How to Properly React to Nosy People

How to Properly React to Nosy People

by | Feb 24, 2020 | Etiquette, How-To

Why are people so utterly nosy?

According to M.Farouk Radwan, MSc. at 2 Know Myself, it is for a few reasons, but mainly surrounding around insecurities. That is why it is so imperative that when you talk to someone who can’t help but dish about others, you know that it is a red flag. When you talk about someone negatively  – you’re either a narcissist or you think very low of yourself. Either way, both are not very refined and figuring out how to react to nosy people without being rude is truly vital to elegance! When people are nosy it not only hurts your feelings, but it hurts others around them as well. Most nosy people feel insecure and love to gossip because by bringing others down, it raises them up. You know that being an elegant woman is avoiding gossip at all times, which even means subjecting yourself to becoming a victim by releasing too much information. In today’s post, I will be presenting a five proper ways to deal with nosy people without looking rude.

Life just happens.

If you have been following me for the last month or so, you will know that something drastic is happening in my life right now. Not only does this affect me but it affects many people who are very close to me. This something that rarely happens to people (thank God), but everyone all wants answers, even though I don’t even have them. They keep insisting which is very insensitive and angering. I am not writing only a post on how to deflect questions about yourself but mostly how to deal with nosy friends. Today isn’t about me or what is happening, (not yet, but I promise I will let you all in when the timing is right!). No, this post is about other people who find it their mission to dig to find out information on other people. I do not know if they mean to be rude or even think they are doing anything wrong, but whenever I leave the conversation I feel upset and that my privacy might have been compromised. Even if I didn’t say anything personal, because of their persistent insisting it makes me feel like I am doing something wrong. This is clearly something I have to work on, but I am betting that if I feel this way, there are many other women who have the same problems. It’s about portraying the best ways to elegantly deal with these kinds of people. It can be challenging! But if I can do it, really anyone can!

“Isn’t it kind of silly to think that tearing someone else down builds you up?”

― Sean Covey, The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective Teens

Perception is reality

First off, you never ever want to be regarded as a nosy person. Ever. It is so far from elegant and it would be just a terrible reputation to have. You know exactly what I am talking about. We all know at least one person like this. They just thrive on juicy details on others. It’s quite a sad existence. However, if you find that you are nosy, it is never too late. But do consider stopping that terrible characteristic before it can get you into trouble. Not only does it hurt others but it really does hurt your own too. People will not trust you and will steer clear from your gossip. Being a gossip gives you a false sense of friendship with everyone because people will only go to you for information on others, but if you are genuinely in need of some help, they will be nowhere to be found. It’s terrible, so cultivate true friends who don’t put you in those situations and you will always win out in the end.

Keep details to yourself

I am also wanting to bring attention to people that feel the need to tell strangers their whole life story. Remember, you are always being judged by people (it’s just how it is) and while your best of friends might be gentle when you tell them something personal because they know that you are an amazing person, strangers won’t give you the same grace. They will only think of you as what you show them. You might tell them something that you would think is an innocent thing, such as telling someone that you and your sister can’t even be in the same room at the moment without a constant fight. Your best friend might understand that you and her are just going through a rough patch. However, a stranger might think that your family is so full of chaos and then go on and think that you are a person who attracts drama as well. Whatever you say or do is terribly important and affects how others perceive you. Their perception is their reality.

 Stopping is as easy as shutting your mouth

Luckily it is easier to stop being so nosy! Just stop talking about others. Listen to your gut. If you feel that it is not right to say something or that you would immediately regret saying it, it is better to just stay quiet. You’ll thank yourself!  It’s like the old adage, if you have nothing good to say, then don’t say anything at all. I remember my mom telling me this over and over again. The reason for today’s post is that I am having people actually asking me personal questions and trying to pry into my private life. It really hurts because at this time, our family needs our privacy so that we can figure out what is going on. The sad thing is that these people I thought were my friends. But I don’t need friends who will make me feel like I am doing something wrong by not telling them something I am not ready to. Those are not real friends.  At first, I was always stuttering my words and just being very inelegant with my answers. There has to be a better way without me sounding like this. I like to be aware of myself and how I sound to others, it is very important to me. I must say though, I can’t believe how many gossips there are and how grown people (as in NOT in high school) really love juicy stories and love to spread them.   Again, I can’t stress this enough, don’t be one of these! It will always get back around and you will always look like the bad person because let’s face it, gossiping is terrible because not only do you look bad, but it can really hurt others around you!

You would love: How to Deal with Rude People

How to stop being nosy

The few ways to react to nosy people will really matter greatly on who you are as a person and what your personality is like. For me, I really don’t like confrontation so number 3 and 5 are really hard for me. But luckily my husband has no problem with that! I just can’t imagine myself being so upfront and “mean” to people. (I quote mean because my husband doesn’t think it’s mean to stick up for yourself – and I must admit I do agree – it just feels like it!) My favorite ways to deal with nosy people is to play stupid and give short answers. This takes a lot of practice because sometimes old habits die hard and it can be too easy to just tell people everything. That is why it is best to just remember that it is no one’s business but your own and who you truly feel like sharing it with. I hate feeling like an open book (which is funny because I have a blog), I have found a huge difference after I properly reacted to people just wanting information. I don’t leave a conversation feeling uneasy or uncomfortable. Well not as much as before! It still needs constant practice. I have found that these 6 tips from PopSugar really reinforce how amazing it feels to stop being nosy!

How to Properly React to Nosy People

+ How to Respond to Nosy Questions

1) Play stupid.

