Love: How to Love Yourself When You Don’t Know How

Love: How to Love Yourself When You Don’t Know How

Love

A Year of Living Elegantly

Love.

Love yourself deeply.

Life without love is like a tree without blossoms or fruit.   

Khalil Gibran

Do you struggle with this?

 

Why is it always the hardest to love and respect yourself?

 

I talk to so many women who feel that they should be last when it comes to their families’ needs. Their life revolves around their families, friends, sometimes even strangers. 

 

While I do applaud their generosity, I do feel that the overwhelming guilt from giving and showing themselves love is too much to bear, so they avoid any love and focus on others. 

 

The question I ask them is “Do you think if you saw a lonely woman stressed, clearly overwhelmed and in need of a hug – would you ignore her?”

 

And the answer is almost always the same – “well, I would go and talk to her, maybe give her a hug!” 

 

I respond with, “So if you’re willing to show her love – then you should be willing to show love to yourself?”

 

When they hear this, it makes them think about their lives.

 

I’m holding up a mirror and cleaning it so they can recognize that the lonely woman is often themselves. 

 

An elegant woman, while being generous, selfless, and helpful will know that she needs to love herself. And not in a shallow meaningless way, but truly one that she can look at herself and feel the love. 

 

In this 12 part series, every month I look deeply at what makes an elegant woman so, well, elegant. 

 

The reason I am doing it once a month instead of bunching it all together is because I want to give you the time to work on each trait. The three to four weeks to implement it daily. By doing this slowly, the end of the year, you’ll have collected 12 new ways to live life fully. 


This post contains affiliate links and if you purchase anything on these links I may receive a small compensation.

Love

How to Love Yourself Unconditionally

You need to know how to love yourself first before truly understanding how to love others. 

 

As humans, the word unconditionally is a difficult concept to wrap our heads around. Parents have this immense love for their children, we hopefully have it for our husband and family. But do we have unconditional love for ourselves?

Related post: How to Boost Confidence

 

Before you quickly answer “yes”, take a few minutes to really think about how you treat yourself. 

 

If you struggle with this I can comfort you by letting you know you’re not alone. We are so used to self-loathing, talking ourselves down, comparing ourselves to others – practically destroying our love. 

 

Then we expect ourselves to just as easily pick up the battered pieces of what is left and force a smile to show others how much we love our lives and ourselves. 

 

Who are we kidding?

 

Nobody. But what I do know is that we aren’t the ones truly suffering from this. It’s never too late to take those shattered pieces and put them together. 

 

Slowly and meticulously one piece at a time. 

 

Being present with each piece.

 

Spending as much time as needed, never rushing yourself – accepting them for what they are. 

 

Allowing yourself to enjoy, hate, be angry, cry and take it all in. To always be there for the good and the bad.

 

This is love. 

 

To always be there for the good and the bad.

 

The unconditional love that we all crave. 

 

That we all desire and long for. 

 

Sometimes the self examination is too terrifying that we distract ourselves, we tend to ignore it. We are perpetually searching for love, even though it has been inside us all along, just needing the right tools to bring them out.   

 

Unconditional love is right there. It’s always been there – but how?

 

How are you able to sincerely love yourself unconditionally?

 

1) Get in touch with your artistic self. 

 

This piece of you always wants out. You always want to express yourself.  When we are children we allow our artsy self to dictate who we are, what we say and how we spend our free time. 

 

But then we grow up.

 

We put different expectations on ourselves.

 

Art is now something we do IF we have free time, instead of living our lives beautifully and with passion it is just becomes practical.

 

Sometimes we even stop letting our artsy selves do anything in fear of being weird. Other times we don’t allow it because as adults, we see it as a waste of time. 

 

We tend to forget what moves us – we almost forget who we are.

 

We focus  on is work, money and yes these are important and necessary, but there is more to life. It’s the young hearted excited, naive, optimistic and open version of us that gets pushed so far back we almost don’t recognize them anymore.

 

The artistic self is the one willing to get back up when we fall. It’s not scared of looking funny or stupid but just excited to do what we love and express emotions. 

 

Show love by allowing yourself to be truly who you are with no reservations. 

 

2) Write, and don’t stop writing until you know it.

 

This is similar to the first point because it could still be considered an art.

 

Just pour out your raw emotions, let it all out. 

 

What are you scared of? 

 

What are you looking forward to? 

 

What bothers you?

 

I find that this really gets my deepest frustrations out and I feel rejuvenated afterwards. It helps me to spill my guts, release all the tension and pent up emotions. It’s a restart!

 

However, sometimes I uncover a secret door I never realized existed. By writing continuously and not stopping to read it, edit or fix it, allows the brain to explode with feelings. It gives me free rain. When I write, I find that one issue which I’ve been tiptoeing around or trying to pretend isn’t there.

 

After being able to release whatever it is, I’m able to look in the mirror and know I’m no longer lying to myself. It’s a deeper connection I have, to the real me. 

 

There’s a deeper meaning to most things, allow yourself to feel it. Whatever it is. 

 

The reason I want you to write it out is for a couple reasons. One, being that most likely you’re too intimidated to talk to anyone. You always hold back. The feelings recede back inside.

 

And second, many people are visual people and symbolic. By physically seeing the words written down on paper, it’s no longer as scary. You’ve taken the power away from the problems. The symbolism is that with the words, you are able to throw them out, light them on fire, or dispose of them.

 

The unconditional love you will find in writing is one that brings out your true self. Just a word of warning, don’t expect magic the first few times you write. Plus, you’ll be conservative because you might feel embarrassed. So be prepared as it may not happen on the first writing session. 

 

Let out all your inner demons and get closer to who you really are and want to be.

 

What are your true goals in life, what deep passions you have. 

 

3) Come to the Realization 

 

You know what I’m talking about how we promise ourselves that when we make “this much money” or “get the promotion” or “meet your soulmate”.

 

We’re perpetually in a state of waiting for something. 

 

It’s like we never think what we have is good enough so we make different goals, adjust our dreams.

 

Once we reach them, the emptiness is still there. 

 

The hope of feeling  like “we belong” or “we made it” never came and we are left feeling more confused than ever before. 

 

So we do what we know best and that is to make more goals. Strive for something else. Doing this makes us bitter, angry and the hatred starts to make a stain on our bodies and souls. 

 

Life take its toll. 

 

But what if we just came to the realization that you don’t need that much money, the promotion or meet that person? 

 

What if the realization was that your life is amazing as it is right now. 

 

That you are enough as a person. 

 

Your money, your job, doesn’t describe you and your life. 

 

Your passions, your excitement for life, your love just for being you is what living your best means.  

 

You come to the realization that all you need is just enough – not extra. 

 

You will begin to unconditionally love yourself when you start loving where you are and what you’re doing right now. 

 

Any thing else will breed resentment, jealousy, feelings of failure and other negativity. 

 

Love who you are now. 

 

Love what you’re doing now. 

 

Love where you are now. 

 

This is your path. 

 

You’re not finished, you’ve just begun and be excited for where  your path leads you. 

 

4) Don’t be a victim in your own life 

 

Sounds a little harsh I suppose, but I see this so much! 

 

It’s like when bad things happen, they  just crumble and fall apart. 

 

Listen, bad things happen to good people. 

 

You might not have had any control over the bad things that happened, but how you react is what you control. 

 

Feeling bad for yourself will be your downfall. 

 

It might feel good, even necessary in the beginning. 

 

People are rewarding this detrimental behavior by giving you the attention you’ve been craving. This can be very confusing because you think that this is love. 

 

You can’t be further from the truth. 

 

True love, unconditional love doesn’t come from manipulation, guilt or feelings of inadequacy. It’s hard to love yourself when you feel stuck. Or that who you are and what you’ve done is disconnected from yourself. 

 

Your life is comprised of  your thoughts, feelings and experiences. 

 

What you make of them and how you feel about them will determine how you live your life. 

 

Do you immediately blame others for how you turned out? 

 

Is anything your fault? 

 

Do you own up to anything?

 

What I’ve found in people who are victims in their own life is that they are constantly searching. 

 

Searching for happiness, searching for Mr.Right, searching for the fairytale life that they deserve. 

 

And you know what kills me? 

 

Is that these women are the ones that seem “to have it all”. 

 

But it’s never enough. 

 

They aren’t happy enough, rich enough, living an exciting life enough.  

 

This is precisely why they will never love themselves unconditionally. 

 

They’re waiting, waiting on others, on outside variables to change. It’s never them that needs to change. 

 

It’s only through being honest with yourself, that will lead to gushing endless love. 

 

It’s easy to get wrapped up in the world of negativity, but the only thing that comes of it is negativity. 

 

And there is no room for negativity in pure love.

Love

How to Love Yourself When You Don’t Know How

We all have had different lives. 

 

Some with more stresses, some with more luck. Our memoirs all include things that get us excited, happiness and many, many tears. That’s life. 

 

Hopefully most of us have been lucky enough to feel love from parents, some of you don’t have parents still here on this earth, and some might be estranged. 

 

The way our parents express their endless love will have an impact on how we look at ourselves. 

 

This is the foundation on which we grow. 

