I could have what they have. 




Just saying that this is a buzzkill. 


Perhaps you feel differently and never struggle with it, but for those that do, keep reading. 


It came to a point where I was leaving my computer feeling depleted of joy. 


So I stopped. 


I promised myself to only watch or listen to things that made me feel like a better woman. 


Things that were inspirational, I wanted to feel unstoppable. 


So, stop sabotaging your beauty, don’t allow anything or anyone to doubt your self worth. I’ve applied this for a while now and I’ve never felt more sure of myself. 


The excitement for life, my confidence has increased and without sounding cocky, I feel beautiful. 


You owe it to yourself to stop allowing negativity in your life. 


5) You’re not living your life for anyone else 


All our lives we are trying to please someone else. 


Our parents, our friends, society in general. 


It’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it can be too influential. To the point where your life is purely dictated on others’ ideas. For some people, it’s not a big deal, they don’t feel that other’s thoughts restrict them. 


However, for the many, to disappoint a loved one can be hard. But as I’ve grown and experienced some loss (like many of you) you start putting things into perspective. Now I’m not talking about being disrespectful to others or completely disregarding what others say but you only get one life. 


One time. 


One life experience. 


This is not an excuse to be rebellious, lazy, stupid, mean or make careless decisions. 


It also is not YOLO, where you can follow trends that can backfire in your life. 


You’re living your own life. 


How will living your own life help you love yourself unconditionally?


Remember that this is a process. You look at yourself as a work-in-progress and there is never a fully finished version. 


There is always tweaking. 


Think of yourself as a masterpiece, the artist is never finished. 


This process simply allows for a deeper understanding of you. 


How do I Build Myself Back up?

Perhaps you want to love yourself again like you did before. 


You’ve reached a point in your life where everyone that used to rely on you now has begun their own lives. 


Maybe you had a terrible breakup that left  you emotionally scarred. For me, I lost my daughter that ignited a need to find something in my life. 


You could have lost your spouse, your parents, your child, or a pet. Maybe it was your job.


It doesn’t matter what you lost, but if you need to build yourself back up, then please read this. 


Let me first start with a little pep talk. 


Regardless of your situation, of what happened or didn’t happen – you deserve to love  yourself. You deserve a second chance (or a third or fourth) and let today be the day you allow yourself that opportunity.


I want you to know that even right now you might feel as though life is too hard.


The shining bright light has faded into a dip speck – it will be okay. 


Nurture yourself, feel beautiful, see the joy in life. 


That little speck will get more intense with the more care and attention you give yourself. 


You’ll find yourself walking up excited for the day, smiling more at everyone, seeing the potential in everything. Things that made you feeling defeated is something you laugh at now. With more love for life and people, the more you have for yourself That little speck that was barely visible is now shining so intensely that you can’t look straight at it. You will get there again. I promise.


But you need to make a promise to yourself that you know you’re worth it to try. 


We usually need to build ourselves back up because either a piece of us, or all of us, got destroyed. We might have allowed such destruction or it was completely out of our hands. Frankly, it doesn’t matter because it leaves us feeling very vulnerable and fragile. The best and most wonderful part about being human is our incredible resilience. It’s in all of us, even you can and will bounce back and be the woman you have always wanted to be, and more! 


1) Start by writing down your thoughts 


Write down your feelings, thoughts, fears, dreams, passions and anything that you’ve been thinking about. I find everything to be less of a big deal with it’s down on paper. If you’re like me, I feel like I could drown in my own head with all the thoughts, good and bad. 


Write it all. 


Sometimes even my fears aren’t as terrible as I presumably thought which then puts a smile on my face knowing I’m making a bigger deal and making it worse than it is. 


Typical me…


2) Accomplish something 


Nothing makes you feel amazing like getting something done. 


Want to clean your closet?  Do it! 


Write a book? Get to it, but might I add, start with a few short stories because you can get a more immediate gratification. It won’t take you as long to get it done and feel amazing. Usually I am against instant gratification, but in this scenario I find that it works better. Do something that can be easily finished in a couple of days.


3) Write down anything negative and then let it go


If you’re not much for symbolism then skip this part, but for those that do love it, then I found this really helpful. 


Write down everything that has been on your mind. Things that you don’t like, people who have hurt you, etc. Then look at them, let all the frustrations sit on that piece of paper and then when you’ve finished that light it on fire. 


Watch it burn and disintegrate into nothing. This really helps to let it go. 


You don’t have to be the person that holds all of those feelings and thoughts every day. You have the ability to be a free person and release all of it. The future of your life is in your hands. 


Building yourself back up takes time and it can really transform your life wonderfully. It is about finding a new version of you that wants to get out but you haven’t let her escape. 


She is beautiful and lovely and you owe it to yourself to just let what’s holding you back.  


Boring is Fun

In Conclusion

Learning to love yourself and be confident and forgiving yourself is how you can embrace an elegant life. 


It brings out the best in you and allow you to live your life as amazing as it can be. 


But I realize how most of our live’s experience can prevent it. To a degree we are all broken and in need of love and care to piece us back together. That doesn’t mean it is impossible.


One thing I want you to take away from this read is that you are already beautiful and loved!


You have the potential all inside of you. 


It’s a matter of truly allowing yourself to accept your past and present and see the bright future.


The Beatles had it right, all you need is love, but first it needs to come from within.


You deserve to love yourself. 


I hope you enjoyed the first part of the 12 part series, “A Year of Elegance” today. There will be a new one every month for the year of 2020, so by the end we are all living a little better, more excited for life, and especially more elegant! 


Have a great rest of the day and see you soon! 


Need inspiration?

Read this!

“Love is the beauty of the soul”

― Saint Augustine


Elegant Woman Basics- Confidence: How to Boost Self Confidence and Gain Self Esteem

Elegant Woman Basics- Confidence: How to Boost Self Confidence and Gain Self Esteem

Self Confidence

Importance of Self Confidence

Self Confidence

It’s attainable by everyone, yes, even you.

You yourself, as much as anyone in the entire universe deserves your love and affection  


I remember as a child being told to always hold my head up high. 


To always have confidence in myself and everything I do. I never really understood the importance of self confidence until I grew up and tried living my life elegantly.


I wanted to be confident


But having low self esteem would not work. There was always doubt in my mind that I wasn’t good enough. I rarely ever looked good enough and those few moments where I was content – they never lasted very long. 


Looking back, it was a sad existence. But what I think is more sad, honestly, is that this feeling of inadequacy is not an isolated event. Many women live every day with low self esteem, no confidence and feelings of never being good enough! 


The good thing is that I realized it didn’t have to be like that. I didn’t have to continue with low self esteem, but I needed to find out what causes lack of self confidence. 


So naturally, I began looking at the beginning. My childhood. 


Was it my upbringing? 


Perhaps it was my school life? 


Could it have been my choice in friends?


Or, was it none of the above and it was a personal hoop that I would have to jump through in order to become the woman I was meant to? 


Before I jump to any conclusions, I needed to understand confidence a little bit more. I wanted to know how to get confidence. 

This post contains affiliate links and if you purchase anything on these links I may receive a small compensation.

Self Confidence

What is Self Confidence and Why is it Important

It’s funny because for something as important as self confidence, it is hard to describe, and even harder to obtain. 


Does it mean to be sure of oneself? 


All the time?


Are you born with it?


Perhaps it is to understand who he or she is? 


Or something as simple as just accepting oneself as whoever they are, regardless of what that may be? Without any regard to change. 


I want to believe they are all right, to some degree. 


I think I can safely say every day the definition changes a bit. Although the dictionary definition remains unaltered, the way self confidence feels and lives changes – constantly. 


What is confidence?


It’s about trusting yourself with what comes your way, not that you’ll know exactly what to do, but that you can depend on yourself that everything will be okay. It’s that reassuring voice in your head saying that “you are enough!”. Your focus isn’t on what you lack or what you’re missing – but on what you have and what you can do with it. 


Why is it Important? 




In order to live a fulfilled and elegant life, self confidence is that piece of the puzzle that you need. Where when you combine it with the other elegant traits can and will enhance your life. There are less regrets, less doubts and more moments of happy self reflection. 


To be more specific, confidence is essential for elegance because it radiates off of you all day long. People notice something different about you, they will respect you more. And I am pretty sure you will know from life experience that demanding respect is not an easy feat. 


Having confidence prevents you from overthinking, fixating, and obsessing. 


I don’t know about you, but when you do something that you feel stupid about, it keeps replaying over and over again. Now that is far from living an elegant life. Living elegantly gives you that beautiful freedom from that. I used to be terrible with obsessing over any stupid or embarrassing moment. But with focusing on increasing my elegance, my confidence grew and I barely fixate on anything negative. 


I’ve read this book, and for those struggling with confidence and want to make a difference in your life, I would highly suggest it! It’s short chapters make it easy to read, even on the go! I felt really inspired after this one.

Self Confidence

Confidence Tips

1) Remember no one cares. 


2) There is no right or wrong way to be confident. Do whatever feels right and comes natural.


3) Everyone is beautiful. On those “bad days”, remember that there is something enticing about you. Never feel truly ugly because you are not! 


4) Get outside of yourself. When we are trying to fix ourselves, we are so focused on ourselves that it can consume us and we get frustrated. Remember that, although we are important, at the same time we are tiny, There is a big world out there with more problems. Sometimes when I change my mind frame this way, my bad day doesn’t seem as bad.


5) Clean. Yup, organize your closet. Get rid of clutter and you will feel a million times better. 


6) Compliment someone else. Genuinely I might add. The high of doing this will stick with you longer and you’ll feel wonderful. 


Self Confidence

Be Confident

Sounds easy enough? 


But sadly it takes a bit more effort that just thinking about it. It is a decision about your lifestyle, it’s about the way you want to live. But most importantly it’s wanting to truly accept the freedom and not be afraid. 


It’s crazy to say that some women are scared to live their life with confidence – because it can be difficult. It’s easy to hide behind something that is not completely real. I know how this might sound – like it doesn’t make much sense. But choosing to live with confidence can be very rewarding, It can be the difference between being happy, content, and feeling fulfilled. 


The false idea is that it is easier to live a lie a facade, then it is to be the quirky woman you are. You see it over and over again when people start living their truth, the burden is lifted off and they are free. 


Why do You Need Self Confidence


Imagine this scenario, you need to run some errands at a local store, or go see a friend for coffee and be terrified at the idea of leaving.


Not because you’re afraid of going outside – but because you are too scared of what others will think.


How you’ll be judged is too much to bear. 


You’ll be too wrapped in the idea that what others think, putting their thoughts and considerations ahead of your own. 