This one is great for beginners because you can just keep denying information. Even if you don’t like to lie, you need to tell yourself that it is okay because it is no one’s business. It is yours and your husband’s only. I find that by playing stupid you will be asked more questions but just keep sticking to your guns and you should be okay. I usually am. After they either get the hint or they realize they aren’t getting what they want, they will usually leave you alone. But when I say play stupid, I mean it in the most elegant kind of ways of course. It is almost an art form to be able to play stupid without actually looking stupid! This is my favorite because I feel like it doesn’t humiliate or insult anyone and you still go away feeling like your privacy hasn’t been compromised.

2) Be truthful, but give quick short answers.

Sometimes, it is hard to lie to people. Depending who they are, it can make things harder on you in the future. I agree, lying is usually never the best strategy because sooner or later you always get caught up in it and you end up looking like a liar (another characteristic you don’t want to be labeled as). Try to stick to only a few words per answer and it is best to also make sure they are vague. Again, repeat after me, you DO NOT owe any explanation to anyone for anything (besides your spouse). So when someone feels it is their right to know, you remember that little mantra and give them a short answer. This will also give them a hint that you do not want to talk about it and that there is no point in continuing to pry. I like this strategy because again, you don’t come off as rude or angry. To me that is very important. If you’re more like my husband then the next point you will love!

You would love: How to Gain Confidence: Find Your Elegant Secret Weapon

3) Be blunt with them

Remember how earlier I said that you do not owe anyone an explanation no matter what. Well this couldn’t be more true with this strategy. You tell them that they don’t need to know because it won’t make a difference in their life whether they know it or not. I find that this is the most effective way to stop all questions. When you just call their bluff and tell them that it is not necessary that they know. This one can be seen as being rude though, but it mainly depends on your tone of voice and attitude. When being blunt, be gentle and empathetic – even if their intentions were not the best.

4) Change the subject completely

This is a great way on how to avoid answering personal questions! Okay, this is not the easiest one because well, frankly, people can be persistent. You can only change the subject for so long until they get back to it again. But it is a great way to re-routing a conversation without looking rude but being passive. Again, if someone isn’t completely oblivious – they would hopefully get the hint that you don’t want to talk about it! When changing the subject, I usually like to bring up something in their life. Not to pry either, but most people like talking about themselves or something that they enjoy. If you can ask the perfect question to get them distracted until the conversation is over then you did your job perfectly. You don’t feel like you said anything you didn’t want to. They didn’t feel like you were trying to dodge the conversation. You didn’t look mean. They got to talk about themselves. It’s a win-win!

5) Remember, (some) people are mean

My husband always reminds me that people who ask questions about me, don’t usually even care about me, they just want some information to relay. That hurts I know, but they just want to know the stories so they can be the gossip king or queen in their circles. I used to be very naive and think otherwise. But after experiencing many moments where I thought they were trying to be good friends then found out the whole community was told about it, well that hurts much more. I have fallen into that trap of either trusting someone too fast or thinking that I can believe them when they can keep a secret. It never works and I had to learn it the hard way. With lots of tears. Perhaps, it was good though because now I am super sensitive with certain subjects and a rule of thumb I use is if I wouldn’t care if a stranger knew then I can tell whoever. But if not, it stays sealed between my husband and I. It is completely up to you to protect yourself because if you don’t do it – no one else will. Feeling like an open book can really affect the way you feel about yourself and remember, people are seriously mean! They will look at your in your eyes with feelings of “love” and sympathy. Meanwhile they are thinking of how amazing this juicy story is to tell her other friends. You must not fall into their trap of security because trust me, it’s all a facade. Listen to your gut, and if you wouldn’t want a stranger to know – then keep it to yourself.

You would love: How to Make an Elegant First Impression

Don’t become one either

I want to stress that you protect yourself to not become a victim, however, I also want to bring to your attention that participating in the gossip is just as bad. Gossiping hurts not only others but also your reputation.

“Often those that criticise others reveal what he himself lacks.”

― Shannon L. Alder

People see it from a mile away. If you’re talking badly about someone, the first thing that will go through their mind is how much you will talk badly about them. It’s truly distasteful and gossiping is never a good idea. If someone persists on it in the conversation, without making yourself look bad, be neutral and never add anything to fuel the fire. When you notice the first exit out, take it and remember never to tell anything to them.

In conclusion

No matter how old you are, it doesn’t matter how many “friends” you have, there will always be people who are rude and just asking questions out of pure gossip. Nosy people are very hard to escape. And social media really exemplifies the need for juicy details! For some gullible and naive people, it can be a hard pill to swallow to think that people are like that, but that is life and people are mean. (However, not all!) It is up to you to protect yourself from the trap of gossip. Stay away from it and don’t feed into it. Sometimes, I find that it helps if you distance yourself from those people. The less gossip you hear, the happier you will be. I hope these five tips can really help you when you’re being asked questions that you don’t feel comfortable answering without resorting to being rude. And if you would like to see some more tips I really liked How To Avoid Spreading Gossip in 5 Easy Steps. My favorite one is to focus on the positive. Being elegant is so important to me, although not at my own expense and when I follow these five tips I feel like I am able to get my point across without sacrificing my elegant lifestyle. Until next time, Jennifer Lynn xxoo
How to Sound like an Elegant Woman

How to Sound like an Elegant Woman

by | Feb 19, 2020 | Etiquette

Do you speak fast? Slow? Do you swear too much?

How about your enunciation? Do you properly pronounce syllable?

What about your vocabulary? Do you say ummm… or like too often?

Do you have a nice rhythm when you talk?

Are you low toned? Or possibly squeaky?