 

What do we do if our foundation is a crumbled mess? 

 

What if every time we try to plant ourselves down and grow, the ground starts to crack and no matter how much we want it, the crash seems inevitable? 

 

How are you supposed to love yourself? 

 

Please let me preface this with saying, you are loveable. 

 

You are a beautiful woman who deserves acceptance no matter what part of life you are in.

 

You are deeply special with something amazing to offer the world. 

 

Whether you choose to believe it now is up to you, but loving yourself is about:

 

1) Accepting yourself 

2) Realizing your life’s potential 

3) Developing a deeper relationship with yourself 

4) Believing your beauty 

5) You’re not living your life for any one else

 

1) Accepting yourself

 

You simply can’t change certain things about who you are and your past. Don’t let this extra weight hold you down.

 

Release it. Let it go.

 

Not because I’m telling you to, not because it’s the right thing to do – but because it’s a gift for you.

 

I’ve heard before that you can’t let anything or anyone in if there is no room.

 

Allow yourself in. 

 

Accept yourself as you are. 

 

You are wonderful.

 

2) Realize your life’s potential

 

Sometimes when I think about life, I get overjoyed. 

 

A blanket of true bliss and excitement covers me. I can’t wait for the next day to come. 

 

And don’t let it fool you, because I don’t live an exciting life. It’s actually quite far from it. 

 

But I  can imagine my life’s potential. 

 

I can visualize the amazing moments, accomplishments and milestones I’ll reach. 

 

It gets me excited just thinking about them. 

 

One of the reasons I think that this potential helps you love yourself because you get to see how wildly smart, courageous, brave or risk taking you are. 

 

Most of the time when we see our role models that we yearn to become, the characteristics that we admire are the ones we actually possess ourselves. 

 

We might not know it, but it is there wanting to break free. 

 

That’s why we find them so inspiring – because we can see a piece of ourselves in them. 

 

See the potential, let it become your reality. 

3) Developing a Deeper Relationship with Ourselves 

 

I’m not sure what it is, but I feel like I can’t be on the computer without seeing a post for self love. 

 

The reason I’m a little frustrated is because I find them incredibly shallow. 

 

Baths, hand massages, music, meditation, as much as I love treating myself to a hot bath and massages, I feel like it’s sending the wrong type of message. 

 

It’s all fluff. 

 

No matter how many baths you take you’ll never truly get to know who you are. You need to get to your deep core. 

 

Ask the difficult questions. 

 

Say the things that you know you’re hiding. 

 

Be brutally honest with yourself. It will be hard in the beginning, there might be tears, but anything worth doing will never be easy. 

 

Share your deepest secrets, regrets, dreams, wishes and hopes with yourself, and don’t lie. 

 

Allow yourself to know the real you. 

4) Believing Your Beauty 

 

We live in a very shallow and narrow world where the idea of beauty is limited to a couple thoughts. 

 

It bombards us on a daily basis since we were young enough to look at ourselves in the mirror. By the time we reach adulthood we’ve been exposed to thousands of images that have been altered, changed and look nothing like the person. 

 

But that’s acceptable even though it’s detrimental to our well being. 

 

We aren’t told enough that we are beautiful just as we are. Instead we are sold products that promises to make us beautiful and increase our self confidence. If we cover ourselves up and change our appearance, then that’s when we can feel that we matter. 

 

It’s ironic that society is telling us to accept ourselves as who we are. We are in a changing age where everything should be accepted – no matter how we decide to live our lives. But don’t be blind, don’t be naive because for the majority of us we still don’t feel accepted or beautiful.

It’s encouraging.

 

So how are we supposed to love ourselves unconditionally even if you have no idea where to begin. Start by believing your beautiful, by knowing from the deep recesses of your heart that you are breathtaking. One of a kind.

 

Seems impossible? 

 

Please let me tell you that it’s not. You might have never been told that you are, maybe not enough to let it sink in. If this is you, I want you to practice a few exercises.  

 

a) Start with one change a week

 

Try listening to music that makes  you feel something. Not just to dance, but feel utterly moved. Let yourself experience the different beats, ups and downs. 

 

Close your eyes and see the music dance in your imagination. It gives you a different appreciation for life. Seeing this opens your mind and your heart. You might be confused about how this will have your love yourself – the idea is to transform your ideas. You’ll see beauty everywhere, including yourself. 

 

Change one thing every week and slowly you’ll see the difference. It will astound you. It’s a meaningful process that will make you realize truths about yourself.

 

b) Spend time in front of the mirror 

 

Sounds a little weird, maybe a tad narcissistic, but you need to see how beautiful you are. 

 

See how others see you. 

 

Your smile, your smirk, your resting face etc. That way when you’re out talking to someone or out in public you know what compliments you. This gives you the reassurance that you’re beautiful. 

 

When you get used to seeing something often enough, your mind starts to like it or find it attractive. 

 

Think of when  you hear a song for the first time, you don’t care for it, but the more you listen to it the more you like it. Get used to seeing yourself in all your different states. 

 

c) Only watch and listen to things that truly make you feel better 

 

This is something that I’ve had to always remind myself, which sounds really stupidly simple, but we too-often do this to ourselves. 

 

For example, watching some YouTube videos can make us feel inferior, less beautiful, it opens up a part of us that wishes for something else. For me, if I’m not careful it can really put me in a funk. 

 

I would be perfectly fine, then browse Instagram, and one picture can distract me into a rabbit hole of 30 minutes and I’ve lost my motivation. I feel defeated and wished that I could change my life, have a bigger chest, longer hair, nicer house, etc,  so I could have what they have. 

 

Wow. 

 

Just saying that this is a buzzkill. 

 

Perhaps you feel differently and never struggle with it, but for those that do, keep reading. 

 

It came to a point where I was leaving my computer feeling depleted of joy. 

 

So I stopped. 

 

I promised myself to only watch or listen to things that made me feel like a better woman. 

 

Things that were inspirational, I wanted to feel unstoppable. 

 

So, stop sabotaging your beauty, don’t allow anything or anyone to doubt your self worth. I’ve applied this for a while now and I’ve never felt more sure of myself. 

 

The excitement for life, my confidence has increased and without sounding cocky, I feel beautiful. 

 

You owe it to yourself to stop allowing negativity in your life. 

 

5) You’re not living your life for anyone else 

 

All our lives we are trying to please someone else. 

 

Our parents, our friends, society in general. 

 

It’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it can be too influential. To the point where your life is purely dictated on others’ ideas. For some people, it’s not a big deal, they don’t feel that other’s thoughts restrict them. 

 

However, for the many, to disappoint a loved one can be hard. But as I’ve grown and experienced some loss (like many of you) you start putting things into perspective. Now I’m not talking about being disrespectful to others or completely disregarding what others say but you only get one life. 

 

One time. 

 

One life experience. 

 

This is not an excuse to be rebellious, lazy, stupid, mean or make careless decisions. 

 

It also is not YOLO, where you can follow trends that can backfire in your life. 

 

You’re living your own life. 

 

How will living your own life help you love yourself unconditionally?

 

Remember that this is a process. You look at yourself as a work-in-progress and there is never a fully finished version. 

 

There is always tweaking. 

 

Think of yourself as a masterpiece, the artist is never finished. 

 

This process simply allows for a deeper understanding of you. 

Love

How do I Build Myself Back up?

Perhaps you want to love yourself again like you did before. 

 

You’ve reached a point in your life where everyone that used to rely on you now has begun their own lives. 

 

Maybe you had a terrible breakup that left  you emotionally scarred. For me, I lost my daughter that ignited a need to find something in my life. 

 

You could have lost your spouse, your parents, your child, or a pet. Maybe it was your job.

 

It doesn’t matter what you lost, but if you need to build yourself back up, then please read this. 

 

Let me first start with a little pep talk. 

 

Regardless of your situation, of what happened or didn’t happen – you deserve to love  yourself. You deserve a second chance (or a third or fourth) and let today be the day you allow yourself that opportunity.

 

I want you to know that even right now you might feel as though life is too hard.

 

The shining bright light has faded into a dip speck – it will be okay. 

 

Nurture yourself, feel beautiful, see the joy in life. 

 

That little speck will get more intense with the more care and attention you give yourself. 

 

You’ll find yourself walking up excited for the day, smiling more at everyone, seeing the potential in everything. Things that made you feeling defeated is something you laugh at now. With more love for life and people, the more you have for yourself That little speck that was barely visible is now shining so intensely that you can’t look straight at it. You will get there again. I promise.

 

But you need to make a promise to yourself that you know you’re worth it to try. 

 

We usually need to build ourselves back up because either a piece of us, or all of us, got destroyed. We might have allowed such destruction or it was completely out of our hands. Frankly, it doesn’t matter because it leaves us feeling very vulnerable and fragile. The best and most wonderful part about being human is our incredible resilience. It’s in all of us, even you can and will bounce back and be the woman you have always wanted to be, and more! 

 

1) Start by writing down your thoughts 

 

Write down your feelings, thoughts, fears, dreams, passions and anything that you’ve been thinking about. I find everything to be less of a big deal with it’s down on paper. If you’re like me, I feel like I could drown in my own head with all the thoughts, good and bad. 