Even strangers. 


You might think that I am exaggerating, that it is a rare scenario. And I would have agreed with you, but talking more and more to people I am seeing that it’s their reality. Their confidence is so shattered and weak that one “bad” stare could ruin them for the entire day. That’s why I feel like this post needs to be written and shared. We need to lift each other up. 


It can become this heavy and debilitating weight on your shoulders and if you don’t get ahold of it, it can truly ruin your life. You’ll be forever seeking not only approval but everything from others. 


You won’t be happy unless you get the recognition and approval of others. Which you can never control. 


As I’ve mentioned before, it becomes an obsession that can be all consuming. 


This is a dangerous road to follow for a couple of reasons. One that your “true friends” aren’t actually true friends and they’ll tell you what you want to hear until they decide that that’s enough. It can lead to more loneliness, which affects your confidence even more! 


Two, you might have very judging and jealous friends that try to bring everyone down to their level of “happiness”. Which means that they’ll say anything good or bad, to help themselves. These “friends” are suffering themselves from a lack of self esteem and self love. 


You don’t need to avoid them, but take everything they say with a grain of salt. 


If you’re not confident in yourself, it changes the way people look at you. 


The way you treat yourself mirrors how you expect others to treat you. 


Expect more. Receive more. 


You need self confidence because you’re worth it. You deserve to live the life you love. To live with excitement, passion and joy. You do that by embracing yourself with all your flaws and quirks. 


The life you want is possible only when you have the confidence to live it! 


Love yourself because it isn’t someone else’s job – that is why you need self confidence! 



Another great book, especially if you find yourself shy or awkward. It talks mainly about being an introvert and how that is NOT a bad thing. I love the idea of taking something you might think is a negative, and making it your great power! Great book for those who are introverts or are really close to one. Will change your life!

Self Confidence

Can Confidence Be Taught?

The answer is YES! 


Which is the best news I can give you because that means you have the power inside of yourself! 


You can choose to boost yourself every single day, or to knock yourself down.


It’s all a matter of your personal choice. 


Now, this may seem wildly easy to put down on paper, even to start at home. Feeling like you have the confidence at home (where no one is around), is an amazing start! Going out in the real world may take more effort because it is terrifying! That’s where the people are with their judgemental brains! 


I find it amazing the power we give to complete strangers.


When we look at the mirror and we genuinely like what we see, all is needed to ruin the day is a weird sideways stare from a stranger to make us second guess our decision to wear that shirt we love.


An elegant woman has the confidence in herself to accept any stares (good or bad, or even neutral!) and take them with a grain of salt.


Because frankly, that’s what they are – but our insecure part of our brain can take over and start chirping in our ear. What is it saying? 


If you listen carefully, it is usually saying the same few things. 


It is going through our rolodex of insecurities, and reading them to us until we believe them. 


It’s happened to me, to my mom, my sister, my friends, and I’m sure it has happened to you. 


If you can understand that your confidence begins when you minimize your insecurities then you’ll have a gushing fountain of confidence that won’t run dry! Confidence can be taught by simply repeating the truth that you are an amazing woman. 


That you are too beautiful for words. The truth that the world would not be the same without you. Now the hard part? 


Allowing yourself to believe it. 


Self Confidence

Is Confidence a Skill?

Seeing as confidence can be taught then I would assume that it is a skill. A life skill to be exact. It is useful in so many areas in life where being confident will open doors and opportunities. 


A skill is something you must practice in order to get better or not lose it. 


The same applies for maintaining your confidence through the hard times in your life – all the way until the end. 


But who really wants something else to work on? 


I realize it doesn’t sound riveting, but it isn’t something you need to take time out of your day. This is something, a choice, you make all day long. Your mentality, your choices, your thoughts, it all should be peppered with the idea that you are an elegant woman.


An elegant woman who is sure of herself. You are an elegant woman of confidence. 


The hardest part about learning and honing a skill is the lack of practice.


We take other skills and try to become better at them. We put more importance on cooking, working, driving — why not confidence? 


I would consider it a life skill that needs to be one of yours. 


You need to do it often enough that it becomes second nature. In order to start perfecting your skill, I think we need to understand the first steps of building self confidence. 


Building Self Confidence


I like to think of building self confidence is comparable to a ladder.


You need to get their one step at a time. You can’t reach the top without slowly going through the whole ladder. 


One big flaw that I’ve seen too many people suffer from is changing too much too fast


This happens all the time when people go on diets or want to have a lifestyle change. I  understand the idea, if you want to do something then you’re all in – but it can be too difficult. 


We are a delicate species who don’t like change – so be gentle.


Unfortunately, too many of us fail, feel utterly defeated and give up (me).


This is a vicious cycle!


Trust me, I’ve been through this many times. I decided to take things slower, realize life happens slowly so a drastic change should be the same as well. 


The takeaway: Building self confidence takes time. Love yourself and be patient, it will come. 

Self Confidence

How to Build Self Confidence

To start building self confidence, look to yourself and write a list of everything you like about yourself. 


Pretend that you’re writing a list if you were your friend, sometimes it’s easier to say good things about others than yourself.


Be easy on yourself. If you are struggling, that is okay. 


If you are on a path to loving yourself deeper, be patient and always give yourself grace. 


It may take some more effort because it can be that you are rewiring your brain from self-loathing to self love. 


Let’s examine the list.


See how many wonderful qualities that you possess. 


Now, everytime you begin to doubt yourself or feel not good enough, read this list over and over again. Especially if you are going through a break-up, for example, and he leaves you broken hearted – look at that list. He left a person who is (insert good quality). 


It would sound like this: 


He left a person who is loyal, he didn’t want someone who was respectful and loving. He would rather not be with someone who is supportive.  


You see what happened there? 


You took what was something that was hurtful and turned it around with your amazing qualities. There are SO many people out there that would LOVE to be with a woman who was loyal, respectful, loving and supportive. The way you think about yourself may need to be rewired, but the good thing is, it can be. 


Another effective way to gain confidence in yourself is to put your life into perspective. In more than one way. Not only with what is important, but also in how others see and think of you. How many times have you thought about how stupid you felt doing something and how the other people thought of you? 


First let’s just think of it like this. How much of YOUR day do you spend criticizing and judging others? Even if they aren’t around? Is it very often? I am going to assume no, not really. 


Now, how much of your day do you spend critiquing yourself? Or thinking of how embarrassing you are out in public? I am going to safely assume more often. 


If I am right, then you just proved a good point. 


No one is sitting there just judging you. 


Let this sink in.


Let this penetrate your mind! 


No matter how stupid you felt, no one is just sitting there stewing in your stupidity. Only you are. 


Not convinced? How about another example is when you feel insecure because of the clothes you choose to wear that day. In reality, no one really notices. There isn’t very many people that care more about others than themselves. Think about it this way, do you judge others with what they are wearing? Now the ones that you do, and actually take time out of your day to be “concerned” about it, chances are that you are secretly jealous. 


No need to beat yourself up about it, but try to remember that next time someone else is making you feel insecure, it is most likely because you look amazing and they are secretly wishing they looked as good as you!


As rude as that sounds, there is a freedom that comes with that. 


Don’t fall into the trap where you need to please others more than yourself. 


Realize and allow to make yourself happy. If that means not following the norm – then so be it! By treading your water a little differently will make you shine and only build your confidence! 


But as a quick note: When I refer to not caring about others, I’m talking about their thoughts and opinions (the ones that don’t matter). 


Being elegant is about having the confidence to wear what YOU want and feeling good in YOUR own skin. But always try to make others feel good about themselves. Especially when you know they are insecure fragile beings just as we can be.


Thirdly, building self confidence is about self love. 


When you boil it down, that is all what it is all about. By practicing positive self talk, you are able to see what the low signs of confidence are and try to work on them! 


Self Confidence

What are the Signs of Low Confidence?

The crazy thing about confidence is that one day you can be confident, give yourself all the positive self talk, and be the definition of self confidence – and one stupid thing can have you start doubting yourself. 


Many times we confuse people with self confidence with nothing affecting them, and while that is not entirely false, it does mean that little things aren’t going to shake them terribly.


But sometimes too much confidence can be the opposite. It’s called overcompensation and I’ll be referring to this later. 


But before I get into how to have confidence, what are the signs of low confidence? 


Here’s one that is almost always present: Lie, constantly. 


1) Doubting and questioning everything

  • Even for no reason, you constantly feel that you’re not good enough
  • It doesn’t even matter if someone compliments you or says something flattering — you don’t believe it.  


2) You walk a little hunched over 

  • Yup, it’s true. When you have a lack of self confidence you tend to make yourself smaller.  You look down more and therefore you hunch over. 
  • When you’re struggling with self-esteem, you don’t walk proud. Even if you try to fix it and remind yourself to stand straight, if you don’t fix the root of the problem, then you will again be walking hunched over. 


3) You think everyone is talking about you – even if it doesn’t make sense. 

  • No matter what the circumstance is, you think that people around you are making fun of you.
  • Even if they aren’t talking – you think that they are mentally judging you. It isn’t logical. 
  • It creates a state of insecurity that can be paralyzing because there isn’t a clear reason – it is all fabricated. No amount of outside reassuring will fix this. 


4) You have bad fashion sense, at least in your eyes. 

  • Think back to when you were feeling a little blue, I can almost guarantee that you didn’t put that much effort into your looks.
  • Partly because you don’t want to look in the mirror and other part is you don’t feel that you deserve to look nice. I realize this sounds very mean, but it is true, 


5) You don’t care what you eat, or how you feel 

  • To be more specific, you disregard the consequences of what eating poorly can do to your body. A good example is when you overeat you feel terrible, but you don’t really care. 
  • You may even feel that you don’t deserve to look good or feel good. 
  • The way that you treat yourself is how you feel. You feel amazing, you’ll eat amazing (the opposite is true too) 


There are many more traits of having no self confidence or low self esteem, but the main factor is that you are telling yourself lies


Lies that you’re not beautiful enough, skinny enough, funny enough, tall enough, short enough, basically you repeat the lies that you’re not good enough in different ways.


Another sad similarity is that you feel that you don’t deserve (fill in the blank).


But the good thing about this is that we can work on it! Your mentality can change.


If one of these sounds familiar or something that you do, don’t be discouraged because you can and will improve your confidence. These attributes will be a thing of the past. 


It is possible and I know you can do it! 



Here is another book made for women by women. If you’re trying to succeed in the world this book is a must! It’s not enough to just have talent and skills, but to have the confidence to back it up!

Self Confidence

What is the Difference Between Confidence and Overconfidence?

True, overconfidence is something that is quite rare in real life. You might be shaking your head in disagreement, but hear me out! 