 

 

Besides your beauty and your looks, the way you sound can have a very big impact on the way people think of you. It can display a sense of poise or roughness. It is a very powerful way of communication that is effective and by knowing how to do so graciously really helps quite a bit!

 

I had talked about this in my one post 101 Ways of an Elegant Woman.

 

I am sure you never really thought too much about it before, but it does have a lot to do with how elegant you are. When you think of how important speaking is, you may not disregard it again!

 

When I think of women who have beautiful voices, Audrey Hepburn comes to mind, Kiera Knightly, and Angela Bassett just to name a few. Coincidentally, they are also very elegant woman. I have found the way they speak has a nice rhythm and their tone is also pleasant to the ears. Usually you could listen to them for hours just speak about anything. Be that woman!

 

 

Want to know how to sound like an elegant woman….

 

  1. Build your vocabulary.

 

By reading a lot of different variety of books really helps to improve your vocabulary. You see how words  are use. It also helps to freshen up your memory of words not used very much.

 

I have an app on my phone that gives me a different word each day. That is only half the work. I am a person who needs to write things down in order to remember, (you can imagine how sore my wrist was in university!) So after I see my new word of the day, I write it down and think of how to use it in a sentence.

 

Yes, I suppose this is slightly geeky of me, but I enjoy learning!

 

But this really helps me remember the word and know how to use it properly.

 

If reading or getting an app isn’t  your cup of tea, try watching intellectual movies, watch BBC, listen to non-raunchy talk radio…(so no Howard Stern!)

 

The point of this is not sound like you are better than someone else. You are not learning new words to make yourself sound smarter. No. Instead it is to prepare you if someone does say something that you can now understand. It is also to not dumb  yourself down just to fit in to our society.

 

HOW:

  • find new words to use everyday and use them
  • try to find the perfect time to use them, without sounding condescending

 

 

2. Stop talking with slang/curse words

 

I think there is nothing more unattractive than when a beautiful woman goes to speak, and curse words just come out. F this and F that, it gets hard to listen to. There really isn’t any other faster way to sound more stupid than to speak with every adjective being a curse word. There really is no need for it, seeing as you can always replace them with other words.

 

People will not take you seriously if you are constantly throwing around slang and swear words. Again, another way to just dumb yourself down.

 

It looks very immature and many people will dismiss you as someone credible, and being elegant couldn’t be further away.

 

Using slang is also frowned upon because many people don’t always know what they mean. Especially people like myself! I’m not that old and haven’t been out of school for TOO long, but when some teens speak today I have google what they are saying. Pretty embarrassing!

 

Slang words can go out of style (ie: take a chill pill or my bad), so like everything else I stand for, be timeless and that way you’ll never sound outdated!

HOW:

    • find substitute of swear words
      • bust balls  = bust chops
      • son of a b* = son of a gun …son of a…(and not finish)
    • don’t find the need to use slang words, use more intelligent words
      • instead of dis, use insult
      • instead of ain’t or reckon use am not and I believe

 

3. Think before you speak, and finish your thought

 

It always drives me crazy when someone begins a sentence and doesn’t finish it.  Or is unsure of themselves and just fill in the silence with ummmm…. ughhh….. and any other sound they seem fit. Then you ask them “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch the last part.” and their response is “Oh nothing….”

 

It just makes me cringe!

 

It’s hard to sound elegant with all that babbling.

 

Before you speak, try to quickly plan out what you’re going to say and where you’re going with your thought. The more you practice this, the easier and more natural it will become. Trust me, when  you pause and think before you speak you won’t pause for that long. Don’t be worried that you’re going to look like an airhead or you don’t understand.

 

You automatically will be absorbing what they are saying as they talk, but this also means you must be paying full attention to the one you’re talking to.

 

 

HOW:

  • try to think of exactly how you will answer a question about what you’re going to say, and if it still makes sense
  • think of exactly what you want to say, and then think of how you want to word it…then speak
  • In a conversation, before you say something, ask yourself a few questions…                     “Is what I am going to say,  going to add anything worthwhile to the conversation?                   
    •   “Will I regret saying this after I say it?”                    
    • “Can what I am about to say get misconstrued or taken out of context?”                  
    •   “If this gets repeated, will it come to hurt me later?”If you answer yes to any of these, then might I suggest you just keep quiet. Again, sometimes silence really is the best answer.

 

 

 

4. Slow down and enunciate

 

This is something that I really had to struggle with when I was younger. I just talk really fast. Since then, I have worked on it and I still do to this day. When I get very excited it happens where I have to tell myself to stop. Calm down. Then to talk slowly!

 

It’s sometimes a battle I lose, but then that means I just have to work harder at it. I usually always win in the end!

 

Not only did I talk fast, I also slurred all my words. I guess when I was younger, it would be really hard to understand anything I was saying! I still would never have a career in broadcasting, but I am much easier to listen to now!

 

I found by periodically clearing my mouth of extra saliva really helped to enunciate everything properly. This does help quite a bit!

 

HOW:

  • calm down by slowing your breathing
  • remind yourself to relax and to slow down everything (even movements)
  • be more in the moment
  • think of how crazy you must look when you are talking so fast and no one can understand
  • if you’re unsure if you talk fast or slur, tape yourself while you talk and see where you need to improve

 

 

5. Watch your tone. Don’t be shrill.

 

I read that once Audrey Hepburn tried her hardest not to sound so high pitched because it was thought to be off-putting to men. Well I can say, that my voice can get very high pitched and I am sure it is not very lovely!

 

To keep your voice and a nice tone does take some work. It is constant remembering to not necessarily stay monotone, but to keep it at a decibel that is pleasing to listen to. It is entirely possible to change your tone, it really takes time and also discipline when every time you speak you are aware of your voice. Not only what you are saying but also how you are saying it.