 

Write it all. 

 

Sometimes even my fears aren’t as terrible as I presumably thought which then puts a smile on my face knowing I’m making a bigger deal and making it worse than it is. 

 

Typical me…

 

2) Accomplish something 

 

Nothing makes you feel amazing like getting something done. 

 

Want to clean your closet?  Do it! 

 

Write a book? Get to it, but might I add, start with a few short stories because you can get a more immediate gratification. It won’t take you as long to get it done and feel amazing. Usually I am against instant gratification, but in this scenario I find that it works better. Do something that can be easily finished in a couple of days.

 

3) Write down anything negative and then let it go

 

If you’re not much for symbolism then skip this part, but for those that do love it, then I found this really helpful. 

 

Write down everything that has been on your mind. Things that you don’t like, people who have hurt you, etc. Then look at them, let all the frustrations sit on that piece of paper and then when you’ve finished that light it on fire. 

 

Watch it burn and disintegrate into nothing. This really helps to let it go. 

 

You don’t have to be the person that holds all of those feelings and thoughts every day. You have the ability to be a free person and release all of it. The future of your life is in your hands. 

 

Building yourself back up takes time and it can really transform your life wonderfully. It is about finding a new version of you that wants to get out but you haven’t let her escape. 

 

She is beautiful and lovely and you owe it to yourself to just let what’s holding you back.  

 

Boring is Fun

In Conclusion

Learning to love yourself and be confident and forgiving yourself is how you can embrace an elegant life. 

 

It brings out the best in you and allow you to live your life as amazing as it can be. 

 

But I realize how most of our live’s experience can prevent it. To a degree we are all broken and in need of love and care to piece us back together. That doesn’t mean it is impossible.

 

One thing I want you to take away from this read is that you are already beautiful and loved!

 

You have the potential all inside of you. 

 

It’s a matter of truly allowing yourself to accept your past and present and see the bright future.

 

The Beatles had it right, all you need is love, but first it needs to come from within.

 

You deserve to love yourself. 

 

I hope you enjoyed the first part of the 12 part series, “A Year of Elegance” today. There will be a new one every month for the year of 2020, so by the end we are all living a little better, more excited for life, and especially more elegant! 

 

Have a great rest of the day and see you soon! 

 

Need inspiration?

Read this!

“Love is the beauty of the soul”

― Saint Augustine

 

Conversation Starters to Make You Confident

Conversation Starters to Make You Confident

Conservation Starters

How to Make Conversation

Conservation Starters

The art of conversation starters and keeping it going.

One good conversation can shift the direction of change forever.  

Linda Lambert

 

Whether it is conversation starters with your crush, romantic conversation starters or conversation starters for texting, we talk a lot.

It might seem a little overwhelming for someone who prefers to stay silent, but with these conversation tips, conversation styles, and a list of 20 conversation starters that will help you feel more confident.

 

One major tip to take away from this post is to make a conversation with your genuine voice.

Not to be taken literally, because obviously you have to use your real voice, but I mean don’t be fake. Over time, you will find what works for you and your confidence will grow.

The stress of having a conversation will be a thing of the past. 

 

An elegant woman may not always be perfect at the art of conversation, however, she tries to make it about the other person. She never tries to steal a spotlight or bore the other person to death about details of her own life. 

 

In this post, I am specifically referring to just conversation starters. I have written a post about 7 Tips for Mastering the Art of Small Talk which I would appreciate if you read it after this one! 

 

This post contains affiliate links and if you purchase anything on these links I may receive a small compensation.

before we begin…

 


This is my first notebook that I have released on Amazon.

It’s 200 pages of lined paper and this is a perfect little notebook to keep any of your thoughts or anything you want to improve on!

Conversation Starters

Why Practice Conversation Starters

You might be thinking nothing of starting a conversation, and I would assume that you have no issues talking to people.

If you’re not one of those people, don’t worry, you can become a fluent and confident as any woman.

Charming others with the words, it simply takes practice. 

 

Like every skill in life, practice makes perfect. 

 

Take every moment you can to practice with a person – but if this is something that truly terrifies you, then I suggest trying it in front of a mirror.

Practice until you can say them without hesitation and with genuine interest. This kind of weird practice will build your confidence!

 

You don’t need to schedule in practice time if you feel that it is unnecessary, but every time you have a conversation with someone, use it and consider it as practice.

To get the most of each experience, try to analyze afterwards everything about the conversation.

 

 Ask yourself: 

 

  • How did I begin?

  • Did I initiate? 

  • Were they engaged? Or was it all about me?

  • How did I get their attention?

  • How did I feel?

 

Take these answers and see where you need to improve.

Don’t be too hard because even now I still make horrifying mistakes that make me want to hide my face and never walk out in public again.

But hey, we all do it!

 

After you have figured out where your shortcomings are, then you are in great shape.

Seeing where you can improve is the best way to start.

It might be a little difficult at first – mainly because nobody wants to be bad at something, however, within a short time you’ll be mastering the conversation starter like it was no problem at all.  

 

I will be going through many different scenarios to help with many situations. 

Conversation Starters

The Easiest Conversation Starters with Your Crush

There is always something about the people we like that makes us clam up. As hard as it is, the idea of doing it correctly gets us very excited. 

 

Being an elegant woman, we always want to maintain a little bit of mystery. Not only because it makes us more alluring, but it also makes us feel not too exposed.

I run into this problem quite often if I am not too careful.

Although for me, it is not with my crush (because I’m happily married!) but before I could relate to this, and for me it was the silence that I wanted to fill. 

 

When you’re alone with someone, whether it is someone you’re fond of or not, you must get used to the silence.

The lulls.

The quiet.

It will only be as awkward as you make it. 

 

So you are there with your crush (or someone you admire) and you’re getting a little choked up, here are some options. 

 

  • “Hey how’s your day going?”

  • “Hello there, any plans for tonight?”

  • “Hey! How was your weekend?”

 

By using the knowledge that everyone loves to talk about themselves, it’s wise to start off about them.

This will ensure that they will be more engaged in the conversation. 

 

That’s really half the battle, when talking to anyone is to make sure that they’re engaged and care about the conversation.

 

If you want to bore someone then begin just blabbing about yourself and see their facial reaction.

Think of it this way, unless you’re “The Most Interest Man in the World”, then frankly, nobody cares.

 

You must also take into consideration what you are trying to get from the conversation.

Are you just wanting attention, to make sure he notices you?

Perhaps you are a little further down the dating path and you want to hint that you’re available that weekend.

Figure out what you want and decide how to start the conversation. 

 

Always avoid desperation at all costs.

For your own sake, if you feel that it might creep up, I would advise to just leave the conversation before you risk losing any respect. 

 

If you’ve never formally met, it’s always a nice gesture to introduce yourself.

To be honest, I can be a traditionalist, meaning I believe men are to make the first move, bit if he is being super shy then you might need to gently step in. 

 

But this world is so different, so you do you but do it with confidence.

Conversation Starters

How to Introduce Yourself

 

Always, always, always have a smile! 

 

And to be a little more elegant, don’t force it because I believe being fake can be spotted from a mile away. 

 

A simple little smirk, one that shows excitedness but a little mystery is perfect. 

 

Make eye contact

 

Don’t be intimidating, but like everything in living elegantly, you need to be genuine. If you’re smiling it will also make your eyes look playful, beautiful, and more attractive! 

 

Remember the point of the introduction, it is to let the other party know who you are. So if you think about this, you control how your first impression can go. You say what you think are your best features.

You show what you love most about yourself. 

 

An introduction isn’t just to exchange names. It is a way to showcase your best attributes (without showboating). It’s about starting off the relationship strong. 

 

If there is a handshake, take your cue from the Royals – pump only twice. Any longer and it just gets a little awkward. You have nothing to prove either,  you don’t need to squeeze extra hard or give them a death stare. 

 

Even if this is taking place in a business atmosphere, you have to be more elegant even though it might be tempting to be extra stern but resist. By trying too hard – it has the opposite effect.

Being gentle is a calm strength – always remember that!

 

Repeat their name

 

Think of the last time someone said your name while saying hello or goodbye, it’s nice isn’t it? I want to believe that we are all programmed to better respond to people who show us attention, even so small as to say our names. 

 

Do it at least one time.

 

This expresses interest, and it also shows how well you listen (and pay attention!). Whether people like to admit it not, everyone likes to be remembered. Show them how memorable they are by saying their name before you part your ways. 

 

Doing this also helps you to remember their name for yourself. So the next time you see them, you will most likely recall their names without much effort. 

 

One serious tip is to make this sound as natural as possible. You can’t just awkwardly mention their name in a sentence. One way to be certain is to say their name as you say “It was nice to meet you ______”. 

 

Always end on a high note

 

This may not always be possible because sometimes the conversation won’t allow it — but it can happen and when it does, you feel like a conversation PRO!

 

So, let’s figure out…

How exactly you can end on a high note. 

 

1) Don’t wait – don’t wait until the conversation gets stale, end it when people aren’t annoyed or thinking of something else. 