One thing that I’ve learned in my life, is that when someone is overcompensating, it’s usually because the opposite is true. 


Let me give you an example. Let’s say you are going out with a friend who keeps referring to how much money they have – chances are high that they are eyeball deep in debt. The need for overcompensation  is a very accurate indicator of something that they are lacking. I want to believe it’s some self-preservation thing.


So you might be asking, overconfidence is usually following the same pattern? 


Most likely, yes. 


However there is a rare type of person that is truly overconfident. They are usually a narcissist and they believe that everything they do is amazing, they do exist out there. But for the sake of this post, I’m not referring to those few — but to the majority. 


When someone is an overconfident person, they are compensating for something. Ironically, they are usually self-conscious about what they are being extra confident.


Being confident is where you can trust yourself. Where you know you are good. That you don’t need outside validation. 


I guess to be brutally simple, having confidence is inner validation, overconfidence is seeking outside validation with the responses of others. 


Self Confidence

Why Confidence is the Key to Success

For almost everything in life, if you have confidence, you will succeed. 


It’s the slight arrogance that people see and respect. 


By using the word arrogance it almost seems wrong, even as I write this it doesn’t feel like the right word. There is a fine line to follow because you don’t want to be a “know-it-all” or for lack of a better word, a jerk. 


So what is the fine line?


It’s exactly where you aren’t threatening, boring other people, or having them tune you out. Watching others can be a great clue to how you are behaving. 


But having just the right amount of confidence means people will listen and engage with you. They will feel like looking up to you and be interested in what you have to say.


That is why confidence is the key to success. 


The level of attention you will receive is perfect. Confidence can also be seen as a form of respect, a self-respect. This respect is magnified and radiates from you. 


When you respect yourself, a few things happen. Your standards rise. From what you expect from others, to what you expect from yourself. Another bonus is you show people how to treat you – what you deem acceptable. 


Success is measured in what you have accomplished, and if having the respect of others is already done, then I’d say you succeeded in a place where people would consider very different. 


Self Confidence

How Can You Tell if Someone is Confident?

One piece of advice that I don’t always agree on is “Fake it till you make it”.


But I suppose it could work in this circumstance. Whenever you start feeling yourself recede into your old ways – you can adopt a more confident demeanor – just don’t overcompensate.


So, you ask yourself, “How can you tell if someone is confident?” then you are able to mimic their body language, the way they talk and move. 


The first thing you would notice is their walk and/or stance. She is proud, she is sure of herself and rarely doubts the way she is. This could mean her outfit, her jewelry, her hairstyle and make up. She is unapologetically her. 


She is elegant.


There is an ease with her body language, her movements, the way she exists in her day. It might be hard to put your finger on it – but it is there. It seems effortless, mainly because it is. 


Her confidence is high so her doubt is nonexistent. 


Another trait of confidence is her speaking is different. 


She isn’t necessarily loud – because she doesn’t demand attention that way. 


She knows that she doesn’t need to get people to listen to her by forcing others to hear her. Not only with the level of her voice, but also is what she is saying. 


Is she gossiping? 


Does she need to put people down to bring herself up? 


A confident woman would never dream of hurting someone’s feelings to make herself feel better. Pay attention when another elegant woman speaks – it’s never insulting, never pushy, or desperate. It is mainly complimenting, honest and genuine. 


Another way to point out confidence is to see if there is any form of overcompensation. In every single way. Expensive jewelry? Foreign car that is super expensive? Verbally explaining how smart they are, they lack the self confidence. 


An important detail to remember that confidence is not black and white.


There are many variables that can determine how confident someone is. The women might be extremely confident in her job, that they are capable enough – but they might utterly hate the extra twenty pounds on their waste. 


There is always room for improvement. 


To be frank, I’ve never bought this book but I can only think this would be very good. This book really has indepth methods to help encouragement and keep yourself confident!

Self Confidence

Can Confidence Make You Attractive





No, I’m joking – but it is very true. 


Confidence, a trait that can make you beautiful but can also tear you down. 


There is that gray zone again. 


If you’re over confident you will look like a jerk. Bt the perfect amount of confidence will make you unstoppable.


What is it exactly that when you see an elegant woman who is confident that she draws you in? 


You see a woman who knows she is beautiful. She doesn’t have the desperate or sad tone of her voice. 


You can ask yourself, “do you find confident people attractive?” I bet your answer is yes. 


But we can easily reverse the statement and ask “why don’t you find self conscious people attractive?” You might try to be extra sensitive to others and say “well of course, I would, as long as they are nice.”


And you might be genuine, but that can only last for so long. 


The need for reassurance, the jealousy, the wrong placed anger, the guilt trips and even worse, the manipulation will transform even the most beautiful woman. Now, I am no psychologist, but many relationships hit very rocky roads because one of them is not confident in themselves. 


So, understanding how a lack of confidence can turn off some one, it proves how strong an indicator that confidence can be for attractive qualities. 


Even if you never knew the person, or spoke to them, confidence is still easily spotted. It is an aura. 


Confidence is exactly what makes the jolie laid women in France. Where women who are not classically beautiful but yet have this irresistible air. It’s not based on her looks, but the feeling, the confidence. 


When you can embrace yourself, love yourself, and bring out the confidence you have inside of you, you will become more attractive. People will gravitate towards you because you won’t need to bring others down. You aren’t constantly thinking about what others are thinking of you, which can impede on you being you. You will be attractive because you’re an amazing woman, just as you are. 


Self Confidence

What are the Benefits of Confidence?

I am not going to go too much into detail here because I feel that it would be redundant. However, I do want to cement the idea that confidence is a wonderful trait to possess. 


The benefits of confidence that I already mentioned: 

– being more beautiful 

– demanding (gently) respect from others

– not being taken advantage of 


But there are many more! 

– being happier 

– feeling free

– making better friends 

– understand what your values are 

– not sweating the small stuff (read: stress less!)

– other people don’t have any power over you 


You might see a pattern here. 


When you adopt an elegant life and want to improve your confidence you will see that your life is more improved. Not only happier, but freedom. 


The freedom to not care what others think, that stop being stressed about everything big and small. 


The freedom to be yourself and love doing it. 

The best part is that you don’t need to be fully confident all in one step. Even by adapting a little confidence in your life can help to benefit the rewards. You really can start today, try implementing a little confidence right now. 


The benefits will be astounding. 


Self Confidence

Building Self Esteem Today

What to practice today, right now, to implement confidence: 


– Pick your absolute favorite attribute on your face. Focus on it. Make it something that everyone notices, make it your trademark. 


– Although this is over stated to the point of exhaustion, wear something that you love. Something that makes you proud to be yourself. 


– Realize that your self worth has more to do with what you offer the world – not your looks


– Take it one day at a time. You win some, you lose some. 


– Don’t overthink. 


– Stop trying to be Miss Perfect 


– Be the leading lady that you know you are


– Start respecting yourself by what you eat and drink


– Love yourself 


– You are ONE of a kind, truly think about that! You offer the world something no one else can!

Self Confidence

In Conclusion

Be More Confident 


Try every single day to be more confident. Even if you mess up completely, the next day repeat to yourself.


Practice it. 



“I am confident.” 


The best part of confidence is that you really can’t go wrong. Being confident is different for everyone. 


My words of advice to you is to  just stop worrying about coming off as confident, or trying so hard to make it. Just let whatever happens happen. 


.I know this might sound a little new age but I promise, when you stop trying hard to be something, in this case, confident, and stop caring about what others think and what the outcome will be, freedom and calmness will ensue. 


Something that really helped me grow my self esteem and confidence was to step out, and realize that every single person out there suffers from this, even my role models doubt themselves from time to time. 


No one is completely immune. 


We are all suffering a little bit trying to impress others or make them see this “facade”. 


We are all in it together. 


One last thing I want to mention was I don’t allow myself to be too hard on myself. 


There really isn’t any point and it is self destructive. 


Besides not being productive, it can really harm yourself if you are continually putting yourself down. It can affect you not only today, but in the future when you are trying to better yourself. 


What you say to yourself really matters. 


Living an elegant life is about seeing the best in yourself and others.


When you are able to see clearly that you are an amazing woman who has so much to offer the world, it is nearly impossible to hide


You start radiating this beautiful glow because you are one of a kind. 


Elegance brings out your talents.


Confidence breeds beauty. 


Be elegant. 


Be confident. 

Need inspiration?

Read this!

“To be happy, we must not be too concerned with others.”

Albert Camus


Conversation Starters to Make You Confident

Conversation Starters to Make You Confident

Conservation Starters

How to Make Conversation

Conservation Starters

The art of conversation starters and keeping it going.

One good conversation can shift the direction of change forever.  

Linda Lambert


Whether it is conversation starters with your crush, romantic conversation starters or conversation starters for texting, we talk a lot.

It might seem a little overwhelming for someone who prefers to stay silent, but with these conversation tips, conversation styles, and a list of 20 conversation starters that will help you feel more confident.


One major tip to take away from this post is to make a conversation with your genuine voice.

Not to be taken literally, because obviously you have to use your real voice, but I mean don’t be fake. Over time, you will find what works for you and your confidence will grow.

The stress of having a conversation will be a thing of the past. 


An elegant woman may not always be perfect at the art of conversation, however, she tries to make it about the other person. She never tries to steal a spotlight or bore the other person to death about details of her own life. 


In this post, I am specifically referring to just conversation starters. I have written a post about 7 Tips for Mastering the Art of Small Talk which I would appreciate if you read it after this one! 


This post contains affiliate links and if you purchase anything on these links I may receive a small compensation.

before we begin…


This is my first notebook that I have released on Amazon.

It’s 200 pages of lined paper and this is a perfect little notebook to keep any of your thoughts or anything you want to improve on!

Conversation Starters

Why Practice Conversation Starters

You might be thinking nothing of starting a conversation, and I would assume that you have no issues talking to people.

If you’re not one of those people, don’t worry, you can become a fluent and confident as any woman.

Charming others with the words, it simply takes practice. 


Like every skill in life, practice makes perfect. 


Take every moment you can to practice with a person – but if this is something that truly terrifies you, then I suggest trying it in front of a mirror.

Practice until you can say them without hesitation and with genuine interest. This kind of weird practice will build your confidence!


You don’t need to schedule in practice time if you feel that it is unnecessary, but every time you have a conversation with someone, use it and consider it as practice.

To get the most of each experience, try to analyze afterwards everything about the conversation.


 Ask yourself: 


  • How did I begin?

  • Did I initiate? 

  • Were they engaged? Or was it all about me?

  • How did I get their attention?