 

HOW:

  • every time you speak remember to lower your pitch – trust me, it will all come naturally before you know it
  • if you have certain sayings that you say higher, for me it was “but how” or “what are you talking about”. I was able to pin point when I speak like this and because I was more aware of it I was able to stop it before it happened.

 

 

6. Watch your volume.

 

Especially when you are indoors! This one may be the most important one of them all. When you are near others, you should always respect their space and not speak too loudly for everyone to hear everything. I understand a few sentences that they can hear. But your whole conversation should only be heard by the one that it is meant for.

 

The same goes for when on the cell phone. It is no one’s business about what goes on in your life or your friend’s.

 

It really takes away from you graciousness and your charm when you are so loud that everyone can hear your stories or your voice. Just remember, even if you think  you’re quiet, people can always hear you and it is important to always use discretion. If that means speaking quietly, do so. If that means not talking at all, do that!

 

HOW:

  • this is very simple, just quiet down… if you must pretend that you need to whisper all the time until you can find the perfect volume to speak in
  • when you are out in public, remind yourself that you do not want others to hear you, and then you will stop talking loudly to others
  • speak to the person you are wanting to speak with when they come closer or at least in a reasonable space

 

 

7. Do you have a rhythm when you speak?

 

Do you ever find someone to who is speaking so lovely that you just want them to keep speaking because you just admire how they talk? I am not referring to their accent, but also to the way they speak. 

 

This one can distinguish you from other people around  you.  Find your personal rhythm and stick to it. Does it have a lovely ring at the end of the sentence or is it more slow?

 

You most likely already have a rhythm already and you might not even be aware of it. Just try to listen to it now and keep enhancing it. Let it be your signature and people will admire that about you. Like Audrey Hepburn, it is something we all remember about her.

 

HOW:

  • pay attention to how you speak, listen to how you say a sentence, once you notice it you can try to work on it and make it more flattering
  • see where it may need improvements and try to fix them
  • remember this is what people will remember most about you

 

 

8. Be polite and use the words often

 

Please, thank you, you’re welcome, hello, good bye…these might arguably might be the most important words in the English language!

 

I believe the world would be a better place if everyone followed at least this one! I find that people forget these words so often that it is irritating! How hard is it to say thank you or please, yet the reaction is huge! When you show gratitude, it makes other people feel happy for doing something for you.

 

Don’t even underestimate the power of being polite! It really does get you to where you need to be. People will respond better to you. If you ever are getting frustrated or angry, use your manners even more and it can help to diffuse the situation before it gets worse.

 

It is sad that it is rarely used anymore. However, the upside is that when you are using them, you will stand out and people will remember and respect you more for it. Don’t let a moment pass you by when you can say thank you or please. Like anything else, get into the habit of saying these little magic words (they were refereed to magic words when we were young for a reason!)

 

Any woman can be beautiful, but a woman cannot be elegant without manners.

 

 

HOW:

  • use the words as frequent as possible
  • be sincere when using them
  • don’t ever think you can’t say thank you enough
  • you’re always more elegant when saying thank you rather than short form it
  • “it’s nothing” should only be used with friends

 

 

9. Don’t interrupt anyone when speaking,

 

I don’t care if you think what you have to say is more important or meaningful to the conversation, it is never appropriate to cut someone off in the middle of a sentence. We learned this as children when our parents would give us that look when we tried to tell them something when they were in the middle of having an ‘adult’ conversation. This still rings true today!

 

I read somewhere that constantly cutting people off is rooted in the fear of not being heard. Possibly if this is you, and by finding that you do have a little fear that no one is listening to you, see if that is really true or not.

 

You may literally have to bite your tongue for this one, this one is a really hard habit to break! But again, if it stems from a bigger problem, then we may need to fix that one first.

HOW:

  • wait until no one is talking to say what you need
  • if you find that old habits die hard, then apologize for cutting them off and tell them to carry on, only after they are done you can speak
  • remember what you’re saying is probably  not important enough to be cutting off anyone
  • if you’re worried that you might cut someone off, wait until they ask for your comment

 

 

10. Know the power of silence

 

Sometimes, the moment calls for nothing. There doesn’t need to be a response, or your two-cents or even your opinion. Sometimes, the moment needs just your full attention thinking about what is being said. 

 

Let me tell you, this one is SO much harder then you would think. Have you ever been in a situation where there is silence and you do not interrupt it by saying something? It really does take a bit to get used to.

 

This one really does feel good though after you do it a few times. People will love that you aren’t just filling silence with meaningless words. This one I used to struggle with, and to be honest I still do but I promise you it really does come easier! It does and I feel like a more elegant woman because of it! I don’t just fill awkward silence with careless conversation.

 

 

HOW:

  • when not sure how to respond, say nothing
  • if someone is seeking too much and you don’t know how to give it, say nothing
  • if there is an awkward silence, smile and say nothing
  • be confident in your decision to say nothing and it will just make it that much sweeter!

 

So there you have it!

But before I let you go, le me add in here a book that I think you’ll absolutely love! It’s called the Elegant Warrior (affiliate link)! This gives some really great tips is a great read for when searching for something!

A few tips on how to sound like an elegant woman. Practice them and you too will sound more poised as you speak. It takes practice but I promise you…it’s totally worth it!

Let me know how you do down below. I would love to hear any comments you have or any experiences where you needed to work on your elegant sound!

 

Until next time

 

Keep it elegant!

 

This is not a sponsored post

 

 

 

 

Is Elegance Dead?