 

2) When you feel that it is going well, say goodbye! – this is so incredibly difficult because when it feels great and everything is going well, the last thing you want to do is leave. But I promise it will make the last memory of your conversation a great one. 

 

3) Be direct – take control of the conversation. End it because you have to go, end it because you want to, but the most important part is that you end it by being direct and not by hemming and hawing. A nice example is:

 

“Well, it was really  nice seeing you, but I have to get going! Hope to run into you again!”

 

Always be nice and polite.

 

4) When in doubt, mention them – like I’ve said many times, everyone likes to talk about themselves, do it here too! Tell them how much you enjoyed running into them, or that it was so nice to see them. By doing this it makes them feel great before leaving.

If you tell them how wonderful it was then odds are they will think the same! 

 

5) Don’t lie – I’ve read in many different articles when researching for this post. But I have to strongly disagree.

I think even the most innocent and well-meaning white lie can cause trouble. When you lie, you have to remember when and what you lied about. While this may seem like an easy thing to do, it can catch you in trouble even in the future.

Don’t bother with it, it could end terribly for you. I tend to follow the rule, “if you have nothing nice to say, then say nothing at all”

 

Conversation Starters

Conversation Starters for Texting

One positive attribute to texting is that it doesn’t need to be formal. However, that doesn’t mean that you don’t need to follow rules of etiquette.

To slang or not to slang

 

I might be a little old fashioned, but I am not big on the slang and shortened terms. Especially when not we can use a keyboard instead of T9!

 

Remember that! 

 

So there is no excuse, let’s just take a couple more minutes and write the full and proper word. 

 

Plus, as a perk, people will often respond the way you speak to them. If you respond in full sentences, chances are they will do the same too!

 

Is it phone worthy?

 

Meaning do you think it warrants a phone call? I realize texting is much easier and allows you to multitask (by speaking to many people at one time), but sometimes it is just easier to have a quick, yet informative phone call.

 

Also, when having a phone call, something that can be misconstrued will most likely not which could avoid some unnecessary drama. 

 

Can it be used against you?

 

Never write anything down that could be incriminating in any way.

This is serious!

Never write any negativity about someone else because they can use it to hurt you. And this doesn’t need to be about going to jail or not, but even making you look bad.

Remember that knowledge is power, and your thoughts are the same. Blackmail can happen. And if you don’t think what you’re doing now can affect you in the future, you are wrong. Look to all the politicians for an example!

 

Okay, so we got a few thoughts out of the way,

here are some…

Conversation Rules for Texting

 

1) Act as if you’re having a verbal conversation 

 

Use the words and greetings of what you would actually say if you saw the person face to face. 

 

A very simple hello mixed with a pleasantry, and always bringing the other person up. 

 

2) Be quick and short and keep it to sending only one to two messages. 

 

Are you like me where I send a text per thought or sentence? This is bad form and it took my husband to tell me what I was doing was annoying. I never thought about that but it’s true, sometimes every message you get is another ding of the phone and can be harder to read. 

 

I never thought about that before and it really does make sense. 

 

Also, I know you want to tell someone so much, then may I suggest actually calling because writing novels as text messages can also be quite annoying. Hard to read and sometimes, other people just don’t care enough to read the whole thing. 

 

3) Respond adequately 

 

I realize this is not a conversation starter but it deserves to be here. When someone goes out of their way to write to you a long and thoughtful message, the least you can do is write back well.

Give it some thought and try to address every part of their message.

I realize that this can be difficult but there is nothing more upsetting than writing out a long message and the response is a letter “k”, or worse, an emoji! 

 

4) Ask if they have time

 

We are all so busy now. When you don’t ask if they have time then they don’t respond it could leave you upset and feeling insulted. When really it could all be avoided if you asked if they had the time or if they are in the middle of something.

We text because it is easier then speaking, but at the same time we need to understand that people are busy or doing other things and that texting is usually something that comes after other things get done. 

 

5) Be patient 

 

Things goes along with the last point. You don’t know if they even saw your message yet. But I realise you might want to keep sending messages to see if they are receiving it or maybe they simply forgot that you messaged and by messaging them is bringing it to their attention. 

 

This seems so needy and annoying and this will draw them farther away from you. Just be patient and accept that when you text message you won’t get an answer faster than if you would call. 

 

Always give them the benefit of the doubt or else you will be upset and usually for nothing. 

Conversation Starters

What to Remember About Conversation Style

Regardless of what medium you use to start the conversation there are always a few rules to follow.

 

Being an elegant woman means knowing how to handle yourself in many different situations. 

 

It can be a little discouraging when  you feel like you don’t know how to act, here are a few rules you should try to remember. 

 

1) It’s about them 

 

Always talk about them. Direct the conversation in their favor. Seem interested in what they are doing or what they are talking about. Whenever you don’t know what to say, ask them about themselves!

 

However! Very important! There is a caveat, as it is always nice to talk about them, it prevents you from sounding like a narcissist, if you ask too personal of questions, it can make you seem nosy!

How to Properly React to Nosy People

So remember small talk and avoid personal and touchy subjects! 

 

2) Keep it light and bright!

 

It might be tempting to start a conversation about gossip or something terrible that is happening, but avoid it. I realize that bad news travels fast, but you don’t want to be the one spreading it. 

 

If you are always the one that they hear the bad news from, that will be the type of person you will be in their eyes. You will be the Debbie Downer! 

 

That is not a personal trait that I want people thinking about me and I doubt the same with you. Try to be naturally upbeat about something and like the good ol fashioned rule, “if you have nothing good to say, don’t say anything at all!” 

 

3) Be polite and gracious 

 

Whether you are receiving compliments or giving them, be gracious. Always respond with kindness and find ways to genuinely compliment them. 

 

4) Less is best 

 

Without sounding too cliche, leave them wanting more!

 

It;s best to never overstay your welcome in the conversation. If you leave when you feel like everything is going well, then you will know you left on a high note. 

 

5) Be engaged 

 

I know that we have all talked to people about topics we can care less about, but we must try and also be engaged. Not just verbally but also physically Keep the eye contact, use your hands and positive body language.

Ask sincere questions, be a good listener.

Even if you don’t care, care! You’re not the most important person to listen to either, so remember that the next time your tempted to drift off in  your thoughts and daydream while someone else is talking. 

 

6) Understand the context 

 

Just as important as reading the room, you need to understand the context of where the conversation is initiated. Is it at the mall, a funeral, a grocery store, a wedding?

They all can be very different in terms of starting conversations. Use your gut and follow other people’s lead. Are they chatting loudly? What has brought everyone together?

Not only do you know what to talk about, but you also have a good idea how long to keep a conversation going. 

At the grocery store? Keep it under a few minutes. Why? Because they are most likely running an errand and usually when you’re running an errand and tackling your to-do list you have allotted yourself time to do so.

It’s best to assume they are doing the same thing. 

 

Conversation Starters

Deep Conversation Starters

Up until this point I have only really mentioned if you are out and about and you run into someone.

But what about with your loved one?

Or a parent or child?

Having deep conversations are what make friendships so wonderful, but starting them can be difficult. You don’t want to look like you’re trying to pry, but you want to talk more about the weather or current events. You want a true friendship and open up. 

 

1) Make sure you’re ready for lengthy conversation 

 

There is nothing more rude than rushing someone who is having a heart to heart. Especially if you started it! So if you don’t have the time, please let them know ahead of time. 

 

2) Make sure you’re ready for emotions 

 

You  might be opening up wounds or diving into something touchy that it could bring forth anger or sadness. You don’t necessarily need to know what to say, but being there is really want counts. If you end up crying together or talking about subjects that make you uncomfortable, that’s one factor of relationships!

 

3) Make sure you’re ready to listen

Especially now more than ever, when someone wants to talk and you’re giving them permission. Listen as best you can to all the details because you will most likely be asked your opinion and you won’t want to be a “yes man” even if it might be what they want to hear. 

 

4) Make sure you’re ready to reciprocate

Only do what you are most comfortable doing. However, you need to understand that if you are initiating a conversation that can be personal then you most likely will need to also dish. The reason being that if you ask questions and never return the favor, you will come off as nosy. 

 

Conversation Starters

Romantic Conversation Starters

Isn’t it just wonderful to be in love? 

There is nothing more exciting then the butterflies in your stomach or the idea of him coming over for dinner.

Regardless romantic conversations happen and I’ve thought of some important things to keep in mind… 

 

Dating Conversation Topics

Hobbies

Interests

Movies/ books/ podcasts/ Youtube 

Goals (however, keep this super light-hearted) 

 

 

Note: you can see that I didn’t include jobs or career in this list.

I purposely left it out for a couple reasons. One, it is not supposed to define who you are and it usually doesn’t. It could lead to unfair thoughts.

People might be uncomfortable talking about itm they could be in between jobs, working somewhere they hate or it could swing the other way and they don’t want you to see them as just their job.

Think about being a doctor, they might not want you to assume they have money. IT can be a private or heavy topic and I strongly urge you not to bring it up on the first few dates. 

 

Values and Morals 

Religion 

Upbringing

Future 

 

Anything that is vitally important in your life needs to be discussed. I know that most of the time we want to avoid them because it can be an awkward subject, but it is important to bring it up. 