  • How did I feel?


Take these answers and see where you need to improve.

Don’t be too hard because even now I still make horrifying mistakes that make me want to hide my face and never walk out in public again.

But hey, we all do it!


After you have figured out where your shortcomings are, then you are in great shape.

Seeing where you can improve is the best way to start.

It might be a little difficult at first – mainly because nobody wants to be bad at something, however, within a short time you’ll be mastering the conversation starter like it was no problem at all.  


I will be going through many different scenarios to help with many situations. 

Conversation Starters

The Easiest Conversation Starters with Your Crush

There is always something about the people we like that makes us clam up. As hard as it is, the idea of doing it correctly gets us very excited. 


Being an elegant woman, we always want to maintain a little bit of mystery. Not only because it makes us more alluring, but it also makes us feel not too exposed.

I run into this problem quite often if I am not too careful.

Although for me, it is not with my crush (because I’m happily married!) but before I could relate to this, and for me it was the silence that I wanted to fill. 


When you’re alone with someone, whether it is someone you’re fond of or not, you must get used to the silence.

The lulls.

The quiet.

It will only be as awkward as you make it. 


So you are there with your crush (or someone you admire) and you’re getting a little choked up, here are some options. 


  • “Hey how’s your day going?”

  • “Hello there, any plans for tonight?”

  • “Hey! How was your weekend?”


By using the knowledge that everyone loves to talk about themselves, it’s wise to start off about them.

This will ensure that they will be more engaged in the conversation. 


That’s really half the battle, when talking to anyone is to make sure that they’re engaged and care about the conversation.


If you want to bore someone then begin just blabbing about yourself and see their facial reaction.

Think of it this way, unless you’re “The Most Interest Man in the World”, then frankly, nobody cares.


You must also take into consideration what you are trying to get from the conversation.

Are you just wanting attention, to make sure he notices you?

Perhaps you are a little further down the dating path and you want to hint that you’re available that weekend.

Figure out what you want and decide how to start the conversation. 


Always avoid desperation at all costs.

For your own sake, if you feel that it might creep up, I would advise to just leave the conversation before you risk losing any respect. 


If you’ve never formally met, it’s always a nice gesture to introduce yourself.

To be honest, I can be a traditionalist, meaning I believe men are to make the first move, bit if he is being super shy then you might need to gently step in. 


But this world is so different, so you do you but do it with confidence.

Conversation Starters

How to Introduce Yourself


Always, always, always have a smile! 


And to be a little more elegant, don’t force it because I believe being fake can be spotted from a mile away. 


A simple little smirk, one that shows excitedness but a little mystery is perfect. 


Make eye contact


Don’t be intimidating, but like everything in living elegantly, you need to be genuine. If you’re smiling it will also make your eyes look playful, beautiful, and more attractive! 


Remember the point of the introduction, it is to let the other party know who you are. So if you think about this, you control how your first impression can go. You say what you think are your best features.

You show what you love most about yourself. 


An introduction isn’t just to exchange names. It is a way to showcase your best attributes (without showboating). It’s about starting off the relationship strong. 


If there is a handshake, take your cue from the Royals – pump only twice. Any longer and it just gets a little awkward. You have nothing to prove either,  you don’t need to squeeze extra hard or give them a death stare. 


Even if this is taking place in a business atmosphere, you have to be more elegant even though it might be tempting to be extra stern but resist. By trying too hard – it has the opposite effect.

Being gentle is a calm strength – always remember that!


Repeat their name


Think of the last time someone said your name while saying hello or goodbye, it’s nice isn’t it? I want to believe that we are all programmed to better respond to people who show us attention, even so small as to say our names. 


Do it at least one time.


This expresses interest, and it also shows how well you listen (and pay attention!). Whether people like to admit it not, everyone likes to be remembered. Show them how memorable they are by saying their name before you part your ways. 


Doing this also helps you to remember their name for yourself. So the next time you see them, you will most likely recall their names without much effort. 


One serious tip is to make this sound as natural as possible. You can’t just awkwardly mention their name in a sentence. One way to be certain is to say their name as you say “It was nice to meet you ______”. 


Always end on a high note


This may not always be possible because sometimes the conversation won’t allow it — but it can happen and when it does, you feel like a conversation PRO!


So, let’s figure out…

How exactly you can end on a high note. 


1) Don’t wait – don’t wait until the conversation gets stale, end it when people aren’t annoyed or thinking of something else. 


2) When you feel that it is going well, say goodbye! – this is so incredibly difficult because when it feels great and everything is going well, the last thing you want to do is leave. But I promise it will make the last memory of your conversation a great one. 


3) Be direct – take control of the conversation. End it because you have to go, end it because you want to, but the most important part is that you end it by being direct and not by hemming and hawing. A nice example is:


“Well, it was really  nice seeing you, but I have to get going! Hope to run into you again!”


Always be nice and polite.


4) When in doubt, mention them – like I’ve said many times, everyone likes to talk about themselves, do it here too! Tell them how much you enjoyed running into them, or that it was so nice to see them. By doing this it makes them feel great before leaving.

If you tell them how wonderful it was then odds are they will think the same! 


5) Don’t lie – I’ve read in many different articles when researching for this post. But I have to strongly disagree.

I think even the most innocent and well-meaning white lie can cause trouble. When you lie, you have to remember when and what you lied about. While this may seem like an easy thing to do, it can catch you in trouble even in the future.

Don’t bother with it, it could end terribly for you. I tend to follow the rule, “if you have nothing nice to say, then say nothing at all”


Conversation Starters

Conversation Starters for Texting

One positive attribute to texting is that it doesn’t need to be formal. However, that doesn’t mean that you don’t need to follow rules of etiquette.

To slang or not to slang


I might be a little old fashioned, but I am not big on the slang and shortened terms. Especially when not we can use a keyboard instead of T9!


Remember that! 


So there is no excuse, let’s just take a couple more minutes and write the full and proper word. 


Plus, as a perk, people will often respond the way you speak to them. If you respond in full sentences, chances are they will do the same too!


Is it phone worthy?


Meaning do you think it warrants a phone call? I realize texting is much easier and allows you to multitask (by speaking to many people at one time), but sometimes it is just easier to have a quick, yet informative phone call.


Also, when having a phone call, something that can be misconstrued will most likely not which could avoid some unnecessary drama. 


Can it be used against you?


Never write anything down that could be incriminating in any way.

This is serious!

Never write any negativity about someone else because they can use it to hurt you. And this doesn’t need to be about going to jail or not, but even making you look bad.

Remember that knowledge is power, and your thoughts are the same. Blackmail can happen. And if you don’t think what you’re doing now can affect you in the future, you are wrong. Look to all the politicians for an example!


Okay, so we got a few thoughts out of the way,

here are some…

Conversation Rules for Texting


1) Act as if you’re having a verbal conversation 


Use the words and greetings of what you would actually say if you saw the person face to face. 


A very simple hello mixed with a pleasantry, and always bringing the other person up. 


2) Be quick and short and keep it to sending only one to two messages. 


Are you like me where I send a text per thought or sentence? This is bad form and it took my husband to tell me what I was doing was annoying. I never thought about that but it’s true, sometimes every message you get is another ding of the phone and can be harder to read. 


I never thought about that before and it really does make sense. 


Also, I know you want to tell someone so much, then may I suggest actually calling because writing novels as text messages can also be quite annoying. Hard to read and sometimes, other people just don’t care enough to read the whole thing. 


3) Respond adequately 


I realize this is not a conversation starter but it deserves to be here. When someone goes out of their way to write to you a long and thoughtful message, the least you can do is write back well.

Give it some thought and try to address every part of their message.

I realize that this can be difficult but there is nothing more upsetting than writing out a long message and the response is a letter “k”, or worse, an emoji! 


4) Ask if they have time


We are all so busy now. When you don’t ask if they have time then they don’t respond it could leave you upset and feeling insulted. When really it could all be avoided if you asked if they had the time or if they are in the middle of something.

We text because it is easier then speaking, but at the same time we need to understand that people are busy or doing other things and that texting is usually something that comes after other things get done. 


5) Be patient 


Things goes along with the last point. You don’t know if they even saw your message yet. But I realise you might want to keep sending messages to see if they are receiving it or maybe they simply forgot that you messaged and by messaging them is bringing it to their attention. 


This seems so needy and annoying and this will draw them farther away from you. Just be patient and accept that when you text message you won’t get an answer faster than if you would call. 


Always give them the benefit of the doubt or else you will be upset and usually for nothing. 

Conversation Starters

What to Remember About Conversation Style

Regardless of what medium you use to start the conversation there are always a few rules to follow.


Being an elegant woman means knowing how to handle yourself in many different situations. 


It can be a little discouraging when  you feel like you don’t know how to act, here are a few rules you should try to remember. 


1) It’s about them 


Always talk about them. Direct the conversation in their favor. Seem interested in what they are doing or what they are talking about. Whenever you don’t know what to say, ask them about themselves!


However! Very important! There is a caveat, as it is always nice to talk about them, it prevents you from sounding like a narcissist, if you ask too personal of questions, it can make you seem nosy!

How to Properly React to Nosy People

So remember small talk and avoid personal and touchy subjects! 


2) Keep it light and bright!


It might be tempting to start a conversation about gossip or something terrible that is happening, but avoid it. I realize that bad news travels fast, but you don’t want to be the one spreading it. 


If you are always the one that they hear the bad news from, that will be the type of person you will be in their eyes. You will be the Debbie Downer! 


That is not a personal trait that I want people thinking about me and I doubt the same with you. Try to be naturally upbeat about something and like the good ol fashioned rule, “if you have nothing good to say, don’t say anything at all!” 


3) Be polite and gracious 


Whether you are receiving compliments or giving them, be gracious. Always respond with kindness and find ways to genuinely compliment them. 


4) Less is best 


Without sounding too cliche, leave them wanting more!


It;s best to never overstay your welcome in the conversation. If you leave when you feel like everything is going well, then you will know you left on a high note. 


5) Be engaged 


I know that we have all talked to people about topics we can care less about, but we must try and also be engaged. Not just verbally but also physically Keep the eye contact, use your hands and positive body language.

Ask sincere questions, be a good listener.

Even if you don’t care, care! You’re not the most important person to listen to either, so remember that the next time your tempted to drift off in  your thoughts and daydream while someone else is talking. 


6) Understand the context 


Just as important as reading the room, you need to understand the context of where the conversation is initiated. Is it at the mall, a funeral, a grocery store, a wedding?

They all can be very different in terms of starting conversations. Use your gut and follow other people’s lead. Are they chatting loudly? What has brought everyone together?