Is Elegance Dead?

by | Nov 6, 2018 | Etiquette

It is easy when you look around to just assume that elegance no longer exists. 

It is not an attribute that we deem worthy anymore. Or do we and just kind of forgot how to be elegant? 

There are women who are supposed to be role models that don’t understand or respect the idea of boundaries. We consider the social merit with how much alcohol you can hold down. And brag about the adventures of the bedroom that once were kept between the two involved.

Even our modern idea of beauty is not from within, but how much you can reveal. The question is not whether or not you need a breast augmentation, but it’s how big would you like? It seems no one is happy with what they have so they need to always be “improving”. Unfortunately, they are almost always focusing on improving their physical body than their minds. 

So is it fair to assume that just as the way chivalry went, elegance is quickly following behind?

Have we killed elegance? 

Is there no room for grace and poise in a world full of violence, anger and hatred?

I am willing to put myself on the line and say YES!  I am refusing to admit that elegance is no longer relevant, but rather just clinging onto life, desperate to be brought back. 

I know that many women feel the same way as I do. We want to see more of the classic beauty, poise and deportment. I know there is a group of us and if there is anything we can do to help it, (to loosely quote Justin Timberlake)… we are bringing elegance back! 

How are we going to do that?

Easy. We are not going to yell or demand. 

Actually, quite the opposite. 

I find that the most effective tool is neither scolding nor forcefully correcting. But just simply BEING elegant. But like the overused yet highly accurate quote from Ghandi, “We must become the change we wish to see in the world.”

People learn much better from what they see then what they are told. Women will want to have that aura of confidence that you have, it’s only natural. You know exactly what I am talking about. 

Let me give you an example of one that we all know so well, the great Audrey Hepburn! She did not need to preach elegance. She did not need to point her finger at one’s mistakes. Never. But when she talked, moved, walked, practically did anything, you could just sense her graceful actions. You wanted to be just like her! It was obvious she was poised and she didn’t need to do anything more than smile. 

That is exactly what I am talking about. By her just being elegant made so many others want to be elegant too. Many women wanted that allure that she had! It was and still is quite infectious!

Why is being elegant so important? 

Elegance is so important in my life, not only because I blog about it every week, but because it is a way of life that I feel empowers you. It makes you feel like a better person by helping others around you. 

It elevates your day and makes it worthwhile. It adds the little extras that make life not only bearable, but exciting. It really enhances the mundane daily grind of life. But please, don’t me wrong, once you adopt an elegant life you won’t be living la dolce vita.

No! It will still be your life. Still boring, still mundane, but you WILL enjoy that! 

Being elegant is two-fold 

First there is the look. 

Audrey Hepburn, Angela Bassett, Grace Kelly, Kate Middleton, and Catherine Deneuve just to name a few. 

When you think of elegance, there is an image that pops into everyone’s head. I find it fascinating because everyone’s idea of the ideal elegant woman is different. Which I find is perfect because we all have the potential to be elegant. There is no cardboard cut out for this!

But, there are the few common rules:

  • Be neat and tidy

  • Have excellent grooming skills

  • Don’t show off too much skin

  • Make sure your hair is not messy

  • Don’t wear too much makeup 

  • Less is more

>>>> If you want to learn more, check out this post! It explains how to start living an elegant life!

Second there is the mindset. 

This one is the one we all can improve on! And to be frank, this is the most important one. 

Actually it is more about others than it is about yourself. 

The true essence of elegance is to make sure that others around you are comfortable and feel good about themselves. 

When we think of elegance in a mindset idea, it is about a feeling. A feeling we give others and ourselves.

When we can make others feel good about themselves, then we are elegant. If you can have a person smile for even a moment, you are practicing elegance. 

Once you can let go of the idea that elegance is about brand names and flashy homes, then you can embrace the true meaning of elegance. It is about making others enjoy life, and then in turn you enjoy it. 

Selfishness and elegance do not belong in the same sentence as each other. 

Conclusion

Every woman out there regardless of age has the potential to be elegant. Has the potential to change the world by choosing poise. Can make someone’s day a bit better if she adopts a more refined life. 

You can start the revolution! Be the reason for bringing elegance back! 

If you held the door open for someone else, if you made someone’s day a bit brighter, if you let someone in traffic, then you just did something elegant. 

Elegance is not about money, it’s about attitude and mindset. 

Now that we understand a little more of what true elegance is, what do you think?

Is elegance dead? 

How to Deal with Rude People

How to Deal with Rude People

by | Mar 7, 2018 | Elevated Living, Etiquette, How-To

Is the world getting more and more rude?

I honestly think so.

Or is it that we just aren’t as empathetic as we used to be? Our patience is always wearing thin. Our feelings for others are often spared. The fact that we don’t even have time for ourselves, let alone for others might be a variable.

If you talk to anyone, most people are in agreeance that our society is getting more and more rude with each generation.

Either it is the lack of respect or it’s entitlement.

Whatever it is, it’s really hurting people and it needs to stop.

That means it needs to start somewhere, and I say we can. We can make the world a bit better of a place to live when we learn how to deal with rude people and NOT being rude back to them.

Rude + Rude = A very sad and scary place to live.

In this post, I am going to show how to deal with rude people and doing it without responding with rude behavior back, but loving or at least polite gestures and words.

Let’s look into this a bit deeper.

Understanding Why People Are Mean

Adopting an elegant lifestyle means that sometimes we have to look at the bigger picture. We all know that taking the high road can be such a struggle, but after the storm dies down, we are always happy we did.

But to take the high road easily, we need to examine the situation a little closer. Empathy is very important trait here.