 

Not necessarily on the first date or even the second, but they conversation topics need to be addressed sooner rather than later. 

 

Goals – Short term and long term future 

 

Again, this might be too deep for many people or even something that they don’t want to think about but it is something that you should have an idea about the person you are dating.

That way your futures can align together. 

Conversation Starters

How to Keep a Conversation Going

Being an elegant woman and knowing what to say goes togheter like peanut butter and jam – but that doesn’t always happen.

It happens to the best of us, when we put our foot in our mouth or say something you wish you could take back. 

 

It takes practice to start a conversation, but it also takes just as much practice or more to keep a conversation going. There are a few variables that you need to be aware of:

 

  • Are they fidgeting, looking at their watch, trying to leave?

  • How engaged are they? What about yourself?

  • Do you feel awkward? Meaning you don’t know what to say next?

 

When  you feel that you are comfortable and you sense that they feel the same way, then you can choose to keep the conversation going. 

 

Be sure to always nod your head and answer all the questions (within reason). 

 

Conversation Starters

List of Conversation Starters

1) How’s your weekend going? 

 

2) How’s your evening? 

 

3) Any plans for tonight? This weekend? 

 

4) Have you seen the new movie __________? I heard _____________ about it! 

 

5) I love your hair, how do you get it to stay like that? 

 

6) Did you watch that hockey /basketball/ football (insert any sport or game)? I hated/loved (name a detail in the game). 

 

7) I can’t believe how much it rained last night! (It’s always a safe bet to talk about the weather. While it can be annoying if you’re whining too much, a lot of people can agree on it!) 

 

8) Have you tried this new restaurant in town? 

 

9) It’s been forever since we’ve seen each other, how’s everything been? (this is a good time to mention family members and ask how they have been) 

 

10) What do you think of (bar, restaurant, gym, any place really) ?

 

11) What are some good blogs that you have been reading lately? 

 

12) Are you into audible books?

 

13) What kind of podcasts do you like to listen to?

 

14) Do you like when movies are being remade into new versions? 

 

15) What is your favorite thing to watch? 

 

16) What kind of hobbies are you interested in? 

 

17) What genre of movies are you into? What kind of things do you like on Netflix?

 

18) Have you ever met anyone famous before? 

 

19) Where is your favorite place to visit? 

 

20) What did you go to school for? 

 

When you’re really stuck and all else fails, just ask them how they have been and a few questions that is related to what they are doing. 

 

But after that, and there still is no conversation going – embrace the silence. 

 

Do not feel that you need to push talking because the harder you push the worse it will feel and the ironic thing is, the more you try to make it not awkward – the more awkward it gets! 

 

Use your best judgement and if you make a mistake, keep trying.

I have lost track of how many times I’ve put myself in situations where I just feel so stupid for my insistent talking, trying to force a conversation when I should have listening to my gut and embraced the silence! 

 

For a more comprehensive list of starters if you’re stuck click here. 

 

Boring is Fun

In Conclusion

Conversation starters can be daunting, especially if they are to a stranger, but being an elegant woman it is an important lesson to know. 

 

Being prepared with knowledge of starting a conversation and knowing how to do it with ease can help others around you feel comfortable. 

 

The most important thing to remember is that although there might be different ways and topics to hold a conversation there are always a few rules that applies. 

 

It’s about them. 

 

Always will be. 

 

Make them feel comfortable, confident, and have them leave you feeling better than you did perfectly. 

 

There is nothing wrong with having a debate or disagreement – but so long as you do it with respect and always light-hearted. 

 

There might be different conversation styles but the most important part is to make it personable, not too personal, and make sure you leave the person feeling better than before they talked to you. 

 

Remember that an elegant woman will always tries her hardest to make others feel more comfortable and that she will try to mold herself to others without forgetting who she is.

Need inspiration?

Read this!

“Elegance is not being noticed, it’s about being remembered.”

― Giorgio Armani

 

Not too sure yet? Check out the sneak peek here!

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The Elegant Black Friday Shopping Guide [2019]

The Elegant Black Friday Shopping Guide [2019]

Shopping made easy with your Black Friday Shopping Guide!

 

It’s that time of year again, where Thanksgiving is over for Americans and is a long distant thought for Canadians, but something exciting happens! 

 

I love making shopping lists, so I was excited to create this black friday shopping guide to help you out on starting your shopping because…

 

It’s CHRISTMAS TIME!

 

Honestly, this is probably the best time of the year! Family and friends gather. Food is great.

 

People are feeling a little extra generous and us elegant women, we like to be on the ball!

 

How so?

 

We start our Christmas shopping early this year!

 

I know we say this every year! You probably have said something along the lines of “I won’t wait until the last moment!” or “I will be done all the big gifts before December, so I just need little stocking stuffers!”

 

Been there done that!

 

BUT, this year I have made a goal in mind that I will and I mean it! I WILL start and end my Christmas shopping early so that I have a wonderful peaceful season without any frantic quick stops to the store where I wander a little aimlessly for the hard-to-buy family members!

Disclosure: Some of the links below are affiliate links. Which means, that to no additional cost to you, I may earn a commission if you click and make a purchase.

The Beginning of the Christmas Shopping Season starts with this Black Friday Shopping Guide!

 

I love going out shopping at this time of the year.

 

Everything is all beautifully decked out with the holiday cheer and there is still so much time to get the perfect gift! So much potential!

 

I never have been a big fan of online shopping, but after Amazon has made things simple, and I bought a few books online, it’s hard not to do some of the shopping online.

 

I guess you can say it is a little form of delegating. You don’t need to actually be out in the store to get some of it done!

 

So, let’s get a head start today! Just think, before you even step into the store you will have already got a leg up!

 

That’s what I call elegance!

 

One trait of being an elegant woman is about preparing yourself so that you need not to be a ball of stress in an already hectic season. You want to be serene, appear calm and under control. It is possible, even with little children, but you MUST start early.

 

Not only start early, but also have a plan!

 

If you are stressed, this post will give you over 40 ways to calm down!

 

So grab your coffee, get out your notepad or get ready to click on the links and add to cart because you are going to start your Christmas shopping today!

Elegant Black Friday Shopping Guide 2019:

To buy for the readers…

 

 

The Forgotten Garden is a beautiful book about three generations of women and although it is a little long (being over 500 pages), I adored it!

At the end, I actually cried because it was so beautiful.

This book is great as a gift or even for yourself! Great read! Inspirational, loving, and just an all around good book!

 

Filled with a lot of great advice that I like to read, French Women Don’t Get Facelifts is written well and is lovely for any woman who wants to become a little healthier and happier!

I would recommend this book to anyone who likes a light read, but one that is completely worth its money!

 

From the lovely Daily Connoisseur, Jennifer Scott has some really good tidbits in this book.

Polish Your Poise, is one of my favorite of her Madame Chic series, and you will love it too!

I’ve read it many times over because I feel like it applies very much to today and will help you remain elegant when times are a little tougher!

 

 

Did you ever just want a small quick but beautiful read?

The Four Agreements is exactly just that!

I really loved reading this book, it was insightful, made me feel good and also was one that I could take a little inspiration from.

This book is a great stocking stuffer, or honestly, a great book for yourself to read from time to time.

This might not be the most elegant book of them all, but my goodness it was a good one.

You are a Badass is a great book for reading in spurts because each chapter is only a few pages long. But there are many chapters, over 20 of them!

This book also dishes out some great advice and encouragement if you are starting a new venture or doing something that be a little out of your comfort zone!

 

For my Christian ladies, this one is for you!

I know this isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, and if it isn’t – I understand! But for those wives that want to follow a biblical way of marriage, honestly, I really love The Excellent Wife!

It is one of those books that you can read over and over again. Or if you just want to pin point one section at a time, you can do that too! You can use this as a nightly read or a reference book.

This book has made me look at my job as a wife in a different light, more than what anyone has explained to me before!

I highly suggest this book for all Christian wives and wives-to-be!

Elegant Black Friday Shopping Guide 2019:

For the accessory lovers!

 

 

I agreed with Audrey Hepburn where diamonds look best reserved for older women, so I always feel safe wearing pearls!

The best about these pearls is that they dangle and have just the right amount of gold.

It isn’t too flashy or distracting but add that hint of elegance we all long for! This is great for a women of any age! Young or old, it’s simply elegant!


Honestly, there is no better accessory than a simple watch! I used to think of them as a more utilitarian accessory than something of beauty.

But the elegance in a simple watch can be enormous!

What I love about simple leather bands is that it is subtle and also versatile. Although I know people who swear by the metal bands.

Whatever you choose, just a few tips, make sure that the head isn’t too large and it helps that it is not digital.

I am not completely sold on the smart watches yet, but a lot of people adore them. For the time being, I love this watch!

I am a strong believer that every Christian woman should have a cross necklace. These are part of a classic piece.

They can be worn anywhere and will complete any ensemble if going to a church or anything related to it.

I also wear one almost every single day. It’s beautiful, simple, and elegant.

I especially love this one because of the subtle sparkle in the middle. A very feminine touch.

 

Another classic piece here is this beautiful bangle bracelet. I feel that this is yet, another statement piece that every woman should own.