Not only do you know what to talk about, but you also have a good idea how long to keep a conversation going. 

At the grocery store? Keep it under a few minutes. Why? Because they are most likely running an errand and usually when you’re running an errand and tackling your to-do list you have allotted yourself time to do so.

It’s best to assume they are doing the same thing. 


Conversation Starters

Deep Conversation Starters

Up until this point I have only really mentioned if you are out and about and you run into someone.

But what about with your loved one?

Or a parent or child?

Having deep conversations are what make friendships so wonderful, but starting them can be difficult. You don’t want to look like you’re trying to pry, but you want to talk more about the weather or current events. You want a true friendship and open up. 


1) Make sure you’re ready for lengthy conversation 


There is nothing more rude than rushing someone who is having a heart to heart. Especially if you started it! So if you don’t have the time, please let them know ahead of time. 


2) Make sure you’re ready for emotions 


You  might be opening up wounds or diving into something touchy that it could bring forth anger or sadness. You don’t necessarily need to know what to say, but being there is really want counts. If you end up crying together or talking about subjects that make you uncomfortable, that’s one factor of relationships!


3) Make sure you’re ready to listen

Especially now more than ever, when someone wants to talk and you’re giving them permission. Listen as best you can to all the details because you will most likely be asked your opinion and you won’t want to be a “yes man” even if it might be what they want to hear. 


4) Make sure you’re ready to reciprocate

Only do what you are most comfortable doing. However, you need to understand that if you are initiating a conversation that can be personal then you most likely will need to also dish. The reason being that if you ask questions and never return the favor, you will come off as nosy. 


Conversation Starters

Romantic Conversation Starters

Isn’t it just wonderful to be in love? 

There is nothing more exciting then the butterflies in your stomach or the idea of him coming over for dinner.

Regardless romantic conversations happen and I’ve thought of some important things to keep in mind… 


Dating Conversation Topics



Movies/ books/ podcasts/ Youtube 

Goals (however, keep this super light-hearted) 



Note: you can see that I didn’t include jobs or career in this list.

I purposely left it out for a couple reasons. One, it is not supposed to define who you are and it usually doesn’t. It could lead to unfair thoughts.

People might be uncomfortable talking about itm they could be in between jobs, working somewhere they hate or it could swing the other way and they don’t want you to see them as just their job.

Think about being a doctor, they might not want you to assume they have money. IT can be a private or heavy topic and I strongly urge you not to bring it up on the first few dates. 


Values and Morals 





Anything that is vitally important in your life needs to be discussed. I know that most of the time we want to avoid them because it can be an awkward subject, but it is important to bring it up. 


Not necessarily on the first date or even the second, but they conversation topics need to be addressed sooner rather than later. 


Goals – Short term and long term future 


Again, this might be too deep for many people or even something that they don’t want to think about but it is something that you should have an idea about the person you are dating.

That way your futures can align together. 

Conversation Starters

How to Keep a Conversation Going

Being an elegant woman and knowing what to say goes togheter like peanut butter and jam – but that doesn’t always happen.

It happens to the best of us, when we put our foot in our mouth or say something you wish you could take back. 


It takes practice to start a conversation, but it also takes just as much practice or more to keep a conversation going. There are a few variables that you need to be aware of:


  • Are they fidgeting, looking at their watch, trying to leave?

  • How engaged are they? What about yourself?

  • Do you feel awkward? Meaning you don’t know what to say next?


When  you feel that you are comfortable and you sense that they feel the same way, then you can choose to keep the conversation going. 


Be sure to always nod your head and answer all the questions (within reason). 


Conversation Starters

List of Conversation Starters

1) How’s your weekend going? 


2) How’s your evening? 


3) Any plans for tonight? This weekend? 


4) Have you seen the new movie __________? I heard _____________ about it! 


5) I love your hair, how do you get it to stay like that? 


6) Did you watch that hockey /basketball/ football (insert any sport or game)? I hated/loved (name a detail in the game). 


7) I can’t believe how much it rained last night! (It’s always a safe bet to talk about the weather. While it can be annoying if you’re whining too much, a lot of people can agree on it!) 


8) Have you tried this new restaurant in town? 


9) It’s been forever since we’ve seen each other, how’s everything been? (this is a good time to mention family members and ask how they have been) 


10) What do you think of (bar, restaurant, gym, any place really) ?


11) What are some good blogs that you have been reading lately? 


12) Are you into audible books?


13) What kind of podcasts do you like to listen to?


14) Do you like when movies are being remade into new versions? 


15) What is your favorite thing to watch? 


16) What kind of hobbies are you interested in? 


17) What genre of movies are you into? What kind of things do you like on Netflix?


18) Have you ever met anyone famous before? 


19) Where is your favorite place to visit? 


20) What did you go to school for? 


When you’re really stuck and all else fails, just ask them how they have been and a few questions that is related to what they are doing. 


But after that, and there still is no conversation going – embrace the silence. 


Do not feel that you need to push talking because the harder you push the worse it will feel and the ironic thing is, the more you try to make it not awkward – the more awkward it gets! 


Use your best judgement and if you make a mistake, keep trying.

I have lost track of how many times I’ve put myself in situations where I just feel so stupid for my insistent talking, trying to force a conversation when I should have listening to my gut and embraced the silence! 


For a more comprehensive list of starters if you’re stuck click here. 


Boring is Fun

In Conclusion

Conversation starters can be daunting, especially if they are to a stranger, but being an elegant woman it is an important lesson to know. 


Being prepared with knowledge of starting a conversation and knowing how to do it with ease can help others around you feel comfortable. 


The most important thing to remember is that although there might be different ways and topics to hold a conversation there are always a few rules that applies. 


It’s about them. 


Always will be. 


Make them feel comfortable, confident, and have them leave you feeling better than you did perfectly. 


There is nothing wrong with having a debate or disagreement – but so long as you do it with respect and always light-hearted. 


There might be different conversation styles but the most important part is to make it personable, not too personal, and make sure you leave the person feeling better than before they talked to you. 


Remember that an elegant woman will always tries her hardest to make others feel more comfortable and that she will try to mold herself to others without forgetting who she is.

Need inspiration?

Read this!

“Elegance is not being noticed, it’s about being remembered.”

― Giorgio Armani


Not too sure yet? Check out the sneak peek here!

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Feed Yourself Well with These 4 Simple Tips

Feed Yourself Well with These 4 Simple Tips

Feed yourself well

Elegance is being well rounded

Be elegant: Feed yourself well. If you are looking for other ways to improve your life, keep reading!

You are easily influenced by what you surround yourself with on a daily basis. I am sure you’ve heard the saying “You are the average of your five closest friends.”

But if that’s true then shouldn’t the same apply with what you eat? Or what you find entertaining? 

When I was a younger (and albeit, stupid) girl, I would ferociously stuff myself with my childhood vice, sour patch kids, to which I would immediately regret.

Not only would my stomach be in agony but my poor tongue! Anyways, there was no way I could be an elegant girl when I felt so rotten. 

Even now, think of when you overeat something whether it is savory or sweet, you feel exhausted.

The rest of the night is ruined and you can’t do much else. Plus the next morning, you are still feeling the effects.

It’s terrible! (All this talk might be showing my age!)

But what about feeding yourself in other ways?

Like mentioned earlier, through entertainment? Now with streaming services, binging shows has never been easier.

That means that not only are we are able to be, dare I say, even lazier but we are enabling this past time, allowing it to be socially acceptable!

I’m sure you’re not learning too much watching Punisher!

However, I can hear most of you moaning, “But Jennifer, I’ve worked hard all day, I need a break and I deserve this!”

To which I would respond, “Yes, you did work hard, but it would be like giving someone who lost ten pounds a tub of ice cream to celebrate!”

It will set them back and make them feel terrible.

Everything they did was for essentially nothing.

When you worked hard all day, being the elegant woman that you are, finish the day strong and do something elegant by feeding your mind something that will help you grow. 

So let’s work together to be elegant, feed ourselves well!

Feed yourself well

The Guilty Pleasure

What about guilty pleasures you say?


I do have quite a few of those. One being YouTube, which we know could either make you feel stupid for wasting so much time or it could improve your knowledge by watching something educational.

This is a great time to develop a habit that will enrich your mind by taking advantage of videos that can teach you something.

Take your guilty pleasure and turn it into something positive or that doesn’t “waste your time”. 


Other ideas to “feed” yourself in a positive way is to surround yourself with beautiful music.

There are many times that we listen to music or some form of audio entertainment and not think too much about it.

However, it is potential growth time.

When you become more aware of the time that you have and how you can spend it wisely, after many years it can seriously amount to something huge! 


Sometimes, I wish I would have read more every day. The amount of books I could have consumed would have been amazing. 


Practicing something on a daily basis can seem pointless, but I’m going to save that for another post. 

Feed yourself well

What are other ways?

What’s left then?

We’ve talked about watching, listening, eating, what about touching? How to feed yourself well when it comes to touching?

What am I talking about?

Well to answer your question, I mean the quality of fabrics that you are putting onto your body. 

This sounds a little weird, but bare with me. 

Is it not true that when you dress up a little nicer, you actually feel better? This is not anything new.

People have been talking about this for awhile. “Dress how you want to portray to people.” kind-of-attitude, and honestly it does work.

So, I am just going to quickly bring it up here. 

The idea about feeding yourself well is about consciously surrounding yourself with anything that can improve your life.

If wearing something of quality and beauty makes you feel like the elegant woman that you are, then it is working.

But it’s important to keep in mind that the elegance always comes from within. 

Give yourself some love

Feeding yourself well is a wonderful way to show yourself the love and respect that you deserve.

That is what can elevate you from being just a woman, to being the woman you desire to be.

It’s these little touches that those women who have that “look” use as their secret weapon.

Now, you might be wondering, how can you implement this in your daily life, and luckily it’s quite attainable if you’re willing to work for it.  

The ultimate…

How to Feed Yourself Well

Eat Well

Let’s begin this with the most obvious of all. Eat well. 

Now, this is no food or diet blog and I know just how personal this conversation can be, so I will keep it light.

Eating well does so much for you. It lets you wake up early (in a better mood), you feel light in your body.

And best of all, it takes that little nagging voice and quiets it. 

If you think back to yourself how many times that  you eat something “bad” for yourself, that you regret it and feel a little stupid.

Either because of your lack of discipline or that you didn’t prepare something else.

That little nagging voice can start quiet and escalate to an ongoing stress that is constantly on your mind. 

It can be time consuming and tortuous.

So, prevent the whole vicious cycle of eating junk, feeling bad for yourself, feeling guilty, then mad so you eat something you know you shouldn’t. 