Why are people rude? What makes them feel entitled to belittle someone? How are they not embarrassed by their actions?

For example: I was talking to a friend who said that she went to eat lunch with a friend outside and a homeless woman came up to her and asked for money to eat. When she insisted that she didn’t have money but would pay anything at this store for her lunch, the homeless woman was angered and her crazy ways was making everyone in the situation very uneasy.

Basically she didn’t want the money for food, she wanted it for something else (which I am pretty sure you know exactly what it was for!) My friend was utterly stunned and in response to this loud and somewhat frightening experience, she started to raise her voice and in a way she regretted she rudely told her to leave her alone.

Now when she looks back at that situation, she regrets her actions and wished she could have been nicer. She wishes she gave her more grace.

Why?! You might be thinking, because clearly that woman was rude and didn’t deserve a penny.

But I don’t see it that way.

When someone is rude they are usually taking it out on you or someone else who is completely unrelated because that is where they think they can gain control.

I see this with children too, which truly breaks my heart.

People who are rude or give an attitude, generally lack any kind of control at home. Whether it is an abusive parent or controlling and demanding spouse to someone who feels like their voice is not heard.

When you are able to take yourself out of the equation and realize that they are not actually angry at you, but they are angry at their own life, but take it out on any unsuspecting people, it makes you feel a bit of empathy for them.

However, to make it clear I am not justifying or making excuses for them because I think it is terrible the way people treat others and it needs to be addressed, but us as elegant women, we can be the ears or the arms to hug them because they are not angry people, just misunderstood.

Possibly now that we can understand why people are rude, it can make it just that much easier to not feed into it, but disperse the anger. That way of responding to their rudeness can make a change in the air and possibly they might change their ways too.

Sometimes people are mean because it is a cry for love and attention.

How to Not Become a Rude Person

These are a few ideas that I really find help when you want to avoid being the rude person. It is so easy especially when you let your emotions take a hold of you. But with these few simple rules, it can be avoided easily.

Remember, how you are perceived by people is who you are in their eyes. Don’t take this to say it is shallow, but sadly, that is how it is in this world (and don’t try to deny it!).

Think about this quickly. If you come across as crude, that is the image they will have of you. It’s much harder to change it after! So just be nice in the beginning and you won’t have to worry about it!

Don’t be entitled.

This is simple. You are not any better than anyone else out there. Period.

Regardless of money, career, social status or any other way of being ranked, we are all on the same level. It is so imperative that you understand that being entitled is one of the worse characteristics to embody.

Being an elegant woman means being humble at all times.

Here’s a list to look at to see if possibly you are have entitlement issues.

Always be empathetic.

It is easy in this world to just think of a person as a transaction at your job, or just someone in your way at the grocery store. But when you actually realize that they have life problems. They might be dealing with financial issues or marital problems, it can really help to humanize them.

Instead of sighing when they add more groceries to the conveyor belt at the grocery store, you can empathize with them that their sick mother-in-law is at home with them and they are trying to remember what she likes to make them feel more at home.

Empathy is such an important trait to have because it really can help put things into perspective. It helps to give people the benefit of the doubt which every one deserves.

Live by the golden rule:

Do as to others as you want done to you.

 

An elegant woman is empathetic towards everyone, hoping that if the roles were reversed, they would do the same.

Be patient.

This is one of those virtues that we should be practicing daily. It is so important, not just being patient with others, but also with ourselves and our loved ones. However, it is not just about being patient, it is also how you are act while you are waiting!

You can’t be waiting and having a sassy attitude.

You need to be the elegant kind of patient. It is more calm, more relaxed, more truly tolerant. People can see it in your eyes when your faking patience, but when you can genuinely master patience, it is a great tool to not escalate a situation.

If you only learn one thing from this whole post, for your own sake, learn how to be patient. This will not only help others around you, but it will honestly help you for the rest of your life.

Don’t be selfish.

Being egotistical will get you nowhere. I realize that some people are more selfish than others and it is something that will always be an inner battle. Sometimes I catch myself thinking about what will I benefit or what good will it bring me, but that is put to a stop so fast because I know the repercussions are much worse.

Being selfish hurts everyone, including yourself. How many times have you done something without thinking of others and then you regret it later? I have done that and I hate myself afterwards. Luckily, I learn from my mistakes and I have become a lot less selfish!

But when you are selfish and choose not to change it, that is when rudeness sets in and you are oblivious to the fact that you are hurting people.

 

You might enjoy reading – How to get Along with the In-Laws, even if you Don’t

How to act when you’re WITH the Rude Person

This is so incredibly embarrassing.

You’re out to dinner with a friend who snaps at the waiter and expects their drinks faster or turns back their dinner twice because of trivial problems. She complains that she wasn’t treated with the respect she deserves and just keeps humiliating everyone at the table.

This happens more than you think, but when you are a nice person, it can really take you back and make things very awkward.

The thing that is hard that you don’t want to be associated with them. That’s understandable. But at the same time you don’t want to single them out. Sometimes that can be worse.

So here’s how I do this.

For example, I am at the restaurant with my friend who has tendencies to be a bit harsh. I like to be very polite on my first encounter with the waitstaff. So that sets a precedent of how you are. People notice this.

When they start to say something inappropriate I either try to change the subject and dismiss it. Possibly try to diffuse the situation.

But do remember, that you cannot control other people. You can only control yourself.

So when people are being rude, just be nice, no matter what.

Here are some of my methods!

Methods to Respond/ Deal with Rude People

Kill them with kindness.