It’s funny because I have to still own one, and I am actually looking at this exact one!

Whether you love the yellow or white gold, they both are beautiful. However, I adore yellow, but sadly my skin tone tends to favor the white gold.

This is particular bracelet is not too badly priced for what you are getting.

A win-win!

 

And last but not least, is an adorable charm bracelet.

They can be accessorized wonderfully and although are thought of as more casual, they can also be worn quite elegantly.

This charm bracelet is especially nice because it has the same colors and are seen as more mature, which is why you can wear them in many places and not look underdressed.

If it is not “your thing” this makes a great gift for other women!

It can be very personalized as well, making the gift even that more memorable.

Elegant Black Friday Shopping Guide 2019:

For the bag lovers

 

There is not a more elegant feeling then when you are feeling on top of the world, and you are carrying around something that you just love.

This little adorable wallet does exactly that!

It can act as a clutch and carry this gem around, or you can stash it in your favorite purse.

This wallet is a must to have in your collection,.

Who doesn’t love a little structured bag?

I think this bag is so adorable for the everyday purse. The flap and the nautical stripes really give it that little boost of character and attitude.

This over the shoulder and across the body purse is perfect when you are running errands and need something stylish and elegant.

Yes, another adorable clutch!

I would have a million of these if I bought all the ones I want!

Clutches are so incredible elegant. Kate Middleton swears by them, Audrey Hepburn always looked stylish with them and honestly, they prevent you from carrying too much extra clutter!

This clutch has such a cute color, and I love these small accents because  you can get a loud clutch and it will never be overbearing!

Elegant Black Friday Shopping Guide 2019:

For the ones who adore stationary

 

 

When you need something to lift you up and also to keep you a little organized this notebook is perfect!

It’s great for the elegant woman who wants a little more inspiration on a daily basis!

 

Have you ever wanted to have a nice pen, but didn’t want to pay the price of a luxury pen?

Then this is the pen for you!

There have been a few times when I wish I would have a better pen, you know, when you want to feel a little extra special! But they can be a little too expensive where it feels a little wrong!

This pen allows for luxury at a decent price!

The classic notebook is a must for every elegant woman, not only to write down important notes to not forget anything, but also for numbers and dates to remember.

I love these for writing out anything I want, such as notes for this blog or stories that I have thought of, pretty much these books allow for room of imagination. 

 

For those who love freebies…

 

Sign up here for your FREE eBook!

 

A comprehensive guide explaining how to start living your life elegant RIGHT NOW!

 

Check out the sneak peek here!

In Conclusion

 

Living an elegant life is about preparing yourself for everything and Christmas is no exception! Using this Black Friday Shopping Guide, I am hoping to give you some ideas and inspiration to the beginning of your holiday season!

 

It works out really well if you take some time now and write down what you want to buy people or if buying something isn’t what you’re looking for, then making.

 

Whatever it is that you choose, the best way is to always start early.

 

Get an idea, write it down, be prepared and organized and this Christmas season will go smoothly and elegantly!

 

Why is Elegance Confusing- and What to do About it

Why is Elegance Confusing- and What to do About it

Elegance is confusing?

Elegance is an attitude

I get many questions about the ideas of elegance.

Whenever I’m on Quora I also see many of the same questions. “I have tattoos, can I still be elegant?” or “What kind of dress will make me elegant?” and even “What’s the best way for me to become elegant, even in my early 20’s?”

It usually covers physical attributes such as what people are wearing and other old generalizations.

It surprises me that younger people assume being elegant under 50 is impossible.

Almost like their life isn’t compatible with elegance.

One of the biggest misconceptions is that money equals elegance and it’s not true.

Money can help, but it is up to the woman if she wants to embody it or not.

Just like happiness, money can’t buy elegance.

 

With all the preconceived notions and pictures of certain women in our heads, no wonder elegance is confusing.

We rarely see it in the average woman. It is often thought of in terrible stereotypical presumptions, such as the big sunglasses, the little black dress, pearls and a Chanel suit. 

And although that is true, it isn’t the only ones that exist. 

Along with those stale cliches there are beautiful women who represent elegance, such as Audrey Hepburn, Jackie Kennedy, Grace Kelly, and Kate Middleton. They aren’t the most average gal.

Just another reason why it seems far-fetched for the average Joan to be elegant.

 

Before you feel deflated at the fact that you could never live up to the life of Audrey Hepburn, 

I want to let every woman out there know that you have it in you.

 

I feel so passionate about this because in today’s world we need to speak up.

There needs to be more elegance and chivalry!

When I ask anyone about being elegant, it is met with a snort and I am told that it is an old-fashioned term referring to the older generations.

But I couldn’t disagree more!

I know that it’s alive and wants to come back out!

Being elegant brings out your beauty and charm.

It makes you alluring!

People take notice of you without you having to say a word and that is “old” or “stale”? 

Absolutely not!

 

That’s why I started this blog and that’s why you’re reading it!

Because we want to refuse the idea that it is unrelatable.

Why are you confused?

Do you have doubts? Let’s clear this up. 

Suggested Reading: Is Elegance Dead?

 

Elegance is confusing?

Do I have to be well educated to be elegant?

No. It does help, but formal education is not necessary.

The main idea to remember is that you can always learn something from someone every day.

The beauty of our brain is that we have the ability to retain so much information.

To embrace your curiosity is what makes you elegant.

The secret is to never stop learning.

The moment you stop learning is the moment you die. 

 

“Once you stop learning, you start dying.” Albert Einstein

 

He knew a thing or two about knowledge, so keep this in mind!

The smarter you become, the more you realize you don’t know a thing! 

So keep learning, learn a language.

  • Learn how to read poetry.

  • Learn how to write.

  • Learn how to garden.

  • Learn how to fix something.

  • Learn how to paint.

  • Learn something every day. 

 

Elegance is confusing?

What one Attribute can I have to Make me Obviously Elegant?

Again, it’s more than just one thing, but to simplify it, I would have to say gentleness. 

I know some of you might have thought a “little black dress”, but I am telling you that elegance can’t be bought!

You might have the money to buy the most expensive black dress, but if you are rough or mean, your elegance fades fast!

Now you are just an unpleasant woman in a beautiful dress. 

Your gentleness can be shown in the way you speak to people, how you interact with them.

It is how you grab things and move.

It might sound weird or complicated but it’s easy.

Imagine everything you touch is glass, you’ll be gentle.

It might feel a little funny in the beginning because you slow down and start thinking things through a little more, but it does come as second nature very soon and then you won’t be thinking about anything.

You’ll be gentle naturally.  

Suggested Reading: How to Exude Elegance- When all is Going Wrong

Elegance is confusing?

If I’m an Elegant Woman Then People Will Walk All Over Me. Being Elegant Means that You Can’t Yell Right?

 

This one is tough, especially to explain. 

By no means am I endorsing you to become a doormat, but the reason why this is a hard subject is because usually it’s the people you care most about are the ones that walk all over you. 

And second, everyone has different ideas and levels of being walked on.

However, if you feel that in order to maintain your elegance you need to allow this behavior, you couldn’t be more wrong. 

Standing up for yourself doesn’t have to be as crazy and trashy as you think.

I know that you might watch movies or some talk shows *ahem Maury* where they get up in each other’s faces and start pushing each other.

Trying to show dominance through aggression and being loud.

That might make for great television but in reality, nothing productive comes of it.

How can you stand up for yourself? 

By first being polite and vocal.

The second time around being stern and vocal.

The third time you need to be clear, to the point and if it comes across as rude, you already know you’ve given chances. 

It’s good to remember to always nip it in the bud before it begins.

By not even giving it a chance to happen in the first time.

By showing the first time, it is the best way to avoid being walked over. However, I get it!

Sometimes it’s hard to say no. 

But remember, being gentle is showing more strength then being loud.

It’s easy to let your emotions get the best of you, but it’s difficult to remain calm and gentle. 

With this strength, other people will see this and will respect you for it.

Therefore, the chances of you getting walked over might be less than you think.

It has that affect where you think it would be the opposite, but if you respect yourself then others will follow suit and respect you as well. 

 

Elegance is confusing?

What are the Physical Attributes associated with an Elegant Woman?

Seeing as we all look very different it is difficult to answer this question easily. 

To start off as simple as possible, I would say neatness.

Having neat and clean skin and put together hair is a common look.

Your clothes should fit well and be ironed or look tidy. 

Fingernails not too long but kept simple and not trying to distract with flashy colors.

But at the same time, if that’s what your known for, then do it tastefully.

Elegance doesn’t mean to fit a mold. (Another reason why elegance isn’t always best explained through physical features!)

The shoes always need to be clean and if possible of higher quality. 

Okay, this is where I think it’s acceptable to spend a little bit more money on something.

It’s true that you can wear mediocre clothes, but pair it wil beautiful shoes and you instantly look like a million dollars. 

I’ve read that besides your hair and face, your shoes are one of the first things people notice about you. 

Now with all that being said, I’ve personally known women with crazy colored hair sporting sleeve tattoos who were one of the most elegant women I know.

So this begs the question, do YOU believe you are an elegant woman?