Avoid the whole fiasco and eat well. 

Listen Well 

Another form of entertainment that’s older than television is radio.

Or, perhaps more modern, music, audiobooks, talk radio, anything that needs you to listen.

We spend a lot of our time listening because we are driving, preparing food in the kitchen, running or walking, cleaning, or even just getting ready in the morning.

If you think about all those waking hours where you can do something to better yourself, it’s amazing.

Give yourself the gift of education and knowledge in anything that merely interests you.

It doesn’t need to be traditionally “educational”.

Make yourself feel happier and improved as well.


What medium is best?

Try to find a medium that best fits with your lifestyle.

I know that at the moment, with three boys I don’t watch much television, but I do listen to YouTube often.

I haven’t really listened to many podcasts yet, but I know they can be very exciting.

If anyone has any recommendations please let me know in the comments below. 

If you know that you could accidentally get sucked into YouTube’s rabbit hole, which I admit can easily happen if you’re not careful, music is a wonderful option.

Music has a way of relaxing you, pumping you up, making you feel happy, lets you cry out your emotions.

No matter what, there’s a song for you at any moment.

When you feed yourself well with music it can open you up to different thoughts and feelings. It can make you feel beautiful and arouse inspiration.

But what kind of music is defined as “well”, when it comes to feeding yourself? 

It depends. 

There’s the classical music which can make you smarter, or at least inspire you to do things for yourself like read a book.

For me, I love listening to foreign music, especially older ones from the 40’s.

This being after World War 2, and their countries being so happy that they won the war and they get to experience freedom, they are also trying to rebuild their cities and fix the damage.

But regardless, the music has such a powerful way to inspire you! Don’t get stuck only listening to one kind of music either.

Expand your horizons and keep an open mind. 

I bet that at some point today that you listened to music, you felt inspired and bettered yourself because of it! 


Watch Well 

Mentioning guilty pleasures, watching “bad” shows used to take up my down time that I almost gave up television.

I feel like there really isn’t much on that can make you a better person.

I know that some of you will beg to differ, but I find that true for me.

I always find myself gravitating towards the junk. (it’s terrible!) 

Now, with all the different methods of watching entertainment, it’s almost impossible to escape it!

That’s why it’s so important to choose something that will feed your mind in a positive way.

While some people can argue that there are too many options, I can say that now more than ever before free education is so easy to ingest!

It’s just a click of the internet.

Whether that’s learning a new language, cooking any ethnic culture’s recipe, or reading about the history of the universe. 

In reality, there is so much knowledge out there for the taking.

If you choose the right material, you can make yourself a better person.

It’s in your hands. 

If watching isn’t your thing, reading is vast.

Like I mentioned before, you need to find what really speaks to you and it also depends on what season of life you are in.

There are times where reading is much easier and more enjoyable, like with older children or when you can take half an hour out of your day to sit down and devour a beautiful book.

The whole idea here is to take what you’re doing already and replace it for something that will benefit you.

You aren’t getting much out of a gossip magazine but if you switch from one of those to learning how to (insert something that tickles your fancy) then think of a year later and how much knowledge you’ve collected!

Even if it is only ten minutes a day, it would be 60 hours a year of learning!

Use your eyes to enrich you, not waste your time and turn you into a zombie, because that is what happens. 

You might like: Watch Something for Inspiration

Touch Well 

This one sounds a little funny but has just the same amount of impact on your life.

Why do you think that the importance of fabrics is held high?

Isn’t it funny when you wear something made of wool your day is ruined, unless you wore a cotton shirt underneath? 

Simply because when something makes you feel nice, your attitude reflects it.

Think of this example, so you are feeling extra bloated today and you rushed out of the house and put on the first things you saw.

Which happened to be thick jeans that are always on the snug side and a shirt that rides up (and to make it extra annoying, let’s pretend it is made of cheap polyester!)

How do you think that day is going to be like? 

Probably terrible! 

So whatever touches your body needs to make you feel amazing! 

You feed yourself well by buying clothes that make you feel more “you” and by wearing makeup that enhances your natural beauty instead of wearing a mask.

It’s very easy to find ways to cover yourself up with clothing, makeup and accessories.

Especially ones that scream so loudly that people can’t see the real you.

Stop hiding!

By paying attention to the little details, such as how something as trivial as these pants make you feel, you can make the rest of your day better which will affect every aspect of your life. .

It really is all connected. 


Feed yourself well

In Conclusion

Feeding yourself well will change your life and they really are just the simple switches that you can do on a daily basis.

It might take months to implement all of them in your life and allow time to take place. 

If you get really excited and try to change too much too fast, it rarely sticks, plus you’ll get burned out and then the guilty feelings come over you like a heavy blanket.

Trust me on this because it has happened to me before (more than once!)  

Try and think of this as a way to get to know yourself better.

Develop hobbies and perfect the ones you have already.

Think of all that free knowledge at the tips of your fingers and how most of us (myself included on this), we just let it go to waste and we spend our time doing something that won’t ever make us better. 


By bettering yourself well in all parts, your body will reap the benefits.

Start today and switch out one thing you think is wasteful and find something that you can learn from to replace it. 


Let me know in the comments below if you have something that feeds you well!


Need inspiration?

Read this!

“Change is your friend not your foe; change is a brilliant opportunity to grow”

-Simon T. Bailey

I would love to keep the chat going and leave a comment! Once you’re done, let’s connect on social media!

Let’s stay connected!

How to be Elegant: Always Think of Others

How to be Elegant: Always Think of Others

Thinking of others first is something saints would do, but apparently so do elegant woman!

Welcome to another post in the series, How to be Elegant, and today I am writing about how an elegant woman will be concerned with others and making sure that they feel welcomed, loved and just all around feel wonderful. Essentially an elegant woman will never let another person feel left out.

This is not some sort of excuse to shame anyone for wanting the best for themselves, but it is something that needs to be addressed..

And today is that day!

We live in a terribly selfish world. It’s always “me me me” and when you are around an elegant woman and she asks you how your day was or even if they could get you something, it’s like a breath of fresh air!

It’s not hard, but then why is it so rare to come across one?

Because we like to make sure our needs are met first! And that I say, is where we need to realize that it needs to end! We must sound some sort of alarm that will warn us when we are acting like selfish jerks and start expressing love and selfLESSness!

Okay, but I don’t want to hear “Jennifer is saying that I should be a pushover and even worse, a perpetual people-pleaser!”

No, you couldn’t be further from the truth and I would have to object to your slanderous ways!

We, as elegant woman, must make a conscious effort on a daily basis to put other people’s needs ahead of our own. This is quite similar to random act of kindness I suppose, but more in depth, and even more life changing (for both parties involved!).

It doesn’t need to be a stranger.

It could be someone that we are awfully close with and where we decide that it’s better that they are happier.

So, let’s dive in. How do we think of others before our own selves?

This really does go against the human evolution, but also it’s a good thing that us humans are able to ignore our natural instincts!

Step one: Focus on what the situation is at hand, other people. What are they doing? Could you be of service for them?

Step two: Get it for them.

No, I’m joking, it’s not that simple! But it also kind of is….

Step three: Ask if you can help in any way, but be careful of the ones that always reject any help when really it is just a cry for any attention.

This can be a little difficult to decipher, especially if they are strangers or someone you are not quite familiar with. It’s always safest to listen and obey what they ask, you don’t want to impede on them, but always reassure how you are there for them.

But because we all love lists, here’s one.

To make things even simpler, let’s make a list of things you can do that could make other people happier.

What to do to help others

  1. Let them borrow your coat, sweater, jacket if they are cold.
  2. Buy them a drink if they look thirsty, or even a drink to comfort them.
  3. This is a big one: If they comment on how they like your purse, or something (genuinely) then give it to them. (Told you it’s a big one!)
  4. Drive them to a place they need and pick them up too if you can.
  5. It could be as simple as allowing them to order their food first.
  6. Give someone a call who needs it.
  7. If you know what snail mail is, give that a go!
  8. If you see someone being picked on, or just feeling left out, you leave your thoughts at the door and do whatever it takes to make them feel that they belong.
  9. Being at the change rooms at a clothing store (a potential nightmare, really who hasn’t cried in one of those rooms before?!) and tell the ladies how beautiful they look in their new clothes. Make sure it’s believable and not creepy and they will radiate with confidence.

If you don’t live under a rock and are on Pinterest, there are so many posts about self care and self love, but in reality, there are so many people that suffer from not enough love for themselves. Even by giving them a push in the right way can do wonders. Just think that your one seemingly insignificant remark could give them just enough confidence to do something else to better themselves.

It really does work that way.

Be that person for someone.

One main characteristic is to see if it is making you slightly suffer or also sacrifice. This all sounds very martyr-y but let me tell you, it is. — Ha! No it’s not, it’s just about sacrifice that you are willing to be without something temporarily to humble yourself and to show that you aren’t better or deserve more.

People are incredibly impressed and really leaves a wonderful thought of who you are in their minds. Your generosity will speak volumes about who you are and that could even be your legacy. Not too bad if I would have to say so.

This really all stems down to a couple of things.

When people are around you, how do they feel?

Sadly, some people have the tendency to make others always feel little around them and they aren’t necessarily doing it on purpose. They just have that air and it’s hard to shake it. But to be an elegant woman is to put your feelings aside and make others feel better around you.

It doesn’t sound difficult, and that’s because it isn’t. But with this new world order where it’s always about “me, me, me” and make sure that all my needs are met at every waking second, well it’s no secret that when a woman who does something like this leaves such a lasting imprint.

It’s one of those conundrums where the person who actually gives, feels better than the one who receives. Everyone wins.



Please try it the next time you are out because you can really make someone’s day and also yours at the same time. How productive!

Never be discouraged neither because some people simply don’t react well to strangers complimenting. It might happen, but just smile and wish them well and move on to the next person that deserves a little bit of love.


I believe that being elegant can change the world, so what will you do?

Until next time my elegant ladies.

A Elegant Feature

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46 Easy Tips to Calm Down Fast

46 Easy Tips to Calm Down Fast

If you have experienced anxiety, which I am sure you have you will want anything to rid you of it as fast as possible. I get it. Trust me. I have made a list of easy tips to calm down fast.   Tips to calm down fast is something that I have needed during times in the middle of the night and I hope that they can help you too!   It’s hard to be an elegant woman when we are already on edge. Whether it’s about school, work, money, children, whatever it may be.   Life is stressful.   Sadly that is the reality and we must live with it. There is no other option,   Stress is good for the body to a degree, I mean, that is how we survived so many centuries. But in today’s world, with mommy guilt, financial struggles, life being so packed full of activities it’s actually quite a miracle that we aren’t all hiding under our beds!   In this article, I will show you 46 different tips to calm down fast and regain composure to relax and be back to your “normal” self.  