I honestly believe in this strategy because it never makes you look like you’re being rude (as long as you’re not being passive aggressive). Potentially it has the ability to change the attitude of the person being rude too.

Many times people don’t even realize that they are being rude. So a subtle hint such as this can be all that is needed.

Ignore the snarky comments

I know this one is difficult to do. Especially when they are little digs. But by giving into them is only fueling the fire which is never a good idea.

Plus you don’t want to stoop down to their level. It never looks good on you.

Don’t take anything personally

When people are having a bad day or are mean spirited they might try to say anything they can to hurt and bring down others. It is not necessarily true at all. Their goal is to have other people hurt like they are.

If you allow them to hurt you by taking it personally, it will actually start to harm you and that is not what you want.

Understand the bigger picture

We really don’t know why they are acting this way, but there is usually a reason.

Like I mentioned earlier, you see this in children especially. The ones that are bullying other children are usually the ones that feel that they have no control over their own lives, so they take it out on others.

Try to be the more elegant and mature person and see that life for everyone is different. You might be that one person that they are taking some frustration out. Accept that and be that person for them. Even if it is a stranger, but you are strong enough to take it.

Return their hate with love.

“But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you”

Luke 6:27

How to Prevent Being Unintentionally Rude

Sometimes this happens from time to time, especially when we are not in the best of moods that we can accidentally take it out on innocent people.

This is something that happens to the most elegant of people. We are all emotional beings. We possibly take out our anger and misplace frustrations. It’s so important to avoid it though because you will usually regret it afterwards.

Try and separate yourself

Separate yourself from the situation. You can’t go around yelling and taking it out on people who aren’t involved. I understand that it happens from time to time, but you can’t make it a habit. If you’re angry at your mother, do not take it out on your husband or friends.

Find ways to let your anger out

It’s inevitable. We will all be angry more than once in our life. But that isn’t the problem.

It’s natural.

But what needs to be done is figuring out what helps you to take that anger and remove it from your heart. It’s terrible to walking around in pain and it will only help you if you can find a strategy to help remove in a healthy fashion.

It’s imperative to be able to control your emotions and if that means finding ways such as exercise or writing. Whatever it is, as long as it helps to keep your emotions in check.

See yourself in everyone

Sometimes people like to think of everyone as their mom or dad. That can help with the way you treat people if you think of yourself.

This is just another way of being empathetic, but just a little different than above. Instead of giving someone attitude, because you see yourself (or your mom or  your dad) in everyone, you will naturally give them a little more grace.

Remember your elegance

Don’t forget that you are striving to be an elegant woman. It is something that you consider important and that means to every length. That doesn’t mean you have to be perfect.

No.

But flat out yelling or being disrespectful to someone is just such a big no-no that you wouldn’t even consider treating anyone.

We all go through times when we slip and don’t care, but remembering that you’ve adopted an elegant way of life, it will prevent you from saying something you’ll regret later.

Read people’s faces and gestures

If you have excellent social cues then you will know when you are being mean or nice, if you are starting to be inappropriate or just boring them.

Their eyes may roll, their eye contact becomes far and few between. They might not even be interested in what you’re saying and everything in response is generic “ya, mm hmm”

More you do it, the easier it gets

This is true!

The more you handle situations with poise and a gentle demeanor the easier it becomes to keep doing it.  It’s just like the saying, practice makes perfect!

 

You might enjoy reading – Why I don’t Need to Nag: The Secret to End Nagging and Save your Relationship

Can you tell someone they are being rude, politely?

Absolutely.

But it must be done in the most gentle and pleasing ways.

You can’t just come out and say it with a rough undertone. It needs to be light and sweet. It can’t come off judgemental and condescending.

In order to achieve this without any consequences is to be very honest. It’s no news that being genuine and true to yourself is the only way in the long term people will respect and love you. It’s the same with telling someone they are rude.

If you don’t beat around the bushes and just come clean with a sweet tone then it won’t be too hard for them to take. To tell you the truth, most of the time they don’t even know they are being rude!

They might think they are coming across as just fine. After being told this, they might change without any hesitation because that is not their intention.

You might be surprised!

However you want to tell them, just keep in mind the few things that really matter.

  1. Sweet undertone
  2. Honesty is always best
  3. Kind disposition the whole time
  4. Respect and loving
  5. Have examples ready for them if they need it

 

For something fun, you can try and take a test here to see if you’re considered mean.

To Conclude

If you have to go out in public, chances are you are going to run into people who are rude and just plain mean. But that doesn’t mean that you have to stoop down to that level.

Being an elegant woman means to be kind to everyone. But there are times when they aren’t returning the favor. You can’t take it personally.

Try to understand why are they are being mean in the first place. Is it lack on control at home? Is it that they are feeling belittled?

Whatever it is, it is your job as an elegant woman to have the benefit of the doubt.

Just accept that they might be going through a rough patch or that they have had just the most horrible day and you are just their next innocent victim. You are strong enough to take it and to be that someone that they might need.

Dealing with rude people is just a fact of life because someone is always unhappy about something.

For the Love of God… PUT AWAY YOUR PHONES!

For the Love of God… PUT AWAY YOUR PHONES!

by | Jan 7, 2018 | Elevated Living, Etiquette

Get off your phones!

 

I can’t believe how people can be on the phone especially when  you are in the company of others!

 

The crazy thing is, is that not only does it happen everywhere in the world, but it now happens with every single age!! No one is safe!

 

I feel badly for the people whose company is too focused on their phones than on the topic of conversation! To live an elegant life it is about giving others your full undivided attention. They deserve it, don’t you think?

 

My husband and I were out to dinner and I saw this…

 

All three of them were on their phones… and for a while!!!