Because yes, you can look the part, but be a jerk and feel above everyone else (not ever elegant).

You might not like this simple answer but here I go. 

The best physical attribute to be an elegant woman is your face, especially your “resting face”.

If your face is mean looking or you are always looking miserable, it is very hard to look the part, no matter how beautiful you are. 

Elegance is confusing?

If I were Beautiful, Then it would be Easy to be Elegant 

And who says you’re not beautiful?

You know what I hate about the English language?

The lack of words to describe something so important. 

The French, whom we all adore, secretly or not, have a word that embodies beauty. It’s called jolie laid, which when translated, pretty ugly.

It’s about not being classically beautiful, which we can admit is sometimes a little boring. 

Find your beauty trademark.

The attribute that you love about yourself and emphasize it!

Again, I think this warrants its own post.

Being beautiful isn’t the answer because not only is beauty subjective, but it fades. 

I heard somewhere that resonated with me and it goes a little like, you’ll never be as beautiful as you are today.

Since tomorrow you’ll be a little older, your just a bit more beautiful today. 

Whether that’s true or not is up to you, but what is true is that elegance is still there.

It can increase with age because of experience and wisdom.

It is not something you are born with, but rather something you acquire. 

Elegance is learned and practiced like a skill. Beauty is only a miniscule part of the equation. 

Elegance is confusing?

I’ll be Elegant When I’m Older. Right Now I have Young Children Who Suck All the Energy From Me!

I’m sure many women can agree  that people without children, their life is just easier.

Although, that’s really not true, I can empathize with where you’re coming from.

Let me tell you, every single person out there has a problem.

Everyone struggles. 

I struggle with this elusive “someday”. 

I’ll start eating healthier “someday”.  Or when this happens, then I’ll be better, or get into shape, or start saving money.

This sad reality is, the first part rarely happens or if it does there is nothing different that comes of it.

So what you’ve been waiting for, never really happens.

I catch myself doing this with many things and I try to force my thoughts differently.

If not, it will never happen.

Back to the original thought, I get it!

I have three boys who needed a lot of corrections, thankfully not as much lately, but the amount of scolding and yelling is appalling.

It’s funny because after the first six months I was telling my husband that I don’t remember yelling so much in my life! 

And to me, that is not very elegant.

However, I can’t wait until they are grown up to “start being elegant” 

You must start today! 

This second.

When you catch yourself “messing up”, you shake yourself off, analyze what you could have done better and move on! 

Life doesn’t wait for you to have it all figured out. 

You’ll never be perfect, but trying and attempting is really all anyone can really do.

But I do promise that the more you try and fail and learn there will be a day where it all just clicks. 

Elegance is confusing?

In Conclusion

Elegance doesn’t need to be confusing because down to the core, it is just a way of existing. 

Like any other way. It’s not about the money, beauty, or being a socialite. 

It’s simply about being a good, gentle, and loving woman.

When you break it down to that, it doesn’t seem so hard.

We’ve been told that elegance only comes in forms of royalty or Hollywood (not as much anymore) but they’re skipping the most important part. 

Elegance is attainable for everyone.

It is up to you as the woman you are to choose to take that path.

It is rewarding because you feel that you have become better.

You are learning new things daily.

Your hobbies can become things you truly enjoy, but also enrich your life.

Elegance will make you a better person and it just starts with taking action right now. 

Need inspiration?

Read this!

“True elegance for me is the manifestation of an independent mind.”

-Isabella Rossellini

I would love to keep the chat going and leave a comment! Once you’re done, let’s connect on social media!

Let’s stay connected!

Feed Yourself Well with These 4 Simple Tips

Feed Yourself Well with These 4 Simple Tips

Feed yourself well

Elegance is being well rounded

Be elegant: Feed yourself well. If you are looking for other ways to improve your life, keep reading!

You are easily influenced by what you surround yourself with on a daily basis. I am sure you’ve heard the saying “You are the average of your five closest friends.”

But if that’s true then shouldn’t the same apply with what you eat? Or what you find entertaining? 

When I was a younger (and albeit, stupid) girl, I would ferociously stuff myself with my childhood vice, sour patch kids, to which I would immediately regret.

Not only would my stomach be in agony but my poor tongue! Anyways, there was no way I could be an elegant girl when I felt so rotten. 

Even now, think of when you overeat something whether it is savory or sweet, you feel exhausted.

The rest of the night is ruined and you can’t do much else. Plus the next morning, you are still feeling the effects.

It’s terrible! (All this talk might be showing my age!)

But what about feeding yourself in other ways?

Like mentioned earlier, through entertainment? Now with streaming services, binging shows has never been easier.

That means that not only are we are able to be, dare I say, even lazier but we are enabling this past time, allowing it to be socially acceptable!

I’m sure you’re not learning too much watching Punisher!

However, I can hear most of you moaning, “But Jennifer, I’ve worked hard all day, I need a break and I deserve this!”

To which I would respond, “Yes, you did work hard, but it would be like giving someone who lost ten pounds a tub of ice cream to celebrate!”

It will set them back and make them feel terrible.

Everything they did was for essentially nothing.

When you worked hard all day, being the elegant woman that you are, finish the day strong and do something elegant by feeding your mind something that will help you grow. 

So let’s work together to be elegant, feed ourselves well!

Feed yourself well

The Guilty Pleasure

What about guilty pleasures you say?

 

I do have quite a few of those. One being YouTube, which we know could either make you feel stupid for wasting so much time or it could improve your knowledge by watching something educational.

This is a great time to develop a habit that will enrich your mind by taking advantage of videos that can teach you something.

Take your guilty pleasure and turn it into something positive or that doesn’t “waste your time”. 

 

Other ideas to “feed” yourself in a positive way is to surround yourself with beautiful music.

There are many times that we listen to music or some form of audio entertainment and not think too much about it.

However, it is potential growth time.

When you become more aware of the time that you have and how you can spend it wisely, after many years it can seriously amount to something huge! 

 

Sometimes, I wish I would have read more every day. The amount of books I could have consumed would have been amazing. 

 

Practicing something on a daily basis can seem pointless, but I’m going to save that for another post. 

Feed yourself well

What are other ways?

What’s left then?

We’ve talked about watching, listening, eating, what about touching? How to feed yourself well when it comes to touching?

What am I talking about?

Well to answer your question, I mean the quality of fabrics that you are putting onto your body. 

This sounds a little weird, but bare with me. 

Is it not true that when you dress up a little nicer, you actually feel better? This is not anything new.

People have been talking about this for awhile. “Dress how you want to portray to people.” kind-of-attitude, and honestly it does work.

So, I am just going to quickly bring it up here. 

The idea about feeding yourself well is about consciously surrounding yourself with anything that can improve your life.

If wearing something of quality and beauty makes you feel like the elegant woman that you are, then it is working.

But it’s important to keep in mind that the elegance always comes from within. 

Give yourself some love

Feeding yourself well is a wonderful way to show yourself the love and respect that you deserve.

That is what can elevate you from being just a woman, to being the woman you desire to be.

It’s these little touches that those women who have that “look” use as their secret weapon.

Now, you might be wondering, how can you implement this in your daily life, and luckily it’s quite attainable if you’re willing to work for it.  

The ultimate…

How to Feed Yourself Well

Eat Well

Let’s begin this with the most obvious of all. Eat well. 

Now, this is no food or diet blog and I know just how personal this conversation can be, so I will keep it light.

Eating well does so much for you. It lets you wake up early (in a better mood), you feel light in your body.

And best of all, it takes that little nagging voice and quiets it. 

If you think back to yourself how many times that  you eat something “bad” for yourself, that you regret it and feel a little stupid.

Either because of your lack of discipline or that you didn’t prepare something else.

That little nagging voice can start quiet and escalate to an ongoing stress that is constantly on your mind. 

It can be time consuming and tortuous.

So, prevent the whole vicious cycle of eating junk, feeling bad for yourself, feeling guilty, then mad so you eat something you know you shouldn’t. 

Avoid the whole fiasco and eat well. 

Listen Well 

Another form of entertainment that’s older than television is radio.

Or, perhaps more modern, music, audiobooks, talk radio, anything that needs you to listen.

We spend a lot of our time listening because we are driving, preparing food in the kitchen, running or walking, cleaning, or even just getting ready in the morning.

If you think about all those waking hours where you can do something to better yourself, it’s amazing.

Give yourself the gift of education and knowledge in anything that merely interests you.

It doesn’t need to be traditionally “educational”.

Make yourself feel happier and improved as well.

 

What medium is best?

Try to find a medium that best fits with your lifestyle.

I know that at the moment, with three boys I don’t watch much television, but I do listen to YouTube often.

I haven’t really listened to many podcasts yet, but I know they can be very exciting.

If anyone has any recommendations please let me know in the comments below. 

If you know that you could accidentally get sucked into YouTube’s rabbit hole, which I admit can easily happen if you’re not careful, music is a wonderful option.

Music has a way of relaxing you, pumping you up, making you feel happy, lets you cry out your emotions.

No matter what, there’s a song for you at any moment.

When you feed yourself well with music it can open you up to different thoughts and feelings. It can make you feel beautiful and arouse inspiration.