46 Easy Tips to Calm Down Fast


1) Blare out some Beethoven

Have you ever heard that music soothes the beast?   Well it does! The crazy anxiety beast that you have buried deep inside you!   By listening to classical and allowing yourself to truly listen to it and feel the way it moves it can help you calm down. You can read all about it here.   You will see that it distracts from your thoughts, it makes you feel smaller and that you are part of a larger world with a bigger picture. It takes you from the moment of weakness that you might be suffering from, and brings you to a place of calm.  

2) Stretch for serenity

Whether it’s yoga, walking, cardio, the gym. It really doesn’t matter. Get yourself moving.   It releases endorphins, it makes you feel great and look great.   The idea of moving can get blood circulating and pores sweating. You will feel alive.   I realize that when you are having a panic attack, it might seem counter intuitive because you think you’re most likely going to die from a heart attack, but it seems to help me a lot. The only way you’re going to know is if it works for you, is try it!    

3) Breathe

This is a little over done and probably so boring for you to read so I’ll keep it short.   We need to breathe to live.   It’s necessary to breathe more deeply when we are scared or stressed, but for some reason we don’t.   Breathe deeper, longer, stronger and it will help.   Done. No more breathing talk.  

4) Write down your feelings

Have a little book always around you that you are able to jot down some feelings. For some reason when you write them out it makes everything different. It gives you another perspective on it.   Sometimes it can make you step back and think you’re completely crazy for thinking a certain way and other times it can help you achieve a solution.   When you can be utterly frank with yourself, there is usually answers hidden in plain view and by jotting hem down, it makes it easier to see them.  

5) Feel something soft

I don’t know about you, but when I am just feeling irritated or scared or stressed, rubbing my dog’s ears really just helps.   Yes, I realize that sounds so incredibly odd, but have you not felt a dog’s ears? They are so soft that it doesn’t even seem real! Or when you used to help bake with your parents and you were able to stick your hands in some flour and just enjoyed the feeling of how soft it was.   There are many moments in life where you stop what you’re doing and become mesmerized by something soft, so why should this be any different?   Us humans are a very sensual type. We respond very well to stimuli. Try it out, I promise it will help.    

6) Smell something beautiful

This is nothing new at all.   Scents have a way to bring back the most wonderful memories, so use this knowledge to your advantage. Most people use lavender, lemon, or even peppermint.   I love coffee, baking cookies or bread, even freshly cut grass, citrus. Each one can be very personal.   Find something that you can keep close to yourself. At night, when my anxiety can be the worst, I have a bottle near my bed of essential oils that I can smell. My favorite when I am in bed is lavender but that could just be because it’s all I have.   It truly is relaxing. There might be more science to it, but I just think that it triggers other memories which are happier than the one I was experiencing just then.   Experiment with different scents.  

7) Cuddle something warm

It could be an animal, a person, or even a hot water bottle.   But grab something that is warm and just hug it. For me, if my little puppy doesn’t feel like snuggling, I have to end up microwaving a magic bag which really works to just calm me down. It’s weird how fast it helps, but it is almost always my first line of defense when I feel an attack about to arise.  

8) Imagine calm

When I was younger, and I was really stressed out for a test or a speech, my mom would tell me to think of the beach. Imagine the the waves crashing very gently and the feeling of the warm sand on my toes.   She was trying to help me with imagery. Well, usually it always worked. Since we have the tendency to overthink most things, our mind is evil and can work against us. The ability to slow down, think of calming and soothing thoughts can help fight against the bad ones.    

9) Meditate

Or if that isn’t your thing, try just sitting in a quiet room with no thoughts and just focus on what you’re doing physically at the moment. Any mental thoughts, just let them go.   Meditation has been getting so popular over the last 15 years and for good reason. It really does clear your mind of anything and gives you the ability to have a clear head.   Take your time if you haven’t done it before because it might seem weird at first. Actually, it is quite uncomfortable to be honest. When you are wanting to think of nothing, that is the very moment that your mind races and you think of everything bad you did in the last year.   However, once you can get past that part, the benefits are wonderful.

10) Let go

This one is the hardest but I find the most rewarding one of all.   If you are able to truly and I really mean truly, let things go, you will be able to master the calm. There are just certain things that you need to just let it go. Give it to God or give it to the universe.  

11) Reflexology

I have always been fascinated with this kind of practice and I have dabbled in it from time to time.   Let me just say, don’t ever close the door to anything because you never know what might help at certain times in your life.   Read a bit more on reflexology here.    

12) Massage / Self-massage

Doesn’t it feel just so wonderful to get massaged. The most wonderful thing about getting massaged is that you don’t need to get it done professionally, or even get it done by someone else.   By rubbing your neck or your head or even your hands can really help your mind be at ease. This article explains is in better way then I could.   All you need to know, massaging feels great. Rubbing releases endorphins which therefore can make your stress melt away.  

13) Ask yourself what is going on

Do you know what your triggers are?   Is it something that you can prevent?   Should you even prevent them? I  have seen on YouTube and even read in some articles that it can be good to face your triggers. Get real with them and realize that they are just little bumps that you will get over.   Look deeper into what it is that is bothering you. Always try to get to the root of the problem.  

14) Hum

Want to instantly relieve yourself of some stress, take up humming.   I really liked this article on it and found it to be true in my case! You can find it here.  

15) Clean up a little

No one likes clutter.   Menial and repetitive work can do the body good. Plus the thought of what you have accomplished helps so much!   Gets your mind on something else other than your anxiety.    

16) Watch some YouTube videos or listen to podcasts

You’re clearly not the only one that suffers from anxiety, or else I would never have written this article. I go through times where it affects me more than other times.   I wish I didn’t but I feel like the older I get, the more I have to lose and it genuinely scares me. I have found countless of videos where there are other people like me who suffer from anxiety at times and listening to their coping mechanisms can help.   They provide insight in their ways of dealing with it and sometimes it helps quite a bit.  

17) Realize you can’t control a thing

So, funny story.   When I was younger, I thought I could control everything. And well, it seemed that way even after we got married. He was the absolute man of my dreams. Everything was working out perfectly.   Even after his mother passed away, it was all for a bigger plan and I understood why. I still felt in control of my life.   It wasn’t until our daughter was born very ill, and she passed away — it was this whole experience when I realized that I didn’t control a damn thing (no matter what I thought)   The idea of the love of my life being taken away scares me and is part of my anxiety. The idea that I can’t control anything stresses me out, but coming to terms with it can and has brought me a little peace. .   Sad thing is, people die every single day. Lives are changing constantly. All we can do is love who is around us now, fully cherish every moment and appreciate the life that we are living.  

18)  Turn that frown upside down

Be positive.   Try to see the good in all things.   It pays to see the good in situations and people. It has been shown in so many people that if they are a glass-half-full type, that their outlook on life is happier and more fulfilled.   When you are feeling stressed, remember everything you’re grateful for and write it down. Read it. Study it. Feel it.    

19) Read some inspirational quotes

Who doesn’t love to get inspired by someone’s quotes.   Depending who it is from, it can make me a better writer, gives me stamina when I need it the most, reminds me that I am not alone, that how I am feeling is not isolated and others can relate.   It helps and I admire when I read a quote that makes me say to myself, “she gets me”.  

20) Get logical

This one works wonders for me.   When it comes to my anxiety, it usually involves me getting sick, it will get crippling if I don’t get ahold of it now. I have seen what being a hypochondriac can do to people and it is not pretty.   My husband has a way with words. Thank God for him because he puts things flat out there. Making me question my anxiety, which you think would make me angry that he doens’t believe me that I might be having a crushing heart attack and that it comes and goes when I am stressed.   He reminds me that if I haven’t had it yet, most likely, it’s in my head.   In the kindest way possible, he repeats that it’s in my mind and I’m doing it to myself. Which that in itself kind of bothers me, but at least it releases me from the stress I was having and moves it to anger that at least I can answer to.  

21) Talk to God, the universe, or something greater than you

There are times just when you feel like you want to keep something quiet and not say anything. I get it, I, too can be quite private of a person. In these times, I talk to God.   You can talk to the universe, or your creator or anything or one that can help you. It’s an amazing feeling to know that the world does not rest on your shoulders. Even though at times it may feel that way, it really doesn’t.   Life will move on without you and their lives will carry on.   It puts things into perspective, gives you hope, and makes you feel like you part of a bigger plan.  

22) Then talk to a person you love and trust

When there is something on your mind, how good does it feel to tell someone else. Whether or not they tell you the issue, doesn’t it feel great to get it off your chest. Sometimes they can give you a fresh pair of eyes to look at your anxiety.   Perhaps they can give you some insight that you never thought of before.   It helps me when I am having a little attack to tell my husband and he can usually talk me down and out of an attack before it escalates to something of that magnitude. He always has a way of bringing me back to reality and realizing that it’s all in my head and I am the one making it worse.   As much as I don’t want to admit it, he’s usually always right when it comes to it too!

23) Repeat some affirmations

I used to be very apprehensive of these.   Hard to believe that by repeating a few sentences it can fix all our problems and give us confidence to boot.   Well, that’s probably why it never worked for me. One, I thought it was a set-it-and-forget-it kind of deal. And second, I didn’t truly believe it in my heart.   The frame of mind you are in while saying these affirmations matter. It can be the difference from working and failing. And you can’t just say it once and it will be done, you need to be saying it whenever you can remember to.   Your brain is a powerful tool when used properly. Consider tapping into it and using it for its potential!  

24) Replace your bad habit of overthinking with something more helpful

Do you do this?   I do this.   It’s funny how we tend to think of every single possibility that can go wrong. It’s truly a curse. I have tried to acknowledge it, but I guess what is comforting to me is to know that I am not the only one that goes through this.   Many people have this, I have thought that worrying or overthinking is something safe for us. Almost like we have convinced ourselves that if we worry enough, then something bad won’t happen.   Crazy.   But that wouldn’t be the first time that we did something crazy to justify our actions.   Overthinking or worrying just makes everything worse. It almost magnifies our stress and keeps us sucked into believing that it will keep getting worse.  

25)  Become a minimalist

Everybody is raving about it.   There are many blogs and vlogs and podcasts about it. That’s because they are onto something!   Having less might seem like a problem, but the less you have the less you are tied down to. It truly can help calm you down because you’re not spending your money on needless things.   Another way it is so relaxing is because there really isn’t as much clutter in your house and therefore in your life.   Remove your clutter, remove your stress.    