 

Then, after about 10 minutes, a mom and daughter duo sat near us. Not too long after they sat, we saw this….

I felt a little creepy taking the pictures, but they didn’t notice!!! Plus I was super sly 😉

 

It’s a little funny too because you can see the people behind STILL on the phones!!!

I find it so depressing when this happens.

 

Especially over a meal too! The one time a day when you can put everything down and truly enjoy breaking bread with a loved one.

 

Getting away from the plugged in world can really help you regain your composure and patience.

 

This is so prevalent when talking about elegance too because when you are elegant you are not distracted.When you are elegant you do  not accept this kind of behavior (from yourself or others).

 

Being elegant is being in the moment and not making others feel like you could be somewhere better.

 

Why do we let this happen?

Do you think I am overreacting?

 

I don’t think so…. but maybe you do?

 

I get it, there are times when you need your phone. There might be something you’re looking up that can enhance the conversation or even answer some questions. But when you are just on social media or texting others that is when I feel that our society is going to turn badly. We are all allowing this to happen and it needs to stop before it gets worse.

 

When we let this become the norm, that is when we lost the battle! (Hopefully not the war though)

 

But what can we do if we are with someone who relentlessly checks their phone?

 

This is a very good question. You don’t want to nag. You don’t want to  seem pushy or complain too much. However, you also don’t want to let this happen regularly! It puts a strain on yourself and your relationship.

 

There are a few things you can do…

 

1) Be polite and suggest that BOTH of you put your phones away.

Because you are suggesting that both of you do this, it doesn’t seem like you are pointing the finger at them. No one feels that they are being insulted and everyone wins!

 

2) Every time they grab for their phone ask them a question about themselves.

People love talking about themselves so if you distract them with something that they will want to talk about, it might stop them from grabbing their phone and you can carry on a conversation.

 

3) When you are out, don’t even touch your own phone.

Sometimes by quickly looking at your phone, it can give the other people an excuse to look at theirs. Even if it is only for a moment, that moment can lead into much longer. Don’t give them any reason to touch their phone at all.

In the end…

 

You display to others how you want to be treated. So if you are always on your phone, then they will be too.

 

We need to put an end to being distracted with technology at meals. We need to keep this sacred and we all deserve the quiet moments that make memories.

 

Do yourself a favor and don’t go on your phone. Enjoy yourself and your company and give them the undivided attention that you also want.

 

I hope you have a great day and I’ll be seeing you soon!!!!!

 

Let's Keep it Elegant!

I would love to keep in touch with you!

Connect with all my social media accounts and let’s keep the conversation going!

Let's do!

We’ve Finally Arrived! + Why Being Nice Matters

We’ve Finally Arrived! + Why Being Nice Matters

by | Jan 2, 2018 | Etiquette, My Favorites

Oh. My. Goodness.

 

Today’s post is written by yours truly, but inspired by my lovely husband.

 

Wow, this was the most stressful flight I have ever taken in my life.

 

The first flight was delayed, then cancelled. Then we are all up there trying to get the airline to change our tickets so that we can leave as soon as possible. People are shouting, people are scoffing and then crying. Essentially, it was a mad house!

 

Thankfully, I didn’t really deal with it because my husband was doing all the talking as I was manning the bags. But I bet if you saw my face you could tell I was not impressed.  (This is so important to remember how you look even while you are resting is so crucial. It can really speak a lot about you.) There might be nothing more disappointing than being so amped to go on a flight and then when it’s last minute, gets cancelled!

 

Everyone around me was yelling and fighting with the airline employees, demanding money back, demanding a flight closer to their destination. Even though because it is weather related, there is no reimbursement. There were so many people in bad moods.

But, then there was my husband.

 

He is such an amazing man!

 

He always knows the right time to show anger and when not to hide it. In fact, he was quite the opposite. He was not only calm and collected. But he was nice. Expressing his gratitude when anyone would help him. He shows compassion when you can tell the worker is stressed. He can really read people.

 

This all goes hand-in-hand with being an elegant woman (or a man in this case too!) It’s about reading people and being empathetic. Feeling out people and knowing what to say is crucial.

 

Well, it really paid off because his graciousness had someone find another airline that could fit us, we just had to drive a bit and hope for the best. Which, in the end of the day everything worked out!

 

Perfectly?….. absolutely not.

 

But that is also why it is so fun.

 

Ahh… how memories are made!

 

Sometimes, when traveling, it can really push your limits. It can even make the most nicest of people turn into angry messes.

 

As long as you practice your patience and step back from the situation and realize it is usually not their fault it is easy to be able to not get too angry at them. It is something to keep reminding yourself.

.

Plus being angry does nothing but make everyone else tense.

Remember, being elegant is about others as well. Always trying to make them feel comfortable.

 

Because my husband was a charming man, polite, understanding, empathetic is really the only reason why I am in Rome today. (I knew I married him for a reason!)

 

It really pays to be nice to everyone. Never feel that just because they are an employee, you have any sort of right to belittle them.

 

I already know that being nice pays off, but seeing my husband conduct himself well, really reminds me to be better with people. And even if you think you’re good, there is always room for improvement.

 

Take a lesson from my husband! I know I did!

 

Be nice to everyone because you never know how they can help you! (Or really, how you can help them too!)

 

Well, seeing as it is about 4 am here, I should get to bed. I really hate being jet-lagged.

 

I can’t wait to share some beautiful pictures and experiences here in Rome!

 

We’ll talk soon!

Let's Keep it Elegant!

I would love to keep in touch with you!

Connect with all my social media accounts and let’s keep the conversation going!

Let's do!