But what kind of music is defined as “well”, when it comes to feeding yourself? 

It depends. 

There’s the classical music which can make you smarter, or at least inspire you to do things for yourself like read a book.

For me, I love listening to foreign music, especially older ones from the 40’s.

This being after World War 2, and their countries being so happy that they won the war and they get to experience freedom, they are also trying to rebuild their cities and fix the damage.

But regardless, the music has such a powerful way to inspire you! Don’t get stuck only listening to one kind of music either.

Expand your horizons and keep an open mind. 

I bet that at some point today that you listened to music, you felt inspired and bettered yourself because of it! 

 

Watch Well 

Mentioning guilty pleasures, watching “bad” shows used to take up my down time that I almost gave up television.

I feel like there really isn’t much on that can make you a better person.

I know that some of you will beg to differ, but I find that true for me.

I always find myself gravitating towards the junk. (it’s terrible!) 

Now, with all the different methods of watching entertainment, it’s almost impossible to escape it!

That’s why it’s so important to choose something that will feed your mind in a positive way.

While some people can argue that there are too many options, I can say that now more than ever before free education is so easy to ingest!

It’s just a click of the internet.

Whether that’s learning a new language, cooking any ethnic culture’s recipe, or reading about the history of the universe. 

In reality, there is so much knowledge out there for the taking.

If you choose the right material, you can make yourself a better person.

It’s in your hands. 

If watching isn’t your thing, reading is vast.

Like I mentioned before, you need to find what really speaks to you and it also depends on what season of life you are in.

There are times where reading is much easier and more enjoyable, like with older children or when you can take half an hour out of your day to sit down and devour a beautiful book.

The whole idea here is to take what you’re doing already and replace it for something that will benefit you.

You aren’t getting much out of a gossip magazine but if you switch from one of those to learning how to (insert something that tickles your fancy) then think of a year later and how much knowledge you’ve collected!

Even if it is only ten minutes a day, it would be 60 hours a year of learning!

Use your eyes to enrich you, not waste your time and turn you into a zombie, because that is what happens. 

You might like: Watch Something for Inspiration

Touch Well 

This one sounds a little funny but has just the same amount of impact on your life.

Why do you think that the importance of fabrics is held high?

Isn’t it funny when you wear something made of wool your day is ruined, unless you wore a cotton shirt underneath? 

Simply because when something makes you feel nice, your attitude reflects it.

Think of this example, so you are feeling extra bloated today and you rushed out of the house and put on the first things you saw.

Which happened to be thick jeans that are always on the snug side and a shirt that rides up (and to make it extra annoying, let’s pretend it is made of cheap polyester!)

How do you think that day is going to be like? 

Probably terrible! 

So whatever touches your body needs to make you feel amazing! 

You feed yourself well by buying clothes that make you feel more “you” and by wearing makeup that enhances your natural beauty instead of wearing a mask.

It’s very easy to find ways to cover yourself up with clothing, makeup and accessories.

Especially ones that scream so loudly that people can’t see the real you.

Stop hiding!

By paying attention to the little details, such as how something as trivial as these pants make you feel, you can make the rest of your day better which will affect every aspect of your life. .

It really is all connected. 

 

Feed yourself well

In Conclusion

Feeding yourself well will change your life and they really are just the simple switches that you can do on a daily basis.

It might take months to implement all of them in your life and allow time to take place. 

If you get really excited and try to change too much too fast, it rarely sticks, plus you’ll get burned out and then the guilty feelings come over you like a heavy blanket.

Trust me on this because it has happened to me before (more than once!)  

Try and think of this as a way to get to know yourself better.

Develop hobbies and perfect the ones you have already.

Think of all that free knowledge at the tips of your fingers and how most of us (myself included on this), we just let it go to waste and we spend our time doing something that won’t ever make us better. 

 

By bettering yourself well in all parts, your body will reap the benefits.

Start today and switch out one thing you think is wasteful and find something that you can learn from to replace it. 

 

Let me know in the comments below if you have something that feeds you well!

 

Need inspiration?

Read this!

“Change is your friend not your foe; change is a brilliant opportunity to grow”

-Simon T. Bailey

I would love to keep the chat going and leave a comment! Once you’re done, let’s connect on social media!

Let’s stay connected!

How to be Elegant: Always Think of Others

How to be Elegant: Always Think of Others

Thinking of others first is something saints would do, but apparently so do elegant woman!

Welcome to another post in the series, How to be Elegant, and today I am writing about how an elegant woman will be concerned with others and making sure that they feel welcomed, loved and just all around feel wonderful. Essentially an elegant woman will never let another person feel left out.

This is not some sort of excuse to shame anyone for wanting the best for themselves, but it is something that needs to be addressed..

And today is that day!

We live in a terribly selfish world. It’s always “me me me” and when you are around an elegant woman and she asks you how your day was or even if they could get you something, it’s like a breath of fresh air!

It’s not hard, but then why is it so rare to come across one?

Because we like to make sure our needs are met first! And that I say, is where we need to realize that it needs to end! We must sound some sort of alarm that will warn us when we are acting like selfish jerks and start expressing love and selfLESSness!

Okay, but I don’t want to hear “Jennifer is saying that I should be a pushover and even worse, a perpetual people-pleaser!”

No, you couldn’t be further from the truth and I would have to object to your slanderous ways!

We, as elegant woman, must make a conscious effort on a daily basis to put other people’s needs ahead of our own. This is quite similar to random act of kindness I suppose, but more in depth, and even more life changing (for both parties involved!).

It doesn’t need to be a stranger.

It could be someone that we are awfully close with and where we decide that it’s better that they are happier.

So, let’s dive in. How do we think of others before our own selves?

This really does go against the human evolution, but also it’s a good thing that us humans are able to ignore our natural instincts!

Step one: Focus on what the situation is at hand, other people. What are they doing? Could you be of service for them?

Step two: Get it for them.

No, I’m joking, it’s not that simple! But it also kind of is….

Step three: Ask if you can help in any way, but be careful of the ones that always reject any help when really it is just a cry for any attention.

This can be a little difficult to decipher, especially if they are strangers or someone you are not quite familiar with. It’s always safest to listen and obey what they ask, you don’t want to impede on them, but always reassure how you are there for them.

But because we all love lists, here’s one.

To make things even simpler, let’s make a list of things you can do that could make other people happier.

What to do to help others

  1. Let them borrow your coat, sweater, jacket if they are cold.
  2. Buy them a drink if they look thirsty, or even a drink to comfort them.
  3. This is a big one: If they comment on how they like your purse, or something (genuinely) then give it to them. (Told you it’s a big one!)
  4. Drive them to a place they need and pick them up too if you can.
  5. It could be as simple as allowing them to order their food first.
  6. Give someone a call who needs it.
  7. If you know what snail mail is, give that a go!
  8. If you see someone being picked on, or just feeling left out, you leave your thoughts at the door and do whatever it takes to make them feel that they belong.
  9. Being at the change rooms at a clothing store (a potential nightmare, really who hasn’t cried in one of those rooms before?!) and tell the ladies how beautiful they look in their new clothes. Make sure it’s believable and not creepy and they will radiate with confidence.

If you don’t live under a rock and are on Pinterest, there are so many posts about self care and self love, but in reality, there are so many people that suffer from not enough love for themselves. Even by giving them a push in the right way can do wonders. Just think that your one seemingly insignificant remark could give them just enough confidence to do something else to better themselves.

It really does work that way.

Be that person for someone.

One main characteristic is to see if it is making you slightly suffer or also sacrifice. This all sounds very martyr-y but let me tell you, it is. — Ha! No it’s not, it’s just about sacrifice that you are willing to be without something temporarily to humble yourself and to show that you aren’t better or deserve more.

People are incredibly impressed and really leaves a wonderful thought of who you are in their minds. Your generosity will speak volumes about who you are and that could even be your legacy. Not too bad if I would have to say so.

This really all stems down to a couple of things.

When people are around you, how do they feel?

Sadly, some people have the tendency to make others always feel little around them and they aren’t necessarily doing it on purpose. They just have that air and it’s hard to shake it. But to be an elegant woman is to put your feelings aside and make others feel better around you.

It doesn’t sound difficult, and that’s because it isn’t. But with this new world order where it’s always about “me, me, me” and make sure that all my needs are met at every waking second, well it’s no secret that when a woman who does something like this leaves such a lasting imprint.

It’s one of those conundrums where the person who actually gives, feels better than the one who receives. Everyone wins.

Every.

One.

Please try it the next time you are out because you can really make someone’s day and also yours at the same time. How productive!

Never be discouraged neither because some people simply don’t react well to strangers complimenting. It might happen, but just smile and wish them well and move on to the next person that deserves a little bit of love.

 

I believe that being elegant can change the world, so what will you do?

Until next time my elegant ladies.

A Elegant Feature

I love wearing watches. Especially the classic non-digital ones! Also, if you want you can buy this for some special woman you know! It comes with a beautiful watch and also a nice necklace and earrings! With Mother’s Day, or just because!

It’s an affiliate link and if you purchase, I make the tiniest of commission, but that tiny amount is huge for me! smile

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