26) Relieve yourself of any guilty feelings

If this is something that affects you, perhaps you lied to a loved one or cheated on a test, the only way you will get better is to fix your wrong.   I know this might not be what you want to hear but unfortunately, it may be the only way.   A guilty conscious is like a disease and it can manifest itself in your body and continue to grow and get worse and worse!   This can be the hardest thing you do because it usually means to rehash some ugly things in your life, but to get better you have to go through the hard first.   Nobody says it was going to be easy, but the idea of ending your anxiety can be a reward in and of itself.  

27) Be honest with yourself

For some people, the anxiety could be rooted in something that you know you need to fix.   Living a lie, never done it before, but boy oh boy, I could only imagine how exhausting it would be to keep up with the lies.   If you are always telling the truth then you don’t need to remember anything!   Your body has a way of dealing with your lies and it usually consists of attacks that you might be able to control at first, but it will come out.   Stop lying at every part of your life, even if you’re just lying to yourself.  

28) Slow down

How many times have we seen this lately.   In a world that is speeding up, there is a trend that is taking over about slowing down.   Try it for yourself, don’t wait for your anxiety to strike to slow down, let it become your life. Define your life not by how much you can squeeze in during your waking hours, but what you can do to get a few things done while giving yourself enough time.   It might seem impossible at first, but even you had to crawl before you walked.  

29) Don’t be in debt

So many people have restless nights because of financial worries.   It’s a huge stressors in marriages and relationships. It can make sane people do crazy things and also can bring upon desperate measures. By eliminating stress, it is just one less thing to be a trigger or something to be on your mind.   Money has the ability to give you freedom or sentence you to a metaphorical jail cell.   If you are able to live within your own means and not borrow money, then do so. It is easier to live with less but owe nothing than it is to live a life that truly isn’t yours.  

Related >>> How to be Elegant: Stop Consumer Debt

30) Stare at fire

This is similar to meditating, but just a bit different because it really gets you to stop thinking about anything that could be going on in your life. Fire has always been something that is amazing to humans.   It’s warm.   It dances around with what seems to be no boundaries.   Besides it being so small, the power it harnesses can be dangerous.   And if you’re outside, the smell and sounds can be intoxicating! It’s still one of my favorite ways to spend an evening in the fall!  

31) Eat that ice cream

I usually am not one to promote emotional eating (seeing as I suffer it, I realize the stronghold it has on people!) but we are sometimes too rigid on ourselves.   We give ourselves rules and boundaries, which don’t get me wrong, I find them incredibly necessary or else I would be as big as a house and have no money. But there are times when you have to loosen up the grip and let it all hang out!   The most wonderful part, is that you can feel like it’s a treat. Allow it sometimes, but don’t get carried away or use your emotions as an excuse.  

32) You are smarter than your anxiety

I don’t know about you, but when I feel that prickly and heavy blanket of anxiety come over me, I feel already defeated.   I like to refer to it as my big bad bully.   It’s something that picks on me when I am most vulnerable, it knows where to hit me when it hurts, and it makes me feel little and helpless.   Remind yourself that you are letting it control you, not the other way around.  

33) It’s never as bad as you think

Doom and gloom.   That’s how panic attacks work. They really make you think that there is no way out. It’s a terrible feeling!   But, through experience, how many times were you able to get out of it alive and realize that when you look back it was never as bad.   It’s funny because even though I have had many times where I can look back and see that — when another anxiety attack comes my way, it’s like I forget that I am strong enough to make it through.   Repeat to yourself until you believe it, it’s never as bad as you think.    

34) Take a hot shower or bath

This is a good way to distract your mind from whatever your stressors are, unless your anxiety stems from water, then in that case just skip to the next point! 😛   Again, referring to anxiety as a bully, it comes when it is the most inconvenient time. Usually, it’s when I am trying to fall asleep and I just want to go to bed. It hits with a vengeance,  usually telling me that I probably will die of something in my sleep. It makes it impossible to calm down enough to sleep.   This is where you enter the shower or bath. It gets you up, moving around, distracting you from your initial fears. It changes your frame of mind, even enough to make you realize how crazy you might be. It helps me usually.  

35) It’s time to Netflix some comedy

Who doesn’t like to laugh?   I have a soft spot for stand up. I like to laugh and I find that it’s a great stress reliever. I remember a few nights where I couldn’t sleep but putting on something funny made me temporarily forget why I was stressed, therefore helping me to sleep.   There’s a reason people say laughter is the best medicine!  

36) Life is too short

Think about it.   No, like, truly think about it!   Life is so terribly short! I have been alive on this earth for 30 years. Just like that in a blink of an eye, 30 years. So technically, another blink and I’ll be 60.   Now, 60 is practically the new 35, but just to say how fast time — it really has no time to stress out.   If you are able to back up from your point of view and try to see life from the big picture, you will realize that the struggle you are concentrating on or focusing on is so minute that it almost seems laughable.   Just think back to your struggles in high school. The problems that you dealt with and your struggles were really nothing by your today’s standards. My point is, you will grow and look back and think that this issue wasn’t as big as you might be making it.

37) Get yourself a hobby from another century

Yes, get away from the 21st and I would even say maybe the 20th century and slow down!   Any hobby that needs technology should be avoided like the plague. You get enough of that from your day to day activities. Whether it’s from work or play, it’s nice to just slow down.   Some hobbies are knitting, crocheting, cooking, baking, reading (a book!), learning something new (not with YouTube), woodworking, write anything, scrap booking, the list can go on!   Disconnect. Hang it up. And reap the benefits of simplicity.    

38) Get your behind off social media

As vital as it is to know what your triggers are, it is just as important to not make new ones.   Sometimes, social media (usually Instagram in my case, but it can occur on Twitter or Facebook) has a tendency to make you look at your sad and sorry excuse of a life, and make you feel down in the dumps. Even people who “have it all” can feel empty and sad — so this bully will take any it can get, it does not have an M-O.   Avoid it if you can, or tread lightly.   Just always remind yourself to never compare.  

39) Keep yourself busy

Sometimes I find that doing nothing can be one of the worst things for my anxiety.   It almost gives it time to fester in my brain and play around with my mind. But if I keep my mind doing a task, it has to be hard enough where it uses my brain, but not too much where it frustrates me — that is the spot of happiness.   Who know that dull and monotonous work was really the path to true happiness. You’re welcome!   TIP: Next time you are stressed, try washing some dishes by hand in the warm water. Focus completely on it and be in the moment. Hand washing is a secret to peace! 😉

40) Make out or make love

Okay, just listen here.   I realize that when you are going through a moment of anxiety, the very last thing on your mind is romance. I get it.   But, did you know how hard it is to think when you’re kissing.   I don’t care how good of a multi-tasker you are, it’s almost impossible. So next time you’re wallowing in fear, grab your spouse and pucker up.  

41) Take off tight clothing

When anxiety strikes and I’m stuck in tight pants or feel like my high rise pants might be suffocating me, it makes it worse by about a million times.   It’s like I can feel the life getting sucked out of me.   I know personally, it’s hard to relax when your clothes are a bit too snug and I find that just putting on the biggest clothes as possible, it can instantly bring a little more tranquility to your moment.   This won’t solve it, but it can take some of the side effects and reduce them, therefore, making you feel that your stress isn’t as bad.   TIP: If you’re at school and work and can’t throw on some baggy pjs? Keep a big sweater, one that is comfortable but fits your dress code and keep it in your car, your locker, or the back of your chair. Change into that even if it is for a few hours to just help for a while.    

42) Fold laundry

Remember how I said do something that doesn’t use your brain, well here is one that helps.   But it also helps to put it away, it is organizing. It is the fact that you are giving more clean clothes to wear.   It’s warm and soft (as I mentioned earlier)   Actually, if you stop and think about it, folding laundry might be the most perfect chore.  

43) Look at pictures or videos of cats

Please take me seriously here!   I know it sounds utterly insane to imagine that some little fluff ball could be responsible for happiness, but it’s true! According to a study done with 7000 people by an Indiana University Media School researcher, their mood was tracked after watching cats and then recorded.   They found they had more energy after viewing the videos, it relieved their awful mood and what I loved the most was that the idea of them procrastinating wasn’t a factor when they took into account how good it made them feel! It’s all here and give it a read if you want to see more of their findings.   So, I really don’t think I need to say more but watch some cute animals and feel those endorphins flood your body! Your anxiety will definitely dissipate after this!  

44) Look at your vision board

If you have one of these, this is perfect.   I don’t have a physical one because frankly, I just am not that artsy and I don’t have room to keep it up. Another reason to be honest, is I find it to be extremely personal and I can be almost embarrassed by it. Now when I write that, it does sound a little weird, but we all have our own idiosyncrasies.   If you don’t have the time or desire to make one, but you want to look at imagery, may I suggest creating one on Pinterest. You can make one completely in private, that only you can see and edit.   How does a vision board help you bring calm into your life?   Simple! It is everything that brings you happiness.   If you find that you are always referring to a board — you can even make one specifically for when you are having an anxiety attack. It helps to see your life, your goals, your dreams, and good memories all together looking organized and pretty!    

45) Never consult with Dr.Google…. Ever again

Of all the things that has helped me, this was the one that had the most profound change in my life!   Believe it or not, but whenever I had an “unexplained” ache or issue, there I was googling it.   Just to give you an example. I have double vision at times, especially when my eyes are exhausted or I don’t take proper care of them (hence why now I am usually wearing my glasses!). Well I googled double vision and next thing I know I am most likely suffering a stroke, have a brain tumor, maybe I am going blind, there could be a chance I might just drop dead before I even finish reading the potential diagnoses.   Well, let’s just say I was freaking out because I know me and the way I work. I could even say I am a mild hypochondriac of sorts. My trigger isn’t my double vision or my chest pain or headaches, it’s having too much information that doesn’t actually include me.   What helps me is realizing that if I had this problem before, and I got it checked out already, and I’m still alive then its most likely in my head. Which brings me to my next point…  

46) Don’t be scared to die

Exactly.   Most of my anxiety comes from the idea that I might die.   When I am typing this out, I know it sounds so ridiculous but in the moment it is terrifying.   If you can eliminate the fear of death, which I might have to add again, none of us can really control, then the anxiety will lessen.  

In conclusion

If you haven’t seen the pattern, it’s all about changing your mind frame. Distracting your brain from something that you are thinking that is happening from what is actually happening.   Master your true emotions, rid yourself of any guilt, think of serene surroundings, look deeply into who you are and you might just beat your anxiety’s butt!   Be elegant, be passionate and live your one and only life by being in control of it and not allowing your thoughts to control